I mean, I'm baptized but... I'm not sure I really believe. Going to church just doesn't interest me, and I don't believe in a God that has churchgoing as a mandate for my life. I'm not even sure anymore what God I believe in.
I suppose I've arrived at this place realizing I have a lot of disgust. Politically, I don't fit in with either left or right. I believe strongly in civil liberties, I'm anti-authoritarian and don't believe in telling people what is the best way to live, because I believe those sorts of questions are best answered by the individual. I'm very unhappy with how Christians have handled the LGBT issue- it goes against my live and let live attitude, and my sensitivity towards my fellow human beings.
Most of all, I believe in compassion- that is my measure of somebody's morality, and I'm not sure this is really a Christian value at the end of the day. Compassion is more important than all the creeds in the world, and I'd mark somebody as closer to the Kingdom who had it, than somebody of faith who did not. I don't see many Christians willing to go the extra mile to understand somebody different from them. I see a lot of worship of religious tradition and orthodoxy over caring about real human beings.
We really don't know God, he's an incomprehensible mystery. The classical western theology is absurd, even ridiculous, and can't be taken seriously by intelligent people. Believing in an all-powerful benevolent God is simply absurd. This is properly the "Hidden God" spoken of by Luther. The God that brings anxiety rather than comfort, or more often, delusional projections (the angry God of many authoritarians). God is hidden and not seen. So, how can you love the God you don't see when you don't love the brother you do see? (the whole point of James passage is relevant, denouncing religiosity for its own sake) So the way I see it, Christians, as followers of Jesus, should be a humanistic religion more like Confucianism or Taoism, with God and his will left a mystery, and focused on the human predicament.
Hello, I see the struggle you have had, and that you aren't wanting to fall away, so I would like to offer some help for you to consider.
There is quite a few things that contribute to the problems of the world today, concerning Christianity:
1. False Gospel
2. Sinful Teachers
3. Media influence
4. Separation of Church and State
5. Apostasy of the Church
6. Loveless Society
1. False Gospel
The first attempt to covet The Kingdom of God happened in the garden of Eden. Soon after the flood, the tower of Babel. After Moses, Israel could not remain pure. Matthew 21:33-46 describes a final push, by destroying The Messiah. John 1:12 shows that God had another solution, by transferring the kingdom to those worshiping by virtue of faith rather than race. Yet in the world is still the heart that placed Jesus on the cross, the widespread opposition to God, especially those fearing eternal condemnation. Luke 19:14 shows us that His kingdom has again been coveted. One consequence of this, is a falsification of the authentic gospel. Christians largely are not properly informed of the dire consequences of the covenant they are entering before they enter it, and they aren't equipped by good follow-up training [
1,
2]. We must be perfectly repentant [
1,
2], yet the vast majority of churches teach that salvation is a free gift. Furthermore, a serious, concerning amount of effort goes toward teaching that we need not do anything for it. Why?
2. Sinful Teachers
God does not teach untruths. The Holy Spirit is the spirit of truth. Jesus Christ is The Truth [
1], therefore when someone who claims to listen to The Holy Spirit yet they are ignoring the truth of their sin, then they are not listening to The Holy Spirit. They are listening to some counterfeit, unholy spirit [
1]. It happens a lot on this website, because of internet anonymity, lack of real accountability [
1]. But it happens in churches plenty too.
3. Media Influence on Christians
Consider that the average Christian might sit in church for 30 minutes each week, listening to a preacher teaching from the bible. Every other day, they may spend 2 or more hours a day watching TV, and hours a day listening to radio, observing behaviours, ideas, attitudes that are inherently ungodly. TV soaps use catty behaviour that teach people's behaviour to be catty. Sex is heavily promoted: curves, skin, fashion, makeup, homosexuality, promiscuity, suggestive noises etc, tempting frequently, teaching that it is weird to be prudent. Jesting, mockery of Christian principles; fear-mongering; biased news; materialism; compliance; illusion of the real world. It is a tool of mass-influence and is no-way inclined toward God's interests. Music too, whereas music of the 1980's and earlier had deep, thought-provoking lyrics, 1990's onward is shallow and materialistic.
4. Separation of Church and State
Not only the media is devoid of godly representation, but God's interests are deliberately kept out of mandatory school curriculum. Schools conduct an atheist position, religion is optional and fringe, there is negative stigma toward those who opt-in, consequently the majority of people are not taught vital necessary information for their spiritual well-being. God's interests have no representation or consideration in government policies eg environment, poverty, economy, healthcare, war, etc etc. Church is powerless against the state because majority of population these days support atheist or non-Christian agenda, because they have been groomed into sinful lifestyles by media influences and are slaves to their sin, or they have been afflicted by so-called Christians acting ignorantly with hate and hypocrisy against them, condemning them without good cause. The holy church exposes sin [
1], therefore it is hated, and hated by violent ones [
1,
2]. It is also out-numbered, a house divided against itself, and held ransom for tax exemption [
1,
2]. Plus, remember, it has lost the gospel and fallen into apostasy and sin [
1,
2].
5. Apostasy in the church
John 12:35
Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going.
2 Timothy 4:3
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.
Acts 20:29
I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.
Luke 19:14
“But his subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, ‘We don’t want this man to be our king.’
2 Thessalonians 2:3
Don’t let anyone deceive you in any way, for that day will not come until the rebellion occurs and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the man doomed to destruction.
Matthew 13:27-28
So the servants of the owner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’
6. Loveless Society
We have become a culture always wanting instant gratification. We don't save for that special thing, we increase our debt. We don't wait three seconds for a website to load, we click on the next link. Everyone is expected to carry a phone and to answer immediately. Just think before the phone, a messenger would walk up with a smile, or even we would pay a personal visit to deliver a message. It would have been a delightful pleasure, let's make a cup of tea. These days communication is demanding, as are customers and clients. Coffee breaks are strictly measured. People work for the money, not for the job, and spenders believe that money entitles them. Laws/rules as mechanical solutions are drawn up compulsively to try and pigeon hole everyone, to automate people like clockwork. Nobody with authority is allowed to act with consideration, but they must apply policy exactly as prescribed. Etc, etc, it is a heartless, impersonal, money-focused society. The love is wholly lost in society, because everyone acts only for their self interests. Democracy fails because people are afraid to ask the questions that will force politicians to admit their corruption. The legal system tolerates injustice when technicalities force them to permit (IOW, the point of the law is forsaken because of technical deficiency in the law's description**). Therefore the justice system does not simply assess right and wrong, but skill of representation.
** Note: this is interesting too, that when God writes the law on our hearts and we are not bound to follow the written code. Because life is too vast and flexible for a written law to be perfectly comprehensive, but the law works perfectly in the form of idea. God's law is impartial, righteous objective morality [
1].
Matthew 24:12
Because lawlessness will multiply, the love of many will grow cold.
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
John 14:7
If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!”
1 John 3
See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.
1 John 2:19
out of us they went forth, but they were not of us, for if they had been of us, they would have remained with us; but -- that they might be manifested that they are not all of us.
Romans 1:28-31
Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
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The problem being that Christianity has not sustained it's integrity the way that the original apostles of Jesus Christ first established [
1,
2,
3]. There is clear historical explanation for this.
Thus, we have you here, not being aware of all this, and looking in disgust at the vast disarray and inconsistency among churches of what you know in your heart the truth really is. Of course, if someone was not to explain how this has all happened, your natural conclusion should be to doubt. But when you know this, maybe you will have a different attitude.
