I feel so worthless

[derpytia]

I know I know, God doesn't think I'm worthless.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling that way. My mom thinks that I'm lazy and selfish because I have to have a lot of downtime to recover from being active and doing things that need to be done and because I have to sleep a lot to help keep my health conditions from overwhelming me and getting worse.

I have a job that will go nowhere working for a company that is just another big box retailer that doesn't really care about anything but profits. No one else wants to hire me because I'm disabled and going deaf. I have a degree that I can't even use because of my disability and deafness.

I can't play or create music, one of God's greatest gifts to me, and it breaks my heart further every day because I miss it so much. It was all I wanted to do. I try to improve my situation the best I can but my condition and financial situation always holds me back from getting anything accomplished like a normal person. So then I end up in a huge depression slump that I have to hope eases up just a little bit as time goes by. Eventually it does but I go right back into it a week or so later.

I just feel so defeated and I grieve the life I could have had almost every single day with tears. I've been grieving that life for the past five or so years but more so in the last couple of years. I pray and ask God if this is His will for me all the time because I'm not accomplishing anything for His glory. Society both Christian and secular takes one look at me and sees a loser and a person of no value. I can't help seeing myself that way too.

I have people that love me but they're all starting to put their own lives together, getting married and having children. I'm afraid one day they just stop trying to include me or they'll get sick of dealing with me. One day they'll be getting grandchildren and if I'm still alive I'll be unwed, childless, with no family and still like this day after day.

Everyone is getting sick and tired of me being sick and tired and I can't blame them.

I pray that God would step in and do something and rescue me but I don't think that's His will for me.

 

[Jesus' Follower]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles.

I will be praying for you - God see's your struggles.

 

[Tempura]

I'm so sorry.

About your will to glorify God, feeling like you can't get anything done for Him, there is something to say about people who go through heart-breaking hardships, sorrow or humiliation. Best comforters come from those people, hands down. God raises up the miserable to do His will, to encourage with love, for His glory and our comfort. They fully know what despair is, they know what they had to go through and how long it took, and they will recognize people who need their encouragement and love. Those people in need, they wouldn't want anyone else. They want someone who's been there.

These comforters are be a blessing for many people, all the while they're thinking to themselves "I am nothing". But they aren't nothing. I've needed and continue to need those people, and they have brought me closer to Christ than anyone else on this earth. Without them, I wouldn't be here anymore. They accomplish great things for God's glory, greater than whatever great works of the world we can think of, greater than some obvious majestic spectacles, and so many of them don't even know it. They can truly love others with the tender, healing love of Christ. There is no reason why you wouldn't be one of these people. Praying for you. God bless.

 

[A_Thinker]

I know I know, God doesn't think I'm worthless.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling that way. My mom thinks that I'm lazy and selfish because I have to have a lot of downtime to recover from being active and doing things that need to be done and because I have to sleep a lot to help keep my health conditions from overwhelming me and getting worse.

I have a job that will go nowhere working for a company that is just another big box retailer that doesn't really care about anything but profits. No one else wants to hire me because I'm disabled and going deaf. I have a degree that I can't even use because of my disability and deafness.

I can't play or create music, one of God's greatest gifts to me, and it breaks my heart further every day because I miss it so much. It was all I wanted to do. I try to improve my situation the best I can but my condition and financial situation always holds me back from getting anything accomplished like a normal person. So then I end up in a huge depression slump that I have to hope eases up just a little bit as time goes by. Eventually it does but I go right back into it a week or so later.

I just feel so defeated and I grieve the life I could have had almost every single day with tears. I've been grieving that life for the past five or so years but more so in the last couple of years. I pray and ask God if this is His will for me all the time because I'm not accomplishing anything for His glory. Society both Christian and secular takes one look at me and sees a loser and a person of no value. I can't help seeing myself that way too.

I have people that love me but they're all starting to put their own lives together, getting married and having children. I'm afraid one day they just stop trying to include me or they'll get sick of dealing with me. One day they'll be getting grandchildren and if I'm still alive I'll be unwed, childless, with no family and still like this day after day.

Everyone is getting sick and tired of me being sick and tired and I can't blame them.

I pray that God would step in and do something and rescue me but I don't think that's His will for me.

Though I will not claim to have experienced your pain, ... my wife and I have been going through difficulties with an irresponsible adult child for a number of years now. We often wonder why God would have us in the struggle that we continue to face, ... and we sometimes dream of a different life.

One of my consistent prayers during this time is that God would continue to use us in His service and for His glory. It has been a time of earnest prayer for us.

I also found this forum, which has been a welcome balance, along with other things, to the difficulties we face. As I peruse the forums, I see daily requests for prayer from christian brothers and sisters facing their own difficulties. And I have experienced God's calling to me to pray for these individuals, ... whose plights I might never have encountered, except for my own search for healing.

One thing that I have promised myself ... is that I will not allow my service to God to be curtailed ... that I will find a way to serve Him, no matter what my circumstances. And so I pray for those individuals that request it, and so know, that no matter what, I still am a positive contributor to God's kingdom.

I understand about needing sufficient downtime to keep going. I would counsel you to look for the positive in your life ... and to build upon it. Keep praying to God to bring you into His desire for you for your life. And look for those others who can benefit from your prayers for them. At least, then, you'll know that you have God's ear.

I will pray for you. Hang in there ...

 

[Hazelelponi]

I know I know, God doesn't think I'm worthless.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling that way. My mom thinks that I'm lazy and selfish because I have to have a lot of downtime to recover from being active and doing things that need to be done and because I have to sleep a lot to help keep my health conditions from overwhelming me and getting worse.

I have a job that will go nowhere working for a company that is just another big box retailer that doesn't really care about anything but profits. No one else wants to hire me because I'm disabled and going deaf. I have a degree that I can't even use because of my disability and deafness.

I can't play or create music, one of God's greatest gifts to me, and it breaks my heart further every day because I miss it so much. It was all I wanted to do. I try to improve my situation the best I can but my condition and financial situation always holds me back from getting anything accomplished like a normal person. So then I end up in a huge depression slump that I have to hope eases up just a little bit as time goes by. Eventually it does but I go right back into it a week or so later.

I just feel so defeated and I grieve the life I could have had almost every single day with tears. I've been grieving that life for the past five or so years but more so in the last couple of years. I pray and ask God if this is His will for me all the time because I'm not accomplishing anything for His glory. Society both Christian and secular takes one look at me and sees a loser and a person of no value. I can't help seeing myself that way too.

I have people that love me but they're all starting to put their own lives together, getting married and having children. I'm afraid one day they just stop trying to include me or they'll get sick of dealing with me. One day they'll be getting grandchildren and if I'm still alive I'll be unwed, childless, with no family and still like this day after day.

Everyone is getting sick and tired of me being sick and tired and I can't blame them.

I pray that God would step in and do something and rescue me but I don't think that's His will for me.

Anytime you deal with disability its such a huge change and it can cause depression in anyone.

When I was first injured I was learning how to live my life from a wheelchair. I needed so much help, I had a difficult time with so many things and my children were helping me (and happy to help) but I felt like I was destroying their lives.

Then I regained feeling in my legs but immediately developed an incurable chronic pain disease and my life revolved around pain, doctors, pt and medicines to make it through the day.

All I was, was depressed. And there are days I still fight it.

But here's the issue. Depression affects your health. How you think affects your health.

So concentrate on others. On helping other people and doing all you can for them, and when you need to rest then rest in Him and His Word.

Talk to your doctors about how to combat depression. Sunshine is really good for combating depression, so even if it means just sitting in a lounge chair reading a book outside (I do this) then do it.

Find new hobbies and things you can do in a restful state. Counted cross stitch, embroidery, artwork in computer programs (you don't have to be good), learn how to programme and make a simple game..

Just find something to do that makes you happy which can keep your mind off your problems.

As already mentioned, become a prayer warrior for the Kingdom. (it's important).

But in the end, keep your thoughts away from self, and learn what new things make you smile. Some day you'll wake up and realize even disabled life isn't all that bad!

 

[paul1149]

I know I know, God doesn't think I'm worthless.

First, if there is anything you can do on the practical level, do it. The advice that follows does not negate that.

But sometimes our trials get so bad there is nothing we can do about them directly. In those cases, the issue becomes our identity in Christ. This is everything, because it is what is under attack, and because it undergirds our faith, it affects our ability to receive.

You must do spiritual warfare on this point (eph 6). You are accepted in the Beloved (eph 1), saved, set free from harm. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1cor 3, 6), and no affliction has any right to desecrate that temple. And even if satan should buffet, we have the right to stand our ground, and we are assured he will flee (Jas 4).

The battle is in the mind. If satan can defeat us there we do his work for him. We must guard our thought life, taking every though captive to the obedience of Christ (2cor 12).

If you are given the gift of music, but cannot play, you can still make melody in your heart to the Lord. It is crucial that you keep your thoughts faith-filled and positive. Then you have prepared the way of the Lord and are in position for the miraculous to take place in your life.

 

[bèlla]

Twenty years ago I dropped my daughter off at school and decided to see a movie. Sense and Sensibility was playing and I'm a Jane Austen fan. I grabbed a bite to eat and settled into the seat and relaxed. Life was good and I enjoyed myself. It would be the last time I'd do that for several years.

When I went home my body collapsed unexpectedly. I was beset with pain and agony no one could explain. It took a few years and more trips to the emergency room than I can recollect. They couldn't explain the vomiting or the burning in my back or why I suffered. My days were spent in pain. I was too weak at times to cook. My neighbor would relieve me of that on many occasions.

Everything that I'd worked for up until that point was gone. Medicine was dead. I couldn't do it. Giving it up broke my heart. The diagnosis arrived and I received medication. It kept me sedated and functional but incapable of working. But in time I improved and returned to school.

One day while in the career center I saw a job opening. I wasn't qualified. I had no financial experience. All my coursework was for a different subject. But something told me to call. The ad said to fax my resume but I didn't. The woman was so impressed she scheduled an interview and told me to bring my resume. But I didn't meet with her. I met someone else who would orchestrate events in my favor.

She reviewed my resume and critiqued it. She was a former college counselor. I received feedback and was told to make the corrections and resubmit to her. She tore it up in my face. I went home and made the changes she suggested. We met again and I was told she didn't want to make the choice. She would send me on to the manager to allow her to decide my fate. I got the job. That was the beginning of my path in finance. Providence was operating without my knowledge.

If you'd told me twenty years ago that I would be where I am today I would have laughed. I couldn't see beyond the hurt and loss. There were moments I wanted to give up but I knew that wasn't an option. I learned the power of despair and the necessity of putting it down and keeping him out.

'Today' has become a powerful word in my vocabulary. I acknowledge what is happening 'now' but I know that isn't a prescription for tomorrow. In situations like these when all seems bleak we must look to the hills from whence comes our help. I couldn't have fathomed what He was crafting in my suffering. I would never believe He had a ram in the bush all along.

I encourage you to ask the Lord what He desires to do through you in the midst of your pain. I encourage you to take the limit off of Him and yourself. God's melodies aren't limited to instruments or chords. He can write a new song and devise a new way of getting His message through.

I don't know what your experience is meant to forge within you but I know it has a purpose because I've lived it. And it well with my soul today. I wasn't always a bundle of inspiration and encouragement. I think I found that while I suffered. I learned the meaning of hope and time. I live my life differently because of those lessons.

You are suffering as are many others. How can you convey that to the world and bring Him glory? Look up. Lift your head. Notice what happens when you do. It's impossible to focus on what's taking place around you. When you lift your head all you see is Him. God bless and keep you.

~Bella

 

[Southernscotty]

Sending prayer for you friend. God is always Omnipresent and OmniEssence so rest in the knowledge that He will sustain you through it all, Rest in His mighty arms and feel His love for you.

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

Small steps is all I have in mind for you. You could try writing a list of little things you could do concerning what they've said and you've thought. An example is having "downtime" listed, then consider how much time are you resting and if you could give a little time each day to something else. Could be little as five minutes which would add to thirty five minutes a week or twenty-eight hours a year. Point is giant leaps aren't necessary, just a little faith here and there adds up.

 

[derpytia]

Sending prayer for you friend. God is always Omnipresent and OmniEssence so rest in the knowledge that He will sustain you through it all, Rest in His mighty arms and feel His love for you.

I know that all logically but I'm getting extremely tired of barely getting by. I lose so much time to resting and crying that my life has become, as one author I'm extremely fond of has written, "a perfect graveyard of buried hopes". I get myself to the point of hoping that one day God will do something, anything at all, to rescue me or make all the suffering worth it. Then the suffering increases yet again. I can never seem to get out of the place of 'rock bottom' and it isn't for lack of trying, or hope, or prayer on my part.

Sometimes it really feels like God doesn't really love me as much as he loves other Christians and that I must be some kind of fault. Even my mother's body tried to abort me before I was born. I get to thinking that maybe I was never really supposed to exist but now I do exist thanks to the sins of both of my parents.

God seems to swoop in a do something when it comes to small, inconsequential things that don't really affect my life if they go right or wrong but when it comes to the hard and important stuff, I feel like C.S. Lewis did when his wife passed away; that God seems to slam the door shut and bolt the locks.

 

[derpytia]

I encourage you to ask the Lord what He desires to do through you in the midst of your pain. I encourage you to take the limit off of Him and yourself. God's melodies aren't limited to instruments or chords. He can write a new song and devise a new way of getting His message through.

I mean, my struggle isn't based on whether or not God CAN do things to help me. It's based on whether He WILL or WILL NOT help me. The decisions is entirely His and there is nothing I can do or anyone else can do to change His mind because God doesn't change. I don't doubt that God CAN do all things. I just doubt that He WILL.

 

[Lost4words]

Offer up your cross to God. Your suffering. For others. For sinners. What can be better than suffering for Christ? Try and offer it all up to Him. Open up your heart to Him. Your worries and cares.

Ok, its not easy. You have a heavy cross to carry. Remember, Jesus is carrying you while you carry your cross my dear friend.

May God wrap His loving arms around you. May He comfort you and heal you.

God bless you my dear friend in Christ.

 

[bèlla]

I mean, my struggle isn't based on whether or not God CAN do things to help me. It's based on whether He WILL or WILL NOT help me. The decisions is entirely His and there is nothing I can do or anyone else can do to change His mind because God doesn't change. I don't doubt that God CAN do all things. I just doubt that He WILL.

God will help you. But it may not come in the manner you'd prefer. His notion of healing may be different than what you have in mind. Nevertheless, your mindset through all of this is key. I cannot tell you what to do but there are things I would do in your situation:

Saturate my environment with the Word. When I left for work I'd leave a Christian radio station on. While home I'd have worship music playing and sleep to an audio bible. Why? The constancy of each will impact your mind, heart, and home. Spirits of heaviness weigh everything down. They create despondency and hopelessness.

I would have a weekly fast day (if possible) and seek His healing. I would pray against the spirit of infirmity and any other spiritual maladies and continue to do so.

I'd keep myself on prayer lists and resubmit my requests every month. I'd allow others to come alongside me and lift up my concerns to the Lord. You can Google online prayer list and add your name to several ministries.

I'd draw strength from others who've accomplished much while ill and healed. I would read their stories weekly to discover how the Lord used their situations for His glory.

I wasn't walking with the Lord when I became ill. But if I was stricken with anything today I'd do these things and more. I wouldn't entertain the can or will discussion in my head. And I'd cast down every thought the enemy brought to me along those lines. Battlefield of the Mind is a great book on that subject.

My breakthrough arrived when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and relinquished the frustration. I was determined to live. Healing arrived years later and both diseases are gone. And in the course of my time with Him He's restored everything the locusts have eaten and more. The valley had its purpose. I learned how to suffer with grace and thrive in the midst of uncertainty. It prepared me for greater challenges down the road.

It's the end of a thing that matters most. May your end greatly exceed everything in between.

 

[Gregory95]

I know I know, God doesn't think I'm worthless.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling that way. My mom thinks that I'm lazy and selfish because I have to have a lot of downtime to recover from being active and doing things that need to be done and because I have to sleep a lot to help keep my health conditions from overwhelming me and getting worse.

I have a job that will go nowhere working for a company that is just another big box retailer that doesn't really care about anything but profits. No one else wants to hire me because I'm disabled and going deaf. I have a degree that I can't even use because of my disability and deafness.

I can't play or create music, one of God's greatest gifts to me, and it breaks my heart further every day because I miss it so much. It was all I wanted to do. I try to improve my situation the best I can but my condition and financial situation always holds me back from getting anything accomplished like a normal person. So then I end up in a huge depression slump that I have to hope eases up just a little bit as time goes by. Eventually it does but I go right back into it a week or so later.

I just feel so defeated and I grieve the life I could have had almost every single day with tears. I've been grieving that life for the past five or so years but more so in the last couple of years. I pray and ask God if this is His will for me all the time because I'm not accomplishing anything for His glory. Society both Christian and secular takes one look at me and sees a loser and a person of no value. I can't help seeing myself that way too.

I have people that love me but they're all starting to put their own lives together, getting married and having children. I'm afraid one day they just stop trying to include me or they'll get sick of dealing with me. One day they'll be getting grandchildren and if I'm still alive I'll be unwed, childless, with no family and still like this day after day.

Everyone is getting sick and tired of me being sick and tired and I can't blame them.

I pray that God would step in and do something and rescue me but I don't think that's His will for me.

Always here for you my friend sending my number in you PM