Hey, guys. It's me again.
I don't know what to do... today in play practice, a girl stood on the risers that extend the stage (which are really wobbly), and I said, "Whoa! The stage just slumped over! *Laughs*" I only told the truth, because it did. It was one of the really unstable ones.
Well, a little while later, some of my classmates (which are mean to me alot, except a couple) called me into the back room. They told me that I shouldn't hurt her feelings, and that I hurt another girl's feelings the week before, and I'd hurt a guy's feelings that day.
This came as a huge shock to me. I had to supress a torrent of tears. I couldn't stand it! I still can't! I hate hurting people... whether physically or, the most painful, emotionally. A direct quote from me just two days ago was, "I don't like to hurt other people's feelings. I know how it feels and I don't want other people to be hurt." But when they told me that, it seemed like all of that quote was a lie.
I apoligized to the girls, but they said there was no need to apoligize and to just forget about it (in a nice way). When I was going back into the gym when the others were leaving, the one who is really mean yelled to me from his car window, "(Bad word)!"
I cried all the way home. I've always said I want to be one of the kindest people you'll ever know, but I guess that dream's already broken... Another thing is I want to make people laugh. Whether at me or with me, but it never works. They always laugh against me. And that hurts me. But I'd not been hurt so badly by them telling me that than when I broke up with someone I really loved, and that HURT.
Sigh... should I just stop talking to people? I don't know how long it's went on. I could have been hurting people for years and not known it...
I don't know what to do... today in play practice, a girl stood on the risers that extend the stage (which are really wobbly), and I said, "Whoa! The stage just slumped over! *Laughs*" I only told the truth, because it did. It was one of the really unstable ones.
Well, a little while later, some of my classmates (which are mean to me alot, except a couple) called me into the back room. They told me that I shouldn't hurt her feelings, and that I hurt another girl's feelings the week before, and I'd hurt a guy's feelings that day.
This came as a huge shock to me. I had to supress a torrent of tears. I couldn't stand it! I still can't! I hate hurting people... whether physically or, the most painful, emotionally. A direct quote from me just two days ago was, "I don't like to hurt other people's feelings. I know how it feels and I don't want other people to be hurt." But when they told me that, it seemed like all of that quote was a lie.
I apoligized to the girls, but they said there was no need to apoligize and to just forget about it (in a nice way). When I was going back into the gym when the others were leaving, the one who is really mean yelled to me from his car window, "(Bad word)!"
I cried all the way home. I've always said I want to be one of the kindest people you'll ever know, but I guess that dream's already broken... Another thing is I want to make people laugh. Whether at me or with me, but it never works. They always laugh against me. And that hurts me. But I'd not been hurt so badly by them telling me that than when I broke up with someone I really loved, and that HURT.
Sigh... should I just stop talking to people? I don't know how long it's went on. I could have been hurting people for years and not known it...