Hurt Men and what a Woman can do?

[enelya_taralom]

Hey guys,

Just wondering if I might get some feedback. A guy friend of mine was hurt in his past and has given up on dating because of it. Part of me figures that when / if he meets a girl to makes it seem worth it, he'll go for it, but another part of me wonders if he'll ever be over it enough in order to see a girl past the hurt. So I'm wondering, what can a girl do to help make a guy like this start to feel a bit more safe and secure?

 

[avi8tor]

Hey guys,

Just wondering if I might get some feedback. A guy friend of mine was hurt in his past and has given up on dating because of it. Part of me figures that when / if he meets a girl to makes it seem worth it, he'll go for it, but another part of me wonders if he'll ever be over it enough in order to see a girl past the hurt. So I'm wondering, what can a girl do to help make a guy like this start to feel a bit more safe and secure?

I don't think there's much a girl can do for him. IMO what he needs is a brother to set an example of how to be a man. A strong, safe, secure, independent man.

 

[Nanopants]

So, honestly, are you hoping that he'll go after you or not?

 

[sidewalk keeper]

I think the only thing that will help him is time.

 

[enelya_taralom]

I don't think there's much a girl can do for him. IMO what he needs is a brother to set an example of how to be a man. A strong, safe, secure, independent man.

Oh great post! I've actually been wanting to see if I can hook him up with more male friends- especially ones of faith, perhaps subconsciously this is why.

So, honestly, are you hoping that he'll go after you or not?

Honestly, yes, at one point I wished for this. But that was a year ago a now, I dunno, I guess I just want to see him happy, regardless of what that might mean for me. He just gives off a real sad vibe, that several of my friends have commented on, and I would love nothing more to see him with the security and confidence to grow in his faith so that, rather than this sadness, the peace of God shines through him- and whatever life choice he might make.

 

[Nanopants]

Honestly, yes, at one point I wished for this. But that was a year ago a now, I dunno, I guess I just want to see him happy, regardless of what that might mean for me. He just gives off a real sad vibe, that several of my friends have commented on, and I would love nothing more to see him with the security and confidence to grow in his faith so that, rather than this sadness, the peace of God shines through him- and whatever life choice he might make.

Well I think that's very admirable of you. Some guys do need to work on themselves but then there are those who have given up hope, and if he's that type you might expect to see him really benefit from a little help. But if you aren't really sure that you want him to pursue after you then I wouldn't try if I were you.

Anyways, if that's what you want to do, I would just try to get close to him, and keep in mind that he might not want to open up to you right away. It takes a while for the heart to start believing it's not going to get hurt again.

 

[Thunder Peel]

I was in his position at one time. I was badly hurt in a previous relationship and didn't plan on dating ever again. Eventually God brought a woman so amazing into my life and I took a chance again; it's been a tremendous blessing but it took me almost a year to be in a position to date again.

He needs time but he also needs to seek God during this time and allow Him to work in this area. That will help more than anything.

 

[twnsrkr]

Just be thoughtful. I don't know the extent of your relationship, but making him something he likes would be an idea. Men like food, and it shows you were thinking of him.

 

[HighwayMan]

In some cases there is nothing to be done. People are different.

 

[darktipper]

Seems like Anakin has moved to the darkside.............. muahahahaha! lol

Your friend is becoming a sith lord. Sorry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DU1qCmtRQc&feature=related

 

[Sketcher]

I honestly don't know. By the time a woman has proved herself to be trustworthy, she's already married another man.

 

[GQ Chris]

Tell him to become a "badboy" then enjoy the dating scene for a little while.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Hey guys,

Just wondering if I might get some feedback. A guy friend of mine was hurt in his past and has given up on dating because of it. Part of me figures that when / if he meets a girl to makes it seem worth it, he'll go for it, but another part of me wonders if he'll ever be over it enough in order to see a girl past the hurt. So I'm wondering, what can a girl do to help make a guy like this start to feel a bit more safe and secure?

If he wants live his life blaming women as an entire gender for his hurt, to the point he won't date a good woman when one smacks him in the forehead, then that's an issue only he can work out. Nothing you can do is going to help or fix it, nor should you feel responsible for his hurt or obligated to try and fix it just because you are a woman.

Just give him time and be a good friend.

 

[Brooklyn Knight]

If he wants live his life blaming women as an entire gender for his hurt, to the point he won't date a good woman when one smacks him in the forehead, then that's an issue only he can work out.

...And how many of these good women are around that actually smack a man on the forehead because they like them? Is this the 3rd grade...what?

I'm sorry, just a crazy hypothetical.

Or maybe the lady who threw a beer bottle my way was actually telling me she had the hots for me.

Women are more complex than Chinese arithmetic.

 

[mjmcmillan]

First thing, if you want to date me I don't think I'd recommend smacking me on the forehead as the place to start. I'll end it right there.

Maybe I should chime in on this, for the simple reason I have been hurt by women (yes, more than one). It takes a bit of time to get past the hurt to trust again, maybe some time before the Lord (and it has to be the guy before the Lord-- it's personal).

Now that a bit of time has passed: It's a strange thing, a woman from the church I attend has shown interest. I don't know if this is going very far, I've got a bit of history and the thought of another relationship going down the way the last one did isn't something I care to go in for. Of course there's no good reason to believe it would, but the thought is there and I have to deal with it.

 

[Rhye]

Hey guys,

Just wondering if I might get some feedback. A guy friend of mine was hurt in his past and has given up on dating because of it. Part of me figures that when / if he meets a girl to makes it seem worth it, he'll go for it, but another part of me wonders if he'll ever be over it enough in order to see a girl past the hurt. So I'm wondering, what can a girl do to help make a guy like this start to feel a bit more safe and secure?

Give him time and space and if he wants to talk to you he will. If he closes himself then he just doesn't want to talk, but you can tell him you are willing to listen if he wants too. And if he does he will. If you truly are interested in him and over time you see that you do still want to be with him, make it known, let him know that you want something. He wont know if you don't tell him, even if you are there, sometimes guys don't pick up on those things. Don't give your heart away if he doesn't realize you have given it.

I know what this is like (but not because he was hurting from women) but from what I learned from it is to give it time and be honest about your feelings.

 

[trentlogain2]

pray for him.

 

[Reborn_in_Christ2003]

For me it depends on the circumstances. In the past, when I was hurt the best thing a girl could do, was be a friend first, and not pry, or pushy. Condescending is also bad. I did make a girl mad one time because I said something hurtful that wasn't directed at her, but she took it the wrong way, so understanding is also good.

 

[Schneiderman]

If he wants live his life blaming women as an entire gender for his hurt, to the point he won't date a good woman when one smacks him in the forehead, then that's an issue only he can work out.

...And how many of these good women are around that actually smack a man on the forehead because they like them? Is this the 3rd grade...what?

I'm sorry, just a crazy hypothetical.

Or maybe the lady who threw a beer bottle my way was actually telling me she had the hots for me.

Women are more complex than Chinese arithmetic.

Gotta agree with Knight's sentiment. Women in general usually don't make the first move, and that seems to be especially true of "good women".

I've never had a woman make the first move on me, ever. I can think of one who might have been into me, and I would have given it a shot if she said anything, but she never did anything about it. That's not to say I never ask women out; I do, it's just so rare that I come across anyone that I want to ask out in the first place.

As for the OP, I don't know. I'm not there and I don't know either of you, but in my opinion, open and honest communication would be the best route. Talk to him about it, and be honest if you think you want to date him. Basically... make the first move.