I guess this is it

[SamanthaAnastasia]

My husband is deciding to move to the place I begged him not to at every step of the way.
He told me he doesn’t care what I think or how I feel. That I bring nothing to the table (I clean everything, buy everything).
We got into a big fight last night.
He was of course also drinking.
He took down my icon corner and broke the cross (he said it was on purpose).
He also took down all my other things.
I guess this is it.
Though being in Germany I don’t know what to do I feel stranded.
How am I going to get all my stuff back.
Honestly, I think he was just using the job as an excuse to leave me anyways because he knew I didn’t want to go that much.

 

[Not David]

My husband is deciding to move to the place I begged him not to at every step of the way.
He told me he doesn’t care what I think or how I feel. That I bring nothing to the table (I clean everything, buy everything).
We got into a big fight last night.
He was of course also drinking.
He took down my icon corner and broke the cross (he said it was on purpose).
He also took down all my other things.
I guess this is it.
Though being in Germany I don’t know what to do I feel stranded.
How am I going to get all my stuff back.
Honestly, I think he was just using the job as an excuse to leave me anyways because he knew I didn’t want to go that much.

I'm sorry. Hope your situation gets better.

 

[Lost4words]

Waw, awful situation!

God bless and guide you and give you strength.

 

[Till Schilling]

So sorry, Samantha. All the best for you!

If you are in the South of Germany and you need any help moving, shifting or transporting stuff I can possibly help.

 

[ArmyMatt]

so sorry to hear this.

Lord have mercy!

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

So sorry, Samantha. All the best for you!

If you are in the South of Germany and you need any help moving, shifting or transporting stuff I can possibly help.

I would need help moving stuff back stateside…but I may end up giving in. I really don’t want to move to the DC area. I hate crowded areas. I’m like the old story Heidi that she gets sick in cities (lol).
I just don’t *want* to get divorced. I can’t leave him per 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 but if he leaves first well then I have no choice.
I just idk. He got violent with me yesterday because I was yelling and covered my mouth and nose in bed and it triggered an auto response to hit him in the head to get him off of me.
So he started to pack up my stuff saying we’re done because it’s my fault.
I shouldn’t have been yelling because it was 4am but he always has that response if I yell. He said I can’t control myself.
I don’t want to go to my parents.
I’m alone here in Germany. He’s over here unaccompanied but Im allowed to be here (it’s complicated) so idk who to talk to. I have almost zero funds.
Idk. I don’t know what I should do.

 

[rusmeister]

I would need help moving stuff back stateside…but I may end up giving in. I really don’t want to move to the DC area. I hate crowded areas. I’m like the old story Heidi that she gets sick in cities (lol).
I just don’t *want* to get divorced. I can’t leave him per 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 but if he leaves first well then I have no choice.
I just idk. He got violent with me yesterday because I was yelling and covered my mouth and nose in bed and it triggered an auto response to hit him in the head to get him off of me.
So he started to pack up my stuff saying we’re done because it’s my fault.
I shouldn’t have been yelling because it was 4am but he always has that response if I yell. He said I can’t control myself.
I don’t want to go to my parents.
I’m alone here in Germany. He’s over here unaccompanied but Im allowed to be here (it’s complicated) so idk who to talk to. I have almost zero funds.
Idk. I don’t know what I should do.

I do have an Orthodox woman friend in Berlin who speaks perfect English. She is currently the effective guardian of my young adult daughter, almost divorced once upon a time, edited my translation of Chesterton on divorce, managed to patch her marriage up, two adult daughters, so we’re somewhat close. That may be of no help to you, but if it could be, pm me.

Not much else I can do except put you in my prayers.
Lord, bless!

 

[mama2one]

I just don’t *want* to get divorced.

we have several relatives that live and/or work in the DC area; there are some nice suburbs

my whole marriage, we have lived in a state that I'm not crazy about & I have begged to move
sometimes we just have to compromise and try to find good things about where we live

try it, you might like it

 

[Phronema]

I would advise speaking to someone on base.

I'd start here Military Family Advocacy Program (FAP) • Military OneSource

I do hope that's helpful, and of course you have my prayers.

 

[Till Schilling]

He got violent with me yesterday
…
I’m alone here in Germany.

It sounds like you could be at risk. There are places you can go to immediately and stay. The term is “Frauenschutzhaus”. If you need any help finding one or need help with translation let me know.

Also if you do not want that (yet) but are completely alone do get in touch. I have (female) friends and relatives in different towns in Germany. If one lives close to you you can meet. Possibly temporary accommodation can be arranged.

Either way, please do not take physical violence under the influence lightly. Protect yourself.

 

[prodromos]

My husband is deciding to move to the place I begged him not to at every step of the way.
He told me he doesn’t care what I think or how I feel. That I bring nothing to the table (I clean everything, buy everything).
We got into a big fight last night.
He was of course also drinking.
He took down my icon corner and broke the cross (he said it was on purpose).
He also took down all my other things.
I guess this is it.
Though being in Germany I don’t know what to do I feel stranded.
How am I going to get all my stuff back.
Honestly, I think he was just using the job as an excuse to leave me anyways because he knew I didn’t want to go that much.

Lord have mercy!
Prayers that all your needs are met in abundance.
I don't understand how some men can be such utter tools, especially towards their wives.

Is it possible you can get to Greece? There are many convents where you could spend some time in peace, attending services, charging your spiritual batteries.

 

[Phronema]

Idk. I don’t know what I should do.

I'd just add that I'd get far away from any man that will violently lay his hands on you. He's very fortunate, and blessed to have a Christian wife though it doesn't seem he realizes it.

There are many resources for you on base as a dependent. You can speak with a Chaplain as well, or even a SARC even though this isn't sexual abuse they will get you in touch with someone. Don't be afraid to call the MPs, or Security Forces. Frankly I can tell you that there's zero tolerance for domestic abuse in the military, and he will likely lose rank over such a thing, and rightfully so. There's no excuse. I've seen that happen all too often over my 18 years of active duty sadly.

Anyhow, take care of yourself, and get far away as soon as you can with the ERD program.

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

Well, he’s only like that when he drinks.
We made up today.
I told him I don’t want to stay in that area, once his 4 years are up. Because I’m willing to move there to save our marriage because what choice do I have? It’s either move or get divorced.
Plus, this is (yet again) another reason why he shouldn’t drink.
It always makes our arguments turn violent.
At least he knows that much.

 

[Till Schilling]

Well, he’s only like that when he drinks.
We made up today.
I told him I don’t want to stay in that area, once his 4 years are up. Because I’m willing to move there to save our marriage because what choice do I have? It’s either move or get divorced.
Plus, this is (yet again) another reason why he shouldn’t drink.
It always makes our arguments turn violent.
At least he knows that much.

If I may, the moving to a place you do not prefer is not the issue. The obvious lack of communication skills, the verbal and physical violence is. Specifically under the influence of drink!

You need help as a couple and he needs help individually for anger management.

Do not take physical violence lightly. If not confronted it can get worse. And alcohol is no excuse. If one knows that he gets aggressive under the influence and domestic violence has already happened then he must not drink. Knowing that is not enough

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

If I may, the moving to a place you do not prefer is not the issue. The obvious lack of communication skills, the verbal and physical violence is. Specifically under the influence of drink!

You need help as a couple and he needs help individually for anger management.

Do not take physical violence lightly. If not confronted it can get worse. And alcohol is no excuse. If one knows that he gets aggressive under the influence and domestic violence has already happened then he must not drink. Knowing that is not enough

I know. My options will be more once I’m back stateside. I know that sounds like an excuse but truly I’m stranded here.
At least stateside my dad could come with the RV and pack up all my garbage. Or at least I can drive to my parent’s house.
It’s more complicated as he’s unaccompanied PCS but I have a SOFA stamp and allowed to use the on base facilities (commissary etc) because he’s active duty reserve.
Honestly, I’ve been through worse with him when he was drinking liquor years ago.
We actually spoke like adults today (him sober) and he doesn’t have any other options so it’s not like we have a choice really. So the communication is an issue we both have to work on.
But the drinking is something I knew about when I married him.
People probably think I make excuses for him. But I don’t, not really.
He knows he shouldn’t drink. He’s going longer and longer without it.
3 months to six months at a time.

 

[Till Schilling]

I know. My options will be more once I’m back stateside. I know that sounds like an excuse but truly I’m stranded here.
At least stateside my dad could come with the RV and pack up all my garbage. Or at least I can drive to my parent’s house.
It’s more complicated as he’s unaccompanied PCS but I have a SOFA stamp and allowed to use the on base facilities (commissary etc) because he’s active duty reserve.
Honestly, I’ve been through worse with him when he was drinking liquor years ago.
We actually spoke like adults today (him sober) and he doesn’t have any other options so it’s not like we have a choice really. So the communication is an issue we both have to work on.
But the drinking is something I knew about when I married him.
People probably think I make excuses for him. But I don’t, not really.
He knows he shouldn’t drink. He’s going longer and longer without it.
3 months to six months at a time.

Your decision. But the fact that you are not in the states does not mean that you have to endure things. Others mentioned the military police. Also - irrespective of your status - the German system like the shelter I mentioned is available to you.

I have a decent-sized trailer. If you need your stuff moved to temporary storage I can help. Now that I know that you are in a US army barrack you won’t be to far North.

And, I hope you do not mind me saying this, but you do make excuses. You made many in this thread. I do by no means want to talk you into leaving your husband. But if he has had a drink problem and accompanied domestic violence for years, it will NOT go away on its own and without proper therapy. He has to be willing to undergo this therapy. Don’t wait for the future. It needs to start asap. And if he is not willing don’t fool yourself into believing that things will be fine.

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

Your decision. But the fact that you are not in the states does not mean that you have to endure things. Others mentioned the military police. Also - irrespective of your status - the German system like the shelter I mentioned is available to you.

I have a decent-sized trailer. If you need your stuff moved to temporary storage I can help. Now that I know that you are in a US army barrack you won’t be to far North.

And, I hope you do not mind me saying this, but you do make excuses. You made many in this thread. I do by no means want to talk you into leaving your husband. But if he has had a drink problem and accompanied domestic violence for years, it will NOT go away on its own and without proper therapy. He has to be willing to undergo this therapy. Don’t wait for the future. It needs to start asap. And if he is not willing don’t fool yourself into believing that things will be fine.

I know

 

[Petros2015]

He knows he shouldn’t drink. He’s going longer and longer without it.
3 months to six months at a time.

"My devil had been long caged, he came out roaring" ~Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

 

[Andrei D]

I'm with @Till Schilling on this one.

In my work I've seen too many aftermaths of this type of situation. Be cautious. If the facts are as stated by you, here, then statistically you are in grave danger. Just... please, please try to have a plan, a contact, something.

 

[Dorothea]

My husband is deciding to move to the place I begged him not to at every step of the way.
He told me he doesn’t care what I think or how I feel. That I bring nothing to the table (I clean everything, buy everything).
We got into a big fight last night.
He was of course also drinking.
He took down my icon corner and broke the cross (he said it was on purpose).
He also took down all my other things.
I guess this is it.
Though being in Germany I don’t know what to do I feel stranded.
How am I going to get all my stuff back.
Honestly, I think he was just using the job as an excuse to leave me anyways because he knew I didn’t want to go that much.

I can imagine how much that hurts, Samantha. So sorry you're going through this. Are you planning to go back home to the US? Where is he going? Is it a deployment? Too many years. I forget what the office is called in the military and on their bases. The family something or other. The first sgt is also someone that you could maybe talk to, with regards to getting advice on what to do next if your husband is serious about ending your marriage. His words are extremely harsh and really, that's considered verbal abuse (especially the last words he'd said to you in the last thread you talked about it). PM me if you'd like to talk.