Husband has been accused of rape.

[Shadow dancer]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this site so please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong area.

As the title says, my husband has recently been accused of rape...30 years after it supposedly happened. The woman messaged me on Facebook to say my husband raped her with his friends, when they were all in the late teens.

She also messaged my husband before me (he didn't tell me so I had to find out from her later), and his friend as well.

My husband is shocked and is very concerned. This woman dated his friend, and my husband admitted to me that he had "fooled around" with her, however there was no intercourse. This clearly happened before my husband became a Christian.

I believe my husband and I have given him my full support.

He and I are fighting terribly now. I am terrified that the police will come knocking on the door as this woman has stated she is going to charge him and she has evidence. My husband wants to leave my little boy and I for two weeks for work, and I am beside myself.

This woman stated that all her family know, and I am even scared they will knock on my door.

I cannot cope with all of this. I am falling apart and I need him by my side. He called me selfish and said it is nothing to do with me. He said it's only my anxiety making me worry, yet he won't even tell his father for fear of "making him worry".

My heart is breaking. I have no one to confide in.

I need sleeping pills to sleep, and I can't take them when I am alone with our son.

I am falling apart. I even caught myself thinking of self harm before, but I am praying to get through this.

What should I do? I feel so unloved and that my husband is taking my support for granted.

He feels the same because I don't want him to go right now. I would be in a situation where I can go with him in two weeks but he won't wait.

This is such a nightmare.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

-your sister in Christ

 

[Zoii]

This is such a major thing youre dealing with. Do you have access to someone who is skilled that you can talk to like a pastor or a counselor. Its just what youre enduring is very major and could escalate or be quite prolonged. Itd be so helpful to you too have a professional to give you practical advice, options and coping strategies.

 

[Dave-W]

I am terrified that the police will come knocking on the door as this woman has stated she is going to charge him and she has evidence.

I would look into the statute of limitations. Even if there was a crime committed, after 30 years I do not think any criminal charges (and maybe not even civil charges) could be brought.

I think you both should speak to a lawyer/barrister who deals in this kind of stuff and find out what the options actually are.

Commission urged to address statute of limitations on rape cases

 

[Solomons Porch]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this site so please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong area.

As the title says, my husband has recently been accused of rape...30 years after it supposedly happened. The woman messaged me on Facebook to say my husband raped her with his friends, when they were all in the late teens.

She also messaged my husband before me (he didn't tell me so I had to find out from her later), and his friend as well.

My husband is shocked and is very concerned. This woman dated his friend, and my husband admitted to me that he had "fooled around" with her, however there was no intercourse. This clearly happened before my husband became a Christian.

I believe my husband and I have given him my full support.

He and I are fighting terribly now. I am terrified that the police will come knocking on the door as this woman has stated she is going to charge him and she has evidence. My husband wants to leave my little boy and I for two weeks for work, and I am beside myself.

This woman stated that all her family know, and I am even scared they will knock on my door.

I cannot cope with all of this. I am falling apart and I need him by my side. He called me selfish and said it is nothing to do with me. He said it's only my anxiety making me worry, yet he won't even tell his father for fear of "making him worry".

My heart is breaking. I have no one to confide in.

I need sleeping pills to sleep, and I can't take them when I am alone with our son.

I am falling apart. I even caught myself thinking of self harm before, but I am praying to get through this.

What should I do? I feel so unloved and that my husband is taking my support for granted.

He feels the same because I don't want him to go right now. I would be in a situation where I can go with him in two weeks but he won't wait.

This is such a nightmare.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

-your sister in Christ

I will be praying for you, my heart breaks for you. If you ever just need to talk give me a PM.

 

[Freedom~Sprite]

Motive.
That would be my first question as to the reason this person contacted you. What's their motive? Thirty years later? She could be intending to do exactly what you're suffering with now. Screwing up your mind, your emotions and your marriage with this tale.
If she was gang raped, as it sounds like she's trying to claim, she would have gone to the police 30 years ago. I'd block her from my Facebook account because also, if she's making this public there she's intending to make this public and harm your family with the accusation. Slander and defamation of character.
Trust your husband. You've been with him long enough to know his eyes when he looks at you and tells you his side of this. Does it feel like he's lying? Don't give a stranger woman the power to destroy you or your family or your relationship and trust with your husband.
Why would she say this 30 years later and on a public forum? If she went that route rather than sending a private message? That's the real question too. Someone who is raped doing this looks like a three decades old victim. While making your husband and his friends look like monsters. And again, if she did this openly, in public!
THIRTY YEARS AFTER THE FACT.

Is your husband still in the same town as back then when this supposedly happened? If so there's something really wrong with this claim coming forward now. Some people just get mad and want to hurt people around them. If you're husband has been around all these years and she's never filed charges before, she's filing charges now on Facebook? To what end? What justice comes from that?
What's it serve her to paint "rapist" on your husband and his friends now?

God be with you both.

 

[SkyWriting]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this site so please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong area.

As the title says, my husband has recently been accused of rape...30 years after it supposedly happened. The woman messaged me on Facebook to say my husband raped her with his friends, when they were all in the late teens.

She also messaged my husband before me (he didn't tell me so I had to find out from her later), and his friend as well.

My husband is shocked and is very concerned. This woman dated his friend, and my husband admitted to me that he had "fooled around" with her, however there was no intercourse. This clearly happened before my husband became a Christian.

I believe my husband and I have given him my full support.

He and I are fighting terribly now. I am terrified that the police will come knocking on the door as this woman has stated she is going to charge him and she has evidence. My husband wants to leave my little boy and I for two weeks for work, and I am beside myself.

This woman stated that all her family know, and I am even scared they will knock on my door.

I cannot cope with all of this. I am falling apart and I need him by my side. He called me selfish and said it is nothing to do with me. He said it's only my anxiety making me worry, yet he won't even tell his father for fear of "making him worry".

My heart is breaking. I have no one to confide in.

I need sleeping pills to sleep, and I can't take them when I am alone with our son.

I am falling apart. I even caught myself thinking of self harm before, but I am praying to get through this.

What should I do? I feel so unloved and that my husband is taking my support for granted.

He feels the same because I don't want him to go right now. I would be in a situation where I can go with him in two weeks but he won't wait.

This is such a nightmare.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

-your sister in Christ

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7,
free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention
and crisis resources for you or your loved ones,
and best practices for professionals.
1-800-273-8255

 

[AvgJoe]

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7,
free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention
and crisis resources for you or your loved ones,
and best practices for professionals.
1-800-273-8255

She's in Australia.

Lifeline Australia - 13 11 14 - Crisis Support and Suicide Prevention
Lifeline is a national charity providing all Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24 hour crisis support.

 

[Zoii]

Motive.
That would be my first question as to the reason this person contacted you. What's their motive? Thirty years later? She could be intending to do exactly what you're suffering with now. Screwing up your mind, your emotions and your marriage with this tale.
If she was gang raped, as it sounds like she's trying to claim, she would have gone to the police 30 years ago. I'd block her from my Facebook account because also, if she's making this public there she's intending to make this public and harm your family with the accusation. Slander and defamation of character.
Trust your husband. You've been with him long enough to know his eyes when he looks at you and tells you his side of this. Does it feel like he's lying? Don't give a stranger woman the power to destroy you or your family or your relationship and trust with your husband.
Why would she say this 30 years later and on a public forum? If she went that route rather than sending a private message? That's the real question too. Someone who is raped doing this looks like a three decades old victim. While making your husband and his friends look like monsters. And again, if she did this openly, in public!
THIRTY YEARS AFTER THE FACT.

Is your husband still in the same town as back then when this supposedly happened? If so there's something really wrong with this claim coming forward now. Some people just get mad and want to hurt people around them. If you're husband has been around all these years and she's never filed charges before, she's filing charges now on Facebook? To what end? What justice comes from that?
What's it serve her to paint "rapist" on your husband and his friends now?

God be with you both.

What youre suggesting just isnt 100% true. While for sure some claims might be malicious. But to suggest a rape claim after many years is unlikely to be true.... just the opposite is the truth of that.

Not that Im saying her husband is guilty - I just wanted to correct your view of women who make these claims years after they occur.

 

[DarthNeo]

Get a lawyer and do NOT let this woman continue to threaten you!

 

[dayhiker]

I think shame needs to be made public. Own what is true and speak your truth. If we hid the shame it will come back to bite us.

 

[Freedom~Sprite]

What youre suggesting just isnt 100% true. While for sure some claims might be malicious. But to suggest a rape claim after many years is unlikely to be true.... just the opposite is the truth of that.

Not that Im saying her husband is guilty - I just wanted to correct your view of women who make these claims years after they occur.

I never said 100% of women making a claim years after the fact aren't credible.