I dont intend this to be sexist in any way, i need advice.

[Neostarwcc]

I don't mean this post to be sexist and I don't intend to offend anyone with my post I just need some actual Biblical advice here. I'd like whatever your response is to have scripture to back it up I don't want people's personal views I want to do what the word of God says to do in this situation not the word of man. I'm just not 100% educated on what the Bible says about this sensitive subject.


That said, here I go. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for almost 10. During those 10 years my wife/gf did not work because she believes that the word of God says that women should not work hut instead be keepers of home and children (she doesn't do that either but we cut each other a lot of slack)

Right now my wife and I are in debt about $4,000 which to a disabled person who only makes $900 a month is a lot of money. It would take over a year to pay off and the interest on my credit cards are about 20-25% because i went bankrupt last year.

It'll cost me thousands to pay them off and I'm starting to wonder if maybe my wife can get a job to help us out.

But, I'm supposed to be the sole provider. I cannot hold a job which is why I get help from the government to begin with because I'm schizophrenic and bipolar. I go manic 3-4 times a year sometimes for months at a time. So it's impossible for me to keep a job if sometimes I cannot work for months at a time. Because not only do I get manic but I also get psychotic at times too. Sometimes the lack of sleep that I get from being manic causes my schizophrenia to act up. I'm on meds and everything or i probably would be in a mental hospital for the rest of my life.

So I'm just wondering if my wife brought home minimum wage together we might be able to pay the 4k off in 4-6 months saving me a lot of my ssi check. Not to mention car insurance food and many of the other bills that I have to pay out of pocket for every month. Tbch i feel stuck.

But if it's God's will that my wife remain unemployed I don't want to go against his will. After all it's been his will for almost 10 years now. I need biblical advice on this subject. What does everybody think?

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Have you heard of velocity banking? It might help with paying off the debts.

She explained it very well so I am recommending this video in hopes that it might help you.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

I recall the woman in Proverbs 31 had her own business. The idea of a woman who doesn't make money might be the unbiblical idea.

 

[PloverWing]

The idea of the man being the sole provider is a pretty modern notion, arising just in the last century or two. It's a picture that only makes sense when people are living in industrialized cities, so that a man leaves his house and goes to a factory or office several hours every day. That's not a picture that makes sense in Bible times. In pre-industrial times, everyone is fairly close to home, and everyone is contributing to the resources of the household -- men, women, and children. Even with a gendered division of labor (maybe he's out on the fishing boat or the hunting expedition, while she's closer to home with several children), she's probably carding wool, spinning thread, weaving cloth, tending an herb garden, baking bread, brewing beer, maybe even acting as midwife for her neighbors. If she has extra cloth or bread or beer or herbs, she might sell it or barter with neighbors. This is not a picture of the man as sole provider.

The Bible doesn't comment a lot on its cultural background, because the writers would have taken their culture for granted. But here are some examples of women in the Bible doing work that would have brought them money:

Shiphrah and Puah are midwives: Exodus 1:15-21
Lydia is a seller of purple cloth: Acts 16:14
Priscilla is a tentmaker: Acts 18:2-3

If your wife is willing to work outside the home, I think this would be an excellent way to bring in extra income.

 

[BobRyan]

I don't mean this post to be sexist and I don't intend to offend anyone with my post I just need some actual Biblical advice here. I'd like whatever your response is to have scripture to back it up I don't want people's personal views I want to do what the word of God says to do in this situation not the word of man. I'm just not 100% educated on what the Bible says about this sensitive subject.


That said, here I go. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for almost 10. During those 10 years my wife/gf did not work because she believes that the word of God says that women should not work hut instead be keepers of home and children (she doesn't do that either but we cut each other a lot of slack)

Right now my wife and I are in debt about $4,000 which to a disabled person who only makes $900 a month is a lot of money. It would take over a year to pay off and the interest on my credit cards are about 20-25% because i went bankrupt last year.

It'll cost me thousands to pay them off and I'm starting to wonder if maybe my wife can get a job to help us out.

But, I'm supposed to be the sole provider. I cannot hold a job which is why I get help from the government to begin with because I'm schizophrenic and bipolar. I go manic 3-4 times a year sometimes for months at a time. So it's impossible for me to keep a job if sometimes I cannot work for months at a time. Because not only do I get manic but I also get psychotic at times too. Sometimes the lack of sleep that I get from being manic causes my schizophrenia to act up. I'm on meds and everything or i probably would be in a mental hospital for the rest of my life.

So I'm just wondering if my wife brought home minimum wage together we might be able to pay the 4k off in 4-6 months saving me a lot of my ssi check. Not to mention car insurance food and many of the other bills that I have to pay out of pocket for every month. Tbch i feel stuck.

But if it's God's will that my wife remain unemployed I don't want to go against his will. After all it's been his will for almost 10 years now. I need biblical advice on this subject. What does everybody think?

1. The Bible does not say "the woman must not work outside the home"
2. The Bible provides examples of industrious women that work outside the home

The Proverbs 31 Woman Worked Outside the Home

Proverbs 31:13
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.

Proverbs 31:16
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.

Proverbs 31:18
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.

Proverbs 31:24
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.

Lydia Worked Outside the Home
Acts 16:14-15
Now a certain woman named Lydia heard us. She was a seller of purple from the city of Thyatira, who worshiped God. The Lord opened her heart to heed the things spoken by Paul.

The Women Who Supported Jesus were not making money by sweeping their own floor at home

 

[Neostarwcc]

Have you heard of velocity banking? It might help with paying off the debts.

She explained it very well so I am recommending this video in hopes that it might help you.

I haven't heard of it.

Is this like those people who will pay off your debt but you owe interest to them instead? A lower interest rate than you would owe to credit card companies originally though. I considered that when I owed 15k last year but decided to go bankrupt instead. I don't think 4k is a high enough balance to get a bank or other agency involved I think you have to owe at least 7k.

And bankruptcy isn't an option because I went bankrupt last year and I don't think 4k is a large enough debt to go bankrupt on. I think I had to pay my lawyer $1,500 last year to file and represent me. Probably would cost more than that today if I could file.

Anyway I'll actually watch the video in a minute I want to read the replies first.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I recall the woman in Proverbs 31 had her own business. The idea of a woman who doesn't make money might be the unbiblical idea.

Yes Larry (My church Elder) told me about Proverbs 31 when I was asking him for advice on this last year. I'd normally talk to him and ask his advice but he's in Switzerland until July.

It might actually be and both of you may have a point. Men and women were created equal with different roles. Idk why my wife got that impression the Bible mostly only says that women cannot have a place of authority. Making money isn't really usurping my authority it just makes my life a little more comfortable. Especially when I'm stupid with money and keep getting in trouble like this.

 

[Neostarwcc]

The idea of the man being the sole provider is a pretty modern notion, arising just in the last century or two. It's a picture that only makes sense when people are living in industrialized cities, so that a man leaves his house and goes to a factory or office several hours every day. That's not a picture that makes sense in Bible times. In pre-industrial times, everyone is fairly close to home, and everyone is contributing to the resources of the household -- men, women, and children. Even with a gendered division of labor (maybe he's out on the fishing boat or the hunting expedition, while she's closer to home with several children), she's probably carding wool, spinning thread, weaving cloth, tending an herb garden, baking bread, brewing beer, maybe even acting as midwife for her neighbors. If she has extra cloth or bread or beer or herbs, she might sell it or barter with neighbors. This is not a picture of the man as sole provider.

The Bible doesn't comment a lot on its cultural background, because the writers would have taken their culture for granted. But here are some examples of women in the Bible doing work that would have brought them money:

Shiphrah and Puah are midwives: Exodus 1:15-21
Lydia is a seller of purple cloth: Acts 16:14
Priscilla is a tentmaker: Acts 18:2-3

If your wife is willing to work outside the home, I think this would be an excellent way to bring in extra income.

It could be. My grandmother was a very Godly woman and even she worked when she was pregnant with my Aunt for a short while because my Grandfathrer needed the financial help at the time. It wasnt my Grandfathers fault he just didnt make enough to support his 9 children and his farm which burned down in the 1970s and all of that stuff. But then again recent years since my grandfather passed away she's been going against the Bible. I won't say what she's been doing because it's none of our business but it's not really 100% legal. My mother has been trying to get me to do the same thing her mom is doing because "hey Grandma's doing it" and I'm viewed as a terrible person because I refuse to partake in it.

Anyway, I see your point. I think my wife and I need to talk about this. Maybe you can talk to her on discord?

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I haven't heard of it.

Is this like those people who will pay off your debt but you owe interest to them instead? A lower interest rate than you would owe to credit card companies originally though. I considered that when I owed 15k last year but decided to go bankrupt instead. I don't think 4k is a high enough balance to get a bank or other agency involved I think you have to owe at least 7k.

And bankruptcy isn't an option because I went bankrupt last year and I don't think 4k is a large enough debt to go bankrupt on. I think I had to pay my lawyer $1,500 last year to file and represent me. Probably would cost more than that today if I could file.

Anyway I'll actually watch the video in a minute I want to read the replies first.

Did you have a chance to watch the video? It's not like the first sentence you typed, it's that when you get your paycheck, you use part of your paycheck, a big chunk of it, to bring down the balance on your credit card, then you charge that same amount of expenses back to your card for the month. It brings down your credit card balance for a short time and then you add the new expenses, which you will pay off the same way the following month, brings up your credit score, and then the banks will give you a higher credit limit so you can have more credit to work with. But it takes a lot of self control, so if your issue is credit card spending and it's too tempting then I would say don't go for it. But if you can control your spending and if the videos she has makes sense, I would say keep studying the idea very well and when you understand it, if you have prayed about it and feel comfortable with it, maybe go ahead and try it and see if it works for you.

And biblically, Eve was created to help Adam. I think if your wife were to work and help you, it would take some stress off your shoulders and mind. Gen. 2:18

 

[SavedByGrace3]

My wife started as a reporter, moved on to editor, columnist, copy editor, and managing editor. Until I finished my degree she made more than I did. She paid our way while I went to college. When I started making enough, she left and started working as a book editor and transcriber.
She was the definition of a "help" to me.
Oh yeah... all the while we were raising 4 kids including homeschooling them. They are all in their 40s now and very successful.
The Lord blessed us all the way through.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I don't mean this post to be sexist and I don't intend to offend anyone with my post I just need some actual Biblical advice here. I'd like whatever your response is to have scripture to back it up I don't want people's personal views I want to do what the word of God says to do in this situation not the word of man. I'm just not 100% educated on what the Bible says about this sensitive subject.


That said, here I go. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for almost 10. During those 10 years my wife/gf did not work because she believes that the word of God says that women should not work hut instead be keepers of home and children (she doesn't do that either but we cut each other a lot of slack)

Right now my wife and I are in debt about $4,000 which to a disabled person who only makes $900 a month is a lot of money. It would take over a year to pay off and the interest on my credit cards are about 20-25% because i went bankrupt last year.

It'll cost me thousands to pay them off and I'm starting to wonder if maybe my wife can get a job to help us out.

But, I'm supposed to be the sole provider. I cannot hold a job which is why I get help from the government to begin with because I'm schizophrenic and bipolar. I go manic 3-4 times a year sometimes for months at a time. So it's impossible for me to keep a job if sometimes I cannot work for months at a time. Because not only do I get manic but I also get psychotic at times too. Sometimes the lack of sleep that I get from being manic causes my schizophrenia to act up. I'm on meds and everything or i probably would be in a mental hospital for the rest of my life.

So I'm just wondering if my wife brought home minimum wage together we might be able to pay the 4k off in 4-6 months saving me a lot of my ssi check. Not to mention car insurance food and many of the other bills that I have to pay out of pocket for every month. Tbch i feel stuck.

But if it's God's will that my wife remain unemployed I don't want to go against his will. After all it's been his will for almost 10 years now. I need biblical advice on this subject. What does everybody think?

It's not God's will that your wife sit at home doing nothing, especially if you don't have children, while you struggle with chronic mental health issues.

However, since I assume you married with this agreement, that she wouldn't have to work, I'd consider carefully whether to approach the topic with her. Is she a kind, caring, understanding woman, who wants to support you and do what's best for the two of you as a couple? Or is she entitled and comfortable to sit at home and live off of your disability check? If the latter, it may not be a battle worth fighting, but that's up to you to know and decide, since none of us here know your wife or what your marriage is like.

At the very least, you need to have a conversation that you will NOT take on any more debt of any kind, and you will use any money left over after paying bills, to pay off your debts FIRST, and then remain out of debt.

Regardless, I promise you, this situation of being in debt and having an idle wife, is not God's will.

 

[PloverWing]

I think my wife and I need to talk about this. Maybe you can talk to her on discord?

I've sent her a private message.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

In the Old Testament we have the woman of Proverbs 31, who worked as a merchant to earn income. Deborah was a judge, Judges 4-5. Shiphrah and Puah in Exodus 1:8-22 were midwives, obviously delivering babies other than their own. Of course there is Queen Esther. I can't say I'm sure about that culture, but modern day queens don't simply sit around the house looking pretty. Then in the New Testament, we have the first European convert to Christianity: Lydia, a textile businesswoman. Since she is specifically noted as a "seller," I gather it's safe to say she made money from her business.

I can think of nowhere in the Bible that it is forbidden for a woman to work at a job that pays income.

 

[Strong in Him]

That said, here I go. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for almost 10. During those 10 years my wife/gf did not work because she believes that the word of God says that women should not work hut instead be keepers of home and children (she doesn't do that either but we cut each other a lot of slack)

So your wife's reason for not having a paid job is that the Bible says she should look after the home and the children - but she doesn't do that either?

Right now my wife and I are in debt about $4,000 which to a disabled person who only makes $900 a month is a lot of money. It would take over a year to pay off and the interest on my credit cards are about 20-25% because i went bankrupt last year.

It'll cost me thousands to pay them off and I'm starting to wonder if maybe my wife can get a job to help us out.

But, I'm supposed to be the sole provider.

Who says?
And if you're going on what the Bible says, where does it say that a man must be the sole provider even if he is disabled?

But if it's God's will that my wife remain unemployed

I doubt that it is

I don't want to go against his will.

Is it his will that a) you are in debt, b) that you are stressed about being in debt?

After all it's been his will for almost 10 years now.

Has it?

Do you think your wife genuinely believes the Bible tells her that it's her role to look after the home and your children? If so, it seems that she's not doing that. Could she be depressed? If she is, and you are both disabled, are you getting support and the correct level of benefits?
If she isn't - and I'm not making accusations - could she be quoting what she thinks the Bible says to try to justify her inaction?

Even though we have the examples of Proverbs 31, and Lydia, generally speaking, women were not able to be employed in Bible times - that was the culture. So looking to the Bible for advice on something which, mostly, didn't happen then, may not work.

 

[trophy33]

I think there is a difference between some ideal standard and between what is currently an emergency.

Imagine a house being on fire and somebody cooking in it, saying he will not help with the fire, because its not his role. Absurd, right?

You have financial problems now, so its more useful for both of you to focus on that, not on a lifestyle you cannot afford any longer.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

My wife started as a reporter, moved on to editor, columnist, copy editor, and managing editor. Until I finished my degree she made more than I did. She paid our way while I went to college. When I started making enough, she left and started working as a book editor and transcriber.
She was the definition of a "help" to me.
Oh yeah... all the while we were raising 4 kids including homeschooling them. They are all in their 40s now and very successful.
The Lord blessed us all the way through.

Wow, what a beautiful, amazing, encouraging testimony! I'm so happy to hear that your kids are all doing well, praise God. Yes, neostar, sometimes it can be like that, sometimes wives do make more than husbands to help support the family. I guess the main thing is to put the needs of the family as priority, remain prayerful, and see how God will order your steps in what to do.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Neostar, I would stay remain prayerful that God will change your situation. Something definitely needs to change here since you need your wife to help you.

Philippians 4:6-7

6Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Did you have a chance to watch the video? It's not like the first sentence you typed, it's that when you get your paycheck, you use part of your paycheck, a big chunk of it, to bring down the balance on your credit card, then you charge that same amount of expenses back to your card for the month. It brings down your credit card balance for a short time and then you add the new expenses, which you will pay off the same way the following month, brings up your credit score, and then the banks will give you a higher credit limit so you can have more credit to work with. But it takes a lot of self control, so if your issue is credit card spending and it's too tempting then I would say don't go for it. But if you can control your spending and if the videos she has makes sense, I would say keep studying the idea very well and when you understand it, if you have prayed about it and feel comfortable with it, maybe go ahead and try it and see if it works for you.

And biblically, Eve was created to help Adam. I think if your wife were to work and help you, it would take some stress off your shoulders and mind. Gen. 2:18

I did watch it it was interesting. I wouldn't trust myself to have that kind of self control. Especially when manic.

I actually froze all my cards except for our debit card because we need it for food and had my wife change all my passwords on me. So I don't have access to my money right now anyway. Everything except paying the cards off is covered.

 

[Neostarwcc]

My wife started as a reporter, moved on to editor, columnist, copy editor, and managing editor. Until I finished my degree she made more than I did. She paid our way while I went to college. When I started making enough, she left and started working as a book editor and transcriber.
She was the definition of a "help" to me.
Oh yeah... all the while we were raising 4 kids including homeschooling them. They are all in their 40s now and very successful.
The Lord blessed us all the way through.

That sounds really good so I don't have to worry about paying for kerosene every winter and food and car insurance every 6 months. Sounds REALLY good.

 

[Neostarwcc]

It's not God's will that your wife sit at home doing nothing, especially if you don't have children, while you struggle with chronic mental health issues.

However, since I assume you married with this agreement, that she wouldn't have to work, I'd consider carefully whether to approach the topic with her. Is she a kind, caring, understanding woman, who wants to support you and do what's best for the two of you as a couple? Or is she entitled and comfortable to sit at home and live off of your disability check? If the latter, it may not be a battle worth fighting, but that's up to you to know and decide, since none of us here know your wife or what your marriage is like.

At the very least, you need to have a conversation that you will NOT take on any more debt of any kind, and you will use any money left over after paying bills, to pay off your debts FIRST, and then remain out of debt.

Regardless, I promise you, this situation of being in debt and having an idle wife, is not God's will.

I've had this conversation with her actually. I talked to her about it for the past few days. She is calling the department of social services tomorrow who will help her take classes and find employment.

I don't think she enjoyed mooching off of my check. More that she wanted to be a Godly woman and wanted to help out by taking care of our home. That was our agreement when we first started dating. But I think we're both struggling with depression and that doesn't help her get motivated go help take care of the house. And I'm not motivated to argue with her everyday to start contributing to something. Anything.

We're both together 24/7 and that doesn't really help things. Her even to start donating some of her time would be good so I can get a break from her.