I do not know what to do.

[Door]

I have been married 7 years. When I first got married my husband was working for a man that paid him under the table and sometimes not at all. I told him if we are going to get married , he would have to quit that job because the man treated him with no respect. He went to work for a more established company and we got married. Shortly after we got married I found his info on a gay website, he denied he created the account. Before that I had found an inappropriate toy in his closet along with inappropriate content, which supposed belonged to another family member as he was living with his parents at the time. After we got married they started taking child support out , for a child he says he never knew about. I worked two shifts a day and we scrimped and saved and we still were suffering due to this child support. Well years later he says his family knew about the child all along. Mind you when he found out about this child he or she was 12. He just pays the support and has no desire whatsoever to find the child. We have moved 7 times in seven years because nothing is ever good enough for him. We are always behind on the bills and he makes 60,000 a year. Now he has two houses being foreclosed on and he will have to declare bankruptcy. I also found uncountable adult websites with all his information looking for sex. I do love him , but I just do not know if I can stay married to him. We are going to go to marriage counseling. Any advice on how to proceed, I know if I just go back, it will end up being the same thing. We are seperated. What would you do if you were me ?

 

[Ainustorm]

I have been married 7 years. When I first got married my husband was working for a man that paid him under the table and sometimes not at all. I told him if we are going to get married , he would have to quit that job because the man treated him with no respect. He went to work for a more established company and we got married. Shortly after we got married I found his info on a gay website, he denied he created the account. Before that I had found an inappropriate toy in his closet along with inappropriate content, which supposed belonged to another family member as he was living with his parents at the time. After we got married they started taking child support out , for a child he says he never knew about. I worked two shifts a day and we scrimped and saved and we still were suffering due to this child support. Well years later he says his family knew about the child all along. Mind you when he found out about this child he or she was 12. He just pays the support and has no desire whatsoever to find the child. We have moved 7 times in seven years because nothing is ever good enough for him. We are always behind on the bills and he makes 60,000 a year. Now he has two houses being foreclosed on and he will have to declare bankruptcy. I also found uncountable adult websites with all his information looking for sex. I do love him , but I just do not know if I can stay married to him. We are going to go to marriage counseling. Any advice on how to proceed, I know if I just go back, it will end up being the same thing. We are seperated. What would you do if you were me ?

Wow! That is a wild ride. I am sorry that you found that all out after marriage. Do you think you knew him well enough, now? Do you wish you had really gotten to know him? My advice would be to do the counselling. Especially if he is willing to do so. God can do miracles, so dont ever doubt God could change his heart. Devorce is not the answer, God would tell ya that. He would desire you to try and work it out, but trust, have faith, and look to Him for help and support. I have heard stories of marriages being restored when both in the couple look to themselves and their relationships with God. First, put your focus on God... read scripture and pray. Make sure you sre right with God, usually by your stand with God... will make an impact on your spouse. And if he doesnt grow up after all that counselling, then bein sperated would be good. Until he can fix his mistakes, he will never be what you need him to be. He needs to get right with God as well. Until he does, you both will have these struggles. God Bless! I will pray for you today!

 

[w00dy]

personally had my partner been unfaithful to me the relationship would be over. but thats not allways the best advice as i think it depends on the people and who/whats involved. pray to jesus for guidance

 

[Bobinator]

I hold a slightly different position than Ainustorm’s in which she says divorce is not an option. I would say that divorce is the last option. Being unfaithful in bed is Biblical grounds for divorce, if the victim so chooses.

Mathew 5:32- “But I say unto you, That whosoevershall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:…”

I’m not saying all unfaithfulness should be met with divorce, but it is possible without sin on the part of the victim. These matters should always be presented to the Lord for guidance.

I know a woman, believe it or not, whom God told to divorce her physically abusive husband because he was going to kill her. He had made many threats before, but this time he was going to follow through. At the time, he was indeed looking for her to commit the deed. He was crazy, and the daily beatings and bruises left little doubt. Today, this woman is a prophetess and has an incredible relationship with the Lord, and has many visions and encounters with God.

Understand that if you are baptized in water and of the spirit, you can go before the throne of God through the blood of his son to inquire of Him. Just present yourself to the Father in the name of his son, and ask Him anything you like. Have faith that he hears your cry.

Hebrews 4:16- “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

 

[AngelDove1]

One question????????????
Are you born again Chriatian?
Is your husband?

Just needed to ask......

 

[salida]

Door--

I would set down with him and tell him that if you want to remain in a serious relationship the inappropriate content must go. This is adultry! If he doesn't change - then he would be gone! Get counsel from a christian counselor.

 

[Solidlyhere]

Hmm. What does the OP want in a Husband?

Obviously, Hubby is having quite a sex life.

And, he buys too many houses.

Since you are in Counseling, you are interested in keeping married.
So, keep counseling away.

Certainly, there are many wives in WORSE situations than you are in.
And, THEY are staying with their husbands.

At the end of the day, if you feel that God brought you 2 together, then you are acting in the proper manner.

How do you feel about becoming a divorcee?
If you believe that any re-marriage is Adultery, then you should avoid it at all costs.

In the mean-time, I wouldn't spend any more time attempting to find MORE web-sites that Hubby is registered with. This will just help the pain continue. Ignorance is Bliss.

 

[Johnnz]

You are facing a very deep crisis. he has lived a life of deception and indulgence, at your expense. He has been married to you in name only. He will need to dig very deeply to change, and any changes are going to take quite some time to be implemented and really well established.

Whatever you do, don't be naive, 'trusting' etc. Only uncompromising honesty from both of you will prevent further harm for you.

John
NZ

 

[Ainustorm]

I hold a slightly different position than Ainustorm’s in which she says divorce is not an option. I would say that divorce is the last option. Being unfaithful in bed is Biblical grounds for divorce, if the victim so chooses.

Mathew 5:32- “But I say unto you, That whosoevershall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery:…”

I’m not saying all unfaithfulness should be met with divorce, but it is possible without sin on the part of the victim. These matters should always be presented to the Lord for guidance.

I know a woman, believe it or not, whom God told to divorce her physically abusive husband because he was going to kill her. He had made many threats before, but this time he was going to follow through. At the time, he was indeed looking for her to commit the deed. He was crazy, and the daily beatings and bruises left little doubt. Today, this woman is a prophetess and has an incredible relationship with the Lord, and has many visions and encounters with God.

Understand that if you are baptized in water and of the spirit, you can go before the throne of God through the blood of his son to inquire of Him. Just present yourself to the Father in the name of his son, and ask Him anything you like. Have faith that he hears your cry.

Hebrews 4:16- “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

By the way i am a HE, LOL!

But yeah, God frowns on Divorce, but Bob is right.... it ought to be the last resort. At first, dont allow it to be your focus... see if things will work out. If your husband can see the error of his ways. Then you guys could have all things work out through God. Only He can heal your relationship, God Bless!

 

[madison1101]

I suggest you read "The Power of a Praying Wife," by Stormie O'Martian. The power of prayer is awesome, when we learn to pray for ourselves and the person who we are standing in the gap for.

Also, pray that the Lord would protect your family from the negative consequences of your husband's behavior.

If your husband is willing, I would suggest he seek individual psychotherapy. It sounds as if he has some negative behavior patterns that he may need help breaking.

Praying for you.

Trish

 

[Bobinator]

By the way i am a HE, LOL!

But yeah, God frowns on Divorce, but Bob is right.... it ought to be the last resort. At first, dont allow it to be your focus... see if things will work out. If your husband can see the error of his ways. Then you guys could have all things work out through God. Only He can heal your relationship, God Bless!

My apologies, Ainustorm.

By the way, I appreciate your flexibility. I haven't encountered very many people in this forum who are like that.