marriage is so stressful

[Chichi Perez]

idk if its this time period or if this is ever going to get better or WHAT. we've been married 4 years and we have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and any time i even just call him like "hey babe" he rolls his eyes and says WHAT?? what do you want?? like hes fed up with me and tired of me and im just so tired of feeling so dam bad about myself all the time. im tired of being so stressed out and [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off all the time. the responsibilities with the kids, the home, school and the never ending bickering with my husband it just SUCKS. there are good moments here and there but i constantly feel like im etiher walking on egg shells or have to try my best to earn love but when i give up trying and am just sad and quiet only then is he nice to me like when im so depressed i dont even want to talk.. and then hes sorry for everything and then goes right bak to it the next day screaming at me everyday cuz i accidentally interrupted him or something else dumb like that. i feel like the stress is killing me i feel so trapped i cant even take a walk around the block to relieve teh stress or else im "abandoning the family" and "not being a mother" im sorry im jsut ranting here. im sorry to mention my. husabnd like this but the only reason i am is because this is annoynmous and i have never talked bad about him or complained about him to anyone even closest friends. im sorry im just venting here i guess. does anyone have any hope about getting through these years? is it ever going to get bettter? cuz i feel like my husband is just sick of me and doesnt even like me anymore and it makes me feel awful and when i try to tell him that it hurts me, he rolls his eyes and even when im crying and begging him to please just be nicer to me and rolls his eyes and mocks me or just flat out never takes me seriously. i kno im not perfect and i interrupt him sometimes but thats the worst thing il do. i stay at home all day unless im buying groceries with the kids. i cook, clean, study, and pick up after everyone all day and am honeslty overworked. i never put my kids with stupid tablets or ipads or tv.. i do things with them and make sure they are well taken care of with healthy meals and lots of time spending with them even though i wish i could spend more time with them but i cant always because im cleaning the house or doing laundry. ok il stop im sorry im just really really really hurt and sad and i just want relief. i jsut want to take a walk or RUN actually and i cant even have a moment for myself. ugh... so stressed. i hate this.