I am Sick of it!

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Here's my story, short version. I have a great wife great inlaws, a wonderful little girl and a pain in the @#$ family on my side. I want my daughter to know her cousins on my side but it is so painstaking to even try, I have had it. Let's assume in this equasion that I am the normal one (which is totally true, you will just have to trust me- so let's not get side tracked on that).

Father - Extremely high maintenence bec he has personal insecurities. Been there, done that relationship, tried over and over, burned out.

Sister - Chronic lier. No kidding. Falsly accuses people of hanous crimes and takes the to court for money, attention, or just spite. She has acusssed several people of molesting her children (not including me thank God). I don't want to have anything to do with her.

Brother - Constant financial problems. This is not a direct reason for us not to get along but, when he is having more serious issues with finances (lately all the time) he claims to have very little or no time to get together. This is anonymous so I am not worried about saying it here. I honor and respect not to tell anyone I know he is having difficulty as to not expose or embarrass him. My brother has had the best chance of relationship as he is the most normal of the three.

However, I just loaned him $500. He is an honorable guy in that he is paying it back in full within 2 weeks time. However, I thought it would be a good idea to meet him in person to pick up the check, at least to see him and my niece again (and to allow my little one to see her cousin). He insisted on doing an electronic transfer or mailing it instead of giving me 5 minutes of him time. I just don't get it!! He has such little time for me or my family, I am ready to just forget about him again. I don't care what the reason is, you make time for family.

I don't even know why I am writing this here. I just think it is an impossible situation.

 

[Daily Miracle]

Don't worry too much about it, I would have paid my parents money to NOT take us to our cousins!

My upbringing, and that of my cousins were like night and day. Whenever we went to my cousins, me and my siblings were filled with guilt because of the things that would happen. One cousin pranked people on the phone, and all I was worried about was her getting caught and having my parents think I was involved. Another cousin got into my uncles "nasty" magazines, and all I could think of was "how do I get out of here?" My cousins were rough, so we were always bruised by the time we left. There were lots of things my cousins did that would have deserved being hanged in my family, LOL. Anyway, we always kept our mouths shut, and my parents never knew how uncomfortable we were around our cousins.

Today, now that we're all grown up, my cousins have committed adultery, theft, lying, etc. Truthfully, I'm glad my family moved, and visiting them became less frequent. I'm close to our "normal" cousins, and while we don't have a strained relationship with our other cousins, it doesn't hurt my feelings to see them just a couple times out of the year.

 

[d0c markus]

Here's my story, short version. I have a great wife great inlaws, a wonderful little girl and a pain in the @#$ family on my side. I want my daughter to know her cousins on my side but it is so painstaking to even try, I have had it. Let's assume in this equasion that I am the normal one (which is totally true, you will just have to trust me- so let's not get side tracked on that).

Father - Extremely high maintenence bec he has personal insecurities. Been there, done that relationship, tried over and over, burned out.

Sister - Chronic lier. No kidding. Falsly accuses people of hanous crimes and takes the to court for money, attention, or just spite. She has acusssed several people of molesting her children (not including me thank God). I don't want to have anything to do with her.

Brother - Constant financial problems. This is not a direct reason for us not to get along but, when he is having more serious issues with finances (lately all the time) he claims to have very little or no time to get together. This is anonymous so I am not worried about saying it here. I honor and respect not to tell anyone I know he is having difficulty as to not expose or embarrass him. My brother has had the best chance of relationship as he is the most normal of the three.

However, I just loaned him $500. He is an honorable guy in that he is paying it back in full within 2 weeks time. However, I thought it would be a good idea to meet him in person to pick up the check, at least to see him and my niece again (and to allow my little one to see her cousin). He insisted on doing an electronic transfer or mailing it instead of giving me 5 minutes of him time. I just don't get it!! He has such little time for me or my family, I am ready to just forget about him again. I don't care what the reason is, you make time for family.

I don't even know why I am writing this here. I just think it is an impossible situation.

Wow... I will pray for your family. Your brother, you should set a time way in advance, maybe a little BBQ, or somethin. That way he has time to plan ahead. Your sister desperatly needs christ, perhaps, theres a little demonic activity (sounds crazy doesnt it, but it may just be) My adivce to her is to pray for her all the time.

And your dad... im not to sure what adivce to give him or what to do... just re-assure him which no doubt gets old, but persistance is vision.

 

[JesusInMyHeart]

Our Father,who art in Heaven Hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth
As it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil,
For Thine is the kingdom,and the power,and the glory
Forever.Amen.

.....Let us forgive those who have trespassed against us.....

Dear friend...

The Lord has given us all freedom in our choices...as we want to live on this earth. For one thing you are not responsible for their activities, actions, words...etc...and etc...

Let go of the anger and frustration...that is upsetting you inside about your family...Give it all to God...Go to God in prayer for your family members...Be patient...God knows how much you are hurting inside because you would like to have precious time with your family members...God needs to do a mighty works within all of them...Lift each family member in prayer...Things might change right away...or it might take years...But do not be discourage...Trust in God...In HIS TIMING...all is possible...

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Thank you all very very much. I need your prayers. It as if my side of the family has been cursed. There is always hope although I get concerned because time eventually will run out. I don't feel guilt because I have done all I can do. Thank you all again! Anymore suggestions are welcome.

I also agree that my sister is possesed. I am not quick to say such things about anyone but for her it must be. She is intelligent yet emotionally much like a four year old. She will say one thing and then stab you in the back. If she has acussed her own family of such things I know are not true, and still does not admit it, then I know she can not be trusted until she confesses her lies.

My dad on the other hand is not so dangerous but excrutiatingly (sp?) maintenance oriented and re-married after my mother died to a woman who feeds these insecurities. She backs him up when he is being too sensitive which makes it compound. What's more, I can't stand the way she kisses up to him and acts like she must worship his every emotion.

Just to give one example of his micro-managing, he will try to add up the times we have gone to their house for dinner vs how many times they are (required) to come out to our house. If the numbers are not equal, he b1tches and complains. The childishness parallels my sister but somewhat different. Then he gets mad over little things and refuses to call us for weeks or compares how many times we call him to how many he calls us. The numbers are supposed to add up in his favor because everyone should "cator" to him as he is the "elder." Many more examples I don't care to list. We haven't spoken in 3 years as a result. His pride is too great. He misses out on see ANY of his grandchildren as a result of his attitude.

 

[Andry]

Spock,

You're normal, like the rest of us. ie. we've fallen short and saved by grace. Thankfully.

Oftentimes Christian romantize about the 'harvest' being somewhere out there in the 'mission fields' of some Third World country. Want to know where my is? Right in front of my face, with my family. If you read the Bible, God used many men and women who just dug their heels in and not wanting to do the Lord's work....Jonah, Moses, even Elijah near the end (he didn't anoint who God told him to anoint). I do not 'enjoy' the prospect of having to minister to my family (even though their 'saved'!). And this is not done by preaching or lecturing them. Rather, by example that Christ truly is living in me. That's difficult. Not to trade sob stories here (thank you for sharing yours by the way), but compared to my family, and not to belittle your situation, yours is a relative cakewalk. I'm a 'PK' - pastor's kid - too!!

If I may venture a guess, I believe your mission field is right in front of you too. Take heart and rejoice that it's not that far away, and there are others here in the same shoes. Lastly, God's prophetic words for me personally has been, "Chill out." I need to chill out about this. It's worked wonders. God bless and keep the faith.

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Spock,

You're normal, like the rest of us. ie. we've fallen short and saved by grace. Thankfully.

Oftentimes Christian romantize about the 'harvest' being somewhere out there in the 'mission fields' of some Third World country. Want to know where my is? Right in front of my face, with my family. If you read the Bible, God used many men and women who just dug their heels in and not wanting to do the Lord's work....Jonah, Moses, even Elijah near the end (he didn't anoint who God told him to anoint). I do not 'enjoy' the prospect of having to minister to my family (even though their 'saved'!). And this is not done by preaching or lecturing them. Rather, by example that Christ truly is living in me. That's difficult. Not to trade sob stories here (thank you for sharing yours by the way), but compared to my family, and not to belittle your situation, yours is a relative cakewalk. I'm a 'PK' - pastor's kid - too!!

If I may venture a guess, I believe your mission field is right in front of you too. Take heart and rejoice that it's not that far away, and there are others here in the same shoes. Lastly, God's prophetic words for me personally has been, "Chill out." I need to chill out about this. It's worked wonders. God bless and keep the faith.

Thank you andry. I believe your words are true. I have to find a way around the anxiety that gets at me when the trouble starts with them again. I am not sure how to do it and don't want to end up physically sick over it again. I also don't want to put them through any more pain.

 

[Jaywalk]

Here's my story, short version.

Here is a short answer, for what it's worth. You are responsible to these people, not for them. On the other hand, you are responsible for your own child. Pray for your family and support them as best you can despite their various problems, but your primary responsibility is for the family you've created, not the one you come from.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

I have two brothers whom I don't waste time seeing.
Remember when Jesus sent out the disciples and He said if you are not welcomed in a house, tap the dust off your feet and leave .
Well that's what it's like if I visit them and it's not because of my beliefs that I am not welcomed, it's more to do with issues of the past they they can't deal with.

One just grunts when I try to converse or on a good day he'll say something but it will be extremely superficial. He's a walking brick wall.
The other one lives in a strange little world, that you have to walk very carefully in, because the slightest little upset or deviation from what he wants to talk about and wham.

I tried to be sociable for many years and then I realised I was literally wasting my time and theirs.
I regard relatives as the same as anyone else, just like when Jesus said when they called to Him that His mother and brothers were here,
"Who is my Mother and Brothers"
And doesn't it say do your best to get along with people but there is no guilt if it doesn't work out.
Plus Jesus did not go down to well in His home town did He ?LOL

 

[Desert Walker]

Maybe a few things to ponder. I feel for you, sure I don't know it all or what you have been through, just a thought and maybe you already have, forgive. Jesus said, "if you don't forgive others, our Heavenly Father will not forgive you" - may paraphrase of Mathew 6:15 I've been through a lot in the past year, the biggest thing I learned was to forgive, it releases an incredible burden I carried. I sense that burden in your words, I feel your pain, forgive your family. It may mean that you don't see them, but forgive, you are only hurting yourself.

In regards to your brother, have you perhaps thought of his feelings? I understand your hurt that it appears that he doesn't have time for you. Have you thought that perhaps it's not so. Perhaps he looks at you and says, "My brother has it all together and I'm always broke, I need to borrow money all the time" etc etc. Perhaps his not visiting or even wanting to pick up the cheque is shame and not an attempt to ignore. Men have pride, whether that is good or not is irrelevent here, it takes alot to swallow the pride to ask for help, and alot to do it face to face. Considering the words you wrote of your father, perhaps your brother has some of those insecurities.

Finally, your father, it grieves me to hear your father hasn't seen your children or you in 3 years. I seen my parents suffer for not seeing some of there grandchildren, it kills them. It's so cruel and ungodly, it has to be the worst punishment a person can do to a grandparent. Please think this one through, protect your children of course, but seriously think it through, are you protecting your children or lashing back at your father?

Not trying to judge nor point fingers, just simply trying to help.

Blessings

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Thank you all. Yes, Desert Walker, I have not forgiven my sister. I know I need to. It will have to be a daily thing. For one, she is a known lier yet has created doubt in my mind for a family member of whom I have decided to distance myself for other reasons. It was part (say 20%)of my decision in not seeing them anymore. I can't afford expose my own children to a 1% chance of that.

Secondly, my father has more pride than love. Meaning, he refuses to change his inconsiderate ways and instead act as though those things I mentioned never happened. The result is that we get back together only to go through the emotional roller coaster, he is not satisfied that I don't jump at his whim and then doesn't talk to me for weeks, blah blah blah and then we separate again out of frustration. He thinks out of insecurity, his kids will call him and apologize for doing nothing and then the game of control begins. He does this probably out of some insecure fear that is beyond addressing. The problem is that we are no longer under this mind control and he doesn't get a call back. Then the "game" heightens, he raises the steaks and refuses to act mature. We don't give in and it spirals until we end up in non-communication. If he would just stop acting like a 2 year old and playing mind games, we could get along. But, he goes back to his old ways. There is no hatred or power trip in my not communicating with him. His own pride and stubborn-ness is what is stopping him from seeing the grandchildren. That is the truth. Although I am not happy with it.