I'm really struggling with lust.

[HwtChirino]

I just cannot seem to control myself. All my life, I've been a very sexual person (and I'm only 19), so making the transition to abstinence is extremely difficult. My fiance and I are really struggling with this. We're both trying to make the transition together, but there are times when God just leaves us alone and our evil nature takes over us.

At first, I would feel guilt for having sex, but now I am feeling frustrated I can't be who I naturally am. I just feel myself drifting from God, and I don't want that! I don't want to be a slave to sin. I don't want to feel far from God again... I'm never truly happy when I am.

I need help! I have been praying to God to help me free myself from this bondage, but then I'll start thinking lustful things soon after. It's like I can't control myself sometimes. I want to be in His grace. I want to have his blessings, and I want to WANT to do his bidding and obey his word. But I'm just struggling so much right now, and I just don't know how to get where I want to be as a Christian..

I'm starting to sound redundant now, so I'll leave it at that. I feel as if though God has guided me here to find my answer. I know you all will help me in my endeavor.

 

[Tenacious_Believer]

but there are times when God just leaves us alone and our evil nature takes over us.

Wrong, God never leaves you alone, you might have your ability to feel Him blocked, from a sin, or just the desire overwhelming you, but He's still there, waiting for you to cry out to Him.
And that's what you should do, if you're about to lose control, and you're really passionate and riled up, try throwing yourself on the floor and praying to God with that energy, He will respond in kind.

And for the rest of your post, just reread the first chapter of James over and over again. Especially verses 2-8

James 1: 2-8
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Hope that helps, I'll be praying for you =]

 

[Peripatetic]

The fact that you are facing this struggle is a very good indication that God is working in your life. What God wants most is a relationship with you, so it's good that you are clinging to that. Making a transition away from sexuality is extremely difficult.

You mentioned a fiance... do you know when you are getting married yet? Given the way you describe yourself, do you think you could be faithful to one woman for a lifetime? I don't have the answers for you, but keep praying for them. Most of all, don't let the guilt build up distance between you and God. Remember 1 Corinthians 10:13:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

[Jpark]

Never mind.

 

[Johnnz]

Most guys reckon they are very sexual. Well, its true, but you are not at all unusual in that. That's just normal sexuality.

Nor is the desire for sex due to your sinful nature. It's part of who you were meant to be. And, if you have been sexually active you cannot now turn off your sex drive.

If you intend to remain sexually abstinent until marriage then recognise and accept you will experience some real tensions. But don't beat up on yourself because you do. that's your humanity not your depravity making its presence felt.

John
NZ

 

[Autumnleaf]

Get married. Nowhere in the Bible does it say a man should remain single and celibate if he struggles with lust.

 

[oi_antz]

Studies into sexuality have shown us that men are most sexually active when they are teenagers, so at your stage of life, the struggle for abstinence may be harder than it will be in say another five years. Sexuality is a very personal topic and it is one you should pray about and hear God's advice from reading the Word.

I think Jesus' message was emphasising how a mis-proportionate balance of spiritual vs physical can impair our relationship with God. The real issue we have is mis-directing our worship to things of earth rather than worshipping God. The worship I'm referring to is the issue of our thoughts. God has shown me that true holiness means to praise and worship God with every thought, and when we engage in sexual fantasy and lust, we are claiming our thoughts to worship things of the earth.

My technique to deal with issues of lust is to be aware of the thoughts I am having and turn them to praise for God - so when I see someone who is attractive and find my thoughts going "that's a nice looking person, I imagine doing this and that with them... fantasy...", I begin to think "thank you Lord for this incredibly beautiful place you have given us, please show mercy to redeem me from the intensity of fleshly desire", and by doing this, you are actually beginning to give respect to that person for who they are instead of what they look like.

It's a hard issue to practice - the surrender of everything you love the most, but when it is applied fully it is extremely liberating to have a stronger relationship with God and the people in your life.

Also, for your issue of sex before marriage, I am not inclined to see it as sin if it is the one person you are truly committed to, but perhaps because I haven't yet been shown that by God. Is there a verse God has given you to believe this, or is it something you've heard from a church's axiom belief?

 

[Gillsev]

As a guy myself, I fully understand your struggle. It is mine too, until I am out of this flesh. As long as we're in this flesh, we will continually be facing temptation at every turn. Now, we are bombarded by sexual lusts almost on a daily basis through TVs, movies, magazines, and the internet. You could also lust at anytime anywhere when you find somebody attractive! It still doesn't stop even when you're married! This is a constant battle especially for the male gender.

This is where you have to make a choice. A choice to avoid areas that might make you succomb to temptation. Avoiding the internet if you have to. Avoiding rated R movies with sex scenes, etc. Avoiding beaches where females use skimpy clothing. Bouncing your eyes as soon as you realize you are lusting. You have to strategize for this constant battle because once it is seen, it enters the mind, and stays there to be fantasized on. (It is not a sin to be tempted, it only becomes sin when you entertain it and dwell in it.)

Always meditate on the Word and be in a prayerful attitude. This is where you'll draw your strength.

Our goal is: But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. (Ephesians 5:3)

The Christian walk is a high calling ... a very narrow path. Only a few there be that find it.
Are you worth it?

And yes, sex before marriage is sin. It is called fornication.

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

 

[oi_antz]

@fornication: thanks Gillsev!

 

[New_Found_Faith]

In biblical times, most were married by the time they were your age. In our society, a legal marriage may not be the most feasable or advisable thing to have at age 19.

This is undoubtedly a liberal viewpoint which will be unpopular among CF's largely conservative base, but I will present it regardless.

Marriage does not necessarily have to be legal in order to be spiritually valid. If you are in a committed, long-term relationship with the goal of getting legally married when feasable, and you have exchanged marital vows before God (could be in private or before a pastor) I see nothing immoral about having a monogamous sexual relationship with your wife.

The fact is that in biblical times it was feasable and almost mandatory to have a legal spouse by the time one was 19 or 20. In western society, it is not always feasable and it is normal for people to get married in their mid-thirties.

Personally, I believe that marriage is primarily a spirtual contract and that the legal paperwork is of secondary importance. IMO if you have done what I stated above (exchanged vows privately, monogamous with the intention of getting legally parried when possible), there is nothing immoral about having a sexual relationship.

 

[HwtChirino]

You guys are great! I'm so glad I posted here..

I've kept praying to God hoping he would give me strength and guide me in the right direction back to Him. This morning I woke up feeling as if my soul had been healed (although not completely), but I felt the difference. Things are now falling back into place...

You all have helped me tremendously with your words of wisdom.. Thank you all so much!

@New Found Faith,

I've always wondered about that, but I never inquired the question.. I am definitely going to do this!

 

[oi_antz]

This morning I woke up feeling as if my soul had been healed (although not completely), but I felt the difference. Things are now falling back into place...

Perhaps you'll find this interesting:

2 Corinthians 4
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

When we sleep our brain applies the experiences and knowledge we have gained throughout the day, into our self so our behaviour and understandings reflect growth day by day. Also I tend to believe the soul worships and fellowships with God in Heaven when we sleep. This is why we wake feeling new each day, because we have applied our efforts to learning how to become more pure of heart.

So it is good to continue seeking to learn each day, how to become more pure in heart and mind, and you'll find everyday you will wake feeling closer and closer to God.

 

[Forealzchola]

Encouraging someone to do just verbal vows and not legal vows is not the answer and not of God..it is just a ticket for a have sex for free pass or guilt in the mind pass..God says to obey our government and do things by the way our government is ran and unless you have been married by a religious leader and then submitted your application for a marriage licence you arent married..In islam they also practice "just verbal vows"...and my sister who is now a muslim says that many men have a different wife every week because " they did verbal vows" so technically they were married so God cant say anything or anyone else...

if your sexual desire is that bad and pocket book that small just go to vegas and do it legally

because if otherwise..wit these "verbal vows" would you guys be moving in together...you can provide for her? See how then it starts to become about what is it really about?

 

[mochico88]

Hey, glad I found this. I've been struggling too. Thanks for posting up verses that help with the topic. It is something that I'm constantly praying about.

 

[oi_antz]

Hey, glad I found this. I've been struggling too. Thanks for posting up verses that help with the topic. It is something that I'm constantly praying about.

Good to hear, this post is going back a fair way! 22nd March is in fact my 2nd year anniversary of my re-dedication to Jesus Christ! I am no longer haunted by lust, I still see beautiful people but I don't feel so condemned by it. Since that time Jesus has trained me to be more comfortable with my thoughts because it really is just admiring sheen and curve - a reflex of light entering the eye. Just hand it over to Him and rely on the fact that He will save you. If you like relevant verses, read this one:

Living in the Light

5 This is the message we heard from Jesus[c] and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. 6 So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. 7 But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.

8 If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.

Notice those parts I bolded - very relevant to your struggle, keep praying and hand the matter to Jesus because it is He who has power over sin:

18 The Lord is close to all who call on him,
yes, to all who call on him in truth.
19 He grants the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cries for help and rescues them.

 

[JoeyArnold]

You do not own your body. You are renting it. The body's purpose is not to bring you satisfaction. Your body is not yours. You cannot get comfortable in your own skin. You cannot choose to comfort your emotions or flesh or feelings or desires. You have to die to self. You have to give it up. Your focus cannot be of your body. It is not about feeling like you won't sin but rather in choosing to not sin even when you will still & always still continue to feel like sinning & giving in, well, I mean, until we are given new bodies.

 

[technofox]

I just cannot seem to control myself. All my life, I've been a very sexual person (and I'm only 19), so making the transition to abstinence is extremely difficult. My fiance and I are really struggling with this. We're both trying to make the transition together, but there are times when God just leaves us alone and our evil nature takes over us.

At first, I would feel guilt for having sex, but now I am feeling frustrated I can't be who I naturally am. I just feel myself drifting from God, and I don't want that! I don't want to be a slave to sin. I don't want to feel far from God again... I'm never truly happy when I am.

I need help! I have been praying to God to help me free myself from this bondage, but then I'll start thinking lustful things soon after. It's like I can't control myself sometimes. I want to be in His grace. I want to have his blessings, and I want to WANT to do his bidding and obey his word. But I'm just struggling so much right now, and I just don't know how to get where I want to be as a Christian..

I'm starting to sound redundant now, so I'll leave it at that. I feel as if though God has guided me here to find my answer. I know you all will help me in my endeavor.

You are not the only one. Especially with the warmer climate in my area and the ever shorter skirts and revealing blouses of the women where I work

I would recommend celebrate recovery if you really need help. There is also a support group here on CF. I also assume that you live in the USA, which you and I, et al are going to be struggling with this for a long time due to our culture's propensity to sexualize just about everything. I will pray for you.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I'm pretty much gonna repeat what most are saying.

I am VERY sexual. My dad (whos Italian) is a very passionte lover so sex is on his mind all the time. Likewise I am the same. I had sex before marraige but after having sex for months with my now ex-fiance I felt bad.

Everyone knows mens biggest weakness is sex. Whether it be porn, lusting....etc. And for most its a life long struggle. Bets advice I have is to realize you have to change because trust me when you do its amazing how happy you become. I use to look at porn (around the time I had lots of sex) but I no have sex which lead me to no longer want to look at porn which ALSO lead me to less lustful thinking and less self pleasure.

I must say I feel wonderful. It wasn't easy and sometimes I still have a lustful though but I immediatly get it out of my mind and ask God for forginvess. This is why the bible says if you are going to lust and do things of this nature its better you marry then stay single and sin constantly.

And its true, when I realize I can have sex with my current fiance when we marry and realize its not a sin I do feel better knowing that my sinful thoughts are no longer sinful since I will be married! And really it beats the alternative of staying single and constantly sinning and struggiling.

I tried a few methods. When I would start to want to lust I would tell my self "Would Jesus do this?" or I'd say "If I do this it means I'd rather go to hell then serve God". Telling yourself things like that will help you to stop (or at least it did for me). Also read your bible, pray alot evne fast if you have to. Don't be afraid to tell your pastor or elders at the church. Have them pray for you and if worse comes to worse get professional help.

Remember nothing is impossible through God. You can stop!

 

[JoeyArnold]

Sex with a fiancé is sin. But then again, almost everything is sin.

 

[Johnnz]

You do not own your body. You are renting it. The body's purpose is not to bring you satisfaction. Your body is not yours. You cannot get comfortable in your own skin. You cannot choose to comfort your emotions or flesh or feelings or desires. You have to die to self. You have to give it up. Your focus cannot be of your body. It is not about feeling like you won't sin but rather in choosing to not sin even when you will still & always still continue to feel like sinning & giving in, well, I mean, until we are given new bodies.

Your thinking is gnostic, not biblical. This not helpful either for you or the original poster.

John
NZ