I dont intend this to be sexist in any way, i need advice.

[Neostarwcc]

I've sent her a private message.

Ok ill have her read it if she hasn't yet when she gets some free time. She doesn't talk on discord much but if I tell her the message is there she will reply.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I think there is a difference between some ideal standard and between what is currently an emergency.

Imagine a house being on fire and somebody cooking in it, saying he will not help with the fire, because its not his role. Absurd, right?

You have financial problems now, so its more useful for both of you to focus on that, not on a lifestyle you cannot afford any longer.

That actually makes a lot of sense. It doesn't seem fair that I'm stuck paying the bills and taking care of her for the last ten years and she has done literally nothing.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Neostar, I would stay remain prayerful that God will change your situation. Something definitely needs to change here since you need your wife to help you.

Philippians 4:6-7

6Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I 100% agree something has to happen. I can't live like this anymore and she's depressed as heck too.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I've had this conversation with her actually. I talked to her about it for the past few days. She is calling the department of social services tomorrow who will help her take classes and find employment.

I don't think she enjoyed mooching off of my check. More that she wanted to be a Godly woman and wanted to help out by taking care of our home. That was our agreement when we first started dating. But I think we're both struggling with depression and that doesn't help her get motivated go help take care of the house. And I'm not motivated to argue with her everyday to start contributing to something. Anything.

We're both together 24/7 and that doesn't really help things. Her even to start donating some of her time would be good so I can get a break from her.

Please make sure she follows through on this. You're right, you both need to find something productive to do with your time! I hope it goes well. God bless.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I don't mean this post to be sexist and I don't intend to offend anyone with my post I just need some actual Biblical advice here. I'd like whatever your response is to have scripture to back it up I don't want people's personal views I want to do what the word of God says to do in this situation not the word of man. I'm just not 100% educated on what the Bible says about this sensitive subject.


That said, here I go. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for almost 10. During those 10 years my wife/gf did not work because she believes that the word of God says that women should not work hut instead be keepers of home and children (she doesn't do that either but we cut each other a lot of slack)

Right now my wife and I are in debt about $4,000 which to a disabled person who only makes $900 a month is a lot of money. It would take over a year to pay off and the interest on my credit cards are about 20-25% because i went bankrupt last year.

It'll cost me thousands to pay them off and I'm starting to wonder if maybe my wife can get a job to help us out.

But, I'm supposed to be the sole provider. I cannot hold a job which is why I get help from the government to begin with because I'm schizophrenic and bipolar. I go manic 3-4 times a year sometimes for months at a time. So it's impossible for me to keep a job if sometimes I cannot work for months at a time. Because not only do I get manic but I also get psychotic at times too. Sometimes the lack of sleep that I get from being manic causes my schizophrenia to act up. I'm on meds and everything or i probably would be in a mental hospital for the rest of my life.

So I'm just wondering if my wife brought home minimum wage together we might be able to pay the 4k off in 4-6 months saving me a lot of my ssi check. Not to mention car insurance food and many of the other bills that I have to pay out of pocket for every month. Tbch i feel stuck.

But if it's God's will that my wife remain unemployed I don't want to go against his will. After all it's been his will for almost 10 years now. I need biblical advice on this subject. What does everybody think?

I also noticed this thread, in which you admit that you are part of the debt problem due your uncontrolled spending when you're in a manic phase.

Im manic again.

Can people please pray for me? I'm manic again and have been spending money like crazy. I even spent what was supposed to be my rent money on something extremely stupid that I didn.'t need. I'm telling my wife tonight and my mom isn't going to be happy (it's her rent money i rent off of her. She...

www.christianforums.com

Are you under a psychiatrist's care? I know you said you're on meds. Do you also get regular counseling and therapy to help with your thought patterns and behaviors? Does your wife get supportive counseling? Being married to a man with active schizophrenia cannot be easy for her, either.

My heart goes out to you both.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

We're both together 24/7 and that doesn't really help things. Her even to start donating some of her time would be good so I can get a break from her.

I can attest to the fact that couples who are together 24/7 have difficulty even under the best circumstances. Add in that both halves of the couple have their own physical and/or mental heath struggles, and too much togetherness can really wear them down. Been there. Done that. Wrote the book about it. Wishing you the best.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I did watch it it was interesting. I wouldn't trust myself to have that kind of self control. Especially when manic.

I actually froze all my cards except for our debit card because we need it for food and had my wife change all my passwords on me. So I don't have access to my money right now anyway. Everything except paying the cards off is covered.

Oh okay, I understand. I'm glad that you know your limits, some people don't. Well, may God bless your efforts in working to pay off your loans and may He help your situation in Jesus name. Nothing is impossible with God.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I had a discussion with my pastor while he is in Geneva through email. I'm starting to feel a little bit better about all of this. His wife doesn't work and is a very Godly woman but my pastor makes a lot of money from being an Elder in the PCA for several decades. So she helped raise their children and helps guide the children of our congregation. She also plays the piano for all of our psalm/hymn singing.

Anyway he also told me that my wife working is not violating any part of the Bible but that the only restriction put on her is that she couldn't be held in a position of power like an Elder or Pastor. Mostly it's positions of power in the church that women cannot hold but that they can freely work to help keep the household running.

And to be completely honest I need the money. I struggled for 10 years thinking that my wife was right and I was wrong and i began believing it after a while. Because when she was in College when we met I had nothing against her getting her Bachelors in English even though it was kind of a bad major choice. But she quit school to move to NY and be with me. She was going to go the university of Plattsburgh but I couldn't afford the out of state tuition and gas at the time. She eventually didn't want to go back to school at all. So... idk. The past is the past and I'm looking to the future.

 

[dmoban]

Yes Larry (My church Elder) told me about Proverbs 31 when I was asking him for advice on this last year. I'd normally talk to him and ask his advice but he's in Switzerland until July.

It might actually be and both of you may have a point. Men and women were created equal with different roles. Idk why my wife got that impression the Bible mostly only says that women cannot have a place of authority. Making money isn't really usurping my authority it just makes my life a little more comfortable. Especially when I'm stupid with money and keep getting in trouble like this.

I am really commenting on your statement that you keep getting into trouble with money. You had also said that you get manic multiple times per year. Mania is sometimes (even many times) accompanied by unrealistic spending without seeing any consequences. One thing you might do is to protect yourself from doing that again is by getting rid of credit cards if you cannot manage them appropriately during those episodes. You could reach a payoff agreement with the credit card companies and make minimum monthly payments. You could also save into accounts that are not easily acccessible to you. As for your wife working, everything everyone said on here about women working is spot on.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

I don't mean this post to be sexist and I don't intend to offend anyone with my post I just need some actual Biblical advice here. I'd like whatever your response is to have scripture to back it up I don't want people's personal views I want to do what the word of God says to do in this situation not the word of man. I'm just not 100% educated on what the Bible says about this sensitive subject.


That said, here I go. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for almost 10. During those 10 years my wife/gf did not work because she believes that the word of God says that women should not work hut instead be keepers of home and children (she doesn't do that either but we cut each other a lot of slack)

Right now my wife and I are in debt about $4,000 which to a disabled person who only makes $900 a month is a lot of money. It would take over a year to pay off and the interest on my credit cards are about 20-25% because i went bankrupt last year.

It'll cost me thousands to pay them off and I'm starting to wonder if maybe my wife can get a job to help us out.

But, I'm supposed to be the sole provider. I cannot hold a job which is why I get help from the government to begin with because I'm schizophrenic and bipolar. I go manic 3-4 times a year sometimes for months at a time. So it's impossible for me to keep a job if sometimes I cannot work for months at a time. Because not only do I get manic but I also get psychotic at times too. Sometimes the lack of sleep that I get from being manic causes my schizophrenia to act up. I'm on meds and everything or i probably would be in a mental hospital for the rest of my life.

So I'm just wondering if my wife brought home minimum wage together we might be able to pay the 4k off in 4-6 months saving me a lot of my ssi check. Not to mention car insurance food and many of the other bills that I have to pay out of pocket for every month. Tbch i feel stuck.

But if it's God's will that my wife remain unemployed I don't want to go against his will. After all it's been his will for almost 10 years now. I need biblical advice on this subject. What does everybody think?

There's no biblical mandate that your wife be unemployed. In fact, she should be doing everything she can to provide and clear your debts. I also found nothing sexist about your question. That's the kind of religious nonsense that happens when people take a general principle and stretch it into some hard-and-fast rule regardless of circumstances. If your wife had a job, the $4k debt would become very manageable.

I'm not saying this out of some religious mandate - I'm only saying this for your benefit: I would look into entering into a field that you can do well in despite your disability - if at all possible. I work in accounting, and I have a home office. I also do other things to support my business.

I can tell you as a man, unemployment sucks. I see it as a sense of worthlessness - that's just me, though. I despise it so much that I don't even want to retire. I prefer to die with my boots on. There's nothing good on TV, and I can't golf worth squat. What would I do with my time if I'm fully retired?

 

[OldAbramBrown]

I had a discussion with my pastor while he is in Geneva ... my pastor makes a lot of money from being an Elder in the PCA for several decades ...

Good job your pastor (and what a location for him) made some concessions!

Make a point of saying ONE extra Our Father and ONE extra Glory Be per day while you do the things being suggested.

 

[Sketcher]

I had a discussion with my pastor while he is in Geneva through email. I'm starting to feel a little bit better about all of this. His wife doesn't work and is a very Godly woman but my pastor makes a lot of money from being an Elder in the PCA for several decades. So she helped raise their children and helps guide the children of our congregation. She also plays the piano for all of our psalm/hymn singing.

Anyway he also told me that my wife working is not violating any part of the Bible but that the only restriction put on her is that she couldn't be held in a position of power like an Elder or Pastor. Mostly it's positions of power in the church that women cannot hold but that they can freely work to help keep the household running.

Your pastor is correct.

It's not a violation of Scripture for her to work. Furthermore, since you cannot work, it would not be a violation for you either. The main things I would look out for would be:

1. Is respect in the home maintained? This should be happening whether the employment situation changes or not, but sometimes it isn't maintained when the woman earns more than the man. It could be either from a sense of power on the woman's side, or a sense of powerlessness on the man's side. Either way, that is not good.
2. You may lose your SSI, though this isn't my area of expertise. I know you would lose your SSI if you worked, but I don't know how a spouse working would factor in. To avoid nasty surprises, I would recommend looking at the worst case scenario - let's say you do lose the SSI. Is this job going to be sustainable for her as a long-time gig? Will you still have Medicaid, and if not, will you have insurance through her job? And will her income be enough to offset the loss in benefits?

 

[SavedByGrace3]

The scripture says whatever you put your hands to will prosper. Of course you have to put your hands to something.

 

[look4hope]

Donating some time at your church, or anywhere like soup kitchen, among those lines...could not only be great for both but you’ll be helping others.

Absolutely yes with her finding a part time or even a full time job that she’s ok with. You are a team at this point, especially with the additional circumstances.

Keep us updated. Hope this helps even a
little.

L4H