I give up

[knw1991]

I give up. Every day has been a struggle and maybe just wishful thinking. I want you to know I can't carry these burdens. I feel ashamed and selfish because I desire a relationship so much. I see myself as damaged and no one will want me. I expressed over and over the pain and my desire to be healed but nothing has changed. I can't go on building myself by praying and reading verses then falling again. I rather stay down. Even if I do want healing and pursue it it may take years. I can't win. I didn't ask to be born into this. I don't care anymore. I can't be what those other Christian women are. I just give up. I'll find a way to make it in the world. I can't make it this way. Everything I read just seems like hopeful words on a paper that will never amount to anything. I give up and I'm never coming back. I'm not saved and I do not belong. I hate who I am and if it were up to me I would have never existed. I thought I was making progress but it seems like a Christian is called to struggle but yet they claim the Christian life should be joyful. It seems like everyday as Christian has to fight against "the adversary". It's not fair it's not kind. I give up. I'm not a christian anyway and I don't want to be.

 

[C-Man]

Whatever it is that you think you've done to be so damaged, don't let it eat at you like this. It's exactly what the devil wants you to do. He'll whisper in the back of your mind, trying to make you feel exactly as you do. Satan will tell you that you must find a man, or you'll end up dying alone and unwanted. He will do everything in his power to drag you down, because he knows that you want Jesus in your life. If you didn't, you wouldn't be suffering so much.

Believe me when I say, I've seen it all, and I've probably done most of it. There's nothing you could possibly have done that Jesus can't forgive. And don't use others as a measuring stick for yourself. Everyone has Satan whispering to them. Everyone sins against the Lord. The image they project to the outside world is meaningless compared to what's in their hearts.

There's a war going on every second for my soul. Every minute, it seems like, I fight against the dark, nauseous things Satan tempts me with. I've prayed to get out of my suffering so many times I've lost count. I've prayed for Jesus to heal my broken body. But praying to get out of it doesn't help. In this cursed world, we have to pray for Jesus to help us to get through it.

Don't give up now, and don't give up later. Even if it seems like you're slogging through the mud with a broken leg, don't give up. Jesus won't get you out of the mud, but He will hold you up and help carry you through it.

 

[knw1991]

Thanks, it's just discouraging to struggle through life, others seem so happy and fulfilled. I just don't want to try anymore. I've lost the desire to go on. All through the bible God says he delivers and restores but that must have been for the people back then . To me it seems cruel to leave someone to struggle against circumstances they had no control over in my case being born to a drug addict father. I want to be healed and if that's too much to ask I give up.

 

[Chococat]

All I can do is repeat what C-Man has said and that is don't give up as that is what Satan wants you to do. Yes it may take time for you to heal from the past but it's worth it as God will bring you closer to Him in the process. Also you shouldn't compare yourself to others especially as you don't know what struggles they may have. How do you know that those strong Christian women you admire aren't also having serious struggles with something in their life? Some people are better at hiding their problems than others. Also on your road to healing you may well have times when you seem to be going backwards but it's times like that that you have to hold on tighter to God. Are you seeing a counsellor as they should be able to help. Also don't worry about finding a boyfriend as there is a lot more to life than being in a relationship. I know the world, and sometimes the Church at times, puts so much emphasis on romantic relationships but it is far worse to be in a bad relationship, for instance to an abusive partner than it is to be on your own. I have seen too many of my friends end up in bad marriages because they could not wait to have a man in their life and ended up taking the first one that came along! Believe me you would be even more unhappy in that situation. I will add and maybe I should have said this at the start of my post and that is if you feel like giving up you can give your burdens to the Lord. Just tell Him you are tired of struggling with them and give them over to Him. If you don't know how ask Him to show you. It is so easy when you are depressed to believe Satan's lies that God does not care about you and has abandoned you. I should know as I have done it myself. Anyway I hope my post has been of some help to you and know you are in my prayers.

 

[Criada]

I just read a beautiful post replying to someone struggling with loneliness.
This is a part of it:

I know it's hard to feel loved or valued when people mistreat us but remember that those people don't define you. They were cruel to you because they hated themselves. Anyone who knows their true identity in God would have a desire to love others and show them how much God loves them too.
God choses the people that world rejects so look up because you're on God's heart. If you cry out to Him right where you are emotionally he will hear you and help you.

Recognise those words?
You are so good at reaching out to others, sweetie - please remember that you are just as precious and important yourself!
Praying for you

 

[knw1991]

Thank you Chococat, everything you said was wise and encouraging. You are right about everything. It's just that when in that place of hopelessness I see no positivity or hope. It encouraged me when you said that when you're on the road to healing you feel like you're going backwards. I often feel that way when I relapse into feeling depressed and angry. I just really hope I am getting somewhere in regards to healing. I want to be free. Jesus said he came to heal the broken hearted and set captives free and that's all I want. It is hard because I had no control over who my father would be and I can never experience a loving father. This makes me feel worthless often.

I really do want to give my burdens to God but I don't know how. If he were here I could hand them to him but I don't know how to do it mentally or spiritually. Thank for your suggestions. I will put them into practice.
Thank you for your prayers. God bless you <3

 

[knw1991]

I just read a beautiful post replying to someone struggling with loneliness.
This is a part of it:


Recognise those words?
You are so good at reaching out to others, sweetie - please remember that you are just as precious and important yourself!
Praying for you

Thank you Criada the sad thing is I don't see myself positively at all and definitely not precious. It's horrible and I know I need to work on seeing myself the way God does

 

[SteveNZ]

I really enjoy seeing the caring of folk here..

Wanting to give up to me is when you are feeling so low that even '..hopeless..' looks really good....haha

but I have learned that God is always there and is my Shepherd. Those times of feeling God let me down and lied about the way he is...... are quite acceptable to him because still I know he is an AMAZING GOD and has INCREDIBLE LOVE for me.

KNW - Enjoy the fact that God cares for you whether you like it or not!! So you may as well like it ......
We are so important to God

Am - Praying for You

 

[sarahelizabeth]

you are worth so much to GOD!! he has great plans for you the devil wants you to believe these lives!! but in Gods word you are his Wonderfully Masterpiece keep holding on to Gods promises he is going to help you and he already has the devil wants you to give up because you have a GREAT future ahead of you and the devil does not like that..keep pressing on towards the goal you are worth more then Gold to Jesus. he has made you special you are worth it

Just remember we all fighting a battle!! we are all go though these things too you aren't alone Us Brothers and Sisters in Christ we all here to help you!! you aren't alone sweetie Jesus has you as well has we do. I hope this helped and i am keeping you in my thoughts n prayers

 

[Jeshu]

You are precious in God's eyes,
but are you precious in your own?
You are God's dearly beloved,
but do you love yourself?


You are worth much more than your depression makes you feel,
but do you agree with the truth of God?

Fight the lies that render you worthless
accept the truth that makes you priceless.

Keep battling for good life, one day it will be restored.

Keep your eyes peeled on Jesus,
He will make all things well.

Trust Him to get you through, He will not disappoint you.

 

[Susie~Q]

God does care for you, please, do not give up, Satan wants this, do NOT let him win. I know how hard it is, I have times like this myself.

I just got out of church today and before I left, I was prayed over for my depression. The ladies told me that one way out of depression is praying for others, visiting someone who is worse off or shut in and can not get out, maybe even sending little cards via emails to folks that are lonesome, ANYTHING that gets your mind off of yourself. The Lord made you in His image, whether you know it or not, you are meant for greatness. Pray without ceasing. You ARE a Christian, if you were not, you would not care.

God cares, He really does and so do we.

 

[knw1991]

Thank you all , Jeshu, Susie, sarahelizabeth and Steve and the previous posters CMan, Chococat, and Criada. If I left anyone out I'm sorry. You all posted such comforting and hopeful messages. Before I came online I was thinking about how I lost out on a father twice. I have a stepfather but he is distant and thinks fatherhood is just about providing financially. I felt worthless that I would never know the love of an earthly father. I also fear that I'll miss out on love and motherhood. Ive been trying to give my burdens to God but I think of them everyday. On Friday I tried to listen for God's voice after doing a daily devotion on God's love described in Ephesians 3:14-21. I had a thought that said "you're mine". I'm not sure if God put that into my spirit or mind but for some reason I began to cry. I'm still not sure if it was from Him, I really hope so. I just wanted to say thank you all for caring and reminding me that God does and that I'm not worthless. The devil really hurts me with the idea of being worthless by taking all of my negative thoughts and leading me to that conclusion

 

[Susie~Q]

Thank you all , Jeshu, Susie, sarahelizabeth and Steve and the previous posters CMan, Chococat, and Criada. If I left anyone out I'm sorry. You all posted such comforting and hopeful messages. Before I came online I was thinking about how I lost out on a father twice. I have a stepfather but he is distant and thinks fatherhood is just about providing financially. I felt worthless that I would never know the love of an earthly father. I also fear that I'll miss out on love and motherhood. Ive been trying to give my burdens to God but I think of them everyday. On Friday I tried to listen for God's voice after doing a daily devotion on God's love described in Ephesians 3:14-21. I had a thought that said "you're mine". I'm not sure if God put that into my spirit or mind but for some reason I began to cry. I'm still not sure if it was from Him, I really hope so. I just wanted to say thank you all for caring and reminding me that God does and that I'm not worthless. The devil really hurts me with the idea of being worthless by taking all of my negative thoughts and leading me to that conclusion

You are not alone, I give my burdens to the Lord daily, and then I sneak back and get them again, I think a lot of Christians do that. I do believe that when you had that thought, "You are mine" that it WAS from God, the fact that you cried was the Holy Spirit working within you. The Lord wants you to know how special you are and that He will be your Daddy forever and will never let you down.

You are not worthless, do not believe the enemy's lies. You are a child of God, and He loves you so very much. The devil is cunning, he can take even positive thoughts and turn them into negative ones. When that happens, just dig deeper into God's word, and also come here for encouragement.

God loves you and so do we.

 

[FireDragon76]

Thanks, it's just discouraging to struggle through life, others seem so happy and fulfilled.

The real world is full of people that feel unfulfilled and unhappy. Don't let illusions deceive you.

 

[Susie~Q]

Fire Dragon is right, but, I know what you mean, when you see others happy, etc, it makes you feel worse, I know it does me as well.

 

[SteveNZ]

I give up. Every day has been a struggle and maybe just wishful thinking...................

Hi Knw,
No matter how you feel, you are still loved and appreciated.
We care ..........

The last thing you need is a sermon.
Please just know that we care ..... and WOW God really, really, really does care ...... and giving up will not change Gods Love/concern for you one little bit...

 

[Jeshu]

hoping you are feeling a little better.

 

[knw1991]

After talking to my sister today and leading to a conversation about my father she told me I should accept that my father is an addict and will probably die of an overdose.she wasnt saying this to hurt me but to help me face truth and move on but I stormed off angry and cried like I never have before. She comforted me but the truth is I am fatherless. No one can sit in my truth and that pain unless they've been there. I feel betrayed, neglected and abandoned by God. He has left me down over and over by never taking any remote interest in me just like the father HE gave me. I realize I can trust no one and no entity that supposedly exists. I have given up hope because there is none. My "father" is an addict and hoping that he will change is selfish on my behalf. I'm not normal. It hit me that I will soon be 25 in a few years and 30 will be right around the corner. I've wasted my life on education, the only thing that will bring a sense of achievement or worth in me. I don't care anymore. I already asked God to do one last thing for me which is to write me off and just be done with me. There's no hope. There never will be. I want to just dig a grace and live in it. God doesn't love me. Throughout these three years of depression I have fought alone and walked every valley alone, cried many nights alone, wrestled between living and dying alone, been diagnosed with depression ALONE, I will be alone and that's good for everyone so I will never be a burden to them. No man wants a broken fatherless woman according to society.

 

[Susie~Q]

After talking to my duster today
First off, what is a duster? And, is this person a Christian, if not, do not listen to him/her.
and leading to a conversation about my father she told me I should accept that my father is an addict and will die of an overdose.
Ummm, I am sorry, but as long as there is life there is hope, he CAN change, that is why you need to pray for him, I have heard sermons of numerous drug addicts changing, it CAN happen.
I stormed off angry and cried like I never have before.
I don't blame you, I would have too.
She comforted me but the truth is I am fatherless.
Lots of folks are, you are not alone. I would rather be fatherless than have lived with a father that beat me or molested me, that would be horrendous.
No one can sit in my truth and that pain unless they've been there. I feel betrayed, neglected and abandoned by God. He has left me down over and over by never taking any remote interest in me just like the father HE gave me.
Now listen, I am giving you "tough love" You are NOT abandoned by God, STOP believing Satan's lies. God is with you every second of every day of your life. He most certainly DOES take an interest in you, He cares about every little thing you do, as the bible says, if He cares for the sparrows, think how much more He cares for you, you are made in His image. God gives folks a free will, He did not force your dad to drink, unfortunately, this is planet earth, there are going to be trials and upsets like this. This is when you lean on Him even more so.
I realize I can trust no one and no entity that supposedly exists. I have given up hope because there is none.
That is a lie of the "enemy". God DOES and always will exist. As long as you are breathing, there is hope.
My "father" is an addict and hoping that he will change is selfish on my behalf.
No, that is NOT selfish on your part, the Lord wants you to care, to pray and to believe he will change.
I'm not normal. It hit me that I will soon be 25 in a few years and 30 will be right around the corner. I've wasted my life on education, the only thing that will bring a sense of achievement or worth in me.
I would say you are very normal. For crying out loud, you have your entire life ahead of you, don't waste it by feeling sorry for yourself, one day, you will wake up and you will be lots older, don't waste your youth on this kind of thinking, that is NOT healthy, you are only making Satan happy. Education is NOT a waste. How I wish I could have gone to college, I should never have moved here, I should have stayed put and finished my education. You are so fortunate to have done that, NO education is a waste, NONE!!!
I don't care anymore.
Well, you should care, now, more than ever.
I already asked God to do one last thing for me which is to write me off and just be done with me.
Forget it, He is not going to do that, He does not do that to His kids.
There's no hope. There never will be. I want to just dig a grace and live in it. God doesn't love me.
There IS hope, it is a lie of Satan to believe otherwise. There is always hope, folks a lot worse than you have hope, you have to dig in and work for it, but it is there. As to digging a grave, that is the losers way out, you are NOT a looser, God DOES love you, He made you, you are His kid, that makes you a Princess. It does not get any better than that.
Throughout these three years of depression I have fought alone and walked every valley alone, cried many nights alone, wrestled between living and dying alone, been diagnosed with depression ALONE, I will be alone and that's good for everyone so I will never be a burden to them. No man wants a broken fatherless woman according to society.

You have NEVER been alone those three years, the Lord and His angels have been with you, you know, your circumstances could have been a lot worse. We can not have someone with us in person every second of the day, when we are "alone" that is when our "Daddy God" is with us. No human being is ever a burden, a dear friend of mine use to say this, he was so right. Please excuse my language, but this being broken and no good to society because you are "fatherless" is a bunch of crap, pure and simple. There are a lot of folks that are "useless" then, that has no bearing on you what-so-ever. You must get over that and start loving yourself as God loves you, if not, you will not get out of this pit, you have so much to look forward to if you just believe this. It is hard, for sure, but, can be done. Folks here care, lean on our strength, but more importantly, lean on the Lord's strength, that will NEVER fail you.

 

[knw1991]

Sorry for the typo I meant sister. I was typing from my cell phone and its not good with picking up the correct letters being typed