Please pray that I will stop holding back from being who I really am just because people don't understand how I can suddenly be so different from what they used to know.... and also because it doesn't coincide with the rumors they've heard (which aren't true... and the part that is, is not for the reasons they think). I don't want to stop healing and growing just because people don't receive the new and "different" me well.
As a child I was extremely timid and closed off. There is a reason why and it's not a healthy one - my mother psychologically and emotionally abused me almost every day for my entire childhood and she didn't respond well to my natural personality... she being extremely co-dependent - me being extremely independent... she believing any kind of expressing myself was me being "disrespectful" - me being a person full of expressiveness (in a Godly way) busting at the seams to come out... so I had to comply and be someone I wasn't so that she would scream at me a little bit less, and so that I could gain a little more time away from the house. I just want to gain who I truly am and be that person... whose been deep inside of me for so long, longing to come out but I had no choice but to keep it suppressed... because I was grounded about 90% of the time and learned to keep to myself during those times, when she was always around.
I just want to be ME now... I'm tired of living in bondage, living a lie, living in fear, and rejecting my natural self that God intended for me to be. Please pray for me to relax and not be afraid to be me now that I'm old enough to make that decision. Thank you so much.
As a child I was extremely timid and closed off. There is a reason why and it's not a healthy one - my mother psychologically and emotionally abused me almost every day for my entire childhood and she didn't respond well to my natural personality... she being extremely co-dependent - me being extremely independent... she believing any kind of expressing myself was me being "disrespectful" - me being a person full of expressiveness (in a Godly way) busting at the seams to come out... so I had to comply and be someone I wasn't so that she would scream at me a little bit less, and so that I could gain a little more time away from the house. I just want to gain who I truly am and be that person... whose been deep inside of me for so long, longing to come out but I had no choice but to keep it suppressed... because I was grounded about 90% of the time and learned to keep to myself during those times, when she was always around.
I just want to be ME now... I'm tired of living in bondage, living a lie, living in fear, and rejecting my natural self that God intended for me to be. Please pray for me to relax and not be afraid to be me now that I'm old enough to make that decision. Thank you so much.
praying
