I spent the last week at an annual Energy Conference with one of my co-workers and I am at a loss as to how I should feel about her, how I should interact with her or do about her behavior. I am so confused because she is all at the same time one of the most corrupt, dishonest, promiscuous, yet must intelligent, beautiful, and sweetest young women I have ever met.
Here is a little background: A few months ago the company I work for hired this new engineer. She was brought in and introduced as the Senior Structural Engineer. I will admit I wasn't happy with that because it was always implied by our boss that I would be promoted to senior and they were going to bring in a new junior engineer, my current title is Project Engineer. Anyways this girl is maybe 24 years old has 10 years less work history but was brought in as a senior. In the first weeks she was here you could tell that she is incredibly intelligent. But I mainly steered clear of her because she seemed very cold and distant, that of course unless she was chewing some one out. Whenever she was getting into it with some one you could hear her through her door. One she even made one of our rig managers cry. Needless to say I didn't want to be on the receiving end so I mainly avoided her and only engaged her when necessary. About 3 weeks ago our boss came in from out of town and told her she was sending her to the Energy conference and she told her that she wanted me to go too. She came into my office and proceeded to ask me who my best friend was. Not really knowing how to respond I looked at her dumbly until one of the drafters whispered in my ear that I should say she was my best friend. When I told her that she was my best friend she said that's good because I was going to be going to Colorado with her. She dismissively said that she could use an extra vote and some one to carry her bags then turned and left.
It was at the conference that's when I started noticing her behavior. At first I just thought she was a little odd but she was pleasant and even generous. On the day we arrived she said she wanted to have a steak for dinner so we went to this really expensive restaurant where the entrees were more that 50 dollars a plate. At first I was a little apprehensive because I didn't know how much we were allowed to charge onto our company cards. I expressed to her my feelings and she told me just to get whatever I want. I ordered myself a chicken dish because I didn't think she really had the authority to say if something was OK or not. She proceeded to order herself two steaks and a lobster tail, because she "didn't know if she would like the New York Strip or the Rib eye better". It was the strangest thing watching that little lady hog through two steaks and a lobster tail. When the bill came I asked if they could split the check since I asked didn't want to be responsible for what amounted to a 200$ meal. That's when she snatched the ticket out of my hand and said she would put all of it onto her card. She then made an inappropriate joke to the waitress about "not believing the hype about dating an older man". Then we went back to the hotel where she insisted on getting a few drinks. She proceeded to get completely hammered at the bar to the point where the bar tender insisted I take her back to her room. I practically carried her to her room and plopped her onto her bed. I was in the middle of asking her if she needed anything else she fell asleep fully dressed face down with her shoes on. So I left her there and returned to my room. I called our boss and she told me just to let her sleep it off ands that is "just classic Ava" and she just asked me to make sure she is OK in the morning. She then closed with a rather inappropriate joke about how in the off chance my co-worker were to die in her sleep to please bring back her laptop and iPad.
So the next morning I awoke to my Co worker knocking on my door telling me it was time for the conference breakfast. She looked completely put together, perfect makeup, classy little dress. I could not believe just 6 hours previous she was a drunk sloppy mess. Well we went down to breakfast and she again piled her plate high. It was hard not to stare as she practically inhaled 3 large plates of bacon, eggs, grits, and sausage. After breakfast she excused herself and disappeared for an hour and I didn't see her until it was her time to present.
She gave her talk, and people all adrndound were pretty impressed with her intellegance. I finally caught up with her at the end of the morning session and she was hanging off the arm of a sales rep of one of our vendors. She introduced me to him as "her best friend" and told me that the vendor was taking us to lunch. For lunch she insisted on one of the most expensive restaurants and again ordered her self the most expensive combination of items available. She then insisted that the waiter not bring me the sensible meal I ordered but instead to bring me a double portion of what she ordered because she would "feel fat" if I ate less than her. I was watching the face of the sales rep and he looked as if this was a normal thing so I decided not to rock the boat. I was shocked when she started to order multiple drinks. When the vendor rep said something she took his hand and put it onto her stomach and told him to give it a little squeeze. He then said to him "the fatter I get the less inclined I am to want to haggle". After we ate she told me she wanted to go for a walk and she made me go with her to a Chlis. She told me to wait outside while she "took care of something ". I waited for her and she came out with a dessert in a brown bag. She asked me if I wanted it, I said no so she threw it into the trash. She then told me that she wanted to take a nap so I had to go to the afternoon session in her place.
Around dinner time she came came and found me and told me that she wanted to "eat light" because after dinner she wanted to go party. Despite saying she wanted to eat light she again insisted on an expensive place and still she ordered a ton of food she just didn't eat it all this time. Then like the night before she proceeded to get totally trashed at the bar and I had to take her back to her room.
The next day was pretty much the same, she ate a huge breakfast, dissapeared for an hour, attended the morning session, forced a vendor to buy her lunch, stopped at the chili's , bailed on the afternoon session and came to find me for dinner. And like the night before she wanted to drink. This time we went to another bar which continued to serve her despite her intoxication and they served her until she stated throwing up. I was there so I ended up holding her hair back and then carrying her back to her room. Again I plopped her into her bed and left her.
The next morning was different. When she met me at my room she wasn't near as cold or dismissive as she normally was. She was much friendlier than she had ever been and she thanked me for keeping vomit out of her hair. But despite her new demeanor the same routine from the previous day just repeated it self. However, at dinner time she said she wanted to do room service instead of going out because she had to finish a report on her laptop. I initially told her to have a good night but she practically forced me to come up to eat with her.
Like the nights before she ordered a ton of food and drink and just went to town like it was no body's business. Part way through she even excused her self to change out of her dress because she complained it wa getting a little snug. So for a couple hours we ate and drank together and the more she drank the more affable and flirtatious she got. She eventually tried crawling into my lap but I used all my spiritual fortitude to resist her advances. She eventually passed out drunk and I just put her to bed. I stayed in her room with her but I didn't do anything because I was concerned and wanted to make sure she woke up.
When she woke up a few hours later, at first she made some dispariging comment about how I must be thick or gay for missing an opportunity like that. That's when I just sat her down and asked her what her deal was. I questioned her about her odd behavior. I asked her if she was trying to prove something because she really has nothing she needs to prove, I told her how intelligent she is and that she doesn't need the theatrics to draw attention to herself. That's when she said that none of what she does is theatrics. She told me about the drinking and promiscuity she just liked being drunk and having sex. And she assured me she didn't have an eating disorder and that she just enjoyed food. I asked her why then did she always have to make a pig of herself and that's when she pulled out a folder from her bag and showed me exactly why she does what she does at restaurants.
It turns out that when ever she travels for business she buys restaurant gift card on her corporate card and she sells them later. That's why when we went to eat together she always made sure the bill is super high. The way she put it is, when she is normally by herself she would maybe get a dollar cheese burger from McDonald's and then charge an 80 dollar gift card to her company card. So the company would think she ate an 80 dollar meal. Ergo when we ate together the bill HAS to be high so it wouldn't look suspicious when they do audits. She said the reason she pigs out in font of vendors is so her reputation as a big eater is established so no one questions how she can spend 100 plus at a chilis.
I was completely shocked that I was hearing this since to me this is stealing. I told her that it is odd that the company let's her charge that much for meals yet they told me it was against company policy for me to have both a laptop and a desk top. She responded by picking up the phone,calling or boss and telling her that I needed a laptop too. Our boss readily agreed.
Now I don't know what to do. I know what she is doing is wrong but she is such a sweetheart that I feel like if I told on her it would be like stepping on a kitten. And I am being honest, I do feel a strong infatuation with her and I find my self wondering what it would be like to date her. I have been single for the last 8 years and I would love to date some one as smart and sweet as her. What should I do? Would it be wrong for me to persue her despite her ethics? Should I stay silent about her activities?
