I fight with evil inside

[Johnnz]

I accept that is how you all felt.

Chantelle - my apologies. What I should have said is that you were given wrong beliefs about you and God, which you must get rid of sometime. That would be much better. I hope you can accept the apologies of an old duffer

John
NZ

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Criada]

No one is mad, sweetie.
How about a hug instead of more words?

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Criada]

I really can use a hug. I messed up big time the last many days. It was my own fault though. I wanted my life to be over. I took over a dozen pills. I don't understand why God keeps me here. I don't understand why I keep waking up. I don't understand. I remember being lost in the dark last night. It was by christmas lights a park. I remember someone inside calling God. I woke up face down. I don't understand what God wants. I am everything God doesn't want me to be. I keep trying and trying and trying to clear my head. I keep trying to be one person. I want them all to be together. I want them all to work to fix this. I dont want confusion. I just messed up.

Again.

You know what, sweetie... God could never love you any more than He does right now. That is what is so amazing about His grace... He loves us even when we mess up, even when we can't forgive or understand ourselves, He still picks us up, cleans us up, and loves us.
You are loved, you are precious, and He is holding you.

Praying for you, sister

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Criada]

You didn't get banned, sweetie.. the board was down for a bit.. no one could post.
They are fixing a few problems, I think,. so it is working slowly, or sometimes not at all. But, it isn't you, just software problems

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Catherineanne]

I hate God!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I am evil. I want God to leave me ALONE!!!!!! God hates me!!!! I will never talk to God again ever!!! He hates me!!!!! He loves to see me in pain. This has all been a lie. God sees me evil. He knows. He tortures me. He might as well kill me with knives. I DON'T CARE!! I don't belong anywhere. Maybe I am evil. Maybe I AM the devil. That would keep God from spitting on me and laughing at me. God IS EVIL!!!!!!

Someone taught you that God is cruel, because they were cruel. Please be assured that people can be cruel, but God can't. It is quite simply not in his nature; he is incapable of cruelty towards us, his children.

I am not sure how much of what is said here you can believe, and take on board. I think you need to see someone real; can you go to your doctor and talk about your problems? If not, then perhaps try to find a minister, or someone at a women's refuge. Trying to talk to you online is very frustrating, because you do not need any more dissociation, and this is, by definition, a dissociated experience. No matter how hard I try, the only hug I can send you is a virtual one, and you seriously need some safe, genuine, compassion.

I wish you well, but please, try to find some people who will help to keep you safe. Railing at God is not enough. He already knows. Now we need some other people to know, and to begin to help you.

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Criada]

You are not a bother.. we care about you, sweetie, and want to see you well.
God loves you, sister.. and He has a plan for your life.
Hold on to that, please.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Someone taught you that God is cruel, because they were cruel. Please be assured that people can be cruel, but God can't. It is quite simply not in his nature; he is incapable of cruelty towards us, his children.

Not to monopolize someone else's thread but having directly been on the receiving end of cruelty straight from God, Moriah wonders about this statement. Sure, some things it could put down to just stupid humans doing stupid human garbage, but other things cannot be so easily palmed off, and anyway, at the very least, bes not God supposedly THE HEAD of His people and in charge of what they do? Bes it not His responsibility to answer the prayers of those who seek Him and seek protection from Him and to know Him aright as He really bes? Bes it not His responsibility ultimately what happens to every one of us? How can you have omnipotence and not have any accountability whatsoever for its use, whether that use involves using it or abstaining from using it and wanting mere creatures to take the blame for everything you could have prevented? Where do we find an exemption clause in scripture indicating that omnipotence can be willingly and deliberately "impotent" and not bear any responsibility for it? Why do finite creatures bear ALL the responsibility and God NONE? We just Don't Get That.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Jesus is all about God taking full responsibility. One may cavil at what has happened, but without God what are you left with to address a horrible past? Why did it happen, why are people like that still remain valid questions in search of an answer.
John
NZ

Easily answered, but not at CF since they have a cuss filter and rules against bypassing it. So let's just say instead of the actual word itself that the vast majority of humans = excrement, and leave it at that. Excrement being what excrement does -- stink and smear itself on anything it can and then point and claim the stink originates there rather than with itself.

Without God we just might have a stab at answering those issues. With God? Forget it -- the shame and blame game continues to disempower those who have a story to tell from standing up and speaking out and changing things. The shame and blame and guilt game hammers you with YOUR supposed MANDATE to "forgive and forget" and even outside religion society has this ludicrous backwards notion that pain and suffering inflicted by another does not really exist because it's all YOUR fault for "letting" them do what they did or "letting" yourself feel the impact of it. That would be the core of the excrement that needs opposing and direct attacking and removal from human consciousness, and that would be the notion that religion has embraced and elevated to an art form in crushing those who have been mistreated or abused while favoring those who have inflicted that upon them.

It would take too long to elucidate all of this. Those who've lived through it know what Moriah speaks of. Those who haven't, or who have more to the point "sold out" against themselves and embraced the poison their abusers wanted to implant in them and imprint upon them, never will see it, because they've convinced themselves their own survival and health depends upon denying it and have dedicated themselves to trying to program others to deny it.

To answer your first statement? Christ in myth (religious meaning & meme conveyance), scripture and history, sorry, bes NOT enough. Christ applied in reality might be enough, but that's what's at issue here, yeah? Oh and sorry, but speaking the truth about things does not constitute mere "cavilling". That would be a diminishment word used by hostiles, so please don't use diminishment words with Moriah.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

So let's just say instead of the actual word itself that the vast majority of humans = excrement, and leave it at that.

Yes! Absolutely. But humans do not equal God. We can't judge what or who God is based on humans, who are so utterly flawed. We all have free will, and whenever someone makes the choice to hurt us, that is their choice, not God's.

Also, with God, there is no expectation that a person must ignore the pain they feel. He is fully aware of how much pain you're in. Remember that the Father and Son were one from the beginning of eternity right up until the point in which Christ died. He had a part of Himself ripped away from Him, too.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

God says it has no right to its pain.
God tells it not to seek release.
God tells it what the humans tell it so it cannot tell any difference
and when we gonna hold God accountable for the fundamental changes He promised went part and parcel with this "salvation" anyway? When will He take responsibility for what those who claim His name do to others? WHEN? Moriah refuses to claim His name for that very reason. It has no capacity to pretend. It bes unclean and corrupt and perverse and does not lie nor hide its true nature to deceive, half the time it warns on overkill! :o It does not want to be another person claiming allegiance to that King and then becoming yet another reason why so many won't even consider it.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

Why should He have to take responsibility for the actions of those who follow Him?

Is He them? No. Does He control them? No.

As I said before, humans do not equal God. He has given each and every one of us free will, and how we choose to use that is up to us.

I was sexually assaulted by someone who called himself a Christian. I understand the pain that comes with that, I understand the anger. But one thing I had to learn was that no good would come from equating a fallible human being with the incredible love and power of God. Raising this person up to a level where his actions and God's actions were linked in my mind was dentrimental to my very being. I was essentially giving this person as much power as God has, and that's enough power to destroy a person when left in the wrong hands.

I do not hold God responsible for what happened to me. Not that time, or any of the other times. Because it was not Him that did it to me.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Why should He have to take responsibility for the actions of those who follow Him?

Why not? If someone went around doing crap to other people and claiming Moriah told them to, Moriah would surely set them straight and put a stop to it.

Is He them? No. Does He control them? No.

But scripture says He lives IN them, and that bes the essence of the whole conversion / salvation / new birth thing. It says HE bes the ONE head for the whole body, do you know of any body not controlled by the head, even down to the very unconscious functions? Moriah does not.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Besides, what has transpired between Moriah and God personally only tangentially and marginally involves other humans. It bes a direct understanding in tandem, demonstrated by certain things but not derived entirely from them.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

You can never be sure what happens in their hearts. Or, more frighteningly, once they die. God promises that they will be punished.

People may say that God told them to do something, but you'll often find He didn't. Especially when it involves raping someone.

The Bible also says that if your right arm causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It stands to reason that if a part of the body of God is to do something so horrible, he or she would be removed from God's grace pending extreme repentance. He wouldn't tell us to do it, if He wouldn't do it Himself.