I told my exs friend I have feelings for him

[ckg1073]

Update again.. I ended a horrible long term relationship with my bf two months ago. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Tbh I have really grown to like him over the past 6 months (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. In person he's so nervous around me and always looks. So anyway, a few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which I understood if he didn't want to) and he said he yes he wants to.

He just recently moved up to his parents in the country and I've noticed he's been a bit down, so I messaged him bluntly saying if he never needs somebody to speak to that I'm here for him, he can always talk to me because I really care about him. He thanked me and really appreciated it, a few hours later he opened up to me like a can of worms about his problems. He said he's currently seeing this girl and wants to end things because they're too different, he likes his own space and she is really immature/young mentally. Though, he said he wants to be in long term relationship with somebody who's like him. He also said that he really want get his life together and join the navy etc.

I just told him how I felt. He said quote "all good, hows work?". "i dont mind still talking to you but probably nothing more than that as it would be right towards Corey" (my ex)

But why would he still want to keep in touch? .... IMO thats confusing to me considering he doesn't want to disrespect his friend...?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

who are you?

 

[ReesePiece23]

That was like reading a detonated paint grenade, blimey. What a mess.

Dylan if you're reading, please, learn the art of succinct conversation. You're just confusing everyone.

Corey, if you're reading, consider a name change.

 

[Kevinw05]

Yeah, this isn't a rare occurrence in the world. I had someone wrong me badly twice then later found out that that person has feelings for me..

 

[Elliewaves]

He said he didn't mind staying in touch with you to be polite and he probably has nothing against you, but he's not going to date you because you dated his friend and it would be like sloppy seconds. Move on and get to know more people. If it's meant to be then it will work out without you trying to push him into a relationship with you.

 

[Kevinw05]

He said he didn't mind staying in touch with you to be polite and he probably has nothing against you, but he's not going to date you because you dated his friend and it would be like sloppy seconds. Move on and get to know more people. If it's meant to be then it will work out without you trying to push him into a relationship with you.

I think that's horrible advice...if you want to be with this person then you do what needs to be done to be with him/her, but no killing or great evil is needed I don't believe...if the person already knows then it is up to you to prove it.

 

[Kevinw05]

But when I say be with someone I mean "start a relationship" with that person...not just have sex with them in secret because what do you think will happen when the person you were originally with finds out? If you are sure the other person will be in the relationship with you, then leave the one you were with before and be with the new one. I think of it as an upgrade on your life, unless he or she is obviously a downgrade in one area or another.

 

[Elliewaves]

Eh, she told him how she felt and he said no. She should respect how he feels. Anymore pushing will probably just push him away. He doesn't sound that into her to begin with.

 

[Kevinw05]

It's just advice for these type of situations. In her particular case...it is solved already.

 

[ReesePiece23]

I think that's horrible advice...if you want to be with this person then you do what needs to be done to be with him/her, but no killing or great evil is needed I don't believe...if the person already knows then it is up to you to prove it.

He's just not worth the hassle. The OP undoubtedly has other options available to her who won't mess her around - go for one of them, you're only 24.

 

[Elliewaves]

I think that's horrible advice...if you want to be with this person then you do what needs to be done to be with him/her, but no killing or great evil is needed I don't believe...if the person already knows then it is up to you to prove it.

The person can still say no and are allowed to do so. Forcing or guilting someone to be in a relationship with you isn't love, it's obsession.

 

[Kevinw05]

The person can still say no and are allowed to do so. Forcing or guilting someone to be in a relationship with you isn't love, it's obsession.

I said that with this already implied. Surely we are not teaching zombies or drones without a brain or something.

 

[Elliewaves]

Not really, you said she should do what it takes to be with him. And for an op girl that seems pretty obsessed with relationships and Corey I can see it being taken in a wrong way. He's already told her no once. If he was really in love with her he wouldn't be staying away from her, friend of ex or not.

 

[Kevinw05]

That's true. But my solution was assumed that the second party did in fact want the relationship. If someone says no then yeah it's not going to work...at that moment. Look, you can try again, you might be surprised what a little time and effort might get you.
I have been in a situation like this..someone wanted me and I shook my head. Lol if that person only knew how I really felt...we would be together now. Anyway, try the waters but know when to stop is my last advice here.

 

[Sketcher]

Update again.. I ended a horrible long term relationship with my bf two months ago. I am also friends with his friend Dylan, who I've known for years too. Tbh I have really grown to like him over the past 6 months (he's an INTP). We have A LOT in common, we share the same Christian views, Geopolitical views, Eschatology, same interests, humour, the whole shebang. In person he's so nervous around me and always looks. So anyway, a few weeks ago I asked if he wanted to still stay in touch (due to obvious reasons which I understood if he didn't want to) and he said he yes he wants to.

He just recently moved up to his parents in the country and I've noticed he's been a bit down, so I messaged him bluntly saying if he never needs somebody to speak to that I'm here for him, he can always talk to me because I really care about him. He thanked me and really appreciated it, a few hours later he opened up to me like a can of worms about his problems. He said he's currently seeing this girl and wants to end things because they're too different, he likes his own space and she is really immature/young mentally. Though, he said he wants to be in long term relationship with somebody who's like him. He also said that he really want get his life together and join the navy etc.

I just told him how I felt. He said quote "all good, hows work?". "i dont mind still talking to you but probably nothing more than that as it would be right towards Corey" (my ex)

But why would he still want to keep in touch? .... IMO thats confusing to me considering he doesn't want to disrespect his friend...?

1) Good for you for telling him how you feel, many women won't do that. More Christian women should do that.
2) There's a social code to not date your friend's ex, at least not without his permission. Dylan wants to be a good friend to Corey, and would probably like to going back to the way things were, as unrealistic as that is.
3) He's still seeing somebody. Showing feelings to someone who is still seeing somebody is a horrible bet. Lots of guys like to find out if a gal is seeing someone before they ask her out.

 

[Kevinw05]

Those guys are tards (I was referring to a Corey and Dylan I know).

 

[ReesePiece23]

So Dylan turned to Corey: "what's the story, between you and Morey?"

"We moved to Horley" replied Corey: "to spend our days drinking Tobermory"

"Well, surely, you wouldn't live multi-story?" Dylan laughed: "that would be a folly, just ask Molly."

She whispered like a kitten, for Dylan made her smitten: "that's exactly how I lost my mitten!" She said.

I dread the thread, that makes a woman turn red - she's alone in bed, wishing Dylan was Ned. Fred, or Ted.

Don't mind me, I'm just blowing off steam from a flat Earth thread. This nonsense sounds sane in comparison, trust me.

 

[blackribbon]

She said she was his friend. He took friend as just that, friend...like they were when she was dating his friend. She also invited him to use her as a shoulder and a sounding board. Which he did. He may have assumed she knew he had a girlfriend and that there was no romantic piece to this friendship...since he didn't feel one.

Why would they still talk? To be friends .... and they have a lot in common. Friends like they were when she was dating his friend...no romance.

It is her call but she should not do this and expect that it will change and he will suddenly want to be in a relationship with her.

 

[bèlla]

There's never been a time when I felt my ex's friends were on the menu. It crosses a line I find distasteful. Nor I don't befriend women who'd willingly do the same. Our code is simple. We don't share men or date friends. It keeps the peace.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[ReesePiece23]

So Dylan turned to Corey: "what's the story, between you and Morey?"

"We moved to Horley" replied Corey: "to spend our days drinking Tobermory"

"Well, surely, you wouldn't live multi-story?" Dylan laughed: "that would be a folly, just ask Molly."

She whispered like a kitten, for Dylan made her smitten: "that's exactly how I lost my mitten!" She said.

I dread the thread, that makes a woman turn red - she's alone in bed, wishing Dylan was Ned. Fred, or Ted.

Don't mind me, I'm just blowing off steam from a flat Earth thread. This nonsense sounds sane in comparison, trust me.

YO! What the?

You're MAD Reese. Bloomin' mad!