A long time ago, when I was on the street and a heroin addict and a prostitute, a customer asked me to help him try heroin. I had told him no several times before but this particular time I was desperate for some. He didn't know how to shoot up and told me he wanted me to do it for him so after I was done with mine I did his for him. He died in my room that night. I suppose he was allergic to it or something. This was a couple of years before I came to know the Lord. I know the Lord has forgiven me of this and I have tried to forgive myself and go on but every time it comes up in my mind, it causes me to separate myself from God because the guilt is just too much and I just can't even stand to let God love me. I just want to punish myself. It just hurts too much. This time around, I was talking with some people in a group on facebook about it and I thought I was in a private conversation but it turned up on my timeline and I didn't know about it until the next morning when a friend told me about it. I have never told anyone about this and now I just want to totally isolate myself. I feel way to awful to go to God and I have Major Depressive Disorder and I just don't know how I'm ever going to be able to get over this when I don't even feel that I deserve to get over it. I'm just feeling very hopeless right now. I chose this forum catagory because I have ptsd from this and other traumas.