I think that I am in love with 2 men

[Forealzchola]

I think that I am in love with 2 men...what do I do? Yes I am engaged.I never thought having feelings for two people like in the movies were real until I experienced it myself. I am thinking about taking a break from everyone and just decide what I want to do. One is my fiance who I have just gotten into a recent courtship after two months of dating. The other young man is someone who I was in a relationship with for 3 years and it took him too long to grow up and now he has. My fiance I realize is unbalanced in alot of his beliefs and I feel sometimes he might possibly be abusive...he yells at me and does alot of "storming out of the house" when I dont agree with an idea of his....

I am not ashamed nor bothered by calling off this wedding and have told my fiance to an extent what I am feeling now tonight...and how Im trying to be responsible and an adult about this and not "hold people up"

 

[Pal Handy]

I think that I am in love with 2 men...what do I do? Yes I am engaged.I never thought having feelings for two people like in the movies were real until I experienced it myself. I am thinking about taking a break from everyone and just decide what I want to do. One is my fiance who I have just gotten into a recent courtship after two months of dating. The other young man is someone who I was in a relationship with for 3 years and it took him too long to grow up and now he has.
My fiance I realize is unbalanced in alot of his beliefs and I feel sometimes he might possibly be abusive...he yells at me and does alot of "storming out of the house" when I dont agree with an idea of his....

I am not ashamed nor bothered by calling off this wedding and have told my fiance to an extent what I am feeling now tonight...and how Im trying to be responsible and an adult about this and not "hold people up"

I wouldn't bet on either one....from the little you have told us...

Perhaps you need to step away from both and get yourself together with the Lord
and give yourself time to decide what you are looking for in life.

There is no hurry so don't be rushed but instead, wait on the Lord.

Father in Jesus name I ask that you would give your daughter wisdom
and Your flawless counsel so that she will be blessed and not of
two minds on such an important decision before her.

Father show her the truth about these men and protect her from
making any decisions that would bring her to grief or sorrow.

Bless her Father with Your blessing that adds to her life but brings no sorrow with the blessing.

In Jesus name I pray.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Which man do you still want to be with in 5, 10, 20 or 40 years? Its a simple choice.

 

[Joy]

I think that I am in love with 2 men...what do I do? Yes I am engaged.I never thought having feelings for two people like in the movies were real until I experienced it myself. I am thinking about taking a break from everyone and just decide what I want to do. One is my fiance who I have just gotten into a recent courtship after two months of dating. The other young man is someone who I was in a relationship with for 3 years and it took him too long to grow up and now he has. My fiance I realize is unbalanced in alot of his beliefs and I feel sometimes he might possibly be abusive...he yells at me and does alot of "storming out of the house" when I dont agree with an idea of his....

I am not ashamed nor bothered by calling off this wedding and have told my fiance to an extent what I am feeling now tonight...and how Im trying to be responsible and an adult about this and not "hold people up"

You need to pray and carefully consider as to whether you want to be married to someone who is 'possibly abusive' because your safety and well-being is vitally important.

 

[Quasicentennial]

If his idea is his own business goal towards financial freedom then it pays to be patient and listen to his idea - but if it is criminal such as drug-trafficking then ring the police immediately and have him track down the drug lords because crime and the health dangers of taking drugs can be disastrous for the whole community, locally and nationally.
Writing down your future goals with pen and paper and writing the date for each goal can force your mind to take steps - even if it feels awkward to make that weird change out of your comfort zone. Action of some kind, whatever it is can keep your mind off apathy and the lack of communication between the both of you. Once you and your partner start to get use to the habit of goal-writing then you and your partner will be surprised what can come out of both of your minds with a business mentality.
I pray that the annoying spiritual disease of sin from Satan will be removed from your hearts as the pure supernatural cleansing healing of our victorious Jesus become a waterfall-like pouring of peace and joy all over you and your partner, including your other friend. It is not normal for a woman to have two boyfriends. I hope you choose only one, so that the other one can seek one of many other single Christian ladies.:*:.

 

[BFine]

Your decision to take a break from your engagement would
be wise, as I think your "intended" has some "issues" he needs
to work on before he is marriage material.

The other man? well, let him alone since you are emotionally confused.
You should draw closer to the Lord and work on your own faith walk
and personal "issues" before entering into another relationship or marriage.

 

[BornAgainGrace414]

2 months is a little crazy to jump into marriage if I read correctly, especially with the divorce rate these days.
A relationship with different faiths usually won't last, base it around Jesus and it's a sure thing.
If you have feelings for two guys right now, you're not in love with either. You would be head over heels, and I recommend dating someone at LEAST a year or two before you can know if you're out of the puppy love stage.

 

[golden nugget]

If you are in love with two men, don't get married. You are only setting yourself up for a world of hurt. I can only imagine loving the one I intend to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I pray that for you sister.

 

[gideon123]

Some wise advice ...

Engagement is NOT a time to be planning to get married.
That is not the primary purpose.
Everybody tells you that's what you should do - but it's not.

Engagement is about deciding if you really love somebody enough to spend the rest of your life with them. That's a very big deal. You need to weigh up the attractions that you have, and also your own doubts. That "weighing up" process is far more important than any marriage date, or whatever church you plan to get married in.

Your situation is obvious isn't?
You've got a serious conflict.
You need to step back and evaluate.
Take yourself out of the emotions and relationships.
Take time out. Don't be with either man.
Find your own space and figure out where you are at.
Above all, pray to God for clarity.

If necessary, break off the engagement - if you really don't feel right about it.

god bless,
Gideon123

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Engagement is NOT a time to be planning to get married.
That is not the primary purpose.
Everybody tells you that's what you should do - but it's not.

Huh?!? I thought someone being your girl/boyfriend is when you see if things are working out? Then when you think you do work out you engage to that pesron with a ring, a ring that says "I'm serious, do you want to take this to the next level?". I'm engaged and have no plans to change my mind. If I wasn't sure I'd just stay this womans boyfriend.

As for the topics creaters question. Your fiance sounds like he may have bigger issues. I'd talk to him and see if hes willing to get help or have pre-marriage counseling. If not then you end the engagment.

As for moving on to the other guy. I've been in that spot where an ex grew up alot. I wouldn't go running for that person though. I'd date them for awhle and make sure they have really changed.

 

[TruthSeeker2012]

I think that I am in love with 2 men...what do I do? ..

The answer to this is simple, you commit to one and remain committed to one till death do you part!

What do you want people to say that you are free to run around with multiple men?

Use your common sense and read the Bible, it's obvious, you commit to one and only one. Why are you even asking about this? Have you not read the Bible?

It's the same once a person gets married, even if they meet someone they have feelings towards they don't act upon it, because they already committed to someone. This is what it means to be a Christian with morals, ethics, honesty, and loyalty.

God bless.

 

[jsimms615]

I think that I am in love with 2 men...what do I do? Yes I am engaged.I never thought having feelings for two people like in the movies were real until I experienced it myself. I am thinking about taking a break from everyone and just decide what I want to do. One is my fiance who I have just gotten into a recent courtship after two months of dating. The other young man is someone who I was in a relationship with for 3 years and it took him too long to grow up and now he has. My fiance I realize is unbalanced in alot of his beliefs and I feel sometimes he might possibly be abusive...he yells at me and does alot of "storming out of the house" when I dont agree with an idea of his....

I am not ashamed nor bothered by calling off this wedding and have told my fiance to an extent what I am feeling now tonight...and how Im trying to be responsible and an adult about this and not "hold people up"

If your already having these thoughts and it has only been two months then I would say you really need to seriously consider ending the engagement before you make a huge mistake.

 

[gideon123]

"Huh?!? I thought someone being your girl/boyfriend is when you see if things are working out? Then when you think you do work out you engage to that pesron with a ring, a ring that says "I'm serious, do you want to take this to the next level?". I'm engaged and have no plans to change my mind. If I wasn't sure I'd just stay this womans boyfriend."
---------------------------

It may be true in your own life that both you and your fiancee are sincere and clear about your future together. In that case - I wish you blessings.

But it's been my own observation that there are people who drift into engagement because "it's the next step in the process". After dating for a while, their friends start saying "So when are you getting married?". And they just decide to do it. But in fact, engagement may not be the next step. Perhaps the next step is to break off the relationship - because it's not honestly a good match. That decision requires a good deal of self-honesty and evaluation. Not everybody stops to really think this through. The divorce stats speak for themselves.

Have I seen people get married to the wrong person?? You bet I have! And it's a sad process to see unfold. Have I heard people tell me "As I was walking down the aisle, I knew I wasn't doing the right thing". Yes ... I have literally spoken to people who looked back at their life and said that later. There is a lot of peer group pressure that builds up during wedding preparations ... sometimes the groom-to-be or the bride-to-be does not have the guts to break things off.

Take time in your engagement to be SURE about what you are doing.
A lifetime is a very long time.
You are signing up for a BIG commitment.
"Till death do us part" is still the way that the vow reads.

Gideon123

 

[Forealzchola]

some of the responses are rude. i am trying to come to a conclusion. some things are not as simple as what does the bible says. obviously God wants us each to marry only 1 person, but deciding who to be with can be a struggle. and now finding about marriage and things about my fiance, issues are coming up.

 

[golden nugget]

I think it was brave of you to share and I think its good that you did. It will help you sort through this. My friend is in love with two men. She married one and is struggling with this. I know it can happen. My friend is proof. You are seeing things in the man you intended to marry that you question. That's a warning flag. Be careful girl. For the other man whom you love. He has grown and you never stopped loving him. You just can't stop your feelings but you can pray and work this out. Give yourself time. Dont rush into anything. Eventually you will make the right choice for you.

 

[Angeldove97]

Before becoming engaged to my husband, I did think I was in love with another guy who I had known since... sheesh... I think 7th or 8th grade. I broke off the relationship with my husband and had a fling with this other guy and quickly realized what a horrible mistake I had made after a few weeks. I broke it off with the other guy and a few weeks later was back together with my husband~ but we waited a whole year to work on our relationship BEFORE he talked to my parents about asking to marry me. Prior to that we had been dating 3 or 4 years.

You have doubts, Sister, you don't know which guy is really meant to be your husband and that concerns me greatly. I don't think you've spend enough time with either of them at this point to really know them. Even in regards to your ex, whom you might still love, because honestly unless its been a much longer time you don't truly know if he's really grown up or not and a people tend to revert to their old selves when they're comfortable.

If I was walking in your shoes, I would break off the engagement and stay away from the ex. If a friendship develops with either, than wonderful~ maybe that will bring upon a relationship. If not, God clearly has someone else in mind for you. Marriage is something you should NEVER rush into~ looking back I did want to rush into it but I'm glad God put every single roadblock up to prevent that.

 

[Forealzchola]

I told my fiance last night for the 3rd time that I need a break...he accused me of abandoning him and that I was walking out on a good man who hasnt done anything...but I told him its not about him its about me..and me figuring out my desires,,,looking at what doors need to be closed and what desires and feelings are still around...if I should even be in a relationship in reality or not. etc

He says he wants to be able to put rules on the break since this is not something he has agreed to but I told him this is not ultimatium( Im not giving him an option). He doesnt want me to interact with my ex and he wants me to have a meeting with my parents and me with his mother. I told him I do not want to speak with your mother..she is not in our relationshp and I really dont know her..what is she going to tell me? Peer pressure me to stay with you?

Its going to be very hard not to interact with my ex on a hi level because he is my friend and contacts me alot..and he wants me to never ever interact with him again..while this is happening...but more than anything on this break..im trying to see where my feelings are for everyone..and I think with seeking God and interacting everyone as a friend first I will be able to see where I stand emotionally for each one of these men.

But my fiance was stressing me out so bad in relation to me trying to do this...I really didnt appreciate it. Because I am already under so much emotional and mental stress.I am trying to do the right thing..be responsible and not end up mentally or emotionally cheating honestly.

 

[ConfusedJimmy]

An old book can't tell you which person you want to spend many years of your life with. It doesn't particularly sound like either will be brilliant for you, a break wouldn't be a bad thing. I also struggle with "possibly" abusive, you either consider it abuse or you don't.

 

[BFine]

I agree with you Forealzchola-- you need a break from your
fiance--strong arming you into staying with him isn't the way
to do someone that you love. Sounds like "control"/manipulation--
you don't need that.

Take your time and get to know you and your real feelings
for either man. Then submit it all to the Lord...wait upon the Lord
to give you direction and peace.

Don't rush into anything...take your time and make sure whomever
you do decide to marry is a well-rounded/grounded Christian man
who is marriage material.

 

[Angeldove97]

May God bless you with strength to get this all figured out. I'm really proud that you spoke to you fiance and told him what you wanted.

I also think its a great idea that you won't be speaking to his mother~ one of my abusive boyfriend's went up to his Mom and told her "Mom, she broke up with me" while I was standing right there (we were at his house) and I felt like HORRIBLE. You are correct: this is between you and him, nobody else. So nobody else has to speak to you two about it-- you are grown ups.