I married an unbeliever

[Tree of Life]

Thank you for your words xo I absolutely agree on only God can change his heart. The cross I bear is certainly heavy. I'm am surrounded by temptation but praise God He gives me the strength to carry through the day and be an example. I quit smoking cigs, pot, and drinking only but His grace and help.
i definitely do my best as a wife but feel so heavy at times. I slowly have seen Gods hand at work and have faith in His plan whatever it ultimately may be. I yearn for a close relationship with my husband and for there to be love where there is none. I truly love him and will honor my promise to him and do as God asks and stay true to my husband and stay in this marriage. My husband finally has accepted my love for Christ and can live with iso here I am. I guess today, the last week, has been harder than normal with over the top pregnancy hormones that do not help. Scripture and hearing from brothers and sisters in Christ, along with prayer, is so uplifting in these trials.

Every Christian has some cross to bear in life. Some are heavier than others. But those who suffer the most often end up knowing God the best and praising him the loudest in the end. Listen to the John Newton hymn - Begone Unbelief. Read the lyrics. Hopefully it gives you some grace for today:

 

[cfyahoo08]

I have asked him to get off his phone and spend time with us as a family, he is literally glued to it and wont acknowledge a word I say just watch video after video from the time he gets home to bed. We very very rarely talk and when I do talk he completely ignores me and scrolls through facebook We have zero communication, no connection or relationship. I've also asked him to quit or cut down smoking especially since it makes me very ill pregnant and I throw up every time he walks in from smoking. He thankfully smokes outside but still brings in the cloud surrounding him. We also can't afford the $300 a month he spends on cigarettes. I haven't pushed him about smoking pot (legal here) and drinking which is also costly, I don't want to totally bombard him. The biggest of them all constantly leaving us just doing whatever he pleases leaving me, on modified bedrest with a toddler, I even had to pack the majority of our house for the move when I wasn't supposed to and couldn't move end of the day from excruciating pain. I am very patient and don't say much and happy to let him go out but when he disappears for hours at a time and I'm in pain unable to move I need him. I do not push his relationship with the Lord for I know I cannot change his heart, only God can so concerning that I pray and pray and pray.

First and foremost try and rekindle what it was that attracted him to you in the first place, try and be his friend. If he only communicates on facebook, then sign in and talk to him THERE. Go to the mountain top with him. God knows both your hearts and what is best for you, find a way to include him in your life when possible, but hoping someone will change rarely works out well.

It is unfortunate your in this situation and very sad, I would say your going to get so many opinions and different thoughts/views on this. YOUR the only one who truly knows what you are going thru with it all. So it primarly should be between YOU, HIM and GOD it seems apparent he won't consider counseling. Perhaps pray to find out what it is he needs most in life, what your needs as individuals and as a couple are. There is always this :


Matthew 12:25 And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:

 

[Episaw]

From what I have read about your situation, he is subjecting you to mental abuse on a daily basis and that is not good. For your own good and that of your children, you need to confront him about this and let him know that he is slowly destroying you and there is a limit to what you can take, so unless he changes you have no alternative but to make alternative arrangments for your self and the children.

You have not mentioned church at all but if there is one there they should be at the forefront of helping you solve the situation you find yourself in. If they are not they do not deserve to be called a church.

There is only so much abuse a person can take so don't get pushed to the limits by him as you may not be able to extract yourself from its outcomes.

If I was a counselor in the situation, I would tell him to man up and stop acting like a selfish brat because that is what he is.

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

I have asked him to get off his phone and spend time with us as a family, he is literally glued to it and wont acknowledge a word I say just watch video after video from the time he gets home to bed. We very very rarely talk and when I do talk he completely ignores me and scrolls through facebook We have zero communication, no connection or relationship. I've also asked him to quit or cut down smoking especially since it makes me very ill pregnant and I throw up every time he walks in from smoking. He thankfully smokes outside but still brings in the cloud surrounding him. We also can't afford the $300 a month he spends on cigarettes. I haven't pushed him about smoking pot (legal here) and drinking which is also costly, I don't want to totally bombard him. The biggest of them all constantly leaving us just doing whatever he pleases leaving me, on modified bedrest with a toddler, I even had to pack the majority of our house for the move when I wasn't supposed to and couldn't move end of the day from excruciating pain. I am very patient and don't say much and happy to let him go out but when he disappears for hours at a time and I'm in pain unable to move I need him. I do not push his relationship with the Lord for I know I cannot change his heart, only God can so concerning that I pray and pray and pray.

I'd shut off the internet before I would permit myself to be ignored while my husband's face was glued to a screen.

Smoking though you are pregnant to the tune of $300 a month (!!), drinking, smoking pot, and leaving his pregnant wife who is on BED REST with a toddler any time he wants?

AND he let you do packing when you are on bed rest?

I don't even know what to say about that. He sounds like a child. I am sure you now know why you are to marry someone who is an adult and in Christ, but that's water under the bridge.

It's time for you to just say no. He is rolling over you because you are lying down. I'd tell him there are going to be some changes around here, and what is going to happen or I'd be gone (not divorced, but just gone until he grew up a little).

 

[Saricharity]

Every Christian has some cross to bear in life. Some are heavier than others. But those who suffer the most often end up knowing God the best and praising him the loudest in the end.

Thank you for those words! I know they weren't said to me but they really ministered to my heart tonight.

 

[Dan61861]

Look upon him the way Christ looks upon you. With all of our faults, Christ loves us. One of the hardest things a Christian must learn to do. Yet, it begins with our spouse.

In Christ
Daniel

 

[SeekHimInEverything]

I am also married to an unbeliever who lives a very separate life from me. I know what a difficult situation this is. I too get sad and lonely that I don't have a companion and partner in the way God intended. You are on the right path in focusing on you walk with the Lord and praying for your husband. As someone else has stated, your husband may be brought to faith in time, but there is also the chance he may not. Being the type of wife God desires is all you can do. I am trying to remind myself during the difficult times that God's grace is enough despite my current circumstance. I hope this perspective helps you too!