Human Trafficking; Be part of the solution, not part of the problem

"Day after day... the husband makes zero attempts to initiate sex and even calls it a 'chore' now, saying porn is 'relaxing,' 'less work,' and that he gets to 'enjoy himself instead of having to focus on satisfying someone else.'" Does this break anyone else's heart?

According to a study that analyzed the content of popular porn scenes, 88.2% contain physical violence while 48.7% contain verbal aggression. What does that teach young people who are turning to porn to learn about sex?

A young woman in her twenties goes to online christian forums to get help. She has only been married a few years and her husband doesn't want sex anymore. This is very common.

I am afraid the issue is deeper than it seems. There are many studies coming out the pornography leads to sexless marriages, and is the leading cause of erectile dysfunction in young men. Masturbation is not bad in marriage per say, but the problem with it is that it's a different type of stimulation. If a man gets used to masturbation lets say, he loses in time the ability to perform with real women. The key to great sex in marriage is to reduce all stimulation for say at least six months to a year. No masturbation, no porn no external stimulation at all. If he is fantasizing with infinite amounts of online women then it's hard to find real situations that would turn him on. Pornography has a diminishing return, what used to turn someone on initially does not get the same high, so more of it is needed, and more extreme porn is needed. Pornography can get really really gross, I have heard of men going to really weird types of porn to get the same high. Some are same sex porn, incest porn, pedophilia, even animistic porn. So again the key is gaining victory over the pornography issue. Christ's gospel is so powerful. I was addicted to porn about 5 years ago, I was addicted to it for 30 years of my life. I was addicted to self gratification for 35 years. I am 5 years clean of porn and about 8 months free of self gratification. I messed up 8 months ago, and before that was 6 months of victory, so I have messed up maybe once in 13 months. But I noticed that reducing all that stimulation, turned me on to my wife more. My dysfunction I noticed corrected in a matter of months. But know this, you are not alone in this, in fact sexless marriage is very common. Since I was addicted to porn and self gratification, we would go years with out real sex. I was getting all I needed from the internet. But if you want intimacy you need to tackle the root issue. The root issue is fantasy will infinite amounts of online women. So I would ask him to see his phone, and look at his browser history, look at his text messages look at the people he follows on instagram, and facebook and ticktock and all of them. If there are lots of pretty women, then that is an issue. I would ask why, I would also ask if he ever struggles with porn use on his phone, and be sure not to do so in a condemning fashion. I know how hurtful it is to have infidelity in a marriage. So you have two options if there is a porn addiction, if there is shame of it, and genuine sorrow. then there is hope, however if there is no shame, an no semblance of repentance about it.....he likes it and doesn't plan to change. Then that constitutes infidelity. That is having sex with another woman. I know of people who have divorced over those issues. And biblically it's not wrong, because there is infidelity. IF he is willing to get help then there is a book that really helped me, it's called "pure desire" by ted roberts. But there are lots of aids online now, I will post some here. But this can take entire threads to talk about. But here are some helps....

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Of the Kingdom said:

Thanks for hammering on this terrible issue, that is attacking many Christian marriages. I wasn't sure which upvote button to use. Where is the OUCH button when we need it?

The casual attitude of many Christian young men to p*rn is sad and dangerous. They do not realize that sexuality can be as addicting as narcotics and that it works in a similar way physically. More open discussion, and openness about God-honoring spirituality, might be the key to preventing a huge amount of marital conflict.

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Yes. When I first admitted to my wife I struggled about ten years ago. I could see her countenance just fall. I realized I NEVER wanted to hurt her in that way again. So I kept it secret. But she knew the issue was there. Then when I finally brought it up again, I was delivered. I didn't really know it was that hurtful. but it really is. And that is why we should have read that book pure desire together as a couple. That is how I recommend people to deal with it. When you confess this addiction, already have the book bought, and started to read, and allow here to read the first few chapters too. There is actually a chapter for the wives at the end. But studies show 80 percent of males view porn 1 time a month, and 30 percent of females. And fifty percent I believe watch it once a week (males), and 3 percent of females watch it once a week. So it's not just males anymore, it used to be only males, but now it's women too....
Warning - Porn and Masturbation Are Not Safe Sex | Cru

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I just started it yesterday, I will be about half way done or mostly done tonight. I devour material like this being a male in a sex dominated world. You can't go wrong hedging up yourself as far as purity is concerned. Here is the link:
https://www.amazon.com/Going-Deeper-Understanding-Addiction-Childhood/dp/1684334357

Here is a review:
"This book gave me a greater understanding as to why my wonderful and loving husband ably kept the secret of his sexual addiction for decades before revealing it and seeking help. I knew he had an emotionally painful and especially neglected childhood. Until reading this book, I had no idea how this pain had impacted him all those years. It had driven him to seek comfort in the wrong ways. I recognized several inner children in him as I read the book. I had seen them emerge at various times
throughout our marriage, in particular Anger. Now if I see these pained children, we can talk about what’s really going on and how we can soothe that child. As a wife of a recovering addiction, I was surprised to recognize some inner child reactions in me. It has helped me to see something has triggered some pain I went through when his inner child is reacting to triggers. I am then able to adjust my responses not child to child but truth to truth. Thank you for writing a book easily read and understood which helps us go deeper in moving further away from pain and addiction!"

If someone is financially struggling, I am in contact with the author and I am sure we can get a free copy of the book for you.