I guess this is it

[Dorothea]

I would need help moving stuff back stateside…but I may end up giving in. I really don’t want to move to the DC area. I hate crowded areas. I’m like the old story Heidi that she gets sick in cities (lol).
I just don’t *want* to get divorced. I can’t leave him per 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 but if he leaves first well then I have no choice.
I just idk. He got violent with me yesterday because I was yelling and covered my mouth and nose in bed and it triggered an auto response to hit him in the head to get him off of me.
So he started to pack up my stuff saying we’re done because it’s my fault.
I shouldn’t have been yelling because it was 4am but he always has that response if I yell. He said I can’t control myself.
I don’t want to go to my parents.
I’m alone here in Germany. He’s over here unaccompanied but Im allowed to be here (it’s complicated) so idk who to talk to. I have almost zero funds.
Idk. I don’t know what I should do.

Please be careful, Samantha. Having been with an abusive man, I know the behavior/traits.

 

[Dorothea]

Your decision. But the fact that you are not in the states does not mean that you have to endure things. Others mentioned the military police. Also - irrespective of your status - the German system like the shelter I mentioned is available to you.

I have a decent-sized trailer. If you need your stuff moved to temporary storage I can help. Now that I know that you are in a US army barrack you won’t be to far North.

And, I hope you do not mind me saying this, but you do make excuses. You made many in this thread. I do by no means want to talk you into leaving your husband. But if he has had a drink problem and accompanied domestic violence for years, it will NOT go away on its own and without proper therapy. He has to be willing to undergo this therapy. Don’t wait for the future. It needs to start asap. And if he is not willing don’t fool yourself into believing that things will be fine.

I agree.

Unfortunately, Samantha, your words sound like those of an abused woman. I talked the same way until I went to a therapist for all I'd been through and sent her a string of texts between me and my ex-husband. Reading over them, I'd been so calm, I was impressed (considering I have anxiety and panic attack issues) throughout the relentless insults, slams, etc. on me and my sons, and the nasty language used by him toward me and my sons. I thought God had been with me and us in that text exchange. I tried hard to diffuse those times when he would escalate, and he escalated for several months. And finally it came to a head and I'd said, "I can't do this anymore." The guilt and fear I felt around him was due to psychological and verbal abuse. The damage he did to my oldest son is the worst of all. In any case, I talked to my therapist about what she thought of the exchanges. She responded to my thinking God had been with me, she said yes, but what she saw was an abused woman. This rocked me to my core. I had no clue. When you've been in that place for so long, programmed, losing yourself every day for years and years, and living in a sort of dissociative state, you are shocked when you hear this from a professional, and this woman is a Catholic. It's a good Catholic counseling center.

Anyway, I worry about you. That's what I'm getting at.

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

I agree.

Unfortunately, Samantha, your words sound like those of an abused woman. I talked the same way until I went to a therapist for all I'd been through and sent her a string of texts between me and my ex-husband. Reading over them, I'd been so calm, I was impressed (considering I have anxiety and panic attack issues) throughout the relentless insults, slams, etc. on me and my sons, and the nasty language used by him toward me and my sons. I thought God had been with me and us in that text exchange. I tried hard to diffuse those times when he would escalate, and he escalated for several months. And finally it came to a head and I'd said, "I can't do this anymore." The guilt and fear I felt around him was due to psychological and verbal abuse. The damage he did to my oldest son is the worst of all. In any case, I talked to my therapist about what she thought of the exchanges. She responded to my thinking God had been with me, she said yes, but what she saw was an abused woman. This rocked me to my core. I had no clue. When you've been in that place for so long, programmed, losing yourself every day for years and years, and living in a sort of dissociative state, you are shocked when you hear this from a professional, and this woman is a Catholic. It's a good Catholic counseling center.

Anyway, I worry about you. That's what I'm getting at.

Thank you, Dorothea. I’ll be ok. I promise.
Also, thank you for sharing something so personal with me.

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

"My devil had been long caged, he came out roaring" ~Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Yes I’ve told him that when he drinks it’s like that

 

[Dorothea]

Thank you, Dorothea. I’ll be ok. I promise.
Also, thank you for sharing something so personal with me.

Of course. Any time you change your mind and need to talk, please feel free to PM me.

 

[ewq1938]