I don't know how I should feel about a certain co-worker

[MichaelDB]

Honey, she's driving you nuts. She's in your head. She doesn't belong there. Get her out. Quit obsessing, and make the choice to put Christ there. That is what I do, and it helps!

Believe me I am trying, I can't sleep. Knowing that tomorrow. I guess later today, I will be spending am extended period of time alone with her.

 

[ripple the car]

This is another thing that makes me feel like crap too. I had always thought that she and my boss were best friends and that's why she got brought in over me. But the more I listen to my boss and one of the other senior VP'S talk about my Co worker the more it seems like they view her more like a golden retriever than they do an equal or even a subordinate. They some how have got her thinking that she is in control when in reality she is just a dog who they manage to train with treats. She doesn't seem to have a family or real friends so I wonder how she would react when she realizes that our boss is pretty much using her. Like I said before, the only time she is warm and bubbly at the office is when our boss is around. It genuinely seems that she sees our boss as her friend. I really think that it would break her heart if she ever found out our boss said that she is "like a messy puppy who just has to be handled right". So it makes me feel like crap that instead of pitying her and wanting to help her I am filed with envy either wanting her or wanting to be her.

None of this is anything you can solve. Pray for her. That is all that you can or should do for her.

 

[ripple the car]

Believe me I am trying, I can't sleep. Knowing that tomorrow. I guess later today, I will be spending am extended period of time alone with her.

This is Satanic. Get out. I'll pray to St. Michael for your spiritual and physical protection, but you need to consider making some very serious efforts to leave this situation.

 

[MichaelDB]

This is Satanic. Get out. I'll pray to St. Michael for your spiritual and physical protection, but you need to consider making some very serious efforts to leave this situation.

Well, I did go out and get the car loaded with junk food. Maybe it won't be so bad to just go along with the status quo and just let her sleep and stuff her self silly. Get her to the rig site, let her do her magic and then drive her home. Maybe she likes being a dog and I can just do what every one else does and treat her like a dog. And if I begin to lust after her I can tell my self that lusting after her is as silly as lusting after a dog.

 

[ripple the car]

Well, I did go out and get the car loaded with junk food. Maybe it won't be so bad to just go along with the status quo and just let her sleep and stuff her self silly. Get her to the rig site, let her do her magic and then drive her home. Maybe she likes being a dog and I can just do what every one else does and treat her like a dog. And if I begin to lust after her I can tell my self that lusting after her is as silly as lusting after a dog.

Be kind to her, but stay safe. Pray. God will be with you. Just consider finding work elsewhere if this is going to continue to be harmful to you.

 

[discipler7]

The lingering feelings I am talking about aren't the attraction I feel to her, not at all. I know those will fade. The feelings I am talking about are my personal feelings of guilt that I have committed adultery in my heart. As you put it the feeling of guilt that I have for not being disgusted by her instead of infatuated. Those are the feelings that are haunting me and will continue to haunt me even if I don't see her again.

It is normal for us to have fleshly lustful thoughts. Just don't put them into action or fruition by committing adultery, rape/sexual harassment, fornication and other sexual immoralities. Sex should be within marriage.(either officially or unofficially.?)
....... Also, such lustful thought will not condemn us to hell as long as we believe that Jesus Christ died for us on the Cross.(ROMANS.5:12, LEV.17:11, HEBREWS.9:22) ...

MATTHEW.5: = Murder Begins in the Heart
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire.

1JOHN.3: = 15 Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Without faith in Christ, whoever has been angry or hated in his/her heart is condemned to hell when he/she dies. This means that before Christ(= 33 AD), everyone was bound for hell when they die. Today, everyone without Christ is bound for hell when they die.
....... But with faith in Christ, whoever has been angry or hated or lusted or jealous or greeded or feared or doubted in his/her heart is saved from hell when he/she dies.

Because the Pharisees of MATTHEW.5 chose to reject Christ, ...in order to be saved from hell, they would have to pluck out their eyes and chop off their limbs, turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile, lend to all who ask and love their enemies.
....... Those who accepted Jesus Christ would not have to do such silly things.

We should not put our sinful/evil thoughts into action by committing murder, adultery/sexual immoralities, stealing, lying/cheating, blasphemy, idolatry, etc. Those who willingly and/or continuingly or unrepentantly sin will likely not be saved.(JOB.2:9, 1COR.5:5, HEBREWS.10:26-31)
....... Those who repent from such sins/evil-deeds(eg King David - PSALM.51) and "Go and sin no more"(JOHN.5:14 & 8:11) will still likely be saved. Sometimes, Christians may sin unintentionally, ignorantly or foolishly or while under stress.(1JOHN.2:1)

 

[ripple the car]

"Also, such lustful thought will not condemn us to hell as long as we believe that Jesus Christ died for us on the Cross."

Wrong. Terrible advice for someone struggling with sin.

 

[Heavenhome]

Truly I think your boss is also a wacko, I can't believe the stuff she says.
Do your work only, keep your head down and in the meantime try for other employment.

If you are sorry for your thoughts and taken them to the Lord then you are forgiven, let's face it you haven't acted on those lusts so take the forgiveness you have been given and act like it.
Stop going over and over it, this sounds more like the accuser of the bretheren is filling your head with the nonsense that keeps you thinking you've committed a sexual sin by your thoughts.
You've prayed about it so who are you going to believe Satan the liar who tells you otherwise or our Lord Jesus who conquered sin and death (and Satan) at the cross.

Pray, confess, ask for strength, protection, and BELIEVE Gods promises. You are right you are weak but HE IS STRONG.
Put on the full armour of God and live like a soldier of Christ.
Go on the work trip, keep Gods word hidden in your heart, don't forget to spend time in Bible reading and prayer while you are away

Forget your feelings and remember 2 Corinthians 10:4 +5. Memorise it and meditate on Ephesians 6:10-18.and Romans 8:35-39 (I want you to look these up yourself)1 Phillipians 4:8 is what we should all strive to do and then we wouldn't get into so much strife!

I will pray for you as I'm sure others are and have faith that we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us.

 

[Deniz]

It is normal for us to have fleshly lustful thoughts. Just don't put them into action or fruition by committing adultery, rape/sexual harassment, fornication and other sexual immoralities. Sex should be within marriage.(either officially or unofficially.?)
....... Also, such lustful thought will not condemn us to hell as long as we believe that Jesus Christ died for us on the Cross.(ROMANS.5:12, LEV.17:11, HEBREWS.9:22) ...

MATTHEW.5: = Murder Begins in the Heart
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire.

1JOHN.3: = 15 Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Without faith in Christ, whoever has been angry or hated in his/her heart is condemned to hell when he/she dies. This means that before Christ(= 33 AD), everyone was bound for hell when they die. Today, everyone without Christ is bound for hell when they die.
....... But with faith in Christ, whoever has been angry or hated or lusted or jealous or greeded or feared or doubted in his/her heart is saved from hell when he/she dies.

Because the Pharisees of MATTHEW.5 chose to reject Christ, ...in order to be saved from hell, they would have to pluck out their eyes and chop off their limbs, turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile, lend to all who ask and love their enemies.
....... Those who accepted Jesus Christ would not have to do such silly things.

We should not put our sinful/evil thoughts into action by committing murder, adultery/sexual immoralities, stealing, lying/cheating, blasphemy, idolatry, etc. Those who willingly and/or continuingly or unrepentantly sin will likely not be saved.(JOB.2:9, 1COR.5:5, HEBREWS.10:26-31)
....... Those who repent from such sins/evil-deeds(eg King David - PSALM.51) and "Go and sin no more"(JOHN.5:14 & 8:11) will still likely be saved. Sometimes, Christians may sin unintentionally, ignorantly or foolishly or while under stress.(1JOHN.2:1)

What does "unofficial marriage" even mean? "We think we might get married some day so we are already married"? Is marriage a thought or an action? Neither is lust a permissible thought within one's head, a thought to meditate on, nor a thing you should let pass you by without fighting it. What you store in your heart will eventually bring forth fruit. Holiness to holiness, evil to evil.

I would strongly suggest that you stop giving any kind of advice until you understand what Christianity is.

Christianity isn't about "thinking exactly like the world, just not taking some of the action, and even if you do you are saved because you said "I believe in Jesus" at some point". It is about letting the Holy Spirit of God change you, a TRUE REPENTACE that comes with understanding and love, through the relationship and time you spend with Lord Jesus Christ in the secret place.

Matthew 6:6
But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.

Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Ephesians 5:4
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

Colossians 3:4
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

 

[Deniz]

Honestly, now that I've read a little more about this thread and what you've been telling us about your situation, I think what you should do is clear:

Talk to her about Jesus. Talk to her about God whenever you feel like the conversation is going somewhere else, and/or your thoughts are failing you, just start talking about your own testimony, the love of God, ask her questions about afterlife and if she has ever read the Bible etc. Remind her that this is all just passing and nothing here is worth grieving the Lord, and that she should think a bit about it.

She will either put a distance or you'll win a soul for eternity. Don't be afraid of speaking about Jesus, the Lord's grace will be there to cover over whatever happens as long as your heart is for Him and that you want to do the right thing. God bless.

 

[MichaelDB]

Honestly, now that I've read a little more about this thread and what you've been telling us about your situation, I think what you should do is clear:

Talk to her about Jesus. Talk to her about God whenever you feel like the conversation is going somewhere else, and/or your thoughts are failing you, just start talking about your own testimony, the love of God, ask her questions about afterlife and if she has ever read the Bible etc. Remind her that this is all just passing and nothing here is worth grieving the Lord, and that she should think a bit about it.

She will either put a distance or you'll win a soul for eternity. Don't be afraid of speaking about Jesus, the Lord's grace will be there to cover over whatever happens as long as your heart is for Him and that you want to do the right thing. God bless.

I pick her up in about an hour so o think I'll try this. I personally don't think she is a bad person per say. Probably just highly immature

 

[brinny]

I pick her up in about an hour so o think I'll try this. I personally don't think she is a bad person per say. Probably just highly immature

It seems you've come to a conclusion, which has been echoed throughout this thread.

Why did you start the thread?

 

[manuel minor]

I spent the last week at an annual Energy Conference with one of my co-workers and I am at a loss as to how I should feel about her, how I should interact with her or do about her behavior. I am so confused because she is all at the same time one of the most corrupt, dishonest, promiscuous, yet must intelligent, beautiful, and sweetest young women I have ever met.
Here is a little background: A few months ago the company I work for hired this new engineer. She was brought in and introduced as the Senior Structural Engineer. I will admit I wasn't happy with that because it was always implied by our boss that I would be promoted to senior and they were going to bring in a new junior engineer, my current title is Project Engineer. Anyways this girl is maybe 24 years old has 10 years less work history but was brought in as a senior. In the first weeks she was here you could tell that she is incredibly intelligent. But I mainly steered clear of her because she seemed very cold and distant, that of course unless she was chewing some one out. Whenever she was getting into it with some one you could hear her through her door. One she even made one of our rig managers cry. Needless to say I didn't want to be on the receiving end so I mainly avoided her and only engaged her when necessary. About 3 weeks ago our boss came in from out of town and told her she was sending her to the Energy conference and she told her that she wanted me to go too. She came into my office and proceeded to ask me who my best friend was. Not really knowing how to respond I looked at her dumbly until one of the drafters whispered in my ear that I should say she was my best friend. When I told her that she was my best friend she said that's good because I was going to be going to Colorado with her. She dismissively said that she could use an extra vote and some one to carry her bags then turned and left.
It was at the conference that's when I started noticing her behavior. At first I just thought she was a little odd but she was pleasant and even generous. On the day we arrived she said she wanted to have a steak for dinner so we went to this really expensive restaurant where the entrees were more that 50 dollars a plate. At first I was a little apprehensive because I didn't know how much we were allowed to charge onto our company cards. I expressed to her my feelings and she told me just to get whatever I want. I ordered myself a chicken dish because I didn't think she really had the authority to say if something was OK or not. She proceeded to order herself two steaks and a lobster tail, because she "didn't know if she would like the New York Strip or the Rib eye better". It was the strangest thing watching that little lady hog through two steaks and a lobster tail. When the bill came I asked if they could split the check since I asked didn't want to be responsible for what amounted to a 200$ meal. That's when she snatched the ticket out of my hand and said she would put all of it onto her card. She then made an inappropriate joke to the waitress about "not believing the hype about dating an older man". Then we went back to the hotel where she insisted on getting a few drinks. She proceeded to get completely hammered at the bar to the point where the bar tender insisted I take her back to her room. I practically carried her to her room and plopped her onto her bed. I was in the middle of asking her if she needed anything else she fell asleep fully dressed face down with her shoes on. So I left her there and returned to my room. I called our boss and she told me just to let her sleep it off ands that is "just classic Ava" and she just asked me to make sure she is OK in the morning. She then closed with a rather inappropriate joke about how in the off chance my co-worker were to die in her sleep to please bring back her laptop and iPad.
So the next morning I awoke to my Co worker knocking on my door telling me it was time for the conference breakfast. She looked completely put together, perfect makeup, classy little dress. I could not believe just 6 hours previous she was a drunk sloppy mess. Well we went down to breakfast and she again piled her plate high. It was hard not to stare as she practically inhaled 3 large plates of bacon, eggs, grits, and sausage. After breakfast she excused herself and disappeared for an hour and I didn't see her until it was her time to present.
She gave her talk, and people all adrndound were pretty impressed with her intellegance. I finally caught up with her at the end of the morning session and she was hanging off the arm of a sales rep of one of our vendors. She introduced me to him as "her best friend" and told me that the vendor was taking us to lunch. For lunch she insisted on one of the most expensive restaurants and again ordered her self the most expensive combination of items available. She then insisted that the waiter not bring me the sensible meal I ordered but instead to bring me a double portion of what she ordered because she would "feel fat" if I ate less than her. I was watching the face of the sales rep and he looked as if this was a normal thing so I decided not to rock the boat. I was shocked when she started to order multiple drinks. When the vendor rep said something she took his hand and put it onto her stomach and told him to give it a little squeeze. He then said to him "the fatter I get the less inclined I am to want to haggle". After we ate she told me she wanted to go for a walk and she made me go with her to a Chlis. She told me to wait outside while she "took care of something ". I waited for her and she came out with a dessert in a brown bag. She asked me if I wanted it, I said no so she threw it into the trash. She then told me that she wanted to take a nap so I had to go to the afternoon session in her place.
Around dinner time she came came and found me and told me that she wanted to "eat light" because after dinner she wanted to go party. Despite saying she wanted to eat light she again insisted on an expensive place and still she ordered a ton of food she just didn't eat it all this time. Then like the night before she proceeded to get totally trashed at the bar and I had to take her back to her room.
The next day was pretty much the same, she ate a huge breakfast, dissapeared for an hour, attended the morning session, forced a vendor to buy her lunch, stopped at the chili's , bailed on the afternoon session and came to find me for dinner. And like the night before she wanted to drink. This time we went to another bar which continued to serve her despite her intoxication and they served her until she stated throwing up. I was there so I ended up holding her hair back and then carrying her back to her room. Again I plopped her into her bed and left her.
The next morning was different. When she met me at my room she wasn't near as cold or dismissive as she normally was. She was much friendlier than she had ever been and she thanked me for keeping vomit out of her hair. But despite her new demeanor the same routine from the previous day just repeated it self. However, at dinner time she said she wanted to do room service instead of going out because she had to finish a report on her laptop. I initially told her to have a good night but she practically forced me to come up to eat with her.
Like the nights before she ordered a ton of food and drink and just went to town like it was no body's business. Part way through she even excused her self to change out of her dress because she complained it wa getting a little snug. So for a couple hours we ate and drank together and the more she drank the more affable and flirtatious she got. She eventually tried crawling into my lap but I used all my spiritual fortitude to resist her advances. She eventually passed out drunk and I just put her to bed. I stayed in her room with her but I didn't do anything because I was concerned and wanted to make sure she woke up.
When she woke up a few hours later, at first she made some dispariging comment about how I must be thick or gay for missing an opportunity like that. That's when I just sat her down and asked her what her deal was. I questioned her about her odd behavior. I asked her if she was trying to prove something because she really has nothing she needs to prove, I told her how intelligent she is and that she doesn't need the theatrics to draw attention to herself. That's when she said that none of what she does is theatrics. She told me about the drinking and promiscuity she just liked being drunk and having sex. And she assured me she didn't have an eating disorder and that she just enjoyed food. I asked her why then did she always have to make a pig of herself and that's when she pulled out a folder from her bag and showed me exactly why she does what she does at restaurants.
It turns out that when ever she travels for business she buys restaurant gift card on her corporate card and she sells them later. That's why when we went to eat together she always made sure the bill is super high. The way she put it is, when she is normally by herself she would maybe get a dollar cheese burger from McDonald's and then charge an 80 dollar gift card to her company card. So the company would think she ate an 80 dollar meal. Ergo when we ate together the bill HAS to be high so it wouldn't look suspicious when they do audits. She said the reason she pigs out in font of vendors is so her reputation as a big eater is established so no one questions how she can spend 100 plus at a chilis.
I was completely shocked that I was hearing this since to me this is stealing. I told her that it is odd that the company let's her charge that much for meals yet they told me it was against company policy for me to have both a laptop and a desk top. She responded by picking up the phone,calling or boss and telling her that I needed a laptop too. Our boss readily agreed.
Now I don't know what to do. I know what she is doing is wrong but she is such a sweetheart that I feel like if I told on her it would be like stepping on a kitten. And I am being honest, I do feel a strong infatuation with her and I find my self wondering what it would be like to date her. I have been single for the last 8 years and I would love to date some one as smart and sweet as her. What should I do? Would it be wrong for me to persue her despite her ethics? Should I stay silent about her activities?

 

[A_Thinker]

The lingering feelings I am talking about aren't the attraction I feel to her, not at all. I know those will fade. The feelings I am talking about are my personal feelings of guilt that I have committed adultery in my heart. As you put it the feeling of guilt that I have for not being disgusted by her instead of infatuated. Those are the feelings that are haunting me and will continue to haunt me even if I don't see her again.

God will forgive your imperfect attitudes and thoughts regarding this situation. This is why He sent His Son to die for you ...

2 Timothy 2:13 - If we are faithless, He remains faithful; ...

You don't have full control of your thoughts, ... but you do have sufficient control of your body. Heed Paul's words ...

Colossians 2:21 Touch not; taste not; handle not; ...

 

[manuel minor]

I think you should be truthful and tell her about want you believe and about her bad habits .. shear with her your faith and leave it to the Holy Sprit....

 

[MichaelDB]

It seems you've come to a conclusion, which has been echoed throughout this thread.

Why did you start the thread?

The world is such a permissive place. I find the admonishment of stronger Christians helpful in stemming my own sinful desires. I am not picking her up for a date or social interaction I am about to travel with her as a part of my work responsibility. There is no way I can remove myself from this situation without risking my employment so I am doing everything I can to steel myself against temptation. Having my brothers and sisters in Christ remind me not to give into the permissiveness of the world is everything for me right now. Like I said the world would consider her "not that bad", or just "a bit quirky" my weak sinful flesh would love nothing more than to believe that, but the criticism of my brothers and sisters gives me that kick I need to keep resisting.
So thank you all. Thank you for helping me keep my resolve to at least act right even if I can't think right. This trip will be a real trial and I am very thankful I can share with you all my internal hardship and that you all are helping me keep my head on straight.

 

[brinny]

The world is such a permissive place. I find the admonishment of stronger Christians helpful in stemming my own sinful desires. I am not picking her up for a date or social interaction I am about to travel with her as a part of my work responsibility. There is no way I can remove myself from this situation without risking my employment so I am doing everything I can to steel myself against temptation. Having my brothers and sisters in Christ remind me not to give into the permissiveness of the world is everything for me right now. Like I said the world would consider her "not that bad", or just "a bit quirky" my weak sinful flesh would love nothing more than to believe that, but the criticism of my brothers and sisters gives me that kick I need to keep resisting.
So thank you all. Thank you for helping me keep my resolve to at least act right even if I can't think right. This trip will be a real trial and I am very thankful I can share with you all my internal hardship and that you all are helping me keep my head on straight.

The "world" would consider her dangerous and toxic.

This comes to mind:

 

[MichaelDB]

The "world" would consider her dangerous and toxic.

This comes to mind:

I would disagree as almost every other employee who has traveled with her seem to think she is so "incredibly fun" once you get her away from her desk

 

[brinny]

I would disagree as almost every other employee who has traveled with her seem to think she is so "incredibly fun" once you get her away from her desk

If you agree with almost every employee that has traveled with her that seems to think she is so incredibly fun, what's the problem?

 

[Martyr's Crown]

I have read through a lot in your thread, I may read more later as I need to leave soon. But I will pray for your situation.

Something which is certain here; You are dealing with strongly centered spiritual warfare battle directed towards you. The obsession you have towards her, the anger, envy as well as sexual arousal/lustful thoughts. A demonic stronghold put over your mind.

Like Gracia Singh stated; Fixing your eyes on Jesus Christ, is what you need to do! As well as repenting before God and telling Him to take it away from you whenever it starts building up with these strong urges over you, do this in Jesus Christ's Name!

Trust God; It will get better and it can be won over! It will not happen over the night, but step by step it will get easier to handle, as long as you keep your focus on Jesus Christ. As well as reading in God's Word! And praying...