I want to stop thinking about my conditions

[grandvizier1006]

In addition to my OCD, I also have Asperger's Syndrome. Going over all the symptoms would take too long, but basically it gives me difficulty with understanding the complexity of social interaction, inflexibility in terms of routines, and a very unique way of thinking and processing information.

Given the circumstances I'm in right now, I find myself alone very often, and the isolation sometimes makes me think too much about my AS. I feel like it's defining everything about me, and I'm becoming obsessed with finding ways to "improve" myself and make myself more able to survive social situations.

I'm worried that I'm just not even human, like I'm so different from other people and think so differently from other people that I'm an alien. Pretty much everyone else with Asperger's I run into just loves being different, but that bothers me, actually. I don't want to be so different that I see the world as divided, like "Autistic people vs. non-autistic people". I hate that. I don't want to think of myself as just a bunch of labels.

And my OCD makes me obsessively worry over this, and I have this intense desire to improve my social skills. It's good that I want to improve, but just worrying that I'll never get a chance to consumes a lot of my time that could be more productive.

I want to be able to stop worrying about how "different" I might be and just sort of accept that I am paradoxically both different from other people, but not so different that I'm not human.

 

[jusme]

But we are all different! God did not make any of us the exact same. God made each one of us the way we are for His purpose and pleasure. He loves you just exactly the way you are brother. If others don't accept you the way you are, then that says nothing about you friend. It is actually their problem, not yours. Be who you are because that is what will make you happy and that's how the Lord wants us.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Thank you! At the same time, though, I know that although I can come as I to God, I am still filled with sin. I can't stay the way I am, filled with worry and shyness and fear. Those aren't sins, but as a Christian I can't live like that.

Lately, though, I've been feeling much better about all this. I've realized that I'm not defined by a few diagnoses but who I am in Christ. That has made me realize that I'm no less of a Christian than any other true believer

 

[jusme]

Thank you! At the same time, though, I know that although I can come as I to God, I am still filled with sin. I can't stay the way I am, filled with worry and shyness and fear. Those aren't sins, but as a Christian I can't live like that.

Lately, though, I've been feeling much better about all this. I've realized that I'm not defined by a few diagnoses but who I am in Christ. That has made me realize that I'm no less of a Christian than any other true believer

You are correct, we are not defined by any of our problems (and we all have them). But, as Christians we are defined by the righteousness of Christ! The bible says that makes us "perfect" in the eyes of God. WOW! how about that bro.?
As far as staying the way we are instead of improving, we must be willing to wait on the Lord. We have to be careful not to get ahead of Him because we will inevitably make a huge mess if we do. It is, after all, God who has begun a good work in us and it is He who if faithful to complete it. Just have patience and thank Him for where you are today.