Interracial Marriage

[immersedingrace]

Hi. I'm new here and joined mainly to ask this question.

I am caucasian, and I have a male friend who is African and is wanting to take our friendship to another level. We've known each other for about 1 1/2 years, and he has always made it clear, that he would be interested in a permanent relationship. I care about him a lot but am no where near "in love", but am considering a deeper relationship.

I'm not opposed to interracial marriages. I see no biblical basis to deny them. My question is this: How do you deal with your family? He has indicated that his family would be accepting, however, I know MY family would NOT be . Most of them are not Christians, and about 1/2 I would consider racist (my youngest brother indicated interest in joining the KKK ) In taking this relationship to any level beyond friendship would more than likely cost me my family. I LOVE my family despite their faults and obvious ignorance and I'm not sure I'm ready to give them up. I'm also fearful that my current feelings are a result of my reluctance to giving up my family, meaning, maybe I DO care more, but am afraid to allow myself to go there. He's been more than patient and understanding while I pray through this and seek advice.

I would appreciate ANY advice in this area, but especially from someone who has been in this position, and has made a success of an interracial marriage.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and may God grant you peace and joy beyond your greatest expectaions.

 

[daveleau]

There is nothing in Scripture that says anything bad about interracial marriage.

If your family does not approve, but God is calling you to marry this man, then your family is to accept your wishes and the wishes of God. This could be a way to help pull your family out of the discriminatory habits that they have. Ask them to tell you where it says in Scripture that IR marriage is wrong. (And no, beasts of the fields are NOT black people, as many Klansman say they are). If it is God's will for you to marry this man, then tell them so and talk to them lovingly, regardless of how they treat you. Never lash back at them.

The key is to ensure that God's hand is in the marriage. Is this man a Christian? Scripture does tell us not to be unequally yoked (not to marry unbelievers).

 

[velvet acid christ]

[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] lover

 

[velvet acid christ]

your all [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] lovers

 

[murdering the innocent]

as i don't agree with velvet acid christ's racist views, i do strongly suggest you both try an intimate getaway without each other and see how that works out, try gay sex as an alternative, i always find it especially relaxing using opiates such as heroin, or if you're new, try something a little lighter, crack cocaine is also a favorite.

 

[caitlincares]

I had a loving relationship with an African gentleman.
He assured me his family which was mostly still in Africa would be okay with it.
He was very much in to family approving the relationship.
He met and got along okay with my family and friends.

I would have married him had he asked.
He just was not as ready for a permanent relationship as he originally thought he was.
He still is not married. We are still good friends. We just talked Sunday.

Feel free to PM me.


BTW I am caucasian from a state which has very few black folks.

 

[D-Lisch]

I think that yes, it is nice to have your family's blessings when you go into a relationship. But, if you really want to have a relationship with him. then go for it! I see nothing wrong, and neither does the bible, with interracial marriages. My parents are both of different ethnicities. If YOU, not your family, wants to get more serious with this guy, then do so. You don't want to have regrets when you turn him down.

 

[Bonhoffer]

Hi. I'm new here and joined mainly to ask this question.

I am caucasian, and I have a male friend who is African and is wanting to take our friendship to another level. We've known each other for about 1 1/2 years, and he has always made it clear, that he would be interested in a permanent relationship. I care about him a lot but am no where near "in love", but am considering a deeper relationship.

I'm not opposed to interracial marriages. I see no biblical basis to deny them. My question is this: How do you deal with your family? He has indicated that his family would be accepting, however, I know MY family would NOT be . Most of them are not Christians, and about 1/2 I would consider racist (my youngest brother indicated interest in joining the KKK ) In taking this relationship to any level beyond friendship would more than likely cost me my family. I LOVE my family despite their faults and obvious ignorance and I'm not sure I'm ready to give them up. I'm also fearful that my current feelings are a result of my reluctance to giving up my family, meaning, maybe I DO care more, but am afraid to allow myself to go there. He's been more than patient and understanding while I pray through this and seek advice.

I would appreciate ANY advice in this area, but especially from someone who has been in this position, and has made a success of an interracial marriage.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and may God grant you peace and joy beyond your greatest expectaions.

As far as whether the relationship is appropiate you only need to find answers to three questions.

1. Is he a Christian? (luckily a lot of black people are)
2. Is he willing to wait until marriage for sex?
3. Do you in your heart want a 'deeper' relationship with him?

If the answer to all these is 'yes' then go for it!
The Bible and God are not opposed to interrace marriages, they are opposed to interfaith marriages. A black Christian man is fine. A white atheist or Chinese Muslim is completelty wrong. "Do not be yoked with unbeleivers" is not the same as "do not be yoked with darker people".

As for your family, ignore them. If they object because of this mans colour then thats their problem. Your Heavenly Father is the only being you need acceptance from.

If you beleive your family are bigoted then pray for them. Pray that God will open their eyes and bring them to repentence. Even KKKr's can be saved.
If your family have any beleif in Christianity show them that we are all blood decendants from Noah.

God Bless you

 

[immersedingrace]

1. Is he a Christian? (luckily a lot of black people are)
2. Is he willing to wait until marriage for sex?
3. Do you in your heart want a 'deeper' relationship with him?

1. Yes, he is very much a Christian and a minister. We believe the same theologically, and on many social issues as well (those we've discussed)

2. Yes

3. I don't know. Again, as I originally stated, this may be just because of my concerns regarding my family, but I haven't quite figured out whether or not I want to pursue this, and he's aware of that.

 

[daveleau]

1. Yes, he is very much a Christian and a minister. We believe the same theologically, and on many social issues as well (those we've discussed)

2. Yes

3. I don't know. Again, as I originally stated, this may be just because of my concerns regarding my family, but I haven't quite figured out whether or not I want to pursue this, and he's aware of that.

Outstanding! on points 1 and 2. Try to get away from your family's influence and presence for a while and seclude yourself. Pray fervently on this topic and then stop and listen. Listen to what God has to say. He will guide you. His opinion on this is all that really matters if you both want to be together. your family will come around. I would not let any outside non-Scriptural influence stop you from being his wife if it is God's will.

 

[caitlincares]

The guy I dated has his Doctorate's of Divinity degree and was ordained in the Southern Baptist Convention.

 

[alexeeah]

Just my 2 cents!!

The leave and cleave principle......leave your mother and father and cleave to your spouse, that is what the bible says. You are suppose to honor your parents but when you become an adult you don't necessarily have to obey them all the time. If their basis for not liking someone you date or plan to marry someday ( no matter how far in the future it is) is that they are black then you don't have to obey them If their basis is for your protection, spiritual health, or physical well being then i would obey. But it sounds to me like this is a racial issue. Just pray for God to open their hearts about it!! *cheers*

 

[Bonhoffer]

"Hes a minister" you say. From that point of veiw he is the perfect man for a christian woman. Imagine being the ministers wife

You are right to consult God. If it is His will for you to be together and eventually marry then your marriage wont just be about you and him, but much more important than that. If he continues as a minister your marriage will become a kind of business relationship. You will be a team going out to fight for God. You will go out together to preach the gospel and help each other to teach and build up those at church.

Therefore if your marriage is going to be part of Gods plan for the black guys Church then it is essential that you leave your family behind if they get in the way. You would surely give your family up for Christ?

But people can change?

God Bless

 

[bliz]

Leave and cleave. It is clear that you are not at a point where you would care to do that. All married couples need to be commited to each other, second only to their commitments to God. But froom my personal observation, it is even more important that interracial couples be 100% committed. Even if your family did not have racist tendencies, you would both face a great deal of heat from both the white and black worlds.

I visited an interracial church several tiimes, in a distant city, and learned that many of their interacial couples and families moved to that city because of the church. They would say that they could find communities where it was comfortable to live, jobs where no one batted an eye at an interacial couple , but that they could not find a church where they woiuld be fully welcomed. The place where you should receive the most support and welcome, may not do that for you. And, as you point out, your family may break off contact with you, or that contact will be strained.

That is way too much to take on if you are not 100% committed to this guy.

There is not an ounce of condemnation in my statement, but a great deal of admiriation for your honesty. Marriage is no time to make the decision you should make! Such decisions will not hold up well under the wear and tear of any marriage, let alone one that you know will have to clear extra hurdles form day one.

If you do not feel fully prepared to lose your family over this relationship, you cannot proceed with it. It would be unfair to all people involved, especially this fine young man. Far better to decide you can not go forward now than to feel that you made a mistake 3 years and a child into a marriage.

Continue to pray and meditate and seek God's face. May God bless you.

 

[bliz]

"Hes a minister" you say. From that point of veiw he is the perfect man for a christian woman. Imagine being the ministers wife

Being the wife of a minister is no walk in the park! These are among the most challenging and difficult marriages! The time demands and expectations on both the husband and wife are huge. They live their lives, to a great extent, in fish bowls. Other women often get crushes on ministers that go out of bounds. Ministers are accoustomed to being deferred to and being the one in change which can make the daily transition to the real world of "Please pick up your dirty underware." hard. It is often hard for minister's wives to have true friendships with other women, especially if they are in the church. If God is callling you to that life, is is exactly where you belong, but it is a tough life in many ways and does not necessarilly make for a wonderful marriage.

 

[TheMainException]

You are 32...I'm not rushing you into anything, but it's up to you now. I'm not saying that you should completely forget everything that your parents say, but if racism is the first word in their vocabulary, it's not up to them to tell you that you can't marry an African...that's your choice. Respect and honor your parents, but they can't make all of your descisions for you...that's for you to do...pray over it, take time to listen to God, pray with others at church (who AREN'T racist) and keep asking God if this is the person to get together with...there's no need in getting into a relationship that even God doesn't want you involved in...but if you feel like God says it's okay, I think you should go for it.

 

[97trsgl]

I would say go for it! We should worry about what others say about us. What God thinks of us is what really counts. I am engaged to a lovely black woman. Both of our family support the union. I know it can be hard when your family doesn't back you up but a lot of people face the same trials with their relationship with God. Unsaved family sometimes will excommunicate a member because of they believe in God. God will triumph no matter what others may do God bless you!

 

[littlefishy]

I think the most important question, now that we've concluded that He is a christian and all, is your desire toward Him. Not just physically or emotianally, cause those things are on the surface. Don't get caught in the trap of focusing so much on his race(because of your parents) that you are not asking the real questions, the ones you would normally ask if this were not an issue. How do you see his character. If you REALLY respect him, that is an indicator that this could go the distance, since that will be a major calling for you as his wife. If you respect Him with ease, and your respect for him is not often challenged, then that is a very good sign. The next question is do you admire his character. If you always want to be around him because of the way he edifies you, if he is your best friend, if he is the first person you call when you need to feel closer to God, then you may have a winner. Also , look into your future the best you can and see if your ministry and calling is aligned with his. If you have the same heart, and you compliment each other in ministry, you will have and incredibly rewarding and powerful union.
The world teaches us to first consider romance and physical attraction. I think this is the last question. Not the first. If you respect and admire him, given approval from God and a little closeness(the next level), physical attraction can be turned on like God's finger on light switch.
Of coarse you are not going to be ready to lose your whole family over him NOW, he's not your husband yet or anything. But are you willing to lose your family to follow a call of God?
Honestly, there is nothing like a new person in the family to soften some people up. They are racist because they are ignorant. A little knowledge won't hurt them.
And if they hate you for it, well you can't help that. Your willingness to stand up against this evil, whether you marry him or not, is a matter of being Jesus's desciple. His family hated him to for a time too.
Littlefishy