I need help.

[lux et lex]

Hello RC friends,

I never thought this would be a place I would ever post, but I need a Catholic viewpoint or viewpoints in order to help my best friend develop spiritually. (small background on me, I am Anglo-Catholic/Emerging Catholic (High Episcopalian, my father is RC and I am very familiar with church lingo and even though I disagree, I have a very soft spot in my heart for RCs, as my father is an amazing and very faithful man)

Anyway, my best friend/roommate Nicole is a lesbian. She is also a faithful RC. She doesn't date women, she has a boyfriend, who she has been upfront with about being a lesbian (he's not RC but is interested), but we have had very long talks that she can't feel anything more than "friend love" for him, and she is worried she'll have to "settle" because maybe this was her cross to bear and this is as good as it will get. From an AC/EC background, this makes my heart very sad. And I can tell it makes her very sad as well. She has told me while in confession the priest will correct her to say that lust is the sin, not being a lesbian. She's still trying to figure that out, and I'm not sure what to make of it either. Lust is a sin for ALL people. We ALL succumb to it now and again.

I already know the RC platform on same sex marriage. So no need to bring that up. But, I want to support Nicole in her faith, and I'm not quite sure how to do it. Thoughts and suggestions are more than welcome, but anti-gay hate speech isn't. A relationship with Jesus is so important, and I want to help her on her way, because she's been quite discouraged lately. She is seeking spiritual direction, but if there is anything I can reinforce at home or what have you...well I'll take your suggestions.

Thanks,
Lex

 

[Michie]

The only thing I can advise given all you said is prayer & support. She's a grown-up & she'll have to make her choices along the way. There is really nothing you can do to control the situation or her choices other than agree & disagree with the constant support of your friendship regardless of her decisions.


Seems to me that she is honest & open but these struggles are very personal & is something she will have to work out for herself.

 

[MikeK]

It sounds like she is on the right path, for the most part. She's honest about her feelings for her bf, she talks to her Priest about these issues, etc.

I wonder why she's dating the guy (but I'm not condemning it). Is she hoping that she'll learn to be attracted to him? Is she lonely and likes the companionship? Is she thinking that he's a good guy and would make a suitable life-partner, though perhaps devoid of fireworks? Is she calculating that, "eh, he treats me well and we compliment eachother well, maybe I could power through a baby-making or two for the good of the team and make us into an unconventional but yet quite conventional family.."? Has she explained to her bf that she has zero sexual attraction to him?

 

[Rhamiel]

i hope i do not sound cold or crazy
but have you thought that her spiritual issues might be unrelated to he sexuality?

if you want to help her spiritualy, maybe invite her to church with you or let her barrow a spiritual book you like?
I allways recomend C.S. Lewis or maybe something by Thomas Merton, have you ever read anything by Merton? he was a monk and a very interesting figure

 

[Fran75]

I don't have any advice to offer you, I have a relative and several friends, not close friends tough, who are also lesbians and I wish I knew what to say too with regard to religion. I do think she is lucky to have a good friend like you, just having some who will listen to you and not judge you is wonderful thing.