I want to start looking for a wife. Need advice, please.

[MournfulWatcher]

I understand. I am just saying that telling someone to go outside more and socialize doesn't always help with the getting into a relationship part. There is a reason men complain about getting friend-zoned too often and I think its because they follow your directions and don't make it clear that they are looking for a relationship. Thus they end up being kind of the buddy of everyone until they actually change it up and be more aggressive in their approach.

And about the clubs, yes that's absolutely true. When I was in my backslidden years I can absolute attest to the fact that alcohol makes it 500% easier to approach.

I'm curious as to why you seem so opposed to him socializing to meet women. How else do you meet women? That's literally the only way you can get into a relationship.

I'm not saying he shouldn't make his intentions clear, I'm saying that becoming friends with someone first is how any relationship starts, and keeping that in mind can take some of the pressure off since he seemed anxious about it in his post.

 

[Invalidusername]

I'm curious as to why you seem so opposed to him socializing to meet women. How else do you meet women? That's literally the only way you can get into a relationship.

I'm not saying he shouldn't make his intentions clear, I'm saying that becoming friends with someone first is how any relationship starts, and keeping that in mind can take some of the pressure off since he seemed anxious about it in his post.

Your response of telling him to go out and meet more women is correct. However and unfortunately it is only part of the answer. A man who has never dated, kissed, or had a girlfriend by the age of 23 has some personality traits that is preventing him from getting a girl. He needs to change that. Going out to meet people as the same person he is now will only keep him in the same state. He needs to learn to be more confident, approach more, find a personality trait that he is good at and that women like, work out and take care of his body. Unfortunately he is short which does not work in his favor. Which means he will have to find the type of girl that doesn't care about that kind of thing. Also he must put God at #1 if he really wants a good Christian girl.

Your answer was correct but it did not really address the core of the issue of a 23 year old guy having no girlfriend for 23 years. The reason I am saying this is through experience myself. I didn't start getting girls until I changed all of above issues and fixed them. I was a mess but unfortunately girls prefer guys who have it together so I think OP needs to see what he is struggling with and fix that to make himself more appealing. Men generally don't respond to good generalized advice like, "Go out and socialize more." and prefer more blunt and concise explanations on why he is actually single and how to fix it.

I am not criticizing you but simply saying that it isn't the FULL answer of what OP must do.

 

[pinkjess]

I don't know what XD means so I can't answer your question.

XD is a facial expression like an emoji, like a smile and scrunching your eyes tight

 

[Episaw]

Ive always believed that God leaves it for us to choose a wife and Ive heard too many stories about people who thought God would do it for them and they have got it spectacularly wrong, often ending up in never getting married or divorce. One person I spoke to in particular comes to mind. He was dating a girl he loved and wanted to marry but said that God audibly spoke to him and said he would marry a woman he knew but had no feelings for. As a result he broke up with the girl he loved to wait for this other woman. They never got married. I believe this was a demonic deception to stop him marrying the woman he should have. At the time when he told me about it I said I felt in my spirit it wasn't from God but he wouldnt listen.

So my advice is date, develop your relationship skills and when you are sure its the right one take it to the next level and see where it leads. Dont rush into it.

Can't make a case out of one example.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

Can't make a case out of one example.

Its just one example but I know a number of peope who either ended up in the wrong marriage, didn't get married or put off marriage for a long time and didnt have kids for similar reasons. This is just a prime example as they felt they audible heard the voice of God. Of the people I've know over the years who looked to God to choose their spouse rather than to choose themselves with and looking for Gods blessing on their choice have ended badly in most of the cases. Well over half (I'd guess at about 70%) have ended in divorce in 2-5 years. A couple of marriages are just about going but with a lot of problems which have included separations then getting back together sometimes and maybe one or two a normal happy marriage.

 

[Invalidusername]

Its just one example but I know a number of peope who either ended up in the wrong marriage, didn't get married or put off marriage for a long time and didnt have kids for similar reasons. This is just a prime example as they felt they audible heard the voice of God. Of the people I've know over the years who looked to God to choose their spouse rather than to choose themselves with and looking for Gods blessing on their choice have ended badly in most of the cases. Well over half (I'd guess at about 70%) have ended in divorce in 2-5 years. A couple of marriages are just about going but with a lot of problems which have included separations then getting back together sometimes and maybe one or two a normal happy marriage.

I'm pretty sure you're not advising that it's wrong to ask for God's blessing... Otherwise what you're saying doesn't make any sense.

Read some of the OT stories. Some of them have marriages that had a direct influence by God. The story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah spring to mind. While it may not be the most moral marriage, God had a part to play with this story.

To leave God out of that aspect of our life is foolishness. I think you are just dealing with some pretty immature Christians.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I'm pretty sure you're not advising that it's wrong to ask for God's blessing... Otherwise what you're saying doesn't make any sense.

Read some of the OT stories. Some of them have marriages that had a direct influence by God. The story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah spring to mind. While it may not be the most moral marriage, God had a part to play with this story.

To leave God out of that aspect of our life is foolishness. I think you are just dealing with some pretty immature Christians.

Dont forget that Jacob loved and wanted to marry Rachel. It was Laban, Rachel and Leahs father, who tricked Jacob into marrying the older daughter by sending her into Jacob rather than Rachel that they agreed. It was a deceitful act by Leban. Jacob chose Rachel to be his wife but Laban cheated him. I dont believe God makes people sin by lying and cheating people, whatever the excuse. Do you?

What I see in it is that God blesses Jacob through Leah and Rachel (and their servants) and blesses Leah with children as she is not loved by her husband (Genesis 29:31) despite the sin involved in making Leah his wife.

If I were going to use a Biblical example of marriage that God brought about i would probably choose Ruth and boaz.

 

[Invalidusername]

Dont forget that Jacob loved and wanted to marry Rachel. It was Laban, Rachel and Leahs father, who tricked Jacob into marrying the older daughter by sending her into Jacob rather than Rachel that they agreed. It was a deceitful act by Leban. Jacob chose Rachel to be his wife but Laban cheated him. I dont believe God makes people sin by lying and cheating people, whatever the excuse. Do you?

What I see in it is that God blesses Jacob through Leah and Rachel (and their servants) and blesses Leah with children as she is not loved by her husband (Genesis 29:31) despite the sin involved in making Leah his wife.

If I were going to use a Biblical example of marriage that God brought about i would probably choose Ruth and boaz.

I just have a hard time understanding why God allowed Jacob to enter a poly marriage. Since it seems like it is clearly forbidden now.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Hi. God bless! I just made an account here and I'm hoping I can find some Godly advice here.

About me first. I'm a male that's about to turn 22. I've never dated, kissed, or even held hands with a girl. Mostly becasue I'm shy. I'm short height wise (5'7") and about average looks wise. Most importantly, I became a Christian about three years ago. It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. My life has meaning now and I love the God that I serve.

I just really think that God wants me to start trying to date and maybe start looking for a potential wife. I still have a couple years of college left so I don't want to be married really soon, but I think it's time to at least start looking. Also, I'm just wanting to share my life with somebody, have a companion.

There are lots of girls at my college but most aren't Christians. And quite a few party often. That's not the type of girl I want. I'm looking for somebody that would make a good wife and mom and that's a devout Christian.

So... where could I find a girl like this? What things should I look for in a girl? How can I prepare myself and better myself for her? Finally, do you have any tips on how best to pray for God to lead me to her? Sorry for all the questions.

Thanks!

Prayers! My husband is short, too, but mega cute, and awesome! Pray that God's will be done in your life, and for him to arrange your marriage for you. My husband married at 35, by the way, so no rush. You sound like a nice guy, with his priorities straight!

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I just have a hard time understanding why God allowed Jacob to enter a poly marriage. Since it seems like it is clearly forbidden now.

Youve hit the nail on the head. God "allowed" him to. It is largely a cultural thing. In those times it was normal for men to have more than one wife. Now it is not acceptable in Western culture and so doesnt happen so much. There are aof course poeple who still are polygamous such as the Mormons.

 

[Invalidusername]

Youve hit the nail on the head. God "allowed" him to. It is largely a cultural thing. In those times it was normal for men to have more than one wife. Now it is not acceptable in Western culture and so doesnt happen so much. There are aof course poeple who still are polygamous such as the Mormons.

But doesn't the Bible forbid poly marriages? For example, Jesus said that if a man divorces a woman and then marries another, it is adultery.

 

[Episaw]

Its just one example but I know a number of peope who either ended up in the wrong marriage, didn't get married or put off marriage for a long time and didnt have kids for similar reasons. This is just a prime example as they felt they audible heard the voice of God. Of the people I've know over the years who looked to God to choose their spouse rather than to choose themselves with and looking for Gods blessing on their choice have ended badly in most of the cases. Well over half (I'd guess at about 70%) have ended in divorce in 2-5 years. A couple of marriages are just about going but with a lot of problems which have included separations then getting back together sometimes and maybe one or two a normal happy marriage.

You in your small corner and I in mine.

I would rather collect data that is not personal and covers thousands of examples.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

You in your small corner and I in mine.

I would rather collect data that is not personal and covers thousands of examples.

So would I but we have to go with what data we have available.

 

[Episaw]

So would I but we have to go with what data we have available.

That is not data. That is personal experience and that is never data.

 

[Danoh]

Good advice. But, I need to know how to approach girls and talk to them. I can't really do that right now. And unfortunately, I don't believe that a girl is going to walk up to me and ask me to marry her.

When I was in the world, I was never short of a date.

One day, a female I was interested in invited me to pick her up for lunch over at her place of work, which turned out to be a bookstore.

As I had arrived early, I decided to browse around, and ran across the book "Get Dates Without Drinking."

Fascinated, I paged through it, and found myself amused by how much of what it laid out was very similar to my own dating approach.

Get yourself a copy of that book. It offers a simple, clear, clean-cut, step by system for building up confidence at meeting members of the opposite sex, starting a conversation, keeping a conversation going, and following up from there.

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Dates-Without-Drinking-Doctors/dp/0970570627

If they're out of it, look elsewhere on the net for it.

Hope that helps.

 

[Episaw]

When I was in the world, I was never short of a date.

One day, a female I was interested in invited me to pick her up for lunch over at her place of work, which turned out to be a bookstore.

As I had arrived early, I decided to browse around, and ran across the book "Get Dates Without Drinking."

Fascinated, I paged through it, and found myself amused by how much of what it laid out was very similar to my own dating approach.

Get yourself a copy of that book. It offers a simple, clear, clean-cut, step by system for building up confidence at meeting members of the opposite sex, starting a conversation, keeping a conversation going, and following up from there.

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Dates-Without-Drinking-Doctors/dp/0970570627

If they're out of it, look elsewhere on the net for it.

Hope that helps.

Or you could get God to choose one for you and bypass all that secular mumbo jumbo.

 

[Danoh]

Or you could get God to choose one for you and bypass all that secular mumbo jumbo.

Coincidences in life attributed to God; the way of the pagan world read by far too many into passages like Rom. 8:28 - never mind the context of such passages, thank you very much.

Try a bit more Rom. 12:1,2 and less "the wisdom of this world." 1 Cor. 1:20.

Acts 20:16 For Paul had determined to sail by Ephesus, because he would not spend the time in Asia: for he hasted, if it were possible for him, to be at Jerusalem the day of Pentecost.

Rom. 5:6-8

 

[Evergold]

I agree with everyone who has said to refrain from searching. I recently read something in the Bible (so sorry for not knowing the exact scripture off the top of my head) that said that He intends for believers to have a wife or husband. However, it said that He shall bring the man a suitable wife as He made a wife for Adam.

I know this may not be the most pleasing advice since patience is required, but I have faith that all good things are worth the wait. When we search for a mate we often look for what we merely want, not what we genuinely need. And from experience, that usually leads to disaster lol. Do yourself a favor and wait for God to bring the right person into your life. He knows what is best for us.

 

[Danoh]

I base my above assertion on this issue of whether or not to wait for God in matters of love and marriage, on the following....

Romans 1:18-3:20 basically point out that prior to God's sacrifice of His Son, God went about doing all sorts of things in His dealings with mankind, meant to prove that no matter what He did, either as a blessing of, or as a cursing of mankind, mankind proved itself unworthy.

The balance of Romans 3 then takes up where that long section of Romans prior to Romans 3:20 began - on God's glorying in His Son's accomplishment ALONE.

On God's blessing mankind by His Son's sacrifice of His very life on mankind's behalf, only after all those centuries of God's proving mankind a hopeless failure on his own by every means under the sun, and then some.

In other words, all those various interventions of God's described in Scripture, prior to the Cross of Christ, had been meant to serve as an evidence that no matter how God might bless mankind; mankind is bound to a screw it up.

Again, towards proving that His Son ALONE is worthy of the Glory of God, Romans 3:21-3:30.

And God begins to do that starting all the way back to when He HIMSELF provided Adam a mate suitable for him; and that only resulted in the disaster it did - in THEIR hands.

Which, by the illogic of the "let go and let God" mentality being promoted on here, it was God's chosen help meet (suitable) for Adam, it was God Who made a poor choice.

For one cannot just pick and choose "stories from the Bible" as some sort of a guide for how one's life is supposed to turn out.

Because everyone of those accounts in Scripture had been meant to prove what Romans 1:18-3:20 would one day relate as to what God had been up to through all those events prior to the sacrifice of His Son - proving His Son ALONE is worthy of His Glory.

What the Bible does go into, this side of the Cross, is what suitable husband and or wife material looks like.

In other words, the God of Scripture expects His people to study His Word that they might learn from it how to soundly know what's what, including how to soundly discern who would or would not make for a suitable spouse.

Not surprisingly, given the great importance of those two roles within the life of a Pastor and or leader within a local assembly, much of what such suitability might look like in a prospective mate, is found in the Apostle Paul's Pastoral Epistles: 1st and 2nd Timothy, and Titus.

Though Ephesians and Colossians, which are partly about what the lives of Believers (the Body of Christ) are to look like, this side of the Cross, also go over much ground on this suitable mate issue.

And not one of them asserts one is to wait around for God to do what He expects His people to rely on His Word for each their understanding of how to go about the various decisions in their lives, in light of the result that 2 Timothy 3:16-17 is meant to be.

Ephesians 5:13 But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. 5:14 Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. 5:15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, 5:16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 5:17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

Nevertheless, Romans 14:5; in memory of Romans 5:6-8 - in each our stead.

 

[Sketcher]

I recently read something in the Bible (so sorry for not knowing the exact scripture off the top of my head) that said that He intends for believers to have a wife or husband.

I'm pretty sure that's not in there. Jesus and John the Baptist didn't have wives, and Paul didn't have a wife for long if he had one at all.

I know this may not be the most pleasing advice since patience is required, but I have faith that all good things are worth the wait. When we search for a mate we often look for what we merely want, not what we genuinely need. And from experience, that usually leads to disaster lol. Do yourself a favor and wait for God to bring the right person into your life. He knows what is best for us.

Bad advice to give to an introverted male, since men are expected to pursue. You can get away with giving that advice to women, and to converted guys who used to always be dating all the time. Not guys like this. He needs to learn how to pursue women before he will effectively pursue any woman that God places in his life.