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I Can't Control My Guilt. Please Help

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by Aquatic Waves, Nov 22, 2019.

  1. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    My mom's been deceased for over a decade now. I first grieved for a couple of years but then that grieve turned into anger and hate towards my mom. I was angry at her for leaving me, my sister, and my grandma so soon and sudden. I was angry that she sheltered me too much as a child. I was angry that she didn't get me the right help when I needed. I was angry that she wasn't there for me that much when I was getting teased in school. And so on. I literally cussed and yelled at her even though she was gone. Not only that but I made a real mess of things after she died which I can't get into detail here since it's personal. This caused me, my sister and grandma not talking or seeing each other for a while. But eventually they forgave me after time. I continued still though to make wrong decisions in my life which I didn't think. This was for several years of the anger at my mom, the mess I made, and the wrong choices I did. But I didn't think of what I was doing so I didn't pay attention to it. Suddenly 3 weeks ago, I got a wake up call. Idk what it was from but all my anger and hate towards my mom had turned into grief and guilt. I now feel so ashamed and terrible for talking about her that way. And I regret the messes and wrong choices I did in the past. I now constantly cry and cry knowing what I done was so horrible. I then think back of when my mom was alive of how I could had treated her better and been there for her more. We had a yo yo relationship imo. There were times we were ok and times that we frequently argued. I feel now it's all my fault and I was a bad daughter. I prayed to Lord Jesus to forgive me for all what I done and the sins I had made. But I'm still crying so much now with all this guilt. I can't control the tears coming down my face. I didn't mean to hurt anyone from when my mom was alive and after she passed. All I feel now is guilt, grief, shame, and fear. I'm getting myself sick over this.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
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  2. OldWiseGuy

    OldWiseGuy Wake me when it's soup. Supporter

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    You may be purging those feelings at last. As they say, "Let it all out".
     
  3. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    I did. It's just sad and disappointing that it took me this long to realize what I done
     
  4. OldWiseGuy

    OldWiseGuy Wake me when it's soup. Supporter

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    You are forgiven by all who love you.
     
  5. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    This is what the devil smears all over you, because he knows he can, for you do not have faith in the forgiving love of God through Jesus Christ, this is why the accuser of God's children can play this cruel game with you now.

    The way out?

    Confess all your mistakes, blunders, guilt feelings, the grieving you been through and are still going through, the shame, the wrong moves and decisions you have made to Jesus - and then thank Jesus for grace - and LEAVE all those hot coals with Jesus - and walk free in His loving forgiveness drinking His grace instead of satan's scorn and hate towards you. You know you are safe each time satan brings a past sin or shortcoming up and your heart praises Jesus for deliverance instead of pining away under heavy loads of guilt.

    It is about love. Love inside your heart is hurting to the extreme and needs to be comforted by the Master lover of human souls. Jesus can and will get you back on your feet again if you dare trust Him and His grace. Honest it is for you as well.

    :hug:

    An invitation to The Chosen.

    God's Love will not take or will
    you to conform to rules or demand
    which imprison, enslave, burn or kill you.

    God's Love will not pervert what's Good
    The Lord loves truthfully Wise and Good.
    True Love was, is and always will be Good!

    In God's Love you are free to be right!
    In His love everything is good proper and kind.
    He loves all who love good and true to rule!

    His Love is caring, providing, and sharing.
    His Love always enjoys and protects good life.
    His love rules even when bad life has being in us!

    Hear Jesus call - 'Come join up with us all!
    Leave whatever ties you down and be free
    loving good life with all God's own to be.'

    To the rest in your heart God's asks
    how long will you tarry in the darkness?
    Please leave such bad existence within.

    For life must not, no never should, or would, or could,
    be forceful, rude, prideful, arrogant, selfish, lustful
    or otherwise be untrue to God's loving truth.

    Neither should life be hurting or ill,
    hungry, oppressed, despised, hated
    or otherwise have existence in wrong.

    Please hand your Bad Life over to Jesus
    Humbly ask for His Good Life back in return
    and go love God, self and neighbour with Joy.

    The Church knows that Jesus is coming soon
    All bad life will be our shameful past then,
    so please leave your bad life while you can!

    Love
     
  6. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You need to forgive yourself. That's easy to say and near impossible to do. The article this link takes you to will show you the way. Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston
     
  7. FanthatSpark

    FanthatSpark LImited Understanding

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    Its the measure that guilt lives.

    We measure sin when there is no measurement. Remember the trespass of the Lords prayer.

    Did ya know, in the measurement, a lot of limitations by the mind of the human are placed on Gods ability in doors shut in the mind due to our measuring sin? The good news is your state of being can improve if you quit measuring sin as this world does... Romans 3:10 talks of sin without measure and when one stops measuring those doors in the mind blow open for forgiveness.

    Someone taught you to measure sin , seek God in prayer so he can teach you, there is no measurement, that has created a limitation for God to heal you. In hopes and prayers , your mind gets free.
     
  8. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    I have confessed all the mistakes and sins I had done to Lord Christ. It's just that it's hard for me to now move forward after all what I done. I did move on for a while after several years when my mom passed. Now I can't. The crying doesn't end. That's all I do now and I know this isn't good and healthy. I'm torn apart. I'm all alone on this. I can't talk to my family about this and I don't have friends to go to. I know I can talk to Jesus about everything. But I also need support from other people. I only have my therapist and this forum to vent to. I just recently talked to my therapist about all of this. She said she will help me get through. I'm actually considering to go see a christian counselor for more help on this. Is that a good idea?

    Idk if you seen my other threads. But I also feel guilty for not visiting my dad more in the hospital when he got sick. I only went once and I cracked up. My sister gone 3 times alone to see him but not me. I was afraid I would had cracked up again and I didn't want my sister to see me that way and my dad dying. This is also another regret I done.

    Idk if this is something but I thought I should share. It was a little windy last night. While I was in my room crying, a loud wind suddenly slammed into the window. Was it a sign or just a nature?
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
  9. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    As it is you are living the past and let it destroy your future. This is why you should try and bring your past to Jesus and leave it there. From experiences i know that this can be very hard to do, to keep giving your past dwelling thoughts and feelings to Jesus but it is the only way that you can internalise His graceful love.

    i know you need other people to support and care for you, Jesus knows this too. This is why it is so important that you dwell on His truth and let Him guide you.

    For example. You feel guilt because you visited your dying dad only once. If i remember well he died within a week and you were so cut up seeing him so sick that you were not strong enough to bear that again before he died. You did nothing wrong! You only responded to your own state of welfare because you were so cut up seeing your father die that you couldn't face him again.

    See? no need for guilt for we have determined that you were badly shaken and traumatised by seeing him die. You still need help, love and support with this.

    So each time a trauma memory comes up bring yourself to Jesus and give those thoughts and feelings to Him and take His love on instead. This way you turn a bad memory into a good one. Keep doing that for as long as it takes to get good life out of the experience instead of bad life.

    Do you attend a Church? Are brothers or sisters around you aware of your inner torture? Do you share your feelings with your loved ones? A good loving Church could really help you through this traumatic time.

    As far as i'm concerned it is time for you to burn the ships and make a fresh start. i pray that you will get all the love and support you need to be able to achieve that. A bad past is hard to get rid off.



    As far as unexpected things happening being signs, its best not to think like that, but put your trust in the Lord when you are shaken by such events inside.

    The more you spend time with Jesus the quicker you be healed from your mental torture. He is a great Saviour who can truly help you overcome this. Look to Him for help first of all. He will bring other people into your life to help you onwards when you do that. i know He will for He is faithful and true. Do connect to Him. Get His loving grace into you.



    Be of very good courage.

    :hug:

    To God's Depressed Child,

    To think less of yourself then God's own
    Brings you much pain and suffering.
    Your worth is an incredible high price
    For you as well did Jesus die on the cross.

    Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
    letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
    Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
    Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

    His loving truth brings you His good life
    While to believe lies brings pain and grief
    So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
    and don't let Satan your good life squander.

    Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
    A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
    Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
    Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.
     
  10. Cclun

    Cclun cclun

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    You have come a long way and your eyes are finally opened to the truth. But the devil wants to steal, kill, and destroy you (John 10:10) instead allowing you to be free from guilt. Philippians 3:13-14 "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has calledme heavenward in Christ Jesus." I don't think God wants you to look back at mistakes in the past, but move on to a fuller life. Your mom would want that and she would be so proud that you do!
     
  11. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    I'm going to write down a list of other things that I so regret doing to my family:

    Not visiting my dad enough in the hospital when he was dying
    Saying horrible things to my mom before she died and fighting with her. And even when she passed I said horrible things
    Leaving my sister and grandma after my mom died
    For not being there for my parents enough
    Getting rid of my mom's pictures after she died
    Not visiting my parents at the cemetery
    Not being there enough for my sister and grandma
    For suing my sister
    For talking bad about my grandma in the past

    I could on and on but it will get more depressing
     
  12. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    Did you go to Jesus and repent of these actions?
     
  13. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    Error
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
  14. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    The best thing to do is write a letter to Jesus. Mention all and ever sin you can remember committing, it might take awhile to complete the list. The underneath all of that you apologise to Jesus for being a sinner and ask Him to forgive you and cleanse you from your sins. Give Him your heart. And ask Him to be your Lord! After you have done that you go and burn the letter. And just as the paper disappears so your sins will have disappeared. The trick is not to go back.

    In the mean time; Jesus paid your price! Rejoice and be glad. You have been forgiven!

     
  15. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    I would like to list of everything of what I done but I feel I'm going to get literally bashed.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
  16. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    What does it matter if satan's forces bash you and make you feel guilty as long as you confess all your sins to Jesus that is the issue. Think about how great it would be to find forgiveness for the things you have done?

    So like Paul says crucify the works of the flesh and find new life in the gracious love of Jesus Christ.

    Honest i've done horrible things in the past as well and languished in my pit rock bottom often suicidal for many years, but when i final went to Jesus with my sins He forgave me and set me free from them, so i don't have to do bad sins like that again. i have received so much joy and grace out of His hands that i have been able to fight my depressive illness and stay on top of it for the first time ever.

    Jesus is a good Lord who wants to live in your heart and teach you to love like He does. He is greatest Lord ever.

    Honest go to Him even today. i wrote to Him about my sins for many years it helped enormously fighting free from guilt and shame. i'm sure Jesus loves to see you with your letter burned and His loving grace filling your heart and mind.

    Peace.

    Righteous Love

    Righteous Love lays down own life
    for those fallen so low and sore
    ignoring painful deep down low
    True Love gathers the broken
    those who succumbed to lies
    awaiting death to take them.

    For never may The Wicked win
    God's Children to devour like bread
    True Love leaves death behind
    Loving True all the way back up
    till Loving True is Safely Home
    taking along All The Chosen.
     
  17. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    I meant bashed by people on here
     
  18. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    Yes you best stay away from wolves in sheep clothing they like to bash, put down and tear apart sinners for their consumption. So please don't write out your lists publicly. Your sins have nothing to do with us but need to be taken away by Jesus. Go to Him. Tell Him. He wont bash you or put you down but put His loving arms around you and set you free.

    Be of very good courage.:hug:
     
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  19. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    I've done terrible things to family, too. In fear, sadness, and anger. The guilt, on some level, may always be there for me, but I'm moving forward, too.

    It's ok and spiritually healthy to feel sorrow when we realize that we did wrong. But staying there for ages is not healthy. We can get stuck on our past. It's good to talk to God about our sorrows, and ask Him to bring us forward, too.
     
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  20. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Active Member

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    I was reading back and I apologize for the misunderstanding. That was a list of sins I had committed and I ask Lord Jesus to please forgive me for them. I wrote a whole list off sins I can remember doing.
     
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