is counseling necessary?

[jjd]

Hi everyone, I'm jjd. I just joined this forum because I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this. I'll try not to make it too long. Well, I'm 19, and I started dieting when I was 8 or 9. I'm not even sure why I started, partly because my dad and extended members of my family were very overweight and I wanted to make sure I never got like that. My mom and my aunts were bulimic when they were younger, and I notice once in a while now my mom will still semi-starve herself. In dance class we were all kinda competetive so that prolly had something to do with it too. As I got older, the dieting turned into skipping meals and then seeing how many days I could go without eating. I memorized the calorie counter books, and thought I got pretty good at pretending to eat. I mean, there were times when I would eat like a normal person, but the disordered eating would always be there lurking under the surface and it kept coming back. I don't think my parents ever suspected anything serious, I think they just thought I ate healthy. Which is what I did do when I was eating prolly because I felt guilty about how I was treating my body the rest of the time. When I would eat junk food, or too much, I would go running and exercise like crazy til I thought the calories were burned off. Anyway, I thought I would always be like this until a couple months ago at a Wednesday night service at my church. Some of the women were getting together to pray about eating issues and asked me to join them (they had no idea I was dealing with this). So they prayed while I sat there feeling more and more guilty until I could barely stand it anymore. Afterwards I talked to one of the woman who was also dealing with anorexia which was a major turning point for me because I had never talked to anyone about this before. She actually helped a lot and I realized what I was doing was wrong and since then I've been doing pretty good at eating "normal" meals. BUT, my problem now is, I keep getting the urge to starve myself again and think maybe I never did have an eating disorder. Does that make sense? I don't want to undo the work I've done at trying to ignore my mind screaming at me for eating. I know it's my own fault. I don't know if she's aware she's doing it, but my mom's skipping meals behavior tends to trigger me. My best friend who also happens to be my pastors daughter has known about this for a long time and was waiting for me to admit it (i'd always laugh it off when she'd mention it before.) Her mom recently called my mom about me and said she thinks it's pretty serious and that her and my pastor are willing to give me some counseling. Should I get counseling or not? I just feel so fat and that maybe if I lost some weight I could talk to someone about this. I don't even know if I truly did/do have an eating disorder?! If anyone has some advice for me I would appreciate it sooooooo much.

 

[texannurse]

I'm not in your shoes, at least I don't struggle with an ED, but I do self injure and I know the addictive nature this kind of stuff has. I would say YES if you have the opportunity to talk about it and are ready to talk, grab the chance while you can. It sounds like there are some people who really care about you. You are blessed! Good luck! You'll be in my prayers.
TN

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Hi Jjd – firstly, welcome to CF! It’s always great to see some new faces around And thank-you for sharing your story with us .

Ideally you shouldn’t ever need to feel guilty about eating. It isn’t something evil and, despite what the mind whispers, the body needs food. It’s awesome to hear that you’ve been trying to eat ‘normal’ meals and that you’re doing ok with it. EDs don’t discriminate between height, weight, gender or race though and physical appearance is never a good way to judge if somebody has an eating disorder. Getting the urge to starve yourself is possibly a better indication of the danger you may be in. I would also suggest trusting your best-friend – sometimes those close to us can see things a little clearer than we can because they don’t have the added emotional confusion to sort through first.

I agree with TN that you should give this counselling a go. The fact that they’ve offered means they care about you and your well-being. You won’t feel better about it if you lose more weight because no matter how low you get, it will always be “if I just lose a little more I’ll be happy”. Please go and talk to your pastor and his wife – if it helps you could even ask your friend to talk to her parents with you because she may be able to help you and give you some support while you’re there.

If you ever want to talk, you are more than welcome to PM me. You will also find that the people in here are wonderful and always willing to help and to listen.

Shalom,
Steffi

 

[jjd]

Hi, Steffi and TN, thank you so much for your replies. I think I am going to get counseling now that I'm feeling brave enough to talk about it. I've tried to hide it for way too long. Now I was just wondering how much exercise is ok when trying to recover. Like I've been doing better with eating semi-regular meals but I don't know if I'm overcompensating by exercising too much. I'd usually just go running a few times a day plus either tennis or pilates at night. Do you think I need to cut back? Also: kind of random question, but who ever came up with the three meal a day thing? Do I need to rigidly make myself eat three meals a day whether I'm hungry or not? And will I ever reach a point where I don't have to think about it so much? (sorry for all the questions, I'm just eager to start eating like a normal person)jjd

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

That’s awesome that you’re going to get the counselling . I agree with you too – it does take courage and perseverance, but even from your two posts here I can tell you have both .

With your exercise, I believe everything is ok in moderation. It can become addicting just like everything else if you over-exercise and as a general rule the average person is meant to allow a day of rest after hard exercise. That doesn’t mean no you can’t do any exercise, but if you do something strenuous one day, do something a bit slower that gives your body time to recover the next. If it’s at all possible I’d suggest seeking out a nutritionist or sports advisor who can better help you with this. It might even be helpful to try and come up with a routine that you can write down and stick to so that you don’t get too tempted to over-exercise.

I’m not entirely sure where the ‘three meals a day’ thing came from, although I disagree with it. Ideally more, smaller meals are better for the body and helps your metabolism to work well. I know that it’s hard to convince yourself to eat when you’re not hungry, but getting into a patterned eating routine is generally a good thing. (Me and my routines ). Five smaller meals a day (as in, breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner) is good, although I’ve heard from many people that seven is even better. I guess I like to suggest that you write up a routine for both eating and exercise - at least to begin with - because it will help keep you on track and hopefully make sure you don’t start over-exercising or skipping meals. It’s just an extra safety precaution against relapsing because sometimes you can slide back without even realising.

If you can’t talk to a nutritionist though, talking to your pastor and his wife is also a good idea (actually, I suggest that anyway considering they will be counselling you). I’m not sure how much they do or don’t know, but they are willing to counsel and pastors tend to have a lot of resources available if they need them.

I cannot tell you from personal experience whether the constant thoughts stop. I know people who say that they have completely recovered from an ED and they don’t even think about it anymore. I also have friends who say that, although the thoughts lessen over time, they have to make a conscious decision every time they need to eat. Whatever the result, this is a battle that you can win. If there are times when you feel like giving up, remember that we are here barracking for you and praying for you. Remember that you have loving people around you who care about you. You have a God who loves you with such a passion that He hand-made you in His image. You are not alone.

Shalom,
Steffi

 

[outtosavetheworld]

Hi everyone, I'm jjd. I just joined this forum because I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this. I'll try not to make it too long. Well, I'm 19, and I started dieting when I was 8 or 9. I'm not even sure why I started, partly because my dad and extended members of my family were very overweight and I wanted to make sure I never got like that. My mom and my aunts were bulimic when they were younger, and I notice once in a while now my mom will still semi-starve herself. In dance class we were all kinda competetive so that prolly had something to do with it too. As I got older, the dieting turned into skipping meals and then seeing how many days I could go without eating. I memorized the calorie counter books, and thought I got pretty good at pretending to eat. I mean, there were times when I would eat like a normal person, but the disordered eating would always be there lurking under the surface and it kept coming back. I don't think my parents ever suspected anything serious, I think they just thought I ate healthy. Which is what I did do when I was eating prolly because I felt guilty about how I was treating my body the rest of the time. When I would eat junk food, or too much, I would go running and exercise like crazy til I thought the calories were burned off. Anyway, I thought I would always be like this until a couple months ago at a Wednesday night service at my church. Some of the women were getting together to pray about eating issues and asked me to join them (they had no idea I was dealing with this). So they prayed while I sat there feeling more and more guilty until I could barely stand it anymore. Afterwards I talked to one of the woman who was also dealing with anorexia which was a major turning point for me because I had never talked to anyone about this before. She actually helped a lot and I realized what I was doing was wrong and since then I've been doing pretty good at eating "normal" meals. BUT, my problem now is, I keep getting the urge to starve myself again and think maybe I never did have an eating disorder. Does that make sense? I don't want to undo the work I've done at trying to ignore my mind screaming at me for eating. I know it's my own fault. I don't know if she's aware she's doing it, but my mom's skipping meals behavior tends to trigger me. My best friend who also happens to be my pastors daughter has known about this for a long time and was waiting for me to admit it (i'd always laugh it off when she'd mention it before.) Her mom recently called my mom about me and said she thinks it's pretty serious and that her and my pastor are willing to give me some counseling. Should I get counseling or not? I just feel so fat and that maybe if I lost some weight I could talk to someone about this. I don't even know if I truly did/do have an eating disorder?! If anyone has some advice for me I would appreciate it sooooooo much.

Hi!
First of all really well done for the progress you've made with this on your own. I dont suffer with an ED but I do care for someone who does and I know how hard it can be to resist what your body and mind are telling you to do. I agree with what's been said so far -give counselling a go. After all, you have nothing to lose from it. I've had counselling for depression and other issues and found that it was really helpful, as despite the amount of progress I had made on my own, there's always the temptation to slip back into old ways and feel that the problem was never that bad or whatever in the beginning. from personal experience once I was having counselling I felt a lot stronger and more supported about everything, and it suddenly became a whole lot easier to make progress. Anyway, that's just my advice. Once again,well done for how much you've progressed already, just remember that two heads are better than one.
Rebekah