Intimacy

[barni7]

Hi,
I am married now for 23 years with 2 children. I am now 52 years old and my wife a year younger.I am a very devoted to my family and a very responsible and caring husband and father and this is according to my wife. Unfortunately she doesnt want to have any sort of intimacy and especially sex with me.She says its dirty and she doesnt enjoy it anymore.Been going to many councellors but to no avail. Currently been goin to a christian councellor but still no change within her.Getting very frustrated. Thinking about getting another woman who can give me this intimacy. By the way I am still reasonably good lookin and I smell fine. Oh yeah its been nearly 5 years since her surgical menopause.Could anybody help me.Thanks



Barni7

 

[HOPEOF9]

Finding another to fulfill the intimacy you are missing, is SIN. Not that what your wife is doing isn't, but that is NOT the way to solve your dilemma. Why do men fell it is okay to replace what they aren't getting inside marriage with another person outside of it? You made vows for better or worse, etc. This is part of your vow.
Surgical menopause is horrible and when I say that, I mean HOOOOORRRRRRIIIIIIBLE!!!!!!!!! I've experienced it personally in the past 5 years and my body is still recovering. Please don't write your wife off. She still loves you, but there might be a deeper thing you aren't seeing. Pray for wisdom, pray for Christ's love for her, and even spend time fasting and praying.
DON'T let the enemy take away your marriage. It is way more than intimacy, it is a big part, but there is more.
Think about if there was some reason the situation was reversed and it was you having a struggle? Would you want her to find "it" somewhere else? I doubt it.
Think of how deep a wound it would cause. Terrible. (I'm sure you feel wounded now, but nothing like if it were adultery.)
Pay her with loving kindness and patience, faithfulness, not hurtful betrayal.

 

[barni7]

Hi,
Finally hearing from a christian woman that speaks some sense.Will take on board what you have mentioned especiall about the enemy moving in (devil) .Still going for councel though it makes me feel weak as a man (caveman instincts I guess) but it helps her, so I guess I will hang on for her sake.

 

[QuiltAngel]

Have her get a good thorough workup including an assessment of hormones. There may be an imbalance that can be taken care of medically. Many women who have had to go through surgical menopause will take hormone replacement for this very reason.

 

[Drumfan84]

Hi,
Finally hearing from a christian woman that speaks some sense.Will take on board what you have mentioned especiall about the enemy moving in (devil) .Still going for councel though it makes me feel weak as a man (caveman instincts I guess) but it helps her, so I guess I will hang on for her sake.

Sorry... I'm not wanting to start an argument here, but I read this and felt obligated to reply. When you say that counseling makes you feel "weak" as a man - why? Because things are being pointed out to you that you may not have been aware of? Could you look at that as areas for personal growth? Things to work on to show that you too may have to change?

And, the quote "... it helps her, so I guess I will hang on for her sake". To me, that seems really insincere. It's not like you're doing her a favor by going... but it seems (to me) like you've already checked out of the relationship, and am just standing by her to give off an appearance. Your wife is struggling, and you've already mentioned wanting to find someone else to fill a void. Pray, ask for guidance, and if you can, show your wife that you genuinely care about her situation and that you're determined to help her find an answer (not for your own sexual gratification, but for peace in your home).

Sorry for the rant. Good luck to your wife!

 

[barni7]

Hi
Somehow I find the present generation a bit too weak, they tend to over debate things and I believe that a person has to do what he/she has to do especially if he is a man.He supposed to lead the family and to teach his wife and children as best as he can according to scriptures.Apparently I have failed here and anyway even if I have to pretend to understand her problem , so what, abt it ,as long I am, seen to be listening and supporting her patiently no doubt in pretence so that problem is solved.

Anyway I have heard a lot for nearly 5 years and trying my level best to advise her and it doesnt help .She doesnt want to try any hormone therapy, ever changing reasons why she doesnt want sex anymore.First she says I have traumatised her by making sex a a routine once a week,than it was because it was she was afraid of having another child.Now its because she is having the middle child syndrome,not being loved enough. She says things like if I truly love her, than sex would be an issue also been to numerous councllors too.

Bottom line is she thinks its her body and God and I have no say to it. Anyway I just want closure to this issue sooner rather than later.Hopefully we can be like a proper couple with at least a little bit of intimacy.Sometimes how wonderful it was to be like David, and to be forgiven too .