I am feeling horrible

[LaundrySoap]

I've been feeling horrible since May. I broke up with my bf on May 13th, and I've been feeling miserable ever since. I was 27 when we started dating, and we dated for a little over a year. My age is relevant because I waited 27 years for a boyfriend. And what did I get? I got a man who, while he was patient and kind, also had morals that I just couldn't live with. While we never went "all the way" physically, there were several times where we did go farther than I was comfortable with. But I was convinced if I just stayed with him long enough, we'd get married, but after we broke up he told me he wasn't close to marriage.

He moved on about a month after we broke up, started talking to another girl and just the last 2 weeks now he's been bringing her to church.

It was pretty much a mutual breakup, but he left me because my anxiety was too much for him to handle. He told me he cared about me and that I'm going to make someone else happy. And I've tried to meet new people; I went on my first date a couple days ago. I ended up not being attracted to him but also, I wanted him to have the same opinions on some stuff as my ex. I wanted him to be my ex in some ways, but not others.

I can't seem to move on. I'm angry and depressed.

I don't want to go to another church, even though I see him all happy with another girl when I go to my current church. I am dreading Sundays. And throughout the week I just get consumed with anger and sadness. And the anger isn't just "grr someone cut me off in traffic." It's so intense ans powerful, I feel like I'm drowning.

I miss my ex! Even though it was a bad match! It's been over 2 months now and it just hurts so bad. I waited 27 years to find someone and I got hurt, badly. I keep daydreaming about ending it, and today I was writing a "goodbye" note in my head. Again, I can't go through with it for various reasons, but I'm so tired and I want to feel better and I'm just not really feeling better. I do see a therapist but it's just so hard to continue to go through each day.

 

[Diamond7]

I keep thinking about ending it all.

We are to have the mind of Christ and the Divine thoughts of God. So you need to put it under the Blood of Jesus so you will stop thinking unGodly thoughts. The hormone oxytocin is what causes people to bond. So it can be an adjustment when you break that bond. Eventually, you will be surprised when you do break the bond and you do not even think about them anymore.

 

[FreeinChrist]

I am sorry you are going through this. Often it is like losing a best friend.

My suggestion is that you attend a different church for awhile. Keep in touch with the church you go to now, and maybe attend things that involve women only. Seeing him regularly and happy is just a reminder now of the loss. Getting to a new church, meeting some new people, would be good. Seeing some of your other friends for more social activities will help. Is there a church with an adult singles group at it? Is there a place that needs volunteer help that you can do?

 

[godisagardener]

I agree with FreeinChrist. As much as we may tell ourselves to go on as if things were normal, it often isn't the case. You're setting yourself up for sadness and pain each time you go to church and see him there with someone else. Find another church and attend there for a while. Visit a friend's church for a while. Whichever, just do it. New surroundings will help you get through this time. You'll find new friends, have new experiences, meet new people. You may eventually find that your relationship was more one you felt you HAD to have, because of your age or whatever, rather than one that just found you when you weren't looking. Sometimes we try so hard for things instead of waiting for them to occur naturally. I wish you the very best.

 

[Dave G.]

I say don't avoid it and lose the familiarity of your church as well by moving. Stay put, turn it all over to Christ and pray for the X and his girlfriend. Always in these things seek Christ first, read the scriptures on loss and supportive verses. God will put you together with the right person in His timing and it will just fall together. It's not worth the struggle in your own strength, that's why you're miserable. And by the way, thank God for whatever lesson was learned in this.

And I thank you for bringing this thread and topic up, because we all have struggles of our own and articulating through my mind and typing the words of what to say to you reminds me to follow my own advice for whatever struggle I'm having ! See the themes change in our lives but the answer is the same time and again. Get self out of it, Let God take the weight off. Pray a blessing on someone else and in it you may find it returns on to yourself. Strengthen your spiritual walk.

 

[LaundrySoap]

Update... I'm still feeling just awful. I'm facing the reality that I might very well be alone the rest of my life. I'm 28, I have about 60+ years left to go. I don't want to keep coming home to an empty apartment for another couple years, let alone the rest of my life. What am I supposed to do? All I can think to do is keep looking for godly men--which are nearly impossible to find, because this day and age, society just attacks men and doesn't produce many men worth marrying at all. And as far as taking care of myself, I'm just supposed to devote my life to some soulless, woke corporation so that I can retire at 65, and then, what, rot in a state funded nursing home because I have no family to take care of me? This isn't just some trite longing for a husband, I genuinely do not want to be alone the rest of my life, and it's looking more and more like that's my reality.



My dad told me to get my relationship with God right, and then I'll know how to progress. What am I supposed to do? Read my Bible more? Why do I have to keep trying and trying before I can get married, when so many other people get to have whatever they want? Why does my ex get to move right along to another girl, why does he get to have whatever he wants? Why do I have to keep trying and trying to get right with God when so many other non Christians get to have big happy families? Why do I have to be alone?



I'm literally crying at work in the bathroom. Everything seems so BLEAK.

 

[AlexB23]

I've been feeling horrible since May. I broke up with my bf on May 13th, and I've been feeling miserable ever since. I was 27 when we started dating, and we dated for a little over a year. My age is relevant because I waited 27 years for a boyfriend. And what did I get? I got a man who, while he was patient and kind, also had morals that I just couldn't live with. While we never went "all the way" physically, there were several times where we did go farther than I was comfortable with. But I was convinced if I just stayed with him long enough, we'd get married, but after we broke up he told me he wasn't close to marriage.

He moved on about a month after we broke up, started talking to another girl and just the last 2 weeks now he's been bringing her to church.

It was pretty much a mutual breakup, but he left me because my anxiety was too much for him to handle. He told me he cared about me and that I'm going to make someone else happy. And I've tried to meet new people; I went on my first date a couple days ago. I ended up not being attracted to him but also, I wanted him to have the same opinions on some stuff as my ex. I wanted him to be my ex in some ways, but not others.

I can't seem to move on. I'm angry and depressed.

I don't want to go to another church, even though I see him all happy with another girl when I go to my current church. I am dreading Sundays. And throughout the week I just get consumed with anger and sadness. And the anger isn't just "grr someone cut me off in traffic." It's so intense ans powerful, I feel like I'm drowning.

I miss my ex! Even though it was a bad match! It's been over 2 months now and it just hurts so bad. I waited 27 years to find someone and I got hurt, badly. I keep daydreaming about ending it, and today I was writing a "goodbye" note in my head. Again, I can't go through with it for various reasons, but I'm so tired and I want to feel better and I'm just not really feeling better. I do see a therapist but it's just so hard to continue to go through each day.

I understand, and have never been in a relationship myself, and have anxiety (mild type) myself. A simple solution, or temporary fix is to go to the Saturday service instead of the Sunday one, as your former partner goes to the Sunday one with another woman as you described. Try the Saturday service for a few months, until you feel confortable to go back to the Sunday one. Also, if you prefer the Saturday service, say if the preaching is better, you can continue Saturdays. Also, God wants us here on Earth to follow Jesus closely, and sometimes He may allow things to fail, as those moments can strengthen our bond with Jesus. Life can throw hurdles at us, but typically a silver lining is attached to our struggles. We may just not see the positives. If you have any close friend(s), or parent(s), talk with them about what you have experienced, and they would most definitely give you much better advice than some 20-something-year-old guy such as myself. Hopefully, my advice helps. God bless, and I will pray for you.

 

[Diamond7]

2 months now and it just hurts so bad.

Can't live with them, cannot live without them. If you want to go fishing you have to use the right bait. There are hormones in the brain that cause us to bond with others. They can make it difficult when a bond is broken.

God makes us male and female and then He wants to join us together in Him. We cannot become one with another unless God is a part of it. People in the world, apart from God go from person to person to person. With each new person, it becomes more difficult to get what they want and what they are looking for.

We just have to pray for God to provide the right person for us. WE need to grow and mature so we are the right person for them. The wait can be long, I waited 17 years. It is better to be single when you are young. I see people together a long time and then someone dies and they are alone and I think that must be difficult to be alone like that when you are older.

As they say we comfort others with the comfort we have received from God. They say God will give to us what He can get though us to others. When we bless others we find we are getting blessed also. The Bible says to give and it will be given onto us.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this pain currently sister. I will pray tight now for you and your broken heart to be healed. Healing can take time but don't let that discourage you. Each day can get better even if it's baby steps. Don't feel bad for having emotions we all as humans have. You are a beloved daughter of The Most High and cherished beyond any husband here on earth. Still I know exactly how you feel. I turned 30 this year and finally am dating someone ..only i feel like i need to break it off because he isn't a real Christian. It's hard but trusting that God does have someone out there is a reality not just our hopeful wish. Don't give up hope sis. Hugs

 

[Sally77]

Update... I'm still feeling just awful. I'm facing the reality that I might very well be alone the rest of my life. I'm 28, I have about 60+ years left to go. I don't want to keep coming home to an empty apartment for another couple years, let alone the rest of my life. What am I supposed to do? All I can think to do is keep looking for godly men--which are nearly impossible to find, because this day and age, society just attacks men and doesn't produce many men worth marrying at all. And as far as taking care of myself, I'm just supposed to devote my life to some soulless, woke corporation so that I can retire at 65, and then, what, rot in a state funded nursing home because I have no family to take care of me? This isn't just some trite longing for a husband, I genuinely do not want to be alone the rest of my life, and it's looking more and more like that's my reality.



My dad told me to get my relationship with God right, and then I'll know how to progress. What am I supposed to do? Read my Bible more? Why do I have to keep trying and trying before I can get married, when so many other people get to have whatever they want? Why does my ex get to move right along to another girl, why does he get to have whatever he wants? Why do I have to keep trying and trying to get right with God when so many other non Christians get to have big happy families? Why do I have to be alone?



I'm literally crying at work in the bathroom. Everything seems so BLEAK.

Praying for you. Am going through this same situation but with someone at work. The pain has been unbearable because the guy I adored moved on with someone else. The feelings that came with that sort of rejection was intense. I started hating myself for being inadequate and not good enough. My peace was ripped away from me and I could not go a day without crying. I would fast and pray for the Lord to remove my feelings for him. That sort of pain is real. It was not fair how everyone could get married and be so happy while I felt left behind. My mind was deteriorating meditating on these thoughts. I even thought I was being punished by God. But what I did not know was that God was using this situation to strengthen me. At first, that's not what I wanted to believe. But down the road, God was revealing to me that I was making relationship status an idol. I placed my love interest above God and obsessively meditated on him day and night. I never realized that's what I was doing. I was even in denial. It has been a year and a half, and sometimes I still struggle seeing him everyday, but God has strengthened me in the midst of the trial. I don't know what path God has in store for you, but trust him. I know he will heal your heart. I hope this helps. You are not alone. God strengthens and loves his children. Please cheer up.

 

[Blaise N]

I've been feeling horrible since May. I broke up with my bf on May 13th, and I've been feeling miserable ever since. I was 27 when we started dating, and we dated for a little over a year. My age is relevant because I waited 27 years for a boyfriend. And what did I get? I got a man who, while he was patient and kind, also had morals that I just couldn't live with. While we never went "all the way" physically, there were several times where we did go farther than I was comfortable with. But I was convinced if I just stayed with him long enough, we'd get married, but after we broke up he told me he wasn't close to marriage.

He moved on about a month after we broke up, started talking to another girl and just the last 2 weeks now he's been bringing her to church.

It was pretty much a mutual breakup, but he left me because my anxiety was too much for him to handle. He told me he cared about me and that I'm going to make someone else happy. And I've tried to meet new people; I went on my first date a couple days ago. I ended up not being attracted to him but also, I wanted him to have the same opinions on some stuff as my ex. I wanted him to be my ex in some ways, but not others.

I can't seem to move on. I'm angry and depressed.

I don't want to go to another church, even though I see him all happy with another girl when I go to my current church. I am dreading Sundays. And throughout the week I just get consumed with anger and sadness. And the anger isn't just "grr someone cut me off in traffic." It's so intense ans powerful, I feel like I'm drowning.

I miss my ex! Even though it was a bad match! It's been over 2 months now and it just hurts so bad. I waited 27 years to find someone and I got hurt, badly. I keep daydreaming about ending it, and today I was writing a "goodbye" note in my head. Again, I can't go through with it for various reasons, but I'm so tired and I want to feel better and I'm just not really feeling better. I do see a therapist but it's just so hard to continue to go through each day.

Hello sister!

May the lord comfort you!

I understand completely what you’re going through,and I want to help!

Being a guy,a single guy,I’ve never had a girlfriend myself,and years ago I couldn’t fathom how someone with romantic desires(not needs!) could ever be content single,or in other words Live single,however,something the Lord helped me understand is this,after years of being hypocritically ,enslaved to P***gaphy I repented and finally understood what life truly is about,Jesus!.

A girlfriend cannot make me happy,only Jesus can.Likewise sister,a boyfriend may bring a girl joy and romantic happiness in marriage,but only Jesus can truly fulfill any humans soul.I encourage you,don’t leave your church because of a breakup!,

If your ex is truly born again,he also is your brother,and to be angry with a brother is sinful,now understandably I get it your upset,but who’s to say you and his (please forgive me) present girlfriend (no offense!) cannot be friends?.

I once shared your mindset,I’m 21 and I’ve waited 21 years to have a girlfriend,but I’ve chosen not to,why?,because like I said only Jesus can make you,me,and every Christian happy,AND it’s vital you be “equally yoked” in marriage (2 Corinthians 6:14-18),being unequally yoked is a train wreck disaster waiting to happen).


Once again,only Jesus can make you truly,TRULY happy,he has for me.
I remember reading this somewhere by a fellow Christian (but i can’t remember where!) but it went something like this:

“If it was only you and Jesus for the rest of your life,would you be happy?”

And another quote from (ironically) Blaise Pascal:
“There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made know through Jesus Christ.”

I hope the Lord grants you peace!