I need Help! with a twist :S

[anonomiss]

Hello, umm gosh i dont really know how to start this but, I'm a 16 yearold girl and I struggle with something that is typically a guy issue. I'm addicted to porn, erotic storys and masturbation.

It started believe it or not at the tender age of 9. I was sexually abused, the abusers took photo's and threatened to post them. That fear never left me, and when i could i would check to see if anything was there. I didnt feel anything but disgust for the content back then, but the images stayed in my head.

At age 12 i was filmed again by abusers in a pornographic movie. Which i was again told was t be posted to the public. I would check, and begin to feel what i now know is lust at the photos. Though they still disgusted me.

I was masturbating on and off since then, I once went a year without. But the girly magazines that i read told me that masturbation is normal, healthy and ok. I found Porn, hardcore and fetish porn, on my christian parents computer. At first i didnt know it was wrong, and i didnt want to find out it was wrong. Now i hate it but I'm addicted to it.

Im 16 now. Im well and truely engrossed in the foulest of sins.

My current streak is 6 days before that i was at least masturbating daily. I need Help! i can't stop by myself. I had a friend who was trying to help me through it but he's struggling with it himself and bailed on me when he got a girlfriend. I dont trust anyone i know enough to be able to tell them and get them to help me.

The thing is that i also fantasise about getting married, my greatest wish is that God will soon give me his hand picked life-long companion for me. But im commiting adultery.

My younger Sister (12) also found porn on my parents computer. She told me and I gave her the 'Sex Talk' and told her that looking at that sort of stuff is wrong. But i feel like a hypocrite, and she's walked in on me a couple times, though i dont think she realised what i was doing and i made my excuses(lies) pretty quick.

Ive been sexually abused but im addicted to sexual pleasure. I dont understand. and how do i stop?!?!?!?!?!

 

[EmmyGV]

Dear anonomiss,

Firstly, very brave to share your story with us and well done, because it means being very open and honest to yourself which is a great start.

What was done to you at the age of 9 is absolutely terrible. Terrible in the sense that someone touched and hurted a child in one of the worst ways possible. I hope you realise that nothing that happended there is anything you can blame yourself for.
Can I just ask you, do you know who did this to you as in are you still in contact with them? This is very important to consider.

Next thing I am curious if you ever received counselling after what happened to you. Abuse is something you cannot just forget. Especially the age you are in now, where the body and your feelings change (hormones etc.), it is something you need to address. You are very young and no one can deal with this alone. I am sure you are praying to God but I think God might want you to look for someone in your church, school, neighbourhood, social work department (youth counselling) that can help you in a more practical/ emotional way while God will certainly take care of the spiritual/ emotional part with you.

Honestly I think these are the most important things to start with. Do your parents know about the abuse? Has anyone ever taken you to the police to report the abuse? Sweetheart, I think it is time you are looking for help in order to start some form of healing here.

The magazine rack gets to us and gets to us at moments we are most vulnerable. When I was your age (and that just 10 years ago) I was just like you reading these mags and also I was curious to read about these topics. It is human. That does not say it is good in God's eyes. But we are only human. That is why God loves us, even with all our mistakes.
So yes, the magazine rack gets to us and tells us about many things we can be very attracted to. Our bodies have natural way to respond to certain fantasies etc. Again, it might not be the way God sees as the best way for us. I believe God does not have rules for us because he wants to 'forbid' us things. I do believe he has his 'rules' because he has our best interest at heart.
Girly magazines do discuss topics like masturbation. Probably mainly because confused girls like you are reading them and they are trying to create a safe feeling of 'you are not alone.' Which you are not, but from your post i can notice you are clearly not happy with it and that you want to change it.

All I would say to you is that when that happened to you at age 9 and age 12 and when you found certain material on your parents computer things happened inside of you. You have really not received a 'fair start' (to say the very very very least!!!). Your whole definition of what sexual pleasure is has been disturbed by what those people did to you.
That is very worrying love. It's something that needs healing.
And if you ask me I think it is probably best to start with addressing the abuse, as hard as it is.

You have started telling your sister about what you think if the p material on the computer and I think that is a good start. You are on the right track in the sense that you know where your heart is in this.
Have this talk to yourself as well. Everytime wen you get the urge to look at p material at the computer or to maturbate, ask yourself if there is anything you can do instead. Write down what you feel, talk to God. Anything you need to do to refrain from doing what makes you feel so bad about yourself.

God loves you, very much. He knows what happened to you and he is there with you. He understands why you are struggling. But I am sure He does expect his daughter to take care of herself and to start doing something today to start healing within herself.
As long as you have not addressed the pain that was done to you, you might have to wait a bit longer dear until God will give you that companian. That is just my guess. Focus on yourself first. You deserve all the attention.

I'll say a prayer for you. God Bless you, girl.

 

[UnitynLove]

When you are struggling with problems/troubles you need to get your eyes off of your weakness/habit and get your mind on God. The bible says: "Walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh." What does that mean: Read the bible more, listen to good music, praising and worshipping God, less time worrying, less time trying to figure out your problems, less time struggling, less time being afraid that if you don't overcome this God will reject you and more time just Hanging on the vine. Guess what? God will give you the strength to overcome that weakness and that flaw. If you are struggling with something you don't need to put more effort in it you need to spend more time with God, you don't need to call up four friends ask them what to do you need to spend more time with God. - Joyce Meyer

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[Criada]

Sadly, it is very common for victims of abuse to feel this way. Your sexual feelings were messed up at a very young age, and the result is this addiction. You do need help to overcome this, sweetie, it won't go away by itself.
But, I just want you to know... God loves you, unconditionally and totally. Even when you are at your lowest point, He looks at you with love. And every time you come to Him and confess, He makes you completely clean and righteous.

You have been hurt and abused, and it has left you with feelings and issues that you don't want and are not to blame for. If you can find someone who can help you to deal with the past, then the present will become a lot easier sweetie.
If you need to talk, or want an accountability partner until you find someone in real life, please PM me.
Praying for you

 

[spazlegs]

Hi anonomiss. The sexual drive is very powerful. The drive to pleasure is powerful. What happened to you is you were sexualized at a young and tender age. Though it was horrible some of it did feel good. You have multiple feelings about it, you feel raped because you were and you feel guilty for having let yourself get into that situation, you feel guilty because your body was responding, way earlier than it should have, to pleasurable impulses.

You need something to make you feel good, your family situation stinks to say the least. So, you turn to the something that does evoke some pleasure in you.

You are not weird, you are not strange. Yes, there is a lot of sin going on. But you were the victim of most of it, and you are trying to deal with legitimate needs of being loved and close to someone, even if only in your mind, in an illegitimate way.

Counseling and therapy will help you if you can get them. God can work wonders in you. Pray and read the wisdom books of the bible, Psalms, Proverbs, Job, Ecclesiastes, the prophets. Ask God to transform you.

I will be praying for you.

 

[John-Phillip]

I'm addicted to porn, erotic storys and masturbation......how do i stop?!?!?!?!?!

....I would say that you should definately talk to someone you can trust (a woman I would suggest and older). But if I may say so, its worth try to change in small manageable steps. Try quitting the porn first without feeling burdened to quit the other two. After a time (a week or tw?o I don't know, discuss with that trusted person and agree a timeframe) try to stop the erotic stories. Again, try that for a period. With regard to masturbation....I would say aim to keep that under control. Find a balance, discuss with other women. I hope that helps!

 

[Johnnz]

Its not just a male issue and sexual abuse sets you up for further sexual activity. It will take some time and some help to work through the issues. and you will need a person with some very healthy views about sex to get you into a better place

John
NZ

 

[spazlegs]

So, how are you doing young lady?