i wish

[blackribbon]

I have alienated myself from all family and friends in my life (my own fault, not blaming anyone else) and I will never again have someone to love or love me. I get accused of feeling sorry for myself. ok maybe I feel sorry for myself, but mostly just sorry that I lived my life the way I did and got myself into this situation where I literally have nothing to live for. i shouldn't be alive. my brothers should. i don't care about valentines day but this is just the day more than any other day that you are reminded of being alone. that's all.

Then it sounds like it should be time to start making amends. I do not know what you have done or not done in your life but nothing is unforgiveable in God's eyes. It may or not make a difference in this world but can I suggest that reaching out in the form of letters to apologize and to find out what is going on in their lives might be a good way to "celebrate" love...and continuing to reach out even when they don't respond (which is a distinct possibility if they don't trust you anymore). Don't make it a day of being "unloved". Turn it into the first day of a year of learning to love others. Maybe next year will be a bit different if you really commit a goal like that.

 

[Dan the Man]

i am a monster. i am a murderer.

 

[Dan the Man]

i have tried to make amends but my brain will not allow me to. i cant trust myself and i cant ask people to love someone like me.

 

[blackribbon]

i am a monster. i am a murderer.

You are not a murderer or else you would be in prison. I do not know the details of what circumstance brings you to the point of carrying that kind of guilt around on your shoulders but I don't doubt that it is a heavy load.

I repeat, there is nothing that you did or did not do that God cannot forgive. And there are people out there whom you can love. If your family and friends can't forgive, then look for other hurting people to reach out to. We live in a world of many lonely people. Maybe you can find some other lonely people to start sending personal words of encouragement to on a regular basis.

 

[blackribbon]

i have tried to make amends but my brain will not allow me to. i cant trust myself and i cant ask people to love someone like me.

You are too proud to accept love? Have you chosen to make flogging yourself your profession? Does it make anything in your life better?

 

[Dan the Man]

i have killed dozens and dozens of people. i am not in prison but i am a murderer and i will never forgive myself. i want to help others. i try to be a good person but it never works out. satan is inside of me and no matter how much i pray he will not leave. but i will try to do what you said.

 

[Dan the Man]

You are too proud to accept love? Have you chosen to make flogging yourself your profession? Does it make anything in your life better?

yes. i am stupid

 

[blackribbon]

i have killed dozens and dozens of people. i am not in prison but i am a murderer and i will never forgive myself. i want to help others. i try to be a good person but it never works out. satan is inside of me and no matter how much i pray he will not leave. but i will try to do what you said.

In this statement, you are saying that satan is stronger than God. Do you realize that?

Luckily, the beauty with God is that you don't have to "be a good person", you only have to love Him and ask Him to help you become a good person.

 

[blackribbon]

You do not have to answer this but to make it easier to talk to you it would help if I understood how you believe you have killed dozens and dozens of people. Short of active duty military or intentionally spreading an infectious disease, I can't even think of how anyone could kill dozens and dozens.

 

[Dan the Man]

i am a very weak person. i have tried but i cant.

 

[taznq08]

I have never in my years of being with some one have they ever done anything special for me on this day, it is sad, I have pretty much given up on it all

 

[Dan the Man]

You do not have to answer this but to make it easier to talk to you it would help if I understood how you believe you have killed dozens and dozens of people. Short of active duty military or intentionally spreading an infectious disease, I can't even think of how anyone could kill dozens and dozens.

i was a marine corps infantryman for 20 years. i killed so many people i should be rotting in prison. there is no excuse for it. and also because of me 4 of the best friends/brothers i ever had are dead and i am only crippled for life. i should be the one who is dead. their families are broken because of me. i was supposed to keep them safe. there is no excuse for any of this. i am a serial killer.

 

[Dan the Man]

I have never in my years of being with some one have they ever done anything special for me on this day, it is sad, I have pretty much given up on it all

i am sorry to hear that. wish i could do something special for you. you are worth it.

 

[blackribbon]

i am a very weak person. i have tried but i cant.

Without God, we are all very weak people. Surrendering to God doesn't take strength...it actually often takes reaching the bottom and having nowhere else to go. Cry out to God and tell Him you can't do this alone. And then listen with an open heart.

It may or may not change your life circumstances but it will change how you start to feel inside and how you look at life. You were intentionally made to be just as you are. It doesn't matter what bad decisions you have made, God still loves you and will welcome you back home with open arms.

If you have ever gone to church, you may have heard this story...but take a minute to read it again. This man hit bottom. He was eating pig slop to survive... and although I can not promise your that your earthly father will act like the man in the story, your Heavenly father wants you to come "home" to Him and He will celebrate regardless of what your past looks like.

Luke 15:11-32 - The Parable of the Lost Son - Jesus - Bible Gateway

Luke 15:11-32. This can be YOUR story.

 

[taznq08]

Thanks dan the man,

 

[blackribbon]

i was a marine corps infantryman for 20 years. i killed so many people i should be rotting in prison. there is no excuse for it. and also because of me 4 of the best friends/brothers i ever had are dead and i am only crippled for life. i should be the one who is dead. their families are broken because of me. i was supposed to keep them safe. there is no excuse for any of this. i am a serial killer.

No, you are not a murder....you were doing your job. A very difficult job. And not a job that can be done by a weak person. However, the circumstances that brought your injury and the death of your brothers (yes, in the Marines, they are ALL your brothers), would most likely be enough to break the strongest of person's soul.

How long ago was the accident? And I mean that it was an accident...you did not intentionally harm your brothers...at worse, you made an error that allowed the accident to happen. You obviously are grieving very deeply.

 

[Dan the Man]

Without God, we are all very weak people. Surrendering to God doesn't take strength...it actually often takes reaching the bottom and having nowhere else to go. Cry out to God and tell Him you can't do this alone. And then listen with an open heart.

It may or may not change your life circumstances but it will change how you start to feel inside and how you look at life. You were intentionally made to be just as you are. It doesn't matter what bad decisions you have made, God still loves you and will welcome you back home with open arms.

If you have ever gone to church, you may have heard this story...but take a minute to read it again. This man hit bottom. He was eating pig slop to survive... and although I can not promise your that your earthly father will act like the man in the story, your Heavenly father wants you to come "home" to Him and He will celebrate regardless of what your past looks like.

Luke 15:11-32 - The Parable of the Lost Son - Jesus - Bible Gateway

Luke 15:11-32. This can be YOUR story.

thanks. i went to church my whole life until i began doing work for the devil.
thanks for taking the time to try and help.

 

[Dan the Man]

Thanks dan the man,

you are welcome. hope your day gets brighter.

 

[taznq08]

No, you are not a murder....you were doing your job. A very difficult job. And not a job that can be done by a weak person. However, the circumstances that brought your injury and the death of your brothers (yes, in the Marines, they are ALL your brothers), would most likely be enough to break the strongest of person's soul.

How long ago was the accident? And I mean that it was an accident...you did not intentionally harm your brothers...at worse, you made an error that allowed the accident to happen. You obviously are grieving very deeply.

So very true, we all walk from our path at times and let the devil in but we can also rid him again, keep trying

 

[blackribbon]

Can I ask you if you are honest in that your brothers' family cannot forgive you or do not love you? Or could it be that you are too proud to let them love you because it is YOU who cannot forgive yourself?

My husband was a Desert Storm veteran. I can tell you I love his buddies like they are family. It was his best friend from those years was my rock when he died of cancer (something we suspect was military related). I love this man because he IS a piece of my husband. Short of me, there was no one in the world that knew him better or loved him more. I would love him even if he had accidently been the cause of his death. (and honestly, from what I know about Marines, you probably couldn't have done anything different even though in your head you wish you could have had that kind of power.) I wonder if you are rejecting people that really have not rejected you.