My plans of converting are causing issues in my relationship

[CLN]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

 

[disciple Clint]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

Rather than project into the future why not stick to what your decision means now, you want to look into the Catholic Church, nothing wrong with that, let time take care of the future. You may decide that your future is with the Catholic Church or you may not and she may decide that the Catholic Church is acceptable to her or she may not.

 

[fide]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

"Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith." - If we were just sitting and talking, I'd want to know what exactly that means. How, would you say, you've "gained" it? St. Paul writes, in and from the Holy Spirit of Truth, this:

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God—
not because of works, lest any man should boast.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:8-10)

If God is setting before you the precious "gift of God" - the holy faith in Him and His saving Truth, and the path to take to find and embrace and live that saving Truth - then how could you tell Him "no"? Jesus created and formed one Church - He did not leave us a choice about that. He did not say, "find the church that fits you." He calls us to the one that fit Him.

We may search and search for God and His saving will for us for many years, and if we are sincere in our hearts He will lead us. Your recent "very strong interest" may be that leading - and if so, you have a "choice" but not much of one, really. If you want - by His gift and grace - "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God," you have no choice at all except to follow Him wherever He may lead. (And He always leads to the Good!)

One last comment. I am old (very old) and I have seen too many "mixed marriages" divided within over this matter. It is agonizing to see one spouse seeking to embrace Christ and the fullness of His Truth, in marriage to his or her spouse who wants no part of it personally nor for the children. A marriage (and a family) in Truth, in God, is a very beautiful becoming ONE in Him. The contradiction in a mixed marriage is deeply, deeply painful and difficult for the marriage and for the children. Contradiction has painful consequences.

 

[Bob Crowley]

You've got a tough decision to make - your girlfriend or the Church. They may not be incompatible in the end, but you still have a decision to make.

When we married we were both Protestant. My wife was uncomfortable with my conversion, but she wasn't going to stop me. There was a precursor however in that my old Protestant pastor had predicted I'd become Catholic saying "I think God might want you to go back there" (to the Catholic Church after my parents had in a sense caused me to be baptised Presbyterian).

So it wasn't just me so to speak.

I probably had more issues with her mother-in-law but in the end I think she more or less gave up. My own family wasn't really a concern as they weren't religious, and my father was dead anyway (not that I would have taken much notice of his opinion).

My wife now accepts my decision and while she is still Baptist herself, she does St. Vincent de Paul Society visits with me (probably a few hundred by now since I've been in it for about 18 years).

I have my own thoughts on the Protestant position generally, but I won't go into that.

There's no easy way around it - either you go Catholic or you don't. I'd suggest you pray for God's guidance on this, and talk to a priest at least.

In the end you have to do what God wants you to do - not necessarily what you or your girlfriend want to do.

I think it's an important decision, and opportunities have a habit of not coming back again.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

It is good to explore other denominations so that you can come to a solid decision on who you choose as your spiritual council. God knows the heart.
Be blessed.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

Scott Hahn felt called to become Catholic, and so he did. His wife Kimberly was not happy, but she is now an enthusiastic Catholic. Being Catholic is a sensible thing to do if only the prejudices of the past can be put aside. That takes time and exposure and good will.

Children need a faith home. Your wife's idea of letting them visit ONCE sounds half rational but would she also agree to visiting a Methodist church just ONCE? What about all of the years of being excluded from church and having to make a decision based on one visit.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

First, I'm glad to here you've taken an interest in the faith. That's where I started about 15 years ago. Now I went down a very similar road as you but I was married at the time, and let me tell you that my wife divorced me over my deeply held conviction that I needed to be Catholic. We were both raised evangelical, she was more pentecostal and I was just "mainstream" evangelical. We were married four years and about halfway through I started diving deeper into liturgical churches. First Orthodoxy, then a little Anglicanism, and finally Catholicism. I thought my wife was on board because she went to Mass with me and seemed sympathetic to it. Really she just preferred it aesthetically to Orthodoxy. So when it finally got to the point that I was like "I can't pretend I wanna be an evangelical anymore, I can't keep going to their church services, it's rubbish," blah blah blah she admitted she thought it was just a phase. It wasn't the first argument or debate we had about it but it was the last, and she asked me for a divorce because she didn't want to follow me down that spiritual road, nor was she even ok with me converting on my own. We were 22 when we got married and 26 when we divorced.

I'm going to offer some tough commentary: if it's a strain now it could be immensely more difficult when you're married. One of the elements that needs to be present for a marriage to be valid is if one of the spouses isn't Catholic, they still need to agree that any children born will be raised Catholic.

I don't want to discourage this relationship but if you see the truth of the Church and understand how important it is to be Catholic, I don't want to disrupt that either because you would be right. The thing of it is, it's far easier to find a Catholic spouse and start your marriage from that common understanding than it is to be unequally yoked (yes, it's possible even between Christians). It took me a while because I wasn't trying very hard, but I just got married last March at 34, and we welcome our first child into the world in January.

So the short version of this is: perhaps reconsider the relationship, if she's going to hold you back in your faith or become an obstacle to your illumination that's not a good thing. If she plants her feet where she is and expresses no interest in learning more about Catholicism that could end up being an impediment to your future marriage.

If you haven't spoken with a priest already, it might be beneficial for you not just to begin sorting out how to handle your relationship but also to learn more about the faith and perhaps even receive guidance on next steps (i.e. RCIA) if that's something you're ready for.

 

[Valletta]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

The book Rome Sweet Rome by Kimberly and Scott Hahn comes to mind. Kimberly and Scott married, both had an anti-Catholic background and she almost divorced him over his conversion. I think reading it would help understand the emotions going on.

 

[CLN]

Thank you to all who replied so far! I’ve read each reply very carefully. Many great points have been made and I feel a little more at ease with the situation. I continue to pray about the situation and ask God’s will be done.

May God bless you all!

 

[jas3]

The book Rome Sweet Rome by Kimberly and Scott Hahn comes to mind

Minor correction, the book is Rome Sweet Home.

Rome Sweet Rome is a military sci-fi short story.

OP, as someone leaving Methodism myself and looking into Catholicism, I'm curious, is your girlfriend aware of the growing schism in the denomination over homosexual issues?

Also, I'll add to what others have said, this is not a fun process to go through after marriage. Divorce was brought up as a possibility a few times in my case but thank the Lord it was avoided. You have the opportunity now to ensure you and your girlfriend are on the same page about this before marriage, so take advantage of that opportunity.

 

[mourningdove~]

Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart ...

It is a *gift* from God ... that He has brought these questions about faith to your heart, before the two of you marry.

If there is no reason to need to hurry into marriage, it would be wise to continue to work to resolve this issue, before you marry.

It is much more fulfilling, for both persons, to be married to someone who shares the same religious beliefs.

God bless

 

[Michie]

I am a 21 year old man who was raised in the Church of God. My girlfriend was raised in the Methodist church. We have been in a great relationship for a little over two years and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. I plan to marry her and eventually raise a family. Recently, I’ve gained a very strong interest in the Catholic faith. I’ve spent hours studying the faith and have decided that I want to take the next steps. This has been very strong on my heart and I’ve expressed this to both her and my family. This was a big shock to everyone being that they are all Protestant. Regardless of this, they continue to support me. However, my girlfriend has a few issues with this decision.

We recently had a discussion around the topic of me converting and what that would bring. She knows very little about the Catholic Church but has outright stated that she is comfortable in her church and has no plans of converting. I never implied that she must convert nor commanded her. She has issues regarding certain beliefs in the faith. Regardless of this, she told me that I am a free person and can make my own choices. She does have an issue with the raising of children in that she wants them to be able to make their own choices and does not want me to influence them. She began to get angry with me when I stated that I would love my future children and her to go to mass with me. She stated that she would only take them once and would let them make the decision if they ever wanted to go back. This upset me very much because of this newfound love for the church. I’m unsure of what to do. I’m in need of advice for how to balance my love for the Catholic Church and my relationship.

Well I think it would be good for her learn a bit more about Catholicism on a basic level that would help her understand. But I feel it would be wise to call a priest and take your concerns to him to discuss. He would be able to give you practical advise. Attending RCIA just as inquirers could help as well. I’m a convert too and pray for you on your journey.