I'm angry

[Blacklisted]

I could give you my entire back story but it's too much to type. The gist of it, I was raised christian and I had a normal life. My mom became an alcoholic in my early teens and ruined my family. I don't have parents who care about me, and even if they did they're too childish to even be capable of helping me out if I needed it. I'm 24 and I have been on my own for a long time now. I work 6 days a week, I live on my own and I go to school full time. I drive a moped because long story short my car messed up and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. That's a rarity I know, typically people who drive mopes do it because they got caught drinking and driving. I don't drink. I also don't do drugs and I don't smoke. In spite of every last struggle I have had to deal with I've always reminded myself to be thankful for everything I have in life because there are people who are less fortunate than me. I have struggled with being a believer for the past few years and really I'd say I'm more agnostic than anything and here's why. My best friend has had a functional family his whole life. He has parents he can seek advice from. He has a car, a truck and a motorcycle. He has every opportunity to succeed in life and he doesn't take it. This may sound like envy, and it is, but not as you might think. I don't envy his material possessions, I envy the opportunities he has. I have worked my butt off my whole life and right now my moped won't start. As has been the case for the past month. I have had to put it in the shop 7 times in the past 3 weeks. As you can imagine this is costing me. I have been missing days of school because of it. I am behind on my rent and my electric bill is due tonight or my power gets cut off on Monday. Not only this but I have had to bum rides off of people, and that of course isn't free either. My spirit is broken and I even resorted to prayer, but that didn't work either. Whatever words I uttered were only heard by me, because the cold hard truth is that if God exists, he isn't listening to me. I haven't asked him for petty, trivial things like most people do. All I've been asking for is the opportunity to succeed on my own accord. To be able to build myself up to be worth something, so that for once maybe I can walk out of my apartment knowing I won't have to worry whether nor not I'm going to make it to school or work. I am coming to you people because you believe so strongly in something I've lost all faith in. The thought even came to my mind today that if I could, I would end my own life. Not because I'm sad, but because living day to day is a struggle in itself. I don't even have groceries in my apartment because I am so broke from trying to stand on my own two feet. So I'm asking you to pray for me, because I don't know what else to do.

 

[brittany111]

Prayers going up for you my friend. Put your trust in Jesus and lean on His strength. Sometimes God allows things to happen that cause us to look to Him and not ourselves or others.

 

[bling]

What should be happening is a group of Christian that Christ is living in and through would come up alongside you to help? You are helping me realize how much I need to help more in my own city, so I thank you for that (you are helping me).

It is very hard to humbly ask for pure charity (I know you do not want to do that) but God allows us to get in the situations that help us humbly accept Charity (God’s help). There are lots of people wanting to help you but just do not know you, but you will have to find them because like me they are not seeking you out.

Where are you living now?

 

[drjean]

It's obvious that day to day living is difficult for you, and you are travelling a tough road for sure.

Yes, you do have an ok life though... when you are able to step back and look at it without emotions...and not take it personally. But it is personal to you--it's your life!

I was just thinking, before I came across your thread, of how I just don't know how people without God live and get through their suffering. I'm having a bit of a row myself lately, and just could not "do it" without the assurance that God is there and cares and will work things out for me in the future.

God is there... He wants you to accept Him, that He's there, that He is God. I know it's tough growing up in what would be considered a "Christian" home and yet not receiving the benefits of what you and I would consider "Christian" love etc. That's how I grew up too... without that good stuff.

I know for myself I always get "into trouble" with my thoughts when I allow myself to compare my life to anyone else's. Comparing is not good for the psyche!

Why not turn to the church? Having someone who cares and will also speak to God upon your behalf cannot hurt, it can do no harm. I believe it will help you.

I know what it's like having to beg rides. When I was first injured I could barely walk or talk for 8 months and yet had to get to physical therapy1-2x a day 7 days a week. I wore out family and friends. By 8 month's time they all quit on me (it was too much for them! Hmmm if it was too much for THEM what about ME???) sigh. I had to begin driving myself, with neck, shoulder wrist and knee braces!!!

My mom would always remind me that God never gives us more than we can handle. I think your being able to ask for help here is another avenue God has given you. Now we all know your plight and will pray that you find God strongly, and see His blessings in your life. (Remember, to a "real" Christian it's a pleasure to help others---we are blessed for doing so.)

What specifically do you need? The moped to work, right?

 

[Blacklisted]

I live in North Carolina. As far as seeking out charity, I would have no qualms with accepting it. The issue is that I don't want people to think I'm trying to take advantage of their good nature. Plus I always think about how someone else would be more deserving, or need it more than me. I'm also not sure where to go to try and get charity.

Also, I went an hour or so after posting this and tried to start my moped and it worked. Being skeptical I'm not sure what to make of it. Part of me wants to think your prayers worked, the other part of me thinks it's just because the weather warmed up(cold weather makes it hard for mopeds to start)

 

[A_maize]

Damn, I got frustrated at life just reading your post. Can't imagine what you're going through. wth happened to your mom??

I can guarantee, however, that you will be more successful than your friend, and probably earlier than you think.

 

[Blacklisted]

I don't talk to my mom anymore. When I moved out on my own she moved somewhere else. I haven't had any contact with her since then.

And you'd think that, but my friend's dad owns a business and he's just going to inherit that. You can obviously understand why I battle with my faith when I get to experience the scales of life constantly being tipped in the opposite direction.

Also I got your message, but unfortunately I don't have a paypal. That's kind of you though, it means a lot that you'd consider helping out a complete stranger.

 

[food4thought]

I could give you my entire back story but it's too much to type. The gist of it, I was raised christian and I had a normal life. My mom became an alcoholic in my early teens and ruined my family. I don't have parents who care about me, and even if they did they're too childish to even be capable of helping me out if I needed it. I'm 24 and I have been on my own for a long time now. I work 6 days a week, I live on my own and I go to school full time. I drive a moped because long story short my car messed up and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. That's a rarity I know, typically people who drive mopes do it because they got caught drinking and driving. I don't drink. I also don't do drugs and I don't smoke. In spite of every last struggle I have had to deal with I've always reminded myself to be thankful for everything I have in life because there are people who are less fortunate than me. I have struggled with being a believer for the past few years and really I'd say I'm more agnostic than anything and here's why. My best friend has had a functional family his whole life. He has parents he can seek advice from. He has a car, a truck and a motorcycle. He has every opportunity to succeed in life and he doesn't take it. This may sound like envy, and it is, but not as you might think. I don't envy his material possessions, I envy the opportunities he has. I have worked my butt off my whole life and right now my moped won't start. As has been the case for the past month. I have had to put it in the shop 7 times in the past 3 weeks. As you can imagine this is costing me. I have been missing days of school because of it. I am behind on my rent and my electric bill is due tonight or my power gets cut off on Monday. Not only this but I have had to bum rides off of people, and that of course isn't free either. My spirit is broken and I even resorted to prayer, but that didn't work either. Whatever words I uttered were only heard by me, because the cold hard truth is that if God exists, he isn't listening to me. I haven't asked him for petty, trivial things like most people do. All I've been asking for is the opportunity to succeed on my own accord. To be able to build myself up to be worth something, so that for once maybe I can walk out of my apartment knowing I won't have to worry whether nor not I'm going to make it to school or work. I am coming to you people because you believe so strongly in something I've lost all faith in. The thought even came to my mind today that if I could, I would end my own life. Not because I'm sad, but because living day to day is a struggle in itself. I don't even have groceries in my apartment because I am so broke from trying to stand on my own two feet. So I'm asking you to pray for me, because I don't know what else to do.

From what you've written I can say that you did not grow up in a "normal" Christian environment... I have no idea how much your parents have colored your view of God and Christianity in general, but I can tell you that IF (big if) they are saved, it's by the skin of their teeth because they are not exhibiting the actions and attitudes that Christ calls His people to... they are still selfish, unloving (in the Christian sense... they may be nice enough people, or not), and leading a sin controled life (at least in your mom's case).

That said, I encourage you to seek out fellowship in a Bible believing church (which may take you a bit of searching before you find the right one). What your parents modeled is not what Christianity is supposed to be... sadly, that is becoming more common, so like I said, visit some churches until you find genuinely caring and loving authentic Christian people. Some one of them may be able to help you through your difficulties, just give them time to recognize you aren't just there for "charity", but you have a desire to reconnect with God as well (I'm hoping you do, else why come to these forums?).

I am praying for you;
Mike

 

[LionofJudahDK]

... I can tell you that IF (big if) they are saved, it's by the skin of their teeth because they are not exhibiting the actions and attitudes that Christ calls His people to...

That's the case with every single one who will be saved.
It's impossible to disagree with the last part of this, though....

 

[bling]

I live in North Carolina. As far as seeking out charity, I would have no qualms with accepting it. The issue is that I don't want people to think I'm trying to take advantage of their good nature. Plus I always think about how someone else would be more deserving, or need it more than me. I'm also not sure where to go to try and get charity.

Also, I went an hour or so after posting this and tried to start my moped and it worked. Being skeptical I'm not sure what to make of it. Part of me wants to think your prayers worked, the other part of me thinks it's just because the weather warmed up(cold weather makes it hard for mopeds to start)

I know lots of wonderful people in N.C. What city are you in, If it is close to Raleigh, I partly support a counceller there.

 

[Blacklisted]

I am located in Hickory, which is about 3 hours west of Raleigh.