I had a friend for years. Her name was Amanda. I met her when she was working as a waitress in a breakfast diner that my friends and I use to go to every day. We were all close for many years. Her and I had the same birthday. We were born 3 hours apart in the same city and we use to always joke and call ourselves the "cosmo twins."
Recently, we were both pregnant at the same time. We were excited that our babies were going to be the same age and grow up together. She passed away 2 weeks after her twin girls were born. -Complications from having them. I lived an hour away and I have deep regrets that I did not go see her in the hospital before she passed. Her ex-husband had told me she was on the mend and would be home soon. I had an infant at home and decided I'd just wait to go see her when she got home. That way, we could see the babies too. The next day, her ex-husband called me asking for another friend's phone number. I asked him how Amanda was, and he said "Oh, she passed."
I keep in touch with her boyfriend (the father of the twins). We email and chat on the phone occasionally. My husband has taken him some care packages of stuff for the babies. I have not seen the twins yet, or met him. I hope to though some day. I just live so far. I generally don't speak of my mourning to him because he has enough grief of his own.
The last time I seen Amanda was at my wedding. We celebrated our birthdays together alot through the years and on the years we did not celebrate together, there was at least a phone call. I turn 31 in August and it's going to be depressing to me.
I don't know why I have been overly emotional this week. There is not any significant date related. It's just weighing on me. I totally have seperated myself from the group of friend we use to be "in" with. I don't talk to any of them anymore.
I lost another friend that was close to me a few years ago, and I dealt with my grief by doing dope and drinking all the time. I numbed myself. Then, one day, I quit everything. The dope, smoking cigs.... I laid my cigs on his grave and walked away from them permanently (he died of lung cancer). But, prior to cleaning up, I was on a downward spiral for 9 months. It brought me to God. When I thought I was hitting rock bottom, Jesus caught me.
I am not suffering in the same way over Amanda. I am not tempted to go "numb the pain." It's simply not an option. However, I'm still trying to develop coping skills and sometimes my emotions just seem so raw.
Ok, typing all this has been somewhat theraputic. I kinda feel better, and had a good cry. Christian Forums sure has been a blessing in my life.
Recently, we were both pregnant at the same time. We were excited that our babies were going to be the same age and grow up together. She passed away 2 weeks after her twin girls were born. -Complications from having them. I lived an hour away and I have deep regrets that I did not go see her in the hospital before she passed. Her ex-husband had told me she was on the mend and would be home soon. I had an infant at home and decided I'd just wait to go see her when she got home. That way, we could see the babies too. The next day, her ex-husband called me asking for another friend's phone number. I asked him how Amanda was, and he said "Oh, she passed."
I keep in touch with her boyfriend (the father of the twins). We email and chat on the phone occasionally. My husband has taken him some care packages of stuff for the babies. I have not seen the twins yet, or met him. I hope to though some day. I just live so far. I generally don't speak of my mourning to him because he has enough grief of his own.
The last time I seen Amanda was at my wedding. We celebrated our birthdays together alot through the years and on the years we did not celebrate together, there was at least a phone call. I turn 31 in August and it's going to be depressing to me.
I don't know why I have been overly emotional this week. There is not any significant date related. It's just weighing on me. I totally have seperated myself from the group of friend we use to be "in" with. I don't talk to any of them anymore.
I lost another friend that was close to me a few years ago, and I dealt with my grief by doing dope and drinking all the time. I numbed myself. Then, one day, I quit everything. The dope, smoking cigs.... I laid my cigs on his grave and walked away from them permanently (he died of lung cancer). But, prior to cleaning up, I was on a downward spiral for 9 months. It brought me to God. When I thought I was hitting rock bottom, Jesus caught me.
I am not suffering in the same way over Amanda. I am not tempted to go "numb the pain." It's simply not an option. However, I'm still trying to develop coping skills and sometimes my emotions just seem so raw.
Ok, typing all this has been somewhat theraputic. I kinda feel better, and had a good cry. Christian Forums sure has been a blessing in my life.
s
