I dont have saving faith

[visionary]

This is one wrestle that will only be won in CHrist.. at to him you must go..

 

[Gregory Thompson]

 

[rachel22]

i struggled so much with believing i had done the "unforgivable sin" and believing i could not be saved and had already "trampled the son of God underfoot")..
​

Yes, these are my biggest fears currently and no matter how hard I may try I cant seem to overcome them.

it took me like, i dont know, many months before i overcame the fear that i had committed the "unforgivable sin" or "trampled the son of God"......i spent lots of time talking to friends here on cf (i talked about it in the obsessive compulsive disorder section....i found out that many people with ocd struggle with fears about the "unforgivable sin"), and even with all the fear going on, i still read my bible, and i still prayed, and i still obeyed God in my life (not perfectly of course, we cant reach perfection here on earth....but you know, i began trying to obey God.....in my un-beliving days, i never made an effort). example: God wants us to follow the golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you). and so i just kept obeying God and praying and reading my bible, and recieving councel from godly people here on CF.....and as time went by i started to "hear" God speaking to me......like, in my devotions or in Christian music on the radio for example.....often the devotion or song with match up with something i'm going thru in life (example: i was scared going to get a medical test and a song plays on the radio about not needing to fear). so as i continued seeking God, he began "talking" to me and that helped convince me that God had accepted me as his child.
i pray that God will help you to overcome these horrible fears and i pray that God will speak to you like he does with me, i pray that you will not give up seeking him.
you may want to check out the ocd forums down in the "mental health" section as we have talked about the "unforgivable sin" many times and i dont know, you may find that helpful talking to some of the people there in that forum, i really found that helpful.
** the devotions i like to read are at crosswalk.com in the devotions section. i also like to read devotions and sermons from my favorite preacher, charles spurgeon. you can find many of his writings online or in christian bookstores.

 

[hlaltimus]

Your experience sounds very much like mine was...really. I also "could not believe" no matter how hard I tried, and also thought that the "day of grace" had ended for me and I was reprobated for all of eternity...and I felt like it too and in such a way as I won't dare to describe here. To make a long story short, my griping conviction that I was hopelessly and irreversibly lost was all a line of baloney from Satan, the "father of lies". The truth was, he was hopelessly lost, not I, and he only wished to pass off his terrible status of doom upon me, (his intended dupe,) hoping that I would swallow his lie just as gullible Eve did, Satan having the advantage of manipulating my emotions to really make me feel like I was damned, except that I wasn't.

It isn't really a question here, (in one sense,) of whether or not you can "believe". The right question to ask here is, "Can you repent?" The gospel call of Jesus Christ, (and this may shock some of you,) is not to "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ", because that is the doctrine of pardon/justification and not the gospel call specifically. We are pardoned by Christ's penal righteousness and justified, (or declared to be,) legally righteous by Christ's preceptive righteousness, all entirely by faith alone in Him without any congruent or accompanying works on our part. But, the gospel call is and has always been, "Repent and Believe"! Now, repentence is not really saving faith of itself, but it makes you the kind of person that God would wish to invest with saving faith, admittedly a gracious gift from God just as the scriptures teach that it is in Eph. 2:8, and is not something that we are all inherently born with and can let loose at any time that we wish.
Saving or pardoning/justifying faith is not something that you can work up of your own natural, fleshly strength or ability independent of God, and that is why it is called a "gift of God". However, it is something that you can use if God does grant it to you, and He will without fail bestow it upon those who are honestly willing to turn from their sins and yield themselves up to His ownership and His government, and that is why the "gospel call" begins with repentence, and proceeds to faith.

Do not believe what you are feeling right now, because your emotions are subject to the influence of the tempter. Believe what you know by way of Biblical promise, and disregard the most convincing and piercing emotional feelings that you are shut out of mercy, because no one who is willing to turn from sin to God is so abandoned of God, as these very actions are dependent upon the Holy Spirit's agency. You may "feel" like you are abandoned to hell by way of Satan's illusionary temptation, but be certain of one thing: No one in hell...NO ONE has ever repented, confessed and given themselves up to God unconditionally. They can't and therefore won't, because these humbling and redemptive actions are evidence of the Holy Spirit's presence and work, and how could He so work in a realm in which all of the inhabitants are immutably abandoned forever? Set about then to repent of any and all sin in your life, confessing it to God the Father through Christ and admitting to Him your failures, while honestly seeking His government or Lordship in you life and by so doing, forever lay to rest and bury this devilish insinuation back in hell where it came from.


You show me a person who can honestly repent, and I'll show you one who is not abandoned of God, regardless of Satan's excellent but deceptive brainwashing campaign. Personally, I couldn't get myself to believe savingly into Jesus Christ until I made a complete and unconditional disposal of myself into God's hands, and that is where the tide began to turn in my experience. I am not recommending you to say these exact words, but I even went so far as to tell the Lord, "You can do whatever you wish with me Lord, because I place myself entirely at your disposal to do with whatever you should so please Lord...I leave myself in your hands. Heaven or hell, sink or swim, poor or rich, life or death...I will leave my fate in your hands, because I want you so very much that I am willing to part with anything just to have you." The beggar said, "If you are willing Lord, you can make me clean." in Matt. 8:2, and he got his healing. When I so left my fate entirely in God's hands, He gave me a trusting confidence and peace that has never left me to this day. I am glad that I didn't take the tempter's advice.

 

[Jeshu]

Your experience sounds very much like mine was...really. I also "could not believe" no matter how hard I tried, and also thought that the "day of grace" had ended for me and I was reprobated for all of eternity...and I felt like it too and in such a way as I won't dare to describe here. To make a long story short, my griping conviction that I was hopelessly and irreversibly lost was all a line of baloney from Satan, the "father of lies". The truth was, he was hopelessly lost, not I, and he only wished to pass off his terrible status of doom upon me, (his intended dupe,) hoping that I would swallow his lie just as gullible Eve did, Satan having the advantage of manipulating my emotions to really make me feel like I was damned, except that I wasn't.

It isn't really a question here, (in one sense,) of whether or not you can "believe". The right question to ask here is, "Can you repent?" The gospel call of Jesus Christ, (and this may shock some of you,) is not to "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ", because that is the doctrine of pardon/justification and not the gospel call specifically. We are pardoned by Christ's penal righteousness and justified, (or declared to be,) legally righteous by Christ's preceptive righteousness, all entirely by faith alone in Him without any congruent or accompanying works on our part. But, the gospel call is and has always been, "Repent and Believe"! Now, repentence is not really saving faith of itself, but it makes you the kind of person that God would wish to invest with saving faith, admittedly a gracious gift from God just as the scriptures teach that it is in Eph. 2:8, and is not something that we are all inherently born with and can let loose at any time that we wish.
Saving or pardoning/justifying faith is not something that you can work up of your own natural, fleshly strength or ability independent of God, and that is why it is called a "gift of God". However, it is something that you can use if God does grant it to you, and He will without fail bestow it upon those who are honestly willing to turn from their sins and yield themselves up to His ownership and His government, and that is why the "gospel call" begins with repentence, and proceeds to faith.

Do not believe what you are feeling right now, because your emotions are subject to the influence of the tempter. Believe what you know by way of Biblical promise, and disregard the most convincing and piercing emotional feelings that you are shut out of mercy, because no one who is willing to turn from sin to God is so abandoned of God, as these very actions are dependent upon the Holy Spirit's agency. You may "feel" like you are abandoned to hell by way of Satan's illusionary temptation, but be certain of one thing: No one in hell...NO ONE has ever repented, confessed and given themselves up to God unconditionally. They can't and therefore won't, because these humbling and redemptive actions are evidence of the Holy Spirit's presence and work, and how could He so work in a realm in which all of the inhabitants are immutably abandoned forever? Set about then to repent of any and all sin in your life, confessing it to God the Father through Christ and admitting to Him your failures, while honestly seeking His government or Lordship in you life and by so doing, forever lay to rest and bury this devilish insinuation back in hell where it came from.


You show me a person who can honestly repent, and I'll show you one who is not abandoned of God, regardless of Satan's excellent but deceptive brainwashing campaign. Personally, I couldn't get myself to believe savingly into Jesus Christ until I made a complete and unconditional disposal of myself into God's hands, and that is where the tide began to turn in my experience. I am not recommending you to say these exact words, but I even went so far as to tell the Lord, "You can do whatever you wish with me Lord, because I place myself entirely at your disposal to do with whatever you should so please Lord...I leave myself in your hands. Heaven or hell, sink or swim, poor or rich, life or death...I will leave my fate in your hands, because I want you so very much that I am willing to part with anything just to have you." The beggar said, "If you are willing Lord, you can make me clean." in Matt. 8:2, and he got his healing. When I so left my fate entirely in God's hands, He gave me a trusting confidence and peace that has never left me to this day. I am glad that I didn't take the tempter's advice.

Amen, Amen I testify that this is truly true - as Jesus' Spirit worked life in me as well in like manner.

So if you don't feel saved, let go of that - as surely this is no good - yet it rules you inside - and wait for good to come - faith in God's love comes when He does, not before and remains after no matter what! (Come Lord Jesus, please come soon!)

So making room for the truth to take over - repenting - when you see the lie in ruler-ship - is the way to deal with it. The Truth will do the rest!

 

[ezeric]

Originally Posted by RobertZ

Yes, these are my biggest fears currently and no matter how hard I may try I cant seem to overcome them.

​

Fear has nothing to do with love.

In fact 'there is no fear in love'. 1 John 4:18
In fact 'perfect love drives out all fear'. 1 John 4:18
In fact ' HE has delivered me from all my fears'. Psalm 34:4

This fear, has nothing to do with GOD.
You do have an enemy though.

-eric​

​

 

[gray100]

Robert

I have come across some of your postings on the earlier forums and, contrary to how you describe yourself, you come across to me as a courageous person with an extraordinarily strong faith.

You are going through all the intense fears, doubts and uncertainties experienced by some of the greatest Christians that ever lived, and yet you have the faith and determination to keep going on.

I hope you will be encouraged by the overwhelming number of posters that have supported you on these threads and see it as a sign that God has certainly not abandoned you, but is reaching out to you with His love and grace.

If you are struggling with serious episodes of anxiety and depression, then perhaps you should consider seeking treatment from your doctor. It is not easy to swallow our pride and accept clinical support, but many people (including myself) who have taken that step have learned a great deal about God's love, healing and faithfulness in our lives.

Wishing you all the very best.

 

[RobertZ]

Robert

I have come across some of your postings on the earlier forums and, contrary to how you describe yourself, you come across to me as a courageous person with an extraordinarily strong faith.

You are going through all the intense fears, doubts and uncertainties experienced by some of the greatest Christians that ever lived, and yet you have the faith and determination to keep going on.

I hope you will be encouraged by the overwhelming number of posters that have supported you on these threads and see it as a sign that God has certainly not abandoned you, but is reaching out to you with His love and grace.

If you are struggling with serious episodes of anxiety and depression, then perhaps you should consider seeking treatment from your doctor. It is not easy to swallow our pride and accept clinical support, but many people (including myself) who have taken that step have learned a great deal about God's love, healing and faithfulness in our lives.

Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you, that was a bit encouraging and I really am hoping that maybe I am just going through some of the same stuff that earlier people such as charles spurgeon and john bunyan went through.

Problem is though that I have been in this state of despair for nearly 2yrs now and my faith what little of it is left is on very shaky ground. At times I feel like a complete apostate such as those of Hebrews 6:4-6.

I try to read my Bible but most of the time I feel so dead inside while reading it, its as if Im getting nothing out of it and the tears of despair began to trickle down my face as I think about this man Jesus Christ who I will never get to know because I didnt come when he called. Im sorry, I know I sound all negative and depressing but man thats just the way I spend most of my days now.

Yesterday at the Easter Church Service I hoped that my heart would be moved, I hoped I would feel the tug from God on my heart the way I used to feel it when I was a young child.........but..........nothing happened, nothing. Its as if God has just decided to completely remove all saving grace from me.

One early morning about a year ago as I was awaking from sleep I was frightened at the fact that I woke myself up speaking the words (The covenant has been lifted forever) It was my own audible voice speaking but it was as if some external force was controlling it, forcing me to say these words! I remember thinking to myself what did that mean? I have often wondered if God was telling me that the Covenant of his Grace had been lifted from me, its now out of my reach forever and His mercy will not be applied to me now! can you imagine my terror?!

Oddly enough the next few days after this my skin would at times burn, it burn as if it were on fire and for about a week the worst dreams I have ever in my life experienced suddenly plagued my nights with dreams of going to hell, or fire coming down from the sky and devouring the enemies of God. Then this passage of scripture came to mind-

"All that remains is a certain fearful looking for of judgement with a fiery indignation that will devour the enemies of God."

 

[Gregory Thompson]

I used to be very depressed too . for more than two years . believe me your thoughts are common for depression in relation to faith . but it doesn't mean they are true .

praying for your sunrise .

((((((((((((((((((((((Robert))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Ariellamb]

Your experience sounds very much like mine was...really. I also "could not believe" no matter how hard I tried, and also thought that the "day of grace" had ended for me and I was reprobated for all of eternity...and I felt like it too and in such a way as I won't dare to describe here. To make a long story short, my griping conviction that I was hopelessly and irreversibly lost was all a line of baloney from Satan, the "father of lies". The truth was, he was hopelessly lost, not I, and he only wished to pass off his terrible status of doom upon me, (his intended dupe,) hoping that I would swallow his lie just as gullible Eve did, Satan having the advantage of manipulating my emotions to really make me feel like I was damned, except that I wasn't.

It isn't really a question here, (in one sense,) of whether or not you can "believe". The right question to ask here is, "Can you repent?" The gospel call of Jesus Christ, (and this may shock some of you,) is not to "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ", because that is the doctrine of pardon/justification and not the gospel call specifically. We are pardoned by Christ's penal righteousness and justified, (or declared to be,) legally righteous by Christ's preceptive righteousness, all entirely by faith alone in Him without any congruent or accompanying works on our part. But, the gospel call is and has always been, "Repent and Believe"! Now, repentence is not really saving faith of itself, but it makes you the kind of person that God would wish to invest with saving faith, admittedly a gracious gift from God just as the scriptures teach that it is in Eph. 2:8, and is not something that we are all inherently born with and can let loose at any time that we wish.
Saving or pardoning/justifying faith is not something that you can work up of your own natural, fleshly strength or ability independent of God, and that is why it is called a "gift of God". However, it is something that you can use if God does grant it to you, and He will without fail bestow it upon those who are honestly willing to turn from their sins and yield themselves up to His ownership and His government, and that is why the "gospel call" begins with repentence, and proceeds to faith.

Do not believe what you are feeling right now, because your emotions are subject to the influence of the tempter. Believe what you know by way of Biblical promise, and disregard the most convincing and piercing emotional feelings that you are shut out of mercy, because no one who is willing to turn from sin to God is so abandoned of God, as these very actions are dependent upon the Holy Spirit's agency. You may "feel" like you are abandoned to hell by way of Satan's illusionary temptation, but be certain of one thing: No one in hell...NO ONE has ever repented, confessed and given themselves up to God unconditionally. They can't and therefore won't, because these humbling and redemptive actions are evidence of the Holy Spirit's presence and work, and how could He so work in a realm in which all of the inhabitants are immutably abandoned forever? Set about then to repent of any and all sin in your life, confessing it to God the Father through Christ and admitting to Him your failures, while honestly seeking His government or Lordship in you life and by so doing, forever lay to rest and bury this devilish insinuation back in hell where it came from.


You show me a person who can honestly repent, and I'll show you one who is not abandoned of God, regardless of Satan's excellent but deceptive brainwashing campaign. Personally, I couldn't get myself to believe savingly into Jesus Christ until I made a complete and unconditional disposal of myself into God's hands, and that is where the tide began to turn in my experience. I am not recommending you to say these exact words, but I even went so far as to tell the Lord, "You can do whatever you wish with me Lord, because I place myself entirely at your disposal to do with whatever you should so please Lord...I leave myself in your hands. Heaven or hell, sink or swim, poor or rich, life or death...I will leave my fate in your hands, because I want you so very much that I am willing to part with anything just to have you." The beggar said, "If you are willing Lord, you can make me clean." in Matt. 8:2, and he got his healing. When I so left my fate entirely in God's hands, He gave me a trusting confidence and peace that has never left me to this day. I am glad that I didn't take the tempter's advice.

Gr8 Post

 

[gray100]

I can understand to some extent the position you are coming from. In my early days as a Christian, I used to have tremendous anxiety and some of the same fears you are describing, ie. abandonment from God and the feeling that I had failed in some way.

It was when I decided to get help and support, I learned that a lot of my deep-rooted fears were hardly related to doubts I had about my faith, but in fact they were more related to doubts I had about myself. Once the real cause of my problems had been identified, I was able to move on with my life and I am no longer the fearful person that I used to be.

I would encourage you to speak to your doctor and perhaps seek counselling. I would strongly advise you to ensure that any counsellor is professionally certified and trained, and not an inexperienced church member who calls themselves a counsellor.

All kinds of odd things happen when we are asleep and wake up from asleep, including sensations such as burning/etc. I wouldn't read too much into what happened to you a year ago. Unless you are patrolling the streets of your neighbourhood expressing total contempt for what Christ has done, then I hardly think you have become an apostate or anything near that description.

If these problems are still worrying you, then please consider getting some professional help from a doctor and/or certified professional. They should be very experienced in dealing with the problems you are going through and will be in the best position to help you.

All the best

 

[RobertZ]

I used to have tremendous anxiety and some of the same fears you are describing, ie. abandonment from God and the feeling that I had failed in some way.

There isnt a more horrible feeling is there?

It was when I decided to get help and support, I learned that a lot of my deep-rooted fears were hardly related to doubts I had about my faith, but in fact they were more related to doubts I had about myself. Once the real cause of my problems had been identified, I was able to move on with my life and I am no longer the fearful person that I used to be.

I would give anything to be able to move on and know without a doubt that I am a child of God.

I would encourage you to speak to your doctor and perhaps seek counselling. I would strongly advise you to ensure that any counsellor is professionally certified and trained, and not an inexperienced church member who calls themselves a counsellor.

I have been to a doctor a couple of times and im on Zoloft, I have been on it for about 8 months now. As for counselling I have spoken with my Pastor and Associate Pastor of my church a few times, sometimes it has helped and other times it hasnt. The interesting thing is the times that it helped only seemed to last a couple of days before I would find myself just as bad off as ever before.

 

[gray100]

There isnt a more horrible feeling is there?

It was a dreadful feeling and it made me go through months of torment. I know exactly what you are going through. Many people have gone through exactly the same struggles that you have and they will tell you that things do get better in time.

I have been to a doctor a couple of times and im on Zoloft, I have been on it for about 8 months now. As for counselling I have spoken with my Pastor and Associate Pastor of my church a few times, sometimes it has helped and other times it hasnt. The interesting thing is the times that it helped only seemed to last a couple of days before I would find myself just as bad off as ever before.

It is good to get prayer support from your ministers and your fellowship, but I would strongly recommend that you receive counselling/therapy from a certified health professional with thorough clinical experience and training. With the kind of problems you have been discussing, and the fact that you are on medication, I feel that this the option that would be better for you.

 

[RobertZ]

It was a dreadful feeling and it made me go through months of torment. I know exactly what you are going through. Many people have gone through exactly the same struggles that you have and they will tell you that things do get better in time.

But is that something a saved person goes through? I mean honestly, if I am saved then wouldnt God want me to know for myself that I am his? why would he allow for one of his children to go through something horrible like this which only hurts my faith and makes me think that im not saved?

 

[Jeshu]

But is that something a saved person goes through? I mean honestly, if I am saved then wouldnt God want me to know for myself that I am his? why would he allow for one of his children to go through something horrible like this which only hurts my faith and makes me think that im not saved?

Robert why are you blaming God for something you do?

You hold onto doubt and unbelief and feel bad because of that!

How could that be God's fault?

Accept faith and side with God instead of charging Him with wrong doing.

He is for free - but you must die in your doubt and unbelief - for how else could you be saved?

 

[rachel22]

But is that something a saved person goes through? I mean honestly, if I am saved then wouldnt God want me to know for myself that I am his? why would he allow for one of his children to go through something horrible like this which only hurts my faith and makes me think that im not saved?

robert, i went thru that horrible feeling of being "unable to be saved" for a long time (i dont remember how long, it was very traumatic). and finally, slowly, as i continued to seek God thru bible reading, prayer and obedience, the Lord brought me out of it. i dont think he brought me out of it all at once but gradually. as for why God lets us go thru that, i dont know, maybe to show us the seriousness of sin and the fearfulness of God's wrath? maybe to show us how much we need him and his mercy? maybe to humble us? i dont know....i do know that God promises to be found by those who genuinly seek him "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."- matthew 7:7,
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."-jeremiah 29:13.
prayer, bible reading, obedience. do those three things each day. you dont have to read the bible for 3 hours a day....maybe read a chapter or half a chapter, pray and confess your sins to God (i usually say "God have mercy on me a sinner" in my nightly prayers).....tell God about the feelings you are dealing with, and be a person who "walks the walk" (ie: a "do-er of the Word and not a hear-er only").

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

robert, i went thru that horrible feeling of being "unable to be saved" for a long time (i dont remember how long, it was very traumatic). and finally, slowly, as i continued to seek God thru bible reading, prayer and obedience, the Lord brought me out of it. i dont think he brought me out of it all at once but gradually. as for why God lets us go thru that, i dont know, maybe to show us the seriousness of sin and the fearfulness of God's wrath? maybe to show us how much we need him and his mercy? maybe to humble us? i dont know....i do know that God promises to be found by those who genuinly seek him "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."- matthew 7:7,
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."-jeremiah 29:13.
prayer, bible reading, obedience. do those three things each day. you dont have to read the bible for 3 hours a day....maybe read a chapter or half a chapter, pray and confess your sins to God (i usually say "God have mercy on me a sinner" in my nightly prayers).....tell God about the feelings you are dealing with, and be a person who "walks the walk" (ie: a "do-er of the Word and not a hear-er only").

Excellent advice!

 

[gray100]

But is that something a saved person goes through? I mean honestly, if I am saved then wouldnt God want me to know for myself that I am his? why would he allow for one of his children to go through something horrible like this which only hurts my faith and makes me think that im not saved?

Everyone goes through doubts and uncertainties in their lives. This applies to both Christians and non-Christians. We have doubts because we are human, and being human means that we are not perfect.

I have a great deal of respect for Christians who have the humility and honesty of admitting that they have gone through long periods of doubt, but I find it very difficult to relate to believers who are continuously self-assured of their own salvation. To me, the former illustrates a much stronger and more real faith than the latter.

That is why I believe the faith you have is much stronger than perhaps you think it is.

 

[stu31]

There really is some great advice on here. I also had problems repenting from sin exactly as you Robert but after repeatedly asking the Lord to help me repent I had a 'Eureka' moment and the weight was suddenly lifted..just like that. He will help you if you really want it. And if you repent you can move on to greater faith as some have said. How do we know? John 8 is very significant for us.

John 8

1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
11"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." The Validity of Jesus' Testimony

12When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."


The womans adultery was as 'bad' as us but did Jesus condemn her? No. He simply asked her to turn from sin. He didn't tell her she was doomed. All you need to do is turn from your sin. Ask Him and He will help you..like I did. You have to really want it though. And given what you have said above it is obvious that you do. It will work out for you.

 

[Servant_Of_The_Lord_Jesus]

Just shooting straight, your putting to much into it Romans 10:9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. becareful how you discern the bible and becareful about how other people discern the bible, I can tell you actually care about this because if you didn't you wouldn't have posted, Dude we have all fallen short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. you haven't done anything we all haven't done in some way or another, Faith is is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, you know whats wrong with the church lol theres people in it, where not perfect but don't judge Jesus on what man does because Jesus is all loveing and God is not a man that he should lie. If you want to know Jesus then Confess he is Lord ask God to fill you with his Holy Spirit. Dude unless your dead you have not missed the Best gift ever given, I know how you feel about this stuff because I've been there in it, I am miserable without Jesus, and I mean a Relationship of Talking with him the holyspirt and Loveing and worshiping God not just going to church and it still being the same even though I'm saved, you can be saved and it be dry as a desert and still fill the same if you don't love him and spend time with him and read his word which is food for your spirit, its never to late as long as theres breathe in ur longs bro