I Need Help Whith My Struggle (I am New Here As Well)

[Caleb Johnson]

Hello, all! I'm Caleb (or under this name so people I know in real life don't know my terrible issue), and I'm 18 years old! I was reading a thread on temptation here because I am having some struggle that I am seeking help with. So, I will go ahead and get into that.

I have been raised in a Christian home (specifically Independent Baptist) for 18 years. I have been saved and I attend church regularly. But, from the time I was 12-13 years old (those adolescent years), I came to discover that I am attracted to men. Then I didn't completely understand it or have a label for it. As I grew older, maybe about sixteen I was completely confused on why my desire for women just didn't exist, and to this day, I still don't have that. All of my friends (guys specifically) are ultraly attracted to women, but I cannot even begin to think about a women to the extent most every man does. I just don't have that flame in me.

It's really shameful for me to discuss this at all, but I need someone with maybe the same feelings that I have, or just strong, unwavering wisdom; BIBLICAL wisdom to help me. Every day I fall into sin with this (nothing physically with other people), but in my mind and I don't know how to make myself normal. I know what the Bible says, and Jesus understands that we are tempted because He has been there, and He can testify to such; but I have never in my mind thought that I would grow up to struggle with homosexuality. I don't talk to family or friends because I believe they would never look at me the same, or see me as some type of sicko because of my besetting sin, which we all have. I just want to escape and it seems that no amount of prayer, daily Bible reading or church attendence can give me a straight sexuality. Please pray for me and help me. God does work in His time, not mine.

 

[HereIStand]

Sorry to read of your struggles. As long as you don't act on the impulse, don't have anxiety over having the impulse. As you've noted, I would be careful about confiding your secret with anyone. Sadly, most people (even Christians) can't keep secrets.

Beyond that, this book was helpful for me. God bless. Praying for you.

 

[Rodan6]

Homosexuality is a very controversial subject for many Christian denominations, especially at this site. You should be aware, however, that there are millions of Christians in this country that view homosexuals as equals before God. I am not gay and don't know personally of a gay person to counsel you, but I would suggest that you seek out a more tolerant Christian church to attend. Do some research on this in the community you live in. Your desire for Christian guidance illustrates your hunger for spiritual growth. Conditions for this growth will improve in an atmosphere devoid of condemnation and intolerance.

 

[Bluerose31]

Hello, all! I'm Caleb (or under this name so people I know in real life don't know my terrible issue), and I'm 18 years old! I was reading a thread on temptation here because I am having some struggle that I am seeking help with. So, I will go ahead and get into that.

I have been raised in a Christian home (specifically Independent Baptist) for 18 years. I have been saved and I attend church regularly. But, from the time I was 12-13 years old (those adolescent years), I came to discover that I am attracted to men. Then I didn't completely understand it or have a label for it. As I grew older, maybe about sixteen I was completely confused on why my desire for women just didn't exist, and to this day, I still don't have that. All of my friends (guys specifically) are ultraly attracted to women, but I cannot even begin to think about a women to the extent most every man does. I just don't have that flame in me.

It's really shameful for me to discuss this at all, but I need someone with maybe the same feelings that I have, or just strong, unwavering wisdom; BIBLICAL wisdom to help me. Every day I fall into sin with this (nothing physically with other people), but in my mind and I don't know how to make myself normal. I know what the Bible says, and Jesus understands that we are tempted because He has been there, and He can testify to such; but I have never in my mind thought that I would grow up to struggle with homosexuality. I don't talk to family or friends because I believe they would never look at me the same, or see me as some type of sicko because of my besetting sin, which we all have. I just want to escape and it seems that no amount of prayer, daily Bible reading or church attendence can give me a straight sexuality. Please pray for me and help me. God does work in His time, not mine.

Hi Caleb I am sorry you are struggling so deeply. I also have had struggles with same sex attraction. I feel that Jesus understands your struggle. He does not judge you and accepts you just the way you are. You do not have to change, you can have homosexual desires and still be a child of Jesus. My fiance knows I have struggled with same sex attraction in the past. I had been raped by two men and molested by a woman and I feel that some of my same sex attraction came from that pain. My fiance is very kind to me about my struggles with same sex attraction. Now I am only attracted to him and am looking forward to being his wife. I will pray for you that Jesus will guide you and help you know that you are fine just as you are.

 

[Winken]

Please check out the appropriate forum for various discussions, top left of this page.

 

[SkyWriting]

Hello, all! I'm Caleb (or under this name so people I know in real life don't know my terrible issue), and I'm 18 years old! I was reading a thread on temptation here because I am having some struggle that I am seeking help with. So, I will go ahead and get into that.

I have been raised in a Christian home (specifically Independent Baptist) for 18 years. I have been saved and I attend church regularly. But, from the time I was 12-13 years old (those adolescent years), I came to discover that I am attracted to men. Then I didn't completely understand it or have a label for it. As I grew older, maybe about sixteen I was completely confused on why my desire for women just didn't exist, and to this day, I still don't have that. All of my friends (guys specifically) are ultraly attracted to women, but I cannot even begin to think about a women to the extent most every man does. I just don't have that flame in me.

It's really shameful for me to discuss this at all, but I need someone with maybe the same feelings that I have, or just strong, unwavering wisdom; BIBLICAL wisdom to help me. Every day I fall into sin with this (nothing physically with other people), but in my mind and I don't know how to make myself normal. I know what the Bible says, and Jesus understands that we are tempted because He has been there, and He can testify to such; but I have never in my mind thought that I would grow up to struggle with homosexuality. I don't talk to family or friends because I believe they would never look at me the same, or see me as some type of sicko because of my besetting sin, which we all have. I just want to escape and it seems that no amount of prayer, daily Bible reading or church attendence can give me a straight sexuality. Please pray for me and help me. God does work in His time, not mine.

I hope you find help with your problem. Local help is best. Online help is the worst.

 

[JesusIsLord_]

I have no experience in the area but what I've heard is: keep chastity, don't feed your desires and don't act upon them. If you don't feel anything for women, this is a good chance to dedicate yourself to The Lord isn't it? Ask for prayers in the prayer wall


(I think this is not the appropriate place to talk about this struggle. Try in the Christian Advice)

 

[Kenny'sID]

As you've noted, I would be careful about confiding your secret with anyone. Sadly, most people (even Christians) can't keep secrets.

Agree, I think you're on the right track on not discussing it with those around you.

I am not gay and don't know personally of a gay person to counsel you, but I would suggest that you seek out a more tolerant Christian church to attend.

I have to warn against getting caught up with any church that tolerates sin, at least it doesn't sound like that's what you're after. There are churches our there that will coddle you, making it easy for you to delude yourself until it's too late. Those churches don't really care about your soul, only what they want to do as individuals, and the more people they get a hold of, the more it makes it all seem ok to them. I can't say enough about how bad an idea that would be.

Please check out the appropriate forum for various discussions, top left of this page.

Agree, it's no big deal but the way the boards are set up, this is where you introduce yourself. and since this is your first post, it would make perfect sense to post here, but best to move it elsewhere. Maybe someone can offer exact direction...I'd a probably posted it here so I'm no help, lol.

I think you're on the right track, just keep praying about it, tell
God just what you have told us, and as you say, all in Gods good time..I just hope it's soon, and sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[PloverWing]

Welcome to CF!

Always remember that you are a beloved child of God. Regardless of anything else -- even when there are things you struggle with, and even when there are things about you that you wish were different -- God made you, God knows you, and God loves you.

 

[John Goodness]

Hey Caleb, welcome to CF. I'm proud that you're deciding to look around and possibly find guidance on this, as opposed to not doing anything. Go to Forums, and check the discussions under Recovery. I joined CF last month - my story being I'm a 41-year old male, married, father to three teenage sons and struggling with same sex attraction as well. Here's what I can say --- you're young, you're willing to talk about this, I have so much hope that if you do the right work, you can live a Christ honoring life inspite of your struggles.

There're two on-going group conversations in this forum related to males having the same struggle as you and I have. Reply to me if you want to be part of those. God bless your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

 

[Caleb Johnson]

Sorry to read of your struggles. As long as you don't act on the impulse, don't have anxiety over having the impulse. As you've noted, I would be careful about confiding your secret with anyone. Sadly, most people (even Christians) can't keep secrets.

Beyond that, this book was helpful for me. God bless. Praying for you.

thank you!! Praying for you as well

 

[Caleb Johnson]

Hi Caleb I am sorry you are struggling so deeply. I also have had struggles with same sex attraction. I feel that Jesus understands your struggle. He does not judge you and accepts you just the way you are. You do not have to change, you can have homosexual desires and still be a child of Jesus. My fiance knows I have struggled with same sex attraction in the past. I had been raped by two men and molested by a woman and I feel that some of my same sex attraction came from that pain. My fiance is very kind to me about my struggles with same sex attraction. Now I am only attracted to him and am looking forward to being his wife. I will pray for you that Jesus will guide you and help you know that you are fine just as you are.

thank you! So sorry for what you went through. Praying for you!

 

[“Paisios”]

Hello, all! I'm Caleb (or under this name so people I know in real life don't know my terrible issue), and I'm 18 years old! I was reading a thread on temptation here because I am having some struggle that I am seeking help with. So, I will go ahead and get into that.

I have been raised in a Christian home (specifically Independent Baptist) for 18 years. I have been saved and I attend church regularly. But, from the time I was 12-13 years old (those adolescent years), I came to discover that I am attracted to men. Then I didn't completely understand it or have a label for it. As I grew older, maybe about sixteen I was completely confused on why my desire for women just didn't exist, and to this day, I still don't have that. All of my friends (guys specifically) are ultraly attracted to women, but I cannot even begin to think about a women to the extent most every man does. I just don't have that flame in me.

It's really shameful for me to discuss this at all, but I need someone with maybe the same feelings that I have, or just strong, unwavering wisdom; BIBLICAL wisdom to help me. Every day I fall into sin with this (nothing physically with other people), but in my mind and I don't know how to make myself normal. I know what the Bible says, and Jesus understands that we are tempted because He has been there, and He can testify to such; but I have never in my mind thought that I would grow up to struggle with homosexuality. I don't talk to family or friends because I believe they would never look at me the same, or see me as some type of sicko because of my besetting sin, which we all have. I just want to escape and it seems that no amount of prayer, daily Bible reading or church attendence can give me a straight sexuality. Please pray for me and help me. God does work in His time, not mine.

Welcome to CF.

You may find you get better advice and more support in this subforum:

Struggles with Sexuality

I’ll pray that you find God’s peace and a resolution to your struggle.

 

[Bluerose31]

thank you! So sorry for what you went through. Praying for you!

Thank you so much Caleb

 

[chirpyluna]

It's really shameful for me to discuss this at all

Just stop putting yourself down "Caleb," okay? It's wonderful that you've taken this step to talk about your feelings at such a young age. There are people out there who live their entire lives struggling with things like this and just end up dying in denial.

God put you here for a reason. I don't know the reason, you don't know the reason, but He does know. Based on your maturity at this age, I believe you will eventually know the reason, and that you will get to see the good you were put here to do.

You're not a "sicko" and you do not deserve to feel shame for those feelings. I have, however, known quite a few bible-reading, church-going, straight-talking straight men who do deserve to feel shame. One of whom was known in my old town to shame and disparage homosexuals, and then got caught (by me!) masturbating 10 feet away from his baby sleeping in a crib, with my dirty undies on his face. Sorry for the shocking story, but it's true. I have many more long, equally disturbing (or MORE disturbing!) stories about my year with THAT family later though - perhaps I'll start a blog lol.

My point is that, your relationship with God is your relationship with God, noone else's. God knows the bad, but never forget that He also knows the good. He knows when you feel bad for a less-fortunate person, how you want to help, and/or any other good things you may think, feel, or do.

Are you able to get away from those close to you for a while? Perhaps a volunteer vacation abroad? School? Or even just a trip to sit alone on a beach or in a coffee shop every day for a week someplace different. Sometimes we don't realize that our thoughts, actions, etc. are being influenced by our surroundings; the people we're closest to, and even the strangers in our neighborhood. If you can get away by yourself for a while, you'll be able to get a grip on your true feelings, desires, values, priorities, etc. without the fear of being judged by others. And then move forward from there.

God knows you want to make Him happy, take some quiet time to allow Him into your heart and guide you. You may be pleasantly surprised by where you end up

Sorry for writing so much; without going into detail (I'll save details for my future blog lol), this is a subject that touches me personally on a deep level. Hope it helps.

Much love to you.

 

[Joe 73]

A better way of looking at your ssa is not as something that's wrong with you, but as a hint at what's happening with you. Don't put all that pressure on yourself to be attracted to women. It's not worth it, If its not working out, there might be a reason, and you need to work on healing whatevers behind the issue. There's no requirement to get married. It's tough to imagine disapointing your parents dreams, but this is a significant time of your life, It's about that time where you start making your own judgements about what you should pursue, even if your parents are disapointed. If your parents can't accept your situation, its not your problem, but theirs. God is the more important parent.

I got this book: https://www.amazon.com/Shame-Attachment-Loss-Practical-Reparative/dp/0997637307

which is about counseling for stuff related to same sex attraction.
Howeaver, I must warn you to be careful. There isn't a need to be straight. nor is it likely to happen 100%, but you might find some healing and some shift of your feelings. But more importantly this therapy helps you confront shame issues, confidence, insecurity, burried pain, father hunger, and a whole flurry of things that are often behind the same sex attraction. Even if you don't change much its worth it for the rest. a huge thing its focused on is confronting shame. You need to let go of feeling guilty for whats happened. It also helps to be a little more open minded, and to stop seeing attractions in a black and white way, some attractions to the same sex are not sexual attractions, theret can be admiration and affection, and it doesn't need to(though it sometimes can) get tied up with sexual feelings, but one cannot simply ignore those feelings, or else they will get twisted up, they usually are telling us about our emotional needs.
Also I wish I actually did this in counseling, I just took up the book myself, and there are still broken problems I need to solve, in order to help myself out, but I haven't done it, like my friendships situation; I don't have many friends, nor am I very close to any of them.

Anyway, as John Goodness said, we have been talking on 2 private conversations about some stuff. Basically we were helping eachother during confusion or difficult times with support or wisdom. Also some difficult, but optimistic discussions on nitty gritty topics.

I'm 19, but I started really looking for help, and making a deliberately effort to turn away from my sexual addictions when I was 18. perhaps that is a common turning point.

 

[Lucy97]

@Caleb Johnson I'm not going through what you are, nor am I gay, but I do have a suggestion. First though, may I ask if you have a career/occupation in mind for the future? Something you are passionate about. I promise it's not an unrelated question; I'm going somewhere with it If nothing else, just know that you're not alone, even though it may feel that way. Many others are going through it; I've known a few. It's going to get better in the future dude. Just hang in there and take care of you; God will take care of the rest, as you said, on His time.

I have many more long, equally disturbing (or MORE disturbing!) stories about my year with THAT family later though - perhaps I'll start a blog lol.

Please do! And also tell us if any good came from your time spent with that deranged dysfunctional family. Such as if they had a really cute, really smart, really funny daughter that you ended up becoming besties with.

 

[“Paisios”]

@Caleb Johnson I'm not going through what you are, nor am I gay, but I do have a suggestion. First though, may I ask if you have a career/occupation in mind for the future? Something you are passionate about. I promise it's not an unrelated question; I'm going somewhere with it If nothing else, just know that you're not alone, even though it may feel that way. Many others are going through it; I've known a few. It's going to get better in the future dude. Just hang in there and take care of you; God will take care of the rest, as you said, on His time.



Please do! And also tell us if any good came from your time spent with that deranged dysfunctional family. Such as if they had a really cute, really smart, really funny daughter that you ended up becoming besties with.

Welcome to the forums, @Lucy97 .

 

[Dave-W]

Hi Caleb and welcome to the Forums.

I am sure that is A very difficult place to be and you have my prayers.

I would try to find a biblical counselor who has dealt wth that issue before; and you will most likely find them in Pentecostal or charismatic circles.

There is a book by John Sandford that describes what you are experiencing from a spiritual perspective, it is either Transformation of the Inner Man or Healing the Wounded spirit. I do not remember which it was in (both are long).

 

[chirpyluna]

@Caleb Johnson

Please do! And also tell us if any good came from your time spent with that deranged dysfunctional family. Such as if they had a really cute, really smart, really funny daughter that you ended up becoming besties with.

What a clown you should seen my face I read your post before looking at the photo! Sorry folks this is my friend who has most of the credit of introducing me to religion in a new way She communicates by forum even though she's in the next room! Now go introduce yourself and stick around for a while @Lucy97