i don't know where to go from here..please

[Cambria]

Like the title says. Last year was the worst year of my life. My girlfriend at the time was raped, got pregnant and had an abortion. After all that she broke up with me and told me she was lesbian. This was last september. Since then alot of things have changed for good and bad. i hated myself for a very long time. A whole year wasted, with only cuts on my arms to show for it. I havent had a job in 6 months, my parents are supporting me and are getting completely fed up with me. i was brought up in a very very conservative church of christ church and went to school at a private christian high school. Religion was forced down my throat for 13 years and all it did was push me away. i have a few friends who are christians and talking to them has really made me start thinking about God. I hear all these stories about how God has done so much for people and i sit here with nothing but a bleeding heart, but for some reason i have faith that one day things will get better and it scares me because i dont know whether to believe it or not. my life like this has got to stop. i am smoking 2 packs of smokes a day, i come alive at night and dont get to bed until 5 or 6 in the morning and then sleep all day until 3 or 4. i want to change more than anything. There are so many things i would love to do with my life, but just coming into God and no knowing, i dont know if i should trust this feeling of hope and faith. I dont know what to expect. i want to stop smoking, start getting healthy and getting my life back on track. i applied for a job last week and im going to call them first thing monday morning. i hope its not selfish of me to ask for prayers when knowing none of you, but could you please? i ve been praying everyday for 4 months. Everyday when i wake up i just feel like i want to cry but i cant and i am so suck of being miserable and unhappy with myself and my life, and for some reason i feel God can help me acheive that. thanks to everyone for reading this.

 

[OrthodoxyUSA]

That was a very heart felt post... P.M. me if you want to talk realtime in a chat...

Just some basic questions.... how old are you now? What denom. church do you attend?

I hope the forums can help you...

Forgive me...

 

[elanor]

Welcome, Cambria!

I am so touched by your courage and honesty. Even if it seems like everything has gone wrong, and you are unhappy with your life and some of your choices, just reading your post tells me that God is at work in your life already. You're able to recognize where you are. You see a glimmer of hope. Yes, it's okay to hope. You've been praying. You're beginning to think maybe God is there and has a way out of this for you. He does. It must seem scary and overwhelming to look at the whole of life right now. Just take it an hour at a time, a day at a time. Ask God to show you what to do, and ask Him to come in and help you. He will. Call about the job tomorrow. Whether that particular one opens or not, it's a step. It's a start. I encourage you to look for a church where you can know you are welcome. For me, when I feel overwhelmed, it's often my brothers and sisters in the church who remind me of hope, remind me I am loved by God, remind me it's a long road and I don't walk it alone.

I prayed for you before I posted this, and will continue to do so. Please come in a tell us how you are doing. May you have a growing hope and confidence that leads you to changes in your life. And may you have friends who will come alongside and encourage you. And most of all, may you know that you matter to God; you are loved by Him; and when He looks at you, He sees who you were created to be, who He can help you become.

 

[Daughter of His]

Hi Cambria,

I agreed in prayer for you with elanor. I'm glad you asked for prayer, you are so valuable to God. Our Pastor says that sometimes when things look the worst God is up to something great to help you-- ask for God to help you. Sometimes I ask Him to help me know He is near, with God all things are possible. Blessings and peace.

 

[Cambria]

Thank you for your replies. i wish i didnt find myself questioning whether or not God is real and Jesus is alive. i have a hard time believing that he does so many things for everyone. I have a terrible home life, nothing is good right now except my friends. I want to love forward and i just hope and pray i will get the chance to start over completely. clean slate. one more thing. what do you think about rebaptism? i was baptised earlier last year for the wrong reasons. right after that it seems that i was totally consumed with sex and alcohol and being a terrible person. anywho, im going to get off here. have a good night everyone.

 

[elanor]

I want to love forward and i just hope and pray i will get the chance to start over completely. clean slate.

Hi Cambria! You know, you DO get a chance to start over, clean slate, any moment of any day. That's the wonderful blessing of walking with God. When we talk to Him, tell Him all those things that we want to change, ask His forgiveness for those things we know we've done wrong--His promise is that He forgives us, right then, right there. And He can and does make all things new. Don't let your list get so long it makes you start getting hesitant about going to Him. Talk to Him everyday. As soon as you realize there's something you need to confess, do it. And remember that repentance is not only about confession: it also involves turning around and doing something different next time. And God is always, always there--always ready to receive you when you come to Him.

About rebaptism: Some people don't believe in it, for various reasons. My denomination doesn't believe in it. But I was baptized twice. And for me it was also because I knew I was baptized for the wrong reasons the first time. I wanted to go through it again because the second time I was truly ready to commit myself to God. I'm sure there are those who will say otherwise, but I think if you pray about it and have that desire inside to recommit yourself to God, then do it. Be rebaptized. I am very, very glad I did.

Keep us posted!

 

[Nater_Tater]

I will be praying for you. I know how hard it is to get your life back on track after living in sin for so long...I'm still trying to get over a few bad habbits that I still have from my pre-christian life. Just know that God will forgive you..but you have to take a stand and decide if you want to live for God or life for yourself.

 

[Daughter of His]

Hey Cambria,

I grew up in The Church of Christ too. I needed to change denominations and I am much happier attending an entirely different kind of church. Any of your friends attend a church that would be of interest to you? I imagine they would think it was excellent for you to go with them.

Praying for you, let us know how you are doing.

 

[Evie]

hello Cambria,
just a quick note.When I taught children's youth class last night,we had discussed the topic of hope. Yes,find a good church, dig into God's word,get it in your heart sweetie and then you will have a life changing experience. You will have a total different outlook on life. Back when I was in my 20's,I was always depressed and could not find my way. I hated myself and life. But when you let God help change everything,put him first, always,and he will guide your path.I also prayed for you today. He hears every prayer you pray.Have a great day!!!

 

[jehovahway]

Greatings Cambria in the name of my Lord
King Jesus Christ
I make a request to Jesus that he send his
ministering Spirits to you to encourage you
and lift you up .letting you know for sure better things are on the way
And i call it done in Jesus Holy name

 

[tinkerbell]

I will deffinatly be praying for you Cambria!!

It might be good for you to find a mentor, someone to suppport you, pray with you, answer any questions you have and just be there to encourage you through this journey. Someone from where you live would be best - maybe even a counselor or a pastor or just someone you look up too. If there is no one around, I'm sure you can find many people here at CF who would be willing to take that role and help you along. (Myself included.)

As I said before, I will be praying for you! Remember God is right there with you all the time!!

 

[devoted daughter]

May the Lord bring you peace, guidance, hope and comfort.

 

[PerfectPaisley]

Cambria, in the name of Jesus you are blessed, believe it and you shall receive it.

 

[Cambria]

Thank you guys so much for your replies and your support. I think i may have found a church. Its called the anchor, and it is non denom. I want go to, but its 520 am and i gotta get some rest. my goal is to go next sunday. I still havent heard back from the job opening, but im going to keep trying. g`night everyone.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Thank you guys so much for your replies and your support. I think i may have found a church. Its called the anchor, and it is non denom. I want go to, but its 520 am and i gotta get some rest. my goal is to go next sunday. I still havent heard back from the job opening, but im going to keep trying. g`night everyone

I know how you feel, I dont get to sleep until like 5 or 6 everyday( all my posts pretty much have an early AM timestamp) and then sleep until like 12...if I am that fortunate. I too found a good church but its 4 here and thus a bit late since the church would being in like 6.5 hours and it takes me a 1/2 hr to get there. So give me an hour to get ready and a half hour to get there...yeah I know how you feel. I will pray for you and just dont give up..if you wanna talk to me at anytime go ahead and find me!

 

[tinkerbell]

Thank you guys so much for your replies and your support. I think i may have found a church. Its called the anchor, and it is non denom. I want go to, but its 520 am and i gotta get some rest. my goal is to go next sunday. I still havent heard back from the job opening, but im going to keep trying. g`night everyone.

It's so awesome that you found a church that you like! I will be praying that everything works out! I will also be praying for your job!

 

[cat has felt the light!]

I haven't read all the posts but regarding he first one, I know what you mean about findidng it hard to trust. The fear of being let down is so big!! but he doesn't!!!
all the best I'm praying for ya,

C@ xx

 

[Cambria]

Thank you for all your replies. Cat, i could'nt have said it better myself, thank you. The biggest problem is that i want God in my life, but I don't know how. I don't know how to have faith in somthing that i have never felt, and me being the extreme realist that I am, it's even harder for me to believe in somthing that i can't see. Nothing in my life has been worth living for since last november. I just don't get it. i have applied for probably 20 jobs within the last 6 months and nothing has come up at all. i pray for, i need it and i want it. I don't understand what I am doing wrong or where my shortcomings are. I know life is terribly hard, but somthing has to give eventually. i almost feel like i should have just ended my life last year, because nothing is working out for me. I am tired of the worry, the pain and the hatred for who i have turned myself into, and the only thing I am trying to find is God, but i can't. i watch all these happy people living their lives; smiling, loving and being happy and I just wonder why that can't be me. I don't even know why I hope for a better future considering Hope has gotten me this far, to the same blank emptiness i have felt for so long. I watch my best friend, who has the most miniscule of problems, Apply for one job, get it, and meet a girl who he is madly in love with. What am i doing wrong? Someone tell me please?! What do i do and where do i go from here? I want this all to stop. i want a life. Why can't i have it? I am feeling so trapped again now, and I don't want it at all this time. I can't even pray anymore. I feel bad times are coming.

 

[Bevlina]

Cambria, you are trying to reach out to God, but because you cannot see Him, you withdraw.
Many, many feel this way. And, they are going through the same as you. Their lives seem a mess and sometimes they want to opt out by suicide.

The thing is, we who do believe cannot see Him. But, once we believe in Jesus, then, accept that belief in Him by telling Him, and asking our Father to take control of life,
then, being baptised because we believe. Things start to happen in ways which are unimaginable.
This is your problem. You are holding yourself back from accepting Jesus. From accepting the gospel of His life, death, resurrection, and the Salvation He gives.
And, this is because you cannot see God, nor Jesus.
The fact is, they do exist whether we want to beieve it or not. Jesus left the choice up to us. But He also stated, whoever goes to Him, He holds in the palm of His Hand, and nobody can take that person from Him.

Once you have found Jesus, I can assure you of a feeling of peace such as you have never known. Once you are baptised in water, I can assure you of a life you would never have dreamed.
No...He is not going to make you a millionaire. But, He will supply your every need. He will give you a sense of worth in this world. And, He will never leave you.
Your life will change in ways you will not understand. The sun will be seen to be brighter, the day's will be worthwhile.
And, this is what you are doing wrong. You are refusing him in your life because you cannot see Him. Trust me...you don't have to see Him! All that matters, is that HE see's YOU.

 

[cat has felt the light!]

I sent u a pm! I hope u feel u can message me any time u want a chat, if u have any questions feel free to ask me and I'll do my best to help u!!
take care, God Bless,
C@ xx