I admit ...

[els_bells]

Today I saw a counsellor. She told me that I did have an eating problem. A few of my friends have told me that they think I've got an eating disorder but I just can't see it. However I think that it is something that I've got to finally face and admit so:
Yes, I do have an eating problem

I don't tend to eat very much and when I do eat anything which resembles a proper meal I tend to purge. I'm making myself quite ill right now because of the side effects of it all so your prayers would be appreciated.
xxxxx

 

[chaelsworld0o]

It's good that you now admit that you have an eating disorder. It's a difficult road to be on... It sometimes comes down to the choice, do you want the eating disorder or God? I understand how hard it is... I'm still trying to get past mine. It's like, you really have to put your faith in God's hands. I'll be praying for you!

 

[Music4Hym777]

Today I saw a counsellor. She told me that I did have an eating problem. A few of my friends have told me that they think I've got an eating disorder but I just can't see it. However I think that it is something that I've got to finally face and admit so:
Yes, I do have an eating problem

I am glad that you are facing your problem, the road will not be an easy one, that I can tell you from experience, I have only been on the road to recovery for 10 months and it is still a battle, I still have a long way to go, bu having my life back is totally worth it.

I don't tend to eat very much and when I do eat anything which resembles a proper meal I tend to purge. I'm making myself quite ill right now because of the side effects of it all so your prayers would be appreciated.
xxxxx

Yes, that definately sounds like an eating disorder, I know that it feels normal for you, but sometimes you just have to let go and let God. Its never easy to do, but with a problem like we've got, we have to work hard, but let God wor harder.

I'll be praying for you!

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I'll be praying for you too - i know it's hard but you can overcome this!!!

 

[els_bells]

Just got back from spending a day away visiting my family. For 24 hours I had to eat properly and didn't have the chance to purge. It was so hard. I got home and then purged so much and then cut really badly, just can't deal with the guilt of eating. I'm realising that it has started to control me, I'm losing control and I'm scared, really scared.

 

[Music4Hym777]

Just got back from spending a day away visiting my family. For 24 hours I had to eat properly and didn't have the chance to purge. It was so hard. I got home and then purged so much and then cut really badly, just can't deal with the guilt of eating. I'm realising that it has started to control me, I'm losing control and I'm scared, really scared.

Oh honey, everything will be okay, just be willing to get better, to do what your counselor suggests. You have a long road ahead, but remember that Jesus is right there.

I remember asking one of my friends one time "In all this Bulimia, I feel like God is a million miles away, where is God in all this?"

Her reply was "God is right there, holding back your hair" remember, God loves you and so do all of us here!

"We are travelers on a journey, a journey, to believe" <---believe that we can get over this!

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

You're loved.

-Jo.

 

[els_bells]

I'm going to see the counsellor again tomorrow - i really don't want to go, I'm just going for my friends, to keep them happy. I can't go after tomorrow until October because I have exams and am going home for the summer.
I told one of my best friends about my eating problems last night-i just wanted a bit of support but i wish i hadn't said anything. She just told me to eat - just not helpful. I'm going to Uganda in 6 weeks time for 7 weeks to help in a school and she told me that i shouldn't go because I was 'no help to anyone with my messed up life' and that it was really hypocritical me going because a lot of them are starving and i'm making myself sick. It makes me so angry. i just need her support but i'm not going to get it obviously.
ARGH

 

[Hope_0004]

It's not true that you can't help others. Sometimes it's easiest to give of yourself when you also know what pain is like - and just because you don't have the same struggles or the same grief doesn't mean you can't relate.

Keep your worries in mind when you are in Uganda - I know that when I take myself too seriously, it inevitably happens that I see someone far more destitute than myself in about two minutes. I know it hurts to deal with an eating disorder, but at the same time, there is so much to be grateful for in your life, I am sure.

Finally, don't look for the answer in friends. They rarely know what to say in situations such as yours. A professional is who you need, and I know virtually every college campus has facilities available to help.

I wish you the best.

 

[PromiseSeeker]

It's not true that you can't help others. Sometimes it's easiest to give of yourself when you also know what pain is like - and just because you don't have the same struggles or the same grief doesn't mean you can't relate.

Excellent point Hope!

Hon, you are doing what's right. I know that it's frustrating when people think all you have to do is "just eat." It seems just so easy for them to say.......

You may be trying to punish yourself for something. Talk with your C and be sure to tell him/her all so that he/she can help you to the fullest.

Hang in there, recovery IS possible.

 

[Hope_0004]

You know, you could also talk to your parents. I know that sounds like the worst advice in the world, but when I was struggling with my own eating problems, I found out my mom had experienced the exact same thing. It was a great personal addition to the stuffy counsellor I had to see.

Just a thought - hang in there.

 

[els_bells]

Talking to my parents is not going to happen. I've hidden stuff from them for all of my life, I'm not about to start talking to them now. When they did find out about my self harm they weren't particularly helpful so I let them believe i had stopped. I also think that if they find out then they wont let me go to africa-no one is taking this trip away from me.
The counsellor today was ok, i talked and she didn't say very much, it's weird. I wont see them again until october now so I'm not quite sure how things will pan out this summer but we'll see.
Thanks for the advice and support

 

[els_bells]

People keep telling me how serious the situation is but I just can't see it. I mean 95% of the time I just can't see what the big problem is, sometimes I wish that people would leave me alone and just stop worrying. I don't want to make people worry. Why can't others see that I'm healthy and that I'm ok? Why does no one really believe me when I say I'm fine? I admit that things aren't perfect, there are issues that probably need sorting out at some point but I'M OK.
It's nice knowing that people care but I just want to be left alone to get on with my life.

 

[luv4godremains]

well, maybe you think you are ok, or trying to persuade yourself that you are ok by saying to others that you are, when, to be honest, you can deal with this, even though it is gonna be really hard, but, to have an eating problem is not to be ok, or to suffer from depression or to SI, you wouldn't do these things or have done these things if you were ok. I'm not trying to be mean or unsupportive or anything, it's just that, to help yourself, you need to admit that there is something going on that isn't ok! You seem to be doing well, but I'll keep you in my prayers, and I hope that you are ok, and that I haven't offended you or anything, because that is definately not my aim!
God bless
xXx

 

[Jama]

I've heard myself say such similar things, els_bells. It can be really, really hard! I'm praying for you.

 

[Inperfected]

Best solution i've found if you are going home? Tell you mum, and make her weigh you... Usually someone like that will make you and give you no choice on the matter....

 

[els_bells]

I've now finished my exams and I found out I've actually passed one which is good. I'll get the rest of the results next week.
I can't deal with stuff though despite exams finishing, i thought i might be better but i'm not. I've been purging so much and starving myself. I've lost more weight and people are noticing. It's a nightmare. I just want to be left alone to get on with my life.
I'm trying to hide from God, I don't want to let Him in. I'm so scared of going home. I'm scared of what i'm doing to my body right now but I'm so scared of putting on weight too. I dont know which one makes me the most scared.
I don't know what to do or where everything is going, I'm lost

 

[Music4Hym777]

I've now finished my exams and I found out I've actually passed one which is good. I'll get the rest of the results next week.
I can't deal with stuff though despite exams finishing, i thought i might be better but i'm not. I've been purging so much and starving myself. I've lost more weight and people are noticing. It's a nightmare. I just want to be left alone to get on with my life.
I'm trying to hide from God, I don't want to let Him in. I'm so scared of going home. I'm scared of what i'm doing to my body right now but I'm so scared of putting on weight too. I dont know which one makes me the most scared.
I don't know what to do or where everything is going, I'm lost

First and foremost! You are beautiful just the way you are!

Second, this is something one of my friends told me when I first started down the road to recovery and saying those things like "I dont want to let God in" or "I am so scared of God knowing" or "Where is God in all of this?" ya wanna know what she said, it was really an eyeopener for me "Where is God in all of this? He is right there holding back your hair" When I first heard it, I thought the wind had been knocked out of me. But it is truth.

Going home is never easy, I hate it too, I like staying in my world at school, I feel as if I have to face things more when I am at home, it is the most trying time, but guess what, God will get you through if you lean on him.

You are beautiful!