I dont even have hope anymore

[monique2018]

Hey Guys,

I've been reading this forum more a few months now but just decited to join in and ask for help..I know you probably read thousands of similar posts but I don't know what to do, where to find help..
I've been struggling with ocd nearly all my life but it was very mild. After I had my first daughter I got teribble postpartum OCD about fear of hurting her, it was the worst time of my life, I don't even want to remember it anymore, went thru a lot, 2 years of behavioural therapy and 4 years of medications..nightmare and hell on earth. But this is not what I want talk about.
First Just wanna say few things about myself. I am big fashion lover, artisitic sould, clothes is my big passion and as a lot of people say I am talented in this subject. Its def my hobby, makes me feel better when I am struggling with ocd thoughts. I came from medium class family, never really had money to buy designer stuff until I moved to another country and met my husband, now we re living normal life, we are not ritch but we don't have to worry about basics I have a few designer stuff and really appreciate them, always thank God for them etc. A couple of years ago when I went to church I was praying infront of miraculous Cross and got this thought that I don't need expensive stuff to be good, I was wearing one of my 2 LV bag and got this uneasy dreadful feeling that Jesus want me to get rid of it. I asked my mum what she thinks about it and she said its my OCD so I was able to shake it off at this point. At this point I remember I already had some "right"and"wrong"feeling towards items jewellery. But it was still mild and I could cope with it. A year after we decited that we re going to get engaged(I was pushing my boyfriend to get married as I wanted to live Christian life again and we had already baby). Well and here my problems starts. I literally get obsessed with chosing my engagement ring(my boyfriend wanted me to chose it myself as he knows I am really picky and he doesn't like shopping) He just gave me the prce limit and ask to show him right one. I know not very romantic. At the beginning I wanted a cheap one but then after he said he want to give me something exclusive I ended up getting 1ct diamond ring. Just couple of weeks before ordering the ring I got the thought that if I love God I would give this rong away to poor people as a proof than God is the most important. I felt sick I remember I was crying feeling that I don't want to do it but obviously Go is the most important, the worst thing was this teribble feeling of conviction that this thought is from God(kid of love and axiety at the same time) I was getting thought that God count on me and he knows I will do it for him. I asked my therapist and he said to do the opposite but since then I had no joy over engagement and constant guilt that I am doobeying God. After that my Ocd(I hope) got really out of control, I started getting it about every item, piece of clothes or jewellery I really liked. IT was like thought from God"dont buy it or give it away or give everything u have to poors so u will be closer to God because love to fashion only disturb this. I must say God always was the most important for me, not fashion not clothes but I enjoy it and I cant imagine life without it, not without certain material things but I think it would be sad for me to quit this hobby because it helped me go thru all depression and anxiety years. Of course OCD attached to this and now makes me feel quilty that I am addicted to fashion and God wants me to give it up. I had some problem with shopping online but now after selling all unnecessary stuff I feel like I have balance in my life. Unfortunately my ocd is still there and is so sever that I can t even buy myself one thing without having thought that God doesn't want me to buy it, the worst thing is that this thought and feeling is so real that I cant tell if its God or my mind, I asked my good friend priest to tell me what to do and for exapample he said keep this handbag but the I got thought that God wants me to get rid of it as I got it thinking it will last long time incase I will be poor again in the future and God doesn't want to put trust in things. I have to say I have a million of other compulsions like avoiding number 6 on serial number, I f I have bad thought looking on some piece of clothes I need to get rid of it because this thing "offending"God or maybe God in this way is giving me sign to tell me that he doesn't like this thing. I get rid of 70%of my stuff because the tension and guilt was unbearable. Now I cant enjoy my hobbies anymore because I am just scared to disobeying Gods will, I am not scared of punishment but to hurt Gods feeling or enjoying things while God doesn't want me to have them. I have lots to charity because I had feeling that I should get rid of everything. There is one Lady in my church she is dressing so poorly with scarf on her head she is like amish or something and last Sunday I had thoughts that God wants me to be the same and give up my hobby for him and be like her wear one seater and do it for him for sinners etc. I am scared to go to church and pray because I will get new obsessions. Every single thing even my wedding band is something wrong with it, I am sorry for boring u Guys and for my English its not my first language..hope u can understand. I know I am chaotic but there is so many thing I would love to say but this post getting so long now.. Please for any adive and for reading it. I don't think it will ever get better for me, I just had another baby and feel soo anxious and sad. I am praying to God to take away this confusion but only getting thought that I should do this things what thoughts telling me because its truly from God not OCD. Sometimes I even think some of them are from God and some from OCD but how to recognize them????(((((

 

[God bless Joshua]

Does OCD preventing people from having a loving and forgiving hearts ?

 

[monique2018]

Does OCD preventing people from having a loving and forgiving hearts ?

why?

 

[akaDaScribe]

Hey Guys,

I've been reading this forum more a few months now but just decited to join in and ask for help..I know you probably read thousands of similar posts but I don't know what to do, where to find help..
I've been struggling with ocd nearly all my life but it was very mild. After I had my first daughter I got teribble postpartum OCD about fear of hurting her, it was the worst time of my life, I don't even want to remember it anymore, went thru a lot, 2 years of behavioural therapy and 4 years of medications..nightmare and hell on earth. But this is not what I want talk about.
First Just wanna say few things about myself. I am big fashion lover, artisitic sould, clothes is my big passion and as a lot of people say I am talented in this subject. Its def my hobby, makes me feel better when I am struggling with ocd thoughts. I came from medium class family, never really had money to buy designer stuff until I moved to another country and met my husband, now we re living normal life, we are not ritch but we don't have to worry about basics I have a few designer stuff and really appreciate them, always thank God for them etc. A couple of years ago when I went to church I was praying infront of miraculous Cross and got this thought that I don't need expensive stuff to be good, I was wearing one of my 2 LV bag and got this uneasy dreadful feeling that Jesus want me to get rid of it. I asked my mum what she thinks about it and she said its my OCD so I was able to shake it off at this point. At this point I remember I already had some "right"and"wrong"feeling towards items jewellery. But it was still mild and I could cope with it. A year after we decited that we re going to get engaged(I was pushing my boyfriend to get married as I wanted to live Christian life again and we had already baby). Well and here my problems starts. I literally get obsessed with chosing my engagement ring(my boyfriend wanted me to chose it myself as he knows I am really picky and he doesn't like shopping) He just gave me the prce limit and ask to show him right one. I know not very romantic. At the beginning I wanted a cheap one but then after he said he want to give me something exclusive I ended up getting 1ct diamond ring. Just couple of weeks before ordering the ring I got the thought that if I love God I would give this rong away to poor people as a proof than God is the most important. I felt sick I remember I was crying feeling that I don't want to do it but obviously Go is the most important, the worst thing was this teribble feeling of conviction that this thought is from God(kid of love and axiety at the same time) I was getting thought that God count on me and he knows I will do it for him. I asked my therapist and he said to do the opposite but since then I had no joy over engagement and constant guilt that I am doobeying God. After that my Ocd(I hope) got really out of control, I started getting it about every item, piece of clothes or jewellery I really liked. IT was like thought from God"dont buy it or give it away or give everything u have to poors so u will be closer to God because love to fashion only disturb this. I must say God always was the most important for me, not fashion not clothes but I enjoy it and I cant imagine life without it, not without certain material things but I think it would be sad for me to quit this hobby because it helped me go thru all depression and anxiety years. Of course OCD attached to this and now makes me feel quilty that I am addicted to fashion and God wants me to give it up. I had some problem with shopping online but now after selling all unnecessary stuff I feel like I have balance in my life. Unfortunately my ocd is still there and is so sever that I can t even buy myself one thing without having thought that God doesn't want me to buy it, the worst thing is that this thought and feeling is so real that I cant tell if its God or my mind, I asked my good friend priest to tell me what to do and for exapample he said keep this handbag but the I got thought that God wants me to get rid of it as I got it thinking it will last long time incase I will be poor again in the future and God doesn't want to put trust in things. I have to say I have a million of other compulsions like avoiding number 6 on serial number, I f I have bad thought looking on some piece of clothes I need to get rid of it because this thing "offending"God or maybe God in this way is giving me sign to tell me that he doesn't like this thing. I get rid of 70%of my stuff because the tension and guilt was unbearable. Now I cant enjoy my hobbies anymore because I am just scared to disobeying Gods will, I am not scared of punishment but to hurt Gods feeling or enjoying things while God doesn't want me to have them. I have lots to charity because I had feeling that I should get rid of everything. There is one Lady in my church she is dressing so poorly with scarf on her head she is like amish or something and last Sunday I had thoughts that God wants me to be the same and give up my hobby for him and be like her wear one seater and do it for him for sinners etc. I am scared to go to church and pray because I will get new obsessions. Every single thing even my wedding band is something wrong with it, I am sorry for boring u Guys and for my English its not my first language..hope u can understand. I know I am chaotic but there is so many thing I would love to say but this post getting so long now.. Please for any adive and for reading it. I don't think it will ever get better for me, I just had another baby and feel soo anxious and sad. I am praying to God to take away this confusion but only getting thought that I should do this things what thoughts telling me because its truly from God not OCD. Sometimes I even think some of them are from God and some from OCD but how to recognize them????(((((

I'm going to make a bold statement here. I don't think God is going to give you instructions through an inner voice because he knows that you can't tell the difference.

When we can't hear God clearly, we have to make decisions based on what the Bible says. This does not mean taking verses of scripture and assuming you must do whatever it says. It means align your life so that you don't have to worry about what you are doing.

For example, you love fashion. You could find a way to enjoy that and feel good about it serving the kingdom as well. Maybe you could do something where you show people how to turn inexpensive things into a fashionable appearance. Like do classes on it or something like that. Or maybe help poor people with clothes who have to go on job interviews. I'm not saying it has to be those. I'm showing you that you can love something and be ministering to people at the same time. Find a way to make your passion serve God and then you don't have to worry about being torn.

 

[Southernscotty]

Bless your heart, I am sorry you are going through this, Please know that it is ok to have things and God wants you to be happy. The point here is don't hoard up on expensive things while your neighbor is starving. You can certainly have your hobbies and likes :] Bless you Sister

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

It's not wrong to have hobbies for when we have the free time. The problem is whether we prioritize it before God and people. If you're having this in mind, then your heart is in the right place. Which seems to be the case as I read your post; always considering God, family and others. Even said you've been giving to charity and going to church, noticing the need for both.

I think the best help for you would be to acknowledge what you've done as much as what you haven't; also to remember that it's not what but why you give. Are you giving to help them or make yourself feel better?

The answer to the above question will help you know whether it's God speaking or you. If it's not clear to you which, he does speak to us by others in our lives; so listen carefully to what they're saying as you would in prayer. Continue to be openly honest asking questions to God and them, humble yourself and be patient as you apply what's said to your life starting with one day and one moment. When a time comes when you need it, again pray to God or talk to people.

 

[fat wee robin]

Hey Guys,

I've been reading this forum more a few months now but just decited to join in and ask for help..I know you probably read thousands of similar posts but I don't know what to do, where to find help..
I've been struggling with ocd nearly all my life but it was very mild. After I had my first daughter I got teribble postpartum OCD about fear of hurting her, it was the worst time of my life, I don't even want to remember it anymore, went thru a lot, 2 years of behavioural therapy and 4 years of medications..nightmare and hell on earth. But this is not what I want talk about.
First Just wanna say few things about myself. I am big fashion lover, artisitic sould, clothes is my big passion and as a lot of people say I am talented in this subject. Its def my hobby, makes me feel better when I am struggling with ocd thoughts. I came from medium class family, never really had money to buy designer stuff until I moved to another country and met my husband, now we re living normal life, we are not ritch but we don't have to worry about basics I have a few designer stuff and really appreciate them, always thank God for them etc. A couple of years ago when I went to church I was praying infront of miraculous Cross and got this thought that I don't need expensive stuff to be good, I was wearing one of my 2 LV bag and got this uneasy dreadful feeling that Jesus want me to get rid of it. I asked my mum what she thinks about it and she said its my OCD so I was able to shake it off at this point. At this point I remember I already had some "right"and"wrong"feeling towards items jewellery. But it was still mild and I could cope with it. A year after we decited that we re going to get engaged(I was pushing my boyfriend to get married as I wanted to live Christian life again and we had already baby). Well and here my problems starts. I literally get obsessed with chosing my engagement ring(my boyfriend wanted me to chose it myself as he knows I am really picky and he doesn't like shopping) He just gave me the prce limit and ask to show him right one. I know not very romantic. At the beginning I wanted a cheap one but then after he said he want to give me something exclusive I ended up getting 1ct diamond ring. Just couple of weeks before ordering the ring I got the thought that if I love God I would give this rong away to poor people as a proof than God is the most important. I felt sick I remember I was crying feeling that I don't want to do it but obviously Go is the most important, the worst thing was this teribble feeling of conviction that this thought is from God(kid of love and axiety at the same time) I was getting thought that God count on me and he knows I will do it for him. I asked my therapist and he said to do the opposite but since then I had no joy over engagement and constant guilt that I am doobeying God. After that my Ocd(I hope) got really out of control, I started getting it about every item, piece of clothes or jewellery I really liked. IT was like thought from God"dont buy it or give it away or give everything u have to poors so u will be closer to God because love to fashion only disturb this. I must say God always was the most important for me, not fashion not clothes but I enjoy it and I cant imagine life without it, not without certain material things but I think it would be sad for me to quit this hobby because it helped me go thru all depression and anxiety years. Of course OCD attached to this and now makes me feel quilty that I am addicted to fashion and God wants me to give it up. I had some problem with shopping online but now after selling all unnecessary stuff I feel like I have balance in my life. Unfortunately my ocd is still there and is so sever that I can t even buy myself one thing without having thought that God doesn't want me to buy it, the worst thing is that this thought and feeling is so real that I cant tell if its God or my mind, I asked my good friend priest to tell me what to do and for exapample he said keep this handbag but the I got thought that God wants me to get rid of it as I got it thinking it will last long time incase I will be poor again in the future and God doesn't want to put trust in things. I have to say I have a million of other compulsions like avoiding number 6 on serial number, I f I have bad thought looking on some piece of clothes I need to get rid of it because this thing "offending"God or maybe God in this way is giving me sign to tell me that he doesn't like this thing. I get rid of 70%of my stuff because the tension and guilt was unbearable. Now I cant enjoy my hobbies anymore because I am just scared to disobeying Gods will, I am not scared of punishment but to hurt Gods feeling or enjoying things while God doesn't want me to have them. I have lots to charity because I had feeling that I should get rid of everything. There is one Lady in my church she is dressing so poorly with scarf on her head she is like amish or something and last Sunday I had thoughts that God wants me to be the same and give up my hobby for him and be like her wear one seater and do it for him for sinners etc. I am scared to go to church and pray because I will get new obsessions. Every single thing even my wedding band is something wrong with it, I am sorry for boring u Guys and for my English its not my first language..hope u can understand. I know I am chaotic but there is so many thing I would love to say but this post getting so long now.. Please for any adive and for reading it. I don't think it will ever get better for me, I just had another baby and feel soo anxious and sad. I am praying to God to take away this confusion but only getting thought that I should do this things what thoughts telling me because its truly from God not OCD. Sometimes I even think some of them are from God and some from OCD but how to recognize them????(((((

Keep it simple . God thinks it seems that you have made an Idol out of fashion ,jewellery etc and what is the First commandment ? No idols which keep you from God .
Forget the OCD, it is your concience telling you to change .Start by being charitable and asking the women at church to give your clothes ,most of them, to those who need them ,as AKA describe said .
Your OCD will pass when the Holy Spirit no longer needs to prompt you .Nor does it mean you can never have a new dress or whatever ,but for now and quite a while ,your addiction to 'earthly ' glamour must be denied .
It is like a drug ,but the only drug you really need is the healing love of Jesus Christ ,all the rest is superficial . When you give up the 'drug' ,you will feel withdrawal symptoms ,let them pass ,and afterwards you will have peace ,wonderful peace .

 

[Southernscotty]

Keep it simple . God thinks it seems that you have made an Idol out of fashion ,jewellery etc and what is the First commandment ? No idols which keep you from God .
Forget the OCD it is your concience telling you to change .Start by being charitable and asking the women at church to give your clothes ,most of them to those who need them as AKA describe said .
Your OCD will pass when the Holy Spirit no longer needs to prompt you .Nor does it mean you can never have a new dress or whatever ,but for now and quite a while your addiction to 'earthly ' glamour must be denied .It is a w

That is not correct friend. I am sorry, but I have to say something. OCD is a legitimate mental illness and you saying it's God or the Holy Spirit without knowing for sure, is kinda jumping the gun here in my opinion. You will have her going in the opposite direction and giving away everything she has and that is not what God ask of us.

 

[monique2018]

It's not wrong to have hobbies for when we have the free time. The problem is whether we prioritize it before God and people. If you're having this in mind, then your heart is in the right place. Which seems to be the case as I read your post; always considering God, family and others. Even said you've been giving to charity and going to church, noticing the need for both.

I think the best help for you would be to acknowledge what you've done as much as what you haven't; also to remember that it's not what but why you give. Are you giving to help them or make yourself feel better?

The answer to the above question will help you know whether it's God speaking or you. If it's not clear to you which, he does speak to us by others in our lives; so listen carefully to what they're saying as you would in prayer. Continue to be openly honest asking questions to God and them, humble yourself and be patient as you apply what's said to your life starting with one day and one moment. When a time comes when you need it, again pray to God or talk to people.

"Are you giving to help them or make yourself feel better?"
I never had problem with giving even since I was little, my mom says that she is surprised I have this kind of ocd now as I
am not materialistic person at all but I think I am. I like nice things I love beauty and my soul need it to enjoy life. Answer to this question is not easy for me atm. I am giving because I feel blessed that I have good life and want someone to have this little pleasure to, I want to make someone happy because maybe someone out there like nice things and fashion to but can not afford them, sometimes I am giving because I want to get rid of stuff or sometimes feel responsibility because I am catholic and want to do it for God but since I have this intrusive thoughts I am giving to feel better and calm this thoughts down. I feel that if I will get rid of things I will feel peace. I wont have intrusive thought anymore and feel guilty because I should be ready to give up everything if God asks but look I am not if I am having this thoughts. Feel like maybe its really God and I try to blame OCD because I am so greedy and don't want to give things up.

 

[monique2018]

Keep it simple . God thinks it seems that you have made an Idol out of fashion ,jewellery etc and what is the First commandment ? No idols which keep you from God .
Forget the OCD, it is your concience telling you to change .Start by being charitable and asking the women at church to give your clothes ,most of them, to those who need them ,as AKA describe said .
Your OCD will pass when the Holy Spirit no longer needs to prompt you .Nor does it mean you can never have a new dress or whatever ,but for now and quite a while ,your addiction to 'earthly ' glamour must be denied .
It is like a drug ,but the only drug you really need is the healing love of Jesus Christ ,all the rest is superficial . When you give up the 'drug' ,you will feel withdrawal symptoms ,let them pass ,and afterwards you will have peace ,wonderful peace .

But if I will give everything my hubby wont be happy, we just had another baby we cant afford it ((

 

[Southernscotty]

Read 2nd Corinthians 9:7 :]

I

 

[monique2018]

• But if I will give everything my hubby wont be happy, we just had another baby we cant afford it ((

  so the Holy Spirit causing all the compulsions and confusion?how to recognize I made fashion an idol?I never love fashion more than God never..
  

 

[Southernscotty]

I came from medium class family, never really had money to buy designer stuff until I moved to another country and met my husband, now we re living normal life, we are not ritch but we don't have to worry about basics I have a few designer stuff and really appreciate them, always thank God for them etc.

 

[monique2018]

Keep it simple . God thinks it seems that you have made an Idol out of fashion ,jewellery etc and what is the First commandment ? No idols which keep you from God .
Forget the OCD, it is your concience telling you to change .Start by being charitable and asking the women at church to give your clothes ,most of them, to those who need them ,as AKA describe said .
Your OCD will pass when the Holy Spirit no longer needs to prompt you .Nor does it mean you can never have a new dress or whatever ,but for now and quite a while ,your addiction to 'earthly ' glamour must be denied .
It is like a drug ,but the only drug you really need is the healing love of Jesus Christ ,all the rest is superficial . When you give up the 'drug' ,you will feel withdrawal symptoms ,let them pass ,and afterwards you will have peace ,wonderful peace .

My mom just got me earrings for bday she saved for them for so long Idont want to give them away its that ok???((((

 

[Southernscotty]

My mom just got me earrings for bday she saved for them for so long Idont want to give them away its that ok???((((

Do not give those away, those are a precious gift. You just relax and know that Jesus loves you :]

 

[monique2018]

I just can't relax just crying my eyes out now because fat wee robin said exactly what my ocd is telling me I am done I don't even have a life anymore

 

[Southernscotty]

I just can't relax just crying my eyes out now because fat wee robin said exactly what my ocd is telling me I am done I don't even have a life anymore

I am going to private message you ok.

 

[Southernscotty]

Question: "How should a Christian view Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?"

Answer: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was formerly classified as an anxiety disorder but is now categorized separately by the American Psychological Association. OCD is characterized by obsessive thoughts that lead to compulsive behaviors. The thoughts are invasive and feel uncontrollable. Furthermore, the thoughts are anxiety-provoking, compelling the person to carry out certain behaviors to temporarily relieve the anxiety. Both the thoughts and compulsive routines interfere with daily life to varying degrees. Researchers have not found a cause for OCD, but they have identified parts of the brain that seem to be involved.

In popular culture, we sometimes use “OCD” to describe people with an A-type personality or who may have excessive worry. But it is important to distinguish true Obsessive Compulsive Disorder from a heightened affinity for organization or cleanliness and from chronic worry. OCD is a real mental illness and is most often helped through specific forms of therapy and medication. That being said, it is important for those suffering from OCD to look at what the Bible says about anxiety and the trustworthiness of God.

The root of OCD, or OCD-like behavior in those not actually suffering with the illness, is anxiety. While OCD is not mentioned by name in Scripture, the word worry occurs 36 times (NLT). The consistent warning is not to worry. Worry is sin because it ignores the power of prayer and obstructs faith (Philippians 4:6). Those who have never trusted Jesus as their Savior are slaves to sin such as worry and cannot free themselves (Romans 6:17–22). Believers who struggle with chronic worry have yet to understand their freedom in Jesus to have victory over sin (Ephesians 6:10–18). Once we have received Jesus as our Savior, we are a new creation in Christ. Christians must walk in the Spirit in order to put off their earthly nature and begin to think and act like Jesus (Colossians 3:1–10). This is also called having the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:15–16). With the mind of Christ, we can set our minds on things above (2 Corinthians 10:5; Colossians 3:1–3; Philippians 4:8). More importantly, as we grow in Christ, we begin to understand God’s sovereignty and His character. We come to trust Him more fully and can therefore give up our worries.

Those suffering with OCD can be greatly helped by recalling the truth of Scripture. When confronted with an invasive thought, they can combat it with truth. A firm foundation in God’s Word will prove a reliable base from which to evaluate thoughts and compulsions. Sufferers can also be helped by therapeutic protocols designed specifically for OCD, through counseling and the use of pharmaceuticals. There is much hope for those suffering with OCD. Often, it is a combination of personal Bible study, medication, and discipling with a biblical counselor that leads to freedom. Regardless of their troubling symptoms, those with OCD can rest in the love of God and rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to give them grace to walk the path before them (2 Corinthians 12:8–10).

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

"Are you giving to help them or make yourself feel better?"
I never had problem with giving even since I was little, my mom says that she is surprised I have this kind of ocd now as I
am not materialistic person at all but I think I am. I like nice things I love beauty and my soul need it to enjoy life. Answer to this question is not easy for me atm. I am giving because I feel blessed that I have good life and want someone to have this little pleasure to, I want to make someone happy because maybe someone out there like nice things and fashion to but can not afford them, sometimes I am giving because I want to get rid of stuff or sometimes feel responsibility because I am catholic and want to do it for God but since I have this intrusive thoughts I am giving to feel better and calm this thoughts down. I feel that if I will get rid of things I will feel peace. I wont have intrusive thought anymore and feel guilty because I should be ready to give up everything if God asks but look I am not if I am having this thoughts. Feel like maybe its really God and I try to blame OCD because I am so greedy and don't want to give things up.

Try stepping back and looking at the big picture. You have things enjoyable in your life, but also you want others to have such things in theirs too. So firstly this is a sign you have goodness in your heart and mind; it's not about materialism or selfishness. It's a matter of understanding how to relate each in a way that makes sense to you.

Consider what @akaDaScribe posted, finding a way to relate your interest for clothing and charity. Simply could start by setting a period (monthly?), after which you would go through your clothes that are old and give them to others. Seems similar to what you're doing now, but it's more direct and orderly as you're setting a time frame to give back from your hobby.

 

[monique2018]

I don't know but maybe its not OCD but God, I will never be sure, it will kill me..I have so many panic attacks lately cant even drive car anymore