I don't know how I should feel about a certain co-worker

[brinny]

You don't think I know this? That is exactly what my problem is. I can't stop my unhealthy thoughts about her. I am not looking for advice on how to date her, I wish I could just forget her and be unaffected by her. Every time I pray about it my thoughts bounce between being envious over her to being angry at her to wanting her carnally. I know these are my own problems and then I feel guilty for wanting to blame her.
Now I an dreading the trip I have to take with her and dreading the prospect of more trips with her. Before the conference I just stayed out of her way. Back then I didn't know about her corrupt practices, I just resented her for her position and could tell myself don't even dream about it because she most likely doesn't even notice me. It was her idea that I come along to the conference and it was her idea that I go with her on this trip. In the past when she went on these surveys she would either go alone or just grab who ever was standing next to her at the time she received the call to go. To my knowledge people enjoy going with her and say she is much easier to deal with outside the office. I seem to be the only one who has had issue with time with her.
But really I feel so much conflict and guilt over my unhealthy infatuation with her. I hate myself for the way I was so aroused watching her eat. It was so strangely erotic that I couldn't look away from her but I knew continuing to watch was wrong. That's why the night she wanted to do room service I declined her invitation but was almost powerless to resist her when she took hold of my arm and practically dragged me along behind her. I hate myself for finding every little thing she did that night arousing. I just kept praying in my head to keep control of my own flesh.
Even when I was talking to our boss about her I was finding myself getting inappropriately aroused. Hearing her make that off hand remark about actively trying to fatten my Co worker up almost made me lose it. And the way she spoke about my coworker and pretty much implied that she can be treated like a hyper intelligent yet naive pet (or as she put it "a sweet but messy puppy who loves milkbones as much as she loves to please") just filled my head with very dark impure thoughts.
So this is my problem, I know I shouldn't be feeling this way but no amount of prayer is putting my mind at ease. I know what I should be doing but I am having trouble with how I am feeling.

You know what the Bible says, right?

It says:

Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Amen?

 

[MichaelDB]

You know what the Bible says, right?

It says:

Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Amen?

The bible also says to not be idle and work hard, I need this job

 

[brinny]

The bible also says to not be idle and work hard, I need this job

You asked.

I answered.

That's what the Bible says.

Amen?

 

[discipler7]

I can't stop my unhealthy thoughts about her.

I hate myself for finding every little thing she did that night arousing. I just kept praying in my head to keep control of my own flesh.

1CORINTHIANS.7: = Principles of Marriage
7 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.

7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Get married quickly to a Baptist girl.? Ask her(= your co-worker) to marry you.? Change job.? Hope she be merciful to you after you again reject her sexual advances.?

Submit to her.? Eg some Christians do not consider masturbation by singles as a sin/evil-deed.

 

[MichaelDB]

Submit to her.? Eg some Christians do not consider masturbation by singles as a sin/evil-de

This I don't quite understand? How would submitting to my coworker's behavior be masturbation? And furthermore, wouldn't that just inflame my inappropriate lust for her further?

 

[dhh712]

I spent the last week at an annual Energy Conference with one of my co-workers and I am at a loss as to how I should feel about her, how I should interact with her or do about her behavior. I am so confused because she is all at the same time one of the most corrupt, dishonest, promiscuous, yet must intelligent, beautiful, and sweetest young women I have ever met.
Here is a little background: A few months ago the company I work for hired this new engineer. She was brought in and introduced as the Senior Structural Engineer. I will admit I wasn't happy with that because it was always implied by our boss that I would be promoted to senior and they were going to bring in a new junior engineer, my current title is Project Engineer. Anyways this girl is maybe 24 years old has 10 years less work history but was brought in as a senior. In the first weeks she was here you could tell that she is incredibly intelligent. But I mainly steered clear of her because she seemed very cold and distant, that of course unless she was chewing some one out. Whenever she was getting into it with some one you could hear her through her door. One she even made one of our rig managers cry. Needless to say I didn't want to be on the receiving end so I mainly avoided her and only engaged her when necessary. About 3 weeks ago our boss came in from out of town and told her she was sending her to the Energy conference and she told her that she wanted me to go too. She came into my office and proceeded to ask me who my best friend was. Not really knowing how to respond I looked at her dumbly until one of the drafters whispered in my ear that I should say she was my best friend. When I told her that she was my best friend she said that's good because I was going to be going to Colorado with her. She dismissively said that she could use an extra vote and some one to carry her bags then turned and left.
It was at the conference that's when I started noticing her behavior. At first I just thought she was a little odd but she was pleasant and even generous. On the day we arrived she said she wanted to have a steak for dinner so we went to this really expensive restaurant where the entrees were more that 50 dollars a plate. At first I was a little apprehensive because I didn't know how much we were allowed to charge onto our company cards. I expressed to her my feelings and she told me just to get whatever I want. I ordered myself a chicken dish because I didn't think she really had the authority to say if something was OK or not. She proceeded to order herself two steaks and a lobster tail, because she "didn't know if she would like the New York Strip or the Rib eye better". It was the strangest thing watching that little lady hog through two steaks and a lobster tail. When the bill came I asked if they could split the check since I asked didn't want to be responsible for what amounted to a 200$ meal. That's when she snatched the ticket out of my hand and said she would put all of it onto her card. She then made an inappropriate joke to the waitress about "not believing the hype about dating an older man". Then we went back to the hotel where she insisted on getting a few drinks. She proceeded to get completely hammered at the bar to the point where the bar tender insisted I take her back to her room. I practically carried her to her room and plopped her onto her bed. I was in the middle of asking her if she needed anything else she fell asleep fully dressed face down with her shoes on. So I left her there and returned to my room. I called our boss and she told me just to let her sleep it off ands that is "just classic Ava" and she just asked me to make sure she is OK in the morning. She then closed with a rather inappropriate joke about how in the off chance my co-worker were to die in her sleep to please bring back her laptop and iPad.
So the next morning I awoke to my Co worker knocking on my door telling me it was time for the conference breakfast. She looked completely put together, perfect makeup, classy little dress. I could not believe just 6 hours previous she was a drunk sloppy mess. Well we went down to breakfast and she again piled her plate high. It was hard not to stare as she practically inhaled 3 large plates of bacon, eggs, grits, and sausage. After breakfast she excused herself and disappeared for an hour and I didn't see her until it was her time to present.
She gave her talk, and people all adrndound were pretty impressed with her intellegance. I finally caught up with her at the end of the morning session and she was hanging off the arm of a sales rep of one of our vendors. She introduced me to him as "her best friend" and told me that the vendor was taking us to lunch. For lunch she insisted on one of the most expensive restaurants and again ordered her self the most expensive combination of items available. She then insisted that the waiter not bring me the sensible meal I ordered but instead to bring me a double portion of what she ordered because she would "feel fat" if I ate less than her. I was watching the face of the sales rep and he looked as if this was a normal thing so I decided not to rock the boat. I was shocked when she started to order multiple drinks. When the vendor rep said something she took his hand and put it onto her stomach and told him to give it a little squeeze. He then said to him "the fatter I get the less inclined I am to want to haggle". After we ate she told me she wanted to go for a walk and she made me go with her to a Chlis. She told me to wait outside while she "took care of something ". I waited for her and she came out with a dessert in a brown bag. She asked me if I wanted it, I said no so she threw it into the trash. She then told me that she wanted to take a nap so I had to go to the afternoon session in her place.
Around dinner time she came came and found me and told me that she wanted to "eat light" because after dinner she wanted to go party. Despite saying she wanted to eat light she again insisted on an expensive place and still she ordered a ton of food she just didn't eat it all this time. Then like the night before she proceeded to get totally trashed at the bar and I had to take her back to her room.
The next day was pretty much the same, she ate a huge breakfast, dissapeared for an hour, attended the morning session, forced a vendor to buy her lunch, stopped at the chili's , bailed on the afternoon session and came to find me for dinner. And like the night before she wanted to drink. This time we went to another bar which continued to serve her despite her intoxication and they served her until she stated throwing up. I was there so I ended up holding her hair back and then carrying her back to her room. Again I plopped her into her bed and left her.
The next morning was different. When she met me at my room she wasn't near as cold or dismissive as she normally was. She was much friendlier than she had ever been and she thanked me for keeping vomit out of her hair. But despite her new demeanor the same routine from the previous day just repeated it self. However, at dinner time she said she wanted to do room service instead of going out because she had to finish a report on her laptop. I initially told her to have a good night but she practically forced me to come up to eat with her.
Like the nights before she ordered a ton of food and drink and just went to town like it was no body's business. Part way through she even excused her self to change out of her dress because she complained it wa getting a little snug. So for a couple hours we ate and drank together and the more she drank the more affable and flirtatious she got. She eventually tried crawling into my lap but I used all my spiritual fortitude to resist her advances. She eventually passed out drunk and I just put her to bed. I stayed in her room with her but I didn't do anything because I was concerned and wanted to make sure she woke up.
When she woke up a few hours later, at first she made some dispariging comment about how I must be thick or gay for missing an opportunity like that. That's when I just sat her down and asked her what her deal was. I questioned her about her odd behavior. I asked her if she was trying to prove something because she really has nothing she needs to prove, I told her how intelligent she is and that she doesn't need the theatrics to draw attention to herself. That's when she said that none of what she does is theatrics. She told me about the drinking and promiscuity she just liked being drunk and having sex. And she assured me she didn't have an eating disorder and that she just enjoyed food. I asked her why then did she always have to make a pig of herself and that's when she pulled out a folder from her bag and showed me exactly why she does what she does at restaurants.
It turns out that when ever she travels for business she buys restaurant gift card on her corporate card and she sells them later. That's why when we went to eat together she always made sure the bill is super high. The way she put it is, when she is normally by herself she would maybe get a dollar cheese burger from McDonald's and then charge an 80 dollar gift card to her company card. So the company would think she ate an 80 dollar meal. Ergo when we ate together the bill HAS to be high so it wouldn't look suspicious when they do audits. She said the reason she pigs out in font of vendors is so her reputation as a big eater is established so no one questions how she can spend 100 plus at a chilis.
I was completely shocked that I was hearing this since to me this is stealing. I told her that it is odd that the company let's her charge that much for meals yet they told me it was against company policy for me to have both a laptop and a desk top. She responded by picking up the phone,calling or boss and telling her that I needed a laptop too. Our boss readily agreed.
Now I don't know what to do. I know what she is doing is wrong but she is such a sweetheart that I feel like if I told on her it would be like stepping on a kitten. And I am being honest, I do feel a strong infatuation with her and I find my self wondering what it would be like to date her. I have been single for the last 8 years and I would love to date some one as smart and sweet as her. What should I do? Would it be wrong for me to persue her despite her ethics? Should I stay silent about her activities?

No Christian in their right mind would be dating someone like that, so steer clear of that avenue. You really think she's sweet? The way you described her sounds like a typical narcissist. She needs to be saved, from your description of her. If there is an anonymous hotline to report unethical activity in your company, I would do this. If there is not I would try to do everything I could to not have anything to do with this woman, and I'd probably be looking for another job too. Not to say that this is the only company that acts unethically (or has managers that do unethical stuff like this) but at least you can try to find one that you do not directly know of whether stuff like this is going on.

Best wishes. And please stay clear of dating her. You do not want this, that is if you value your Christian lifestyle and dedication to Christ.

 

[dhh712]

You don't think I know this? That is exactly what my problem is. I can't stop my unhealthy thoughts about her. I am not looking for advice on how to date her, I wish I could just forget her and be unaffected by her. Every time I pray about it my thoughts bounce between being envious over her to being angry at her to wanting her carnally. I know these are my own problems and then I feel guilty for wanting to blame her.
Now I an dreading the trip I have to take with her and dreading the prospect of more trips with her. Before the conference I just stayed out of her way. Back then I didn't know about her corrupt practices, I just resented her for her position and could tell myself don't even dream about it because she most likely doesn't even notice me. It was her idea that I come along to the conference and it was her idea that I go with her on this trip. In the past when she went on these surveys she would either go alone or just grab who ever was standing next to her at the time she received the call to go. To my knowledge people enjoy going with her and say she is much easier to deal with outside the office. I seem to be the only one who has had issue with time with her.
But really I feel so much conflict and guilt over my unhealthy infatuation with her. I hate myself for the way I was so aroused watching her eat. It was so strangely erotic that I couldn't look away from her but I knew continuing to watch was wrong. That's why the night she wanted to do room service I declined her invitation but was almost powerless to resist her when she took hold of my arm and practically dragged me along behind her. I hate myself for finding every little thing she did that night arousing. I just kept praying in my head to keep control of my own flesh.
Even when I was talking to our boss about her I was finding myself getting inappropriately aroused. Hearing her make that off hand remark about actively trying to fatten my Co worker up almost made me lose it. And the way she spoke about my coworker and pretty much implied that she can be treated like a hyper intelligent yet naive pet (or as she put it "a sweet but messy puppy who loves milkbones as much as she loves to please") just filled my head with very dark impure thoughts.
So this is my problem, I know I shouldn't be feeling this way but no amount of prayer is putting my mind at ease. I know what I should be doing but I am having trouble with how I am feeling.

You need to look for another job. Unfortunately, it has come to this. If you cannot find a way to have upper management make sure you do not have any further contact with this woman, then you have to get out. Don't do that without finding another job first, but definitely start looking. You can say something like you've been exposed to some unethical businesses practices in the company that you weren't comfortable with if asked by the new company why you're looking for other employment.

It is a concern that you're not disgusted with this woman and instead infatuated with her. That's why you really need to get out of this situation and work on building up your spiritual life and relationship with Christ.

 

[Invalidusername]

You don't think I know this? That is exactly what my problem is. I can't stop my unhealthy thoughts about her. I am not looking for advice on how to date her, I wish I could just forget her and be unaffected by her. Every time I pray about it my thoughts bounce between being envious over her to being angry at her to wanting her carnally. I know these are my own problems and then I feel guilty for wanting to blame her.
Now I an dreading the trip I have to take with her and dreading the prospect of more trips with her. Before the conference I just stayed out of her way. Back then I didn't know about her corrupt practices, I just resented her for her position and could tell myself don't even dream about it because she most likely doesn't even notice me. It was her idea that I come along to the conference and it was her idea that I go with her on this trip. In the past when she went on these surveys she would either go alone or just grab who ever was standing next to her at the time she received the call to go. To my knowledge people enjoy going with her and say she is much easier to deal with outside the office. I seem to be the only one who has had issue with time with her.
But really I feel so much conflict and guilt over my unhealthy infatuation with her. I hate myself for the way I was so aroused watching her eat. It was so strangely erotic that I couldn't look away from her but I knew continuing to watch was wrong. That's why the night she wanted to do room service I declined her invitation but was almost powerless to resist her when she took hold of my arm and practically dragged me along behind her. I hate myself for finding every little thing she did that night arousing. I just kept praying in my head to keep control of my own flesh.
Even when I was talking to our boss about her I was finding myself getting inappropriately aroused. Hearing her make that off hand remark about actively trying to fatten my Co worker up almost made me lose it. And the way she spoke about my coworker and pretty much implied that she can be treated like a hyper intelligent yet naive pet (or as she put it "a sweet but messy puppy who loves milkbones as much as she loves to please") just filled my head with very dark impure thoughts.
So this is my problem, I know I shouldn't be feeling this way but no amount of prayer is putting my mind at ease. I know what I should be doing but I am having trouble with how I am feeling.

You are not at peace because you still desire her. Read Proverbs about going astray for a forbidden woman. It only leads to death and destruction. Simply REFUSE to go on another trip with her. Stand your ground. You are a man. Say no.

Stop being weak willed and double minded like a woman.

 

[Invalidusername]

Also a job is not important compared to your eternal soul. Do not stain your soul for a crappy replaceable job.

 

[discipler7]

Submit to her.? Eg some Christians do not consider masturbation by singles as a sin/evil-deed.

.

This I don't quite understand? How would submitting to my coworker's behavior be masturbation? And furthermore, wouldn't that just inflame my inappropriate lust for her further?

.
As a harlot or hedonist, she probably desires to sexually "conquer" you as a prized Christian trophy, to be bragged about to other girls. If so, you can either submit or suffer her wrath(= suffer for Christ) or plead for mercy or escape/run.

In any confrontation with her subordinates or co-workers, your company will likely side with her.

P S - Sex is over-rated. It's not very different from wanting to eat a tasty steak, eating it and feeling sated afterwards.

 

[MichaelDB]

You need to look for another job. Unfortunately, it has come to this. If you cannot find a way to have upper management make sure you do not have any further contact with this woman, then you have to get out. Don't do that without finding another job first, but definitely start looking. You can say something like you've been exposed to some unethical businesses practices in the company that you weren't comfortable with if asked by the new company why you're looking for other employment.

It is a concern that you're not disgusted with this woman and instead infatuated with her. That's why you really need to get out of this situation and work on building up your spiritual life and relationship with Christ.

I am disgusted, not as much at her but at my self. Ultimately she may not know better but I do. That's what I am wanting help and prayers for. Physical resisting the advances and abstaining from her life style is hard but that is still infinity easier than quelling the obtrusive thoughts I am having.
I know I shouldn't be infatuated by her. But i can't help it. I can keep my hands off of her but I can't keep my mind off of her. That's why I am frustrated with my self.
No one seems to care about her shady business ethics. They seem to think that she is a money maker and that if they let her think she is getting away with something she works better and harder. Which leads me to honestly feel bad for her too. That she is so naive to think that she is fooling the company when in reality they all knew and use it as a way to take advantage of her (for all she steals in gift cards that little girl works ALOT. She doesn't seem to have a family or friends to speak of so she does 70 hour weeks. It really seems like our boss is her only friend and she calls her a puppy).

 

[MichaelDB]

.

.
As a harlot or hedonist, she probably desires to sexually "conquer" you as a prized Christian trophy, to be bragged about to other girls. If so, you can either submit or suffer her wrath or plead for mercy or escape/run.

In any confrontation with her subordinates or co-workers, your company will likely side with her.

P S - Sex is over-rated. It's not very different from wanting to eat a tasty steak, eating it and feeling sated afterwards.

I gotcha, I don't know about the bragging though. She doesn't seem to have actual friends. When we talked she didn't mention any family or actual friends. Even the way she uses the terms "friend", "best friend", "super best friends" she is really just talking about mutually benifical business acquaintances. Like she refers to different vendors as her "good friends" and she introduces her self as my "best friend" but they're isn't any real warmth. She is either ice cold at the office or artificially friendly and "fun" outside the office. She seemed to warm up a little to me night after I held her hair but I don't know how real it was. The only person she seems to be actually warm towards and not artifically friendly towards is our boss. It feels like she thinks she is taking advantage of people but really it seems like people are taking advantage of her and letting her think she has won.

And about sex, I wouldn't know. I had one girlfriend through college, a good Christian girl and we thought we were going to wait till we were married, but we broke up when she couldn't wait longer and laid with another man.

 

[Heavenhome]

The only avenue left is for you to find other employment. It may be the only thing that saves you from yourself.

 

[discipler7]

And about sex, I wouldn't know. I had one girlfriend through college, a good Christian girl and we thought we were going to wait till we were married, but we broke up when she couldn't wait longer and laid with another man.

Some Christians also consider safe-sex-before-marriage between a young and committed Christian couple as not a sin/evil-deed, ala masturbation by singles is not a sin.

 

[MichaelDB]

Some Christians also consider sex-before-marriage between a young and committed Christian couple is not a sin/evil-deed, ala masturbation by singles is not a sin.

Unfortunately that "good Christian girl" told me that we should wait but then decided she couldn't and gave it up to some one else after being my girlfriend for 5 years.

 

[discipler7]

Unfortunately that "good Christian girl" told me that we should wait but then decided she couldn't and gave it up to some one else after being my girlfriend for 5 years.

Reminds me of ... 1TIMOTHY.2:14 = 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.

She was deceived by the false precept of no sex before marriage and you suffered for it.?

 

[MichaelDB]

Reminds me of ... 1TIMOTHY.2:14 = 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.

She was deceived by the false precept of no sex before marriage and you suffered for it.?

Is this really true?

 

[discipler7]

Is this really true?

Which.? Your ex-gf or Eve.?

 

[MichaelDB]

Which.? Your ex-gf or Eve.?

That premarital sex with a committed partner is OK?

 

[discipler7]

That premarital sex with a committed partner is OK?

Likely, yes or it's OK.

Adam & Eve and Abraham & Sarah were married in the eyes of God only. They were not legally married, as in applying for marriage certificates/papers.

Modern-day finances and educational requirements for good jobs do not allow young and committed couples to get legally or officially married, ie compared to ancient times when people got married soon after reaching puberty. Today, most couples could only get legally married after 25 years old.
....... So, a young and committed Christian couple, eg college students, should not be burdened by marriage laws/papers, ala ACTS.15:24-29, ie they should consider themselves as already married in the eyes of God(= should remain faithful and not breakup). They should practice birth-control until the day they are able to get legally married.

It would be a burden to require an 18 years old committed couple to wait about 7 years before they could have sex by getting legally married.

MATTHEW.11:30 = 30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”