How to trust God when life never seem to improve?

[Bellicus]

I'm really having a rough time these days, with trying to find a new place to live, since me and my (ex)girlfriend want to move away from each others, and I can't say it is great to just sit here and wait for it, this is not a place of peace at all right now. She has also been talking about moving east to the other side of the country, and she is taking my son with her. I also have personal problems that I never see the end of, and I've gotten the flu on top of it all, where I just sit and cough til I want to puke. Everything really feels rotten right now, and I can't see God anywhere. I don't really believe he is there for me anymore. When I look back to when I first started to be interested in Christianity, I can't say for sure that it have helped me in any way at all. I remember how I wanted to die some years ago, nearly killed myself and begged God to help me, but never saw any help. So I lost the faith for some years, and actually felt much better with a life where I didn't care about anything, just smoked weed and lived in a dreamworld of my own. I got lots of new friends in that period too, and the girl I am leaving now.

I am thinking of the potter and where he makes some pots of honor and some of dishonor. One pot to fill treasures in, and one to fill garbage in. And I am sure I won't lie when I tell that most of my life I have felt like one of those pots of dishonor, and I really wish it could be different, but when I want something good all I get it something bad. So maybe this is what God wants for me, and that I won't be happy, because he has planned my life to be a misery. I know he has the power to change it, but He don't do it, so then I guess I should just deal with it and accept that my life will continue to be filled with garbage. I feel sure that I will die fairly young, and that it will be painful, that I will really battle with my faith, because I will want to continue to live so desperately, because I have never had a good life at all.

Does God want to torture me? I really don't mean it as some kind of mockery or blasphemy. I am honestly not sure. I know that there is a heaven and all that, but I would really not mind something good in life either. I'm on disability because of a mental illness, or 3 of them actually, or maybe 4. So I can't work, I really can't. And I don't have anything else in life either. I like God, but I don't really trust him, cause I don't see what he plan for me, or why I have to go trough so much pain. I really don't get it. He could change all of it to something better, but he don't.

I really don't want to die yet. I just want a few years with something good. Is that too much to ask from God? Maybe just 1 year? Will he never forgive me? Am I already meant to be lost forever?

 

[rowrow]

I wrote back to you harshly before, please accept my apologies, as for being stuck (which is what this spiritual state is) perhaps you should embark on an inward introspection. God communicates in the quiet, maybe you just need to center and pray, read and think, keep a good journal and try to find out who you are inside. If you need some good help then go to a Doctor to discuss you medical needs. There is nothing wrong with investigating different Churches, perhaps you can talk to a good Christian counselor.

Christ is called to good Physician, for the very reason that he can take this pain you have (which while it seems terrible to you is similar to the pain many have faced-not belittling you, just saying that it is faceable).

 

[rowrow]

P.S I do know that one thing you are saying is absolutely not what God thinks of you, that you are a pot made for garbage. God made you with love and made you with a purpose.

 

[drich0150]

When you say "God's Plan" you have to understand his Primary plan for your life involves where you spend eternity, that's it.. If not, then why all of the effort so you might have an opportunity of salvation?

After that, we are left to live our lives as we see fit.. If God had a "destiny" for us then why not go all the way and will us not to sin too? There is alot of choice in our lives, and we are the one's to make them. God will direct us and help us with the ultimate Goal of eternity in mind, but he doesn't generally have a will to help you micro manage your life..

So big picture, if you look at what scripture has told us about "stuff and living the good life" Like; "it's harder for a camel to go thru an eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven" and marry that thought with, He who is faithful with little will be faithful with much.. a picture begins to develop. Look at just some of the "things" you have been blessed with, and have not been the best Steward of.. Now if God blessed you beyond your wildest dreams where do you think your heart will go?

Just Look at a few things you do have right now, a son, his mother, a growing relationship with God, and your wanting to trade it for a better or easier life. Are you being faithful to what you have been blessed with? So Why would God give you something that would make you grow further from him?

If it took pain and suffering in your life to get you to the point where you are now with him, then why reverse all of the pain and suffering you've endured thus far.. What good will it do you if you gain the world and loose your soul? God wants to see you in heaven with him! even if it means, you have Him hold you to a hard life to do it.

You determine how well or poorly you live. (this has nothing to do with money.) God allows you make those choices for yourself, and enforces your final decisions.. If you wish to have a relationship with him and choose to be a poor steward of what you are given then you will have to be a dishonorable pot.. If you choose to honor God and what you are given then you will be placed in an honorable position. It all depends on what you truly want, and what you do with what has been entrusted to you.

If you want direction, to be a better steward, or to find contentment in what ever your lot.. Then ask for it! Ask for change in where ever you're weak.. When change comes in the form of trials and tribulations, don't let you pain and suffering goto waist.. Try and learn what God would have you learn, and don't waist the experience, or you may have to revisit it again.

I know these word may seem harsh, they are not meant to be. I want you to have some of the insight it took me such a long time to develop, even if it means, it holds some of your decisions in a negative light.. Because i think It's far worse to not know what's going on and think God's against you, than to look at some of your decisions in an unfavorable context, and maybe see good out of all of your hurt.

You have my prayers.

 

[Bellicus]

I've barely slept at all. Before I fell to sleep I started to cry and asked God why he don't care about me. And I cried a while and then I started to question myself if it was God I was following at all, or my own imagination. The bible tells you know the tree on its fruits. And I haven't gotten many good fruits from God. So I asked maybe I had never seen the Christian God at all? Maybe I had it all confused somehow? And I asked myself if it maybe was better if I just didn't follow this "God" I was following, and I felt much better for a while. Almost like I started to notice the world around me again. A dark world as usual, but at least I started to think what I could do to improve my life, and I didn't feel like crying anymore. Not that hard at all if I just do it myself and stop worrying if God is with me or not, and having to translate confusing signs of his existence and what He might want me to do.

After that, we are left to live our lives as we see fit.. If God had a "destiny" for us then why not go all the way and will us not to sin too?

I am not asking for a preplanned destiny, I am just asking for a life that I can feel like living without wanting to end it because it hurt so much. I've asked for direction so many times, and asked for good things to come into my path, and I've asked to change into something better, but I haven't seen much of that. So I have figured out that it have to be 1 of the 3 things:

1. I don't know God at all, and are following my illusion of him instead
2. God don't care about me
3. God is not real

 

[Radagast]

So I have figured out that it have to be 1 of the 3 things:

1. I don't know God at all, and are following my illusion of him instead
2. God don't care about me
3. God is not real

I think it's:

4. God is real, and He cares about you, but you are still learning to follow Him in the right way.

 

[Bellicus]

Rom 11,16 For if the firstfruit be holy, the lump is also holy: and if the root be holy, so are the branches.

I am just a branch hanging on the tree. How can a branch not "follow the right way"? If the root is alive, then I should be alive too, but how can I be alive if I only see misery?

 

[Radagast]

Rom 11,16 For if the firstfruit be holy, the lump is also holy: and if the root be holy, so are the branches.

I am just a branch hanging on the tree. How can a branch not "follow the right way"? If the root is alive, then I should be alive too, but how can I be alive if I only see misery?

"Holy" means "set apart for God", and so we are.

The thing about branches is that they have to grow before they produce fruit.

 

[Bellicus]

The thing about branches is that they have to grow before they produce fruit.

Where do you got this from? You know just as well as me, that it is not a natural tree we talk about here. You start to talk about developing again, just like the faith is something that comes from ourselves.

Does Jesus say: "Come to me all you who that have heavy burdens, and I will give you rest, but just wait some years first, cause you have to develop spiritually, and maybe talk to your pastor, and sing a couple of thousands songs of worship, then you will understand what I talk about"?

 

[wonderwaleye]

1. GOD'S WORD says that we are not to bring destruction of our own life.

2. Let's be honest here. Just how much preparation have you made to travel up the road to GOD'S KINGDOM? Have you read the NEW TESTIMENT to the point the next time you read it you will already know what it's going to say?

3. Have you ever told GOD that now from this point forward I'm going to devote my WHOLE life to YOU and seek YOUR WILL in every decision.

If you haven't done this then how do you expect HIM to send HIS HOLY SPIRIT upon you? JESUS has already said unless you be BORN AGAIN you SHALL NOT inherit the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD.

There is no reason for me to go further because there is nothing else. Do it and live, don't and stay lost.


ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

( by the way I'm bipolar )

 

[Radagast]

Where do you got this from?

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Eph 3:14-19)

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation (1 Peter 2:2)

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. (Colossians 1:9-14)

The rescue, redemption, and forgiveness is now (since you are a Christian), but the knowledge and fruit is part of growing and being strengthened in Christ.

I truly hope you can find a church that will help you grow and be strengthened in this way.

 

[Bellicus]

Wonderwaleye: You always seem to say the same thing to everyone. But nr.2: Yes and nr.3: Yes. And I have done it before. That is what is worrying me really, cause it were at the time I followed God with all my hearth that I wanted to kill myself, and almost did so. And I am in a time like that again, where I have decided to follow him 100% again, but I don't seem to get anything good from it. I actually considered suicide again tonight. Never did that when I used to just not bother about God, and did what I wanted instead.

Radagast: What you are saying to me is basically that I should just continue to have faith in God even when I feel like dying, and just see my life falling appart from it.

I know there is coming a point sooner or later where I will have to decide if the faith I have is healthy for me at all.

 

[Radagast]

Radagast: What you are saying to me is basically that I should just continue to have faith in God...

Yes, even though it's hard.

But you should also take good advice and counsel on the day-to-day issues of living your life and making practical choices and dealing with your health issues.

I hope you will be able to get such advice.

The people Peter and Paul were writing to had it hard as well. Many of them were slaves.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Wonderwaleye: You always seem to say the same thing to everyone. But nr.2: Yes and nr.3: Yes. And I have done it before. That is what is worrying me really, cause it were at the time I followed God with all my hearth that I wanted to kill myself, and almost did so. And I am in a time like that again, where I have decided to follow him 100% again, but I don't seem to get anything good from it. I actually considered suicide again tonight. Never did that when I used to just not bother about God, and did what I wanted instead.

Radagast: What you are saying to me is basically that I should just continue to have faith in God even when I feel like dying, and just see my life falling appart from it.

I know there is coming a point sooner or later where I will have to decide if the faith I have is healthy for me at all.

Yes you are right. I do say this over and over again. To the point I just wish I could say something else. But I have received the HOLY SPIRIT and GOD gave me a MISSION. A MISSION that I will do my level best to complete. When this happened to me I didn't even know what it was but I had no doubt that it came from GOD. I wasn't even thinking on HIM at the time.

I love to tell the story about when and what happened to me when the HOLY SPIRIT DESENDED upon me but it would do little good for you. What I tell you and many others is just what I had done so they might receive the same SPECIAL BLESSING of the HOLY SPIRIT. I do this in love and that is what keeps me going. Believe me when you see just how GOD WORKS you will have little trouble doing the same. See, I want to meet you in GOD'S KINGDOM where we can sit in joy.

GOD'S WORD says you shall be invited many times. Well I guess I'm just one of those workers that sends out invitations with the directions of how to get there printed on the invitation.


ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

 

[Radagast]

...

 

[Jayangel81]

Hmm I wrote out a long post and it never showed up..I really dont wanna rewrite it but I will say this much.

I actually considered suicide again tonight. Never did that when I used to just not bother about God, and did what I wanted instead.

Im confused, exactly what is it about following God that is letting you have suicide thoughts?

See I dont believe that is even the case at all..

And I am in a time like that again, where I have decided to follow him 100% again, but I don't seem to get anything good from it.

What exactly do you expect to get from God? We have recieved many things through Jesus Christ, I just do not believe you understand what you have recieved through Him.

Alot of people do not know..

Radagast: What you are saying to me is basically that I should just continue to have faith in God even when I feel like dying, and just see my life falling appart from it.

Yes! You trust Him at all times, especially through the bad times, and the worst times in our lives.

I know there is coming a point sooner or later where I will have to decide if the faith I have is healthy for me at all.

My friend you can give up your Faith and decide you want to take the easy road which is the broad way. You can decide to give up on God, but my friend you will be empty inside and you will be completly lost.

I dont see that being healthy

It just seems like you want to skip over the hardships and sufferings, but you need to accept them, learn from them, persevere and endure them with joy in the Lord.

suffering strengthens our faith:

"...count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."James 1:2-4

"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified." 1 Peter 4:12-14

Suffering conforms you to Jesus:

"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10-11

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:1-5

Suffering brings a greater Joy:

"...he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake.” Acts 9:14-16

"So they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His name." Acts 5:41

accomplishes his purpose:

"...it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings." Hebrews 2:10

"...though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered. And having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him."Hebrews 5:8-9

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13

Now you may feel you are getting nothing out of these trails you recieve but God does, He sees what you can persevere into. Its easy for us to suffer and see nothing good come out of it.


Keep the faith in God my friend. Dont just follow God Bellicus, let God live through you. You must keep the Faith. we are to live by Faith not what we can see in our lives.

~James

 

[Bellicus]

Im confused, exactly what is it about following God that is letting you have suicide thoughts?

See I dont believe that is even the case at all..

It is the feeling that God could help me if he wanted to, but just don't care.

What exactly do you expect to get from God? We have recieved many things through Jesus Christ, I just do not believe you understand what you have recieved through Him.

Alot of people do not know...

All I want is a life that is worth living.

Yes! You trust Him at all times, especially through the bad times, and the worst times in our lives.

It sounds great to be trusting God like that, but really sooner or later I will have to be a bit realistic. If my faith turns out to only be destructive for me, then I really can't hang on to it, even if I want to. If you meet a wall on your path, you can't just continue to walk into it over and over again, instead you will just have to take another path.

My friend you can give up your Faith and decide you want to take the easy road which is the broad way. You can decide to give up on God, but my friend you will be empty inside and you will be completly lost.

I dont see that being healthy

It just seems like you want to skip over the hardships and sufferings, but you need to accept them, learn from them, persevere and endure them with joy in the Lord.

I've really had enough suffering in my life, that is my point. Why do God have this desire to let me suffer? Christianity were a last desperate try for me to find something better in life, and now I am sitting here and reading people say that I should suffer and just deal with it. I am saying that I feel like dying, and that is totally OK with everyone here. I am saying that I just want a life where I don't feel like killing myself, but then I am obviously some lost soul that deserve to go to hell.

 

[Jayangel81]

It is the feeling that God could help me if he wanted to, but just don't care.

If He didnt care you wouldnt be here right now He does care very much. It is the devil who is feeding you lies that He doesnt care.

All I want is a life that is worth living.

And what would that be to you? Lets take Solomon for example the man had everything I mean everything that anyone could ever dream of. Even his health. But he was completly empty without God.

Letting God live through us is a life worth living

If my faith turns out to only be destructive for me

Well, you never answered my question, how is your Faith destructive for your health?

If you meet a wall on your path, you can't just continue to walk into it over and over again, instead you will just have to take another path.

Well to you this "wall" whatever it represents to you can be knocked down. What is stopping you from trusting in Him?

I've really had enough suffering in my life, that is my point. Why do God have this desire to let me suffer?

Dont believe for a second that He desires you to suffer. He uses these trials and sufferings to work stuff in us for a reason. He is able to take a bad situation and turn it around for the better.

I am probably explaining it bad, but I gave you scriptures.

and now I am sitting here and reading people say that I should suffer and just deal with it.

I am telling you to endure it, and perevere through your trials and keep your faith in God.

I am saying that I feel like dying, and that is totally OK with everyone here.

Not one person here said it was ok that you feel like dying..

I am saying that I just want a life where I don't feel like killing myself, but then I am obviously some lost soul that deserve to go to hell.

You want to feel like not wanting to kill yourself, than search the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Put your trust in Him and walk in the Spirit, let God live through you.

You can endure whatever trials you have and be filled with the joy of the Lord.

Either way my friend.. you are gonna endure trials. Every single person in this world will undergo such things. The question you need to ask yourself is how will you endure them?

In peace and joy that is through the Lord, or you can go the other route and be empty inside and just not have a care in the world

I know what you want my friend, believe me I was there..I found that I can still suffer and be filled with the Joy in the Lord, but..

you will never find peace, true peace that comes from God unless you trust in Him and you understand the Grace that He has for you.

You can be a Christian all your life..you need to trust Him.

Christianity were a last desperate try for me to find something better in life

I donno maybe you came to Christianity seeking something different? or should I say expecting something different.

There are those of us who come to Christianity or should I say stay with it because we want to walk with the Lord, we want to be like Jesus and be conformed in the image of Him. We want an intimate relationship with God. We want to have Him live through us and live for Him.

Of coarse we dont always end up coming to Him for that reason, I know that certainly was far from my reason...until God changed me.

So, why do you want to be a Christian, is it a desperate move to find happiness or is it to walk with the Lord Bellicus? You need to sit and ask yourself this.

Remember God said we will find Him when we seek Him with ALL of our heart..He wants you my friend, He wants your passionate love for Him, and alot of us cant deliver that because of our flesh which is contrary to God, But God can change our hearts if you are willing.
God can give you a more abundant life, worth living.

 

[Radagast]

It is the feeling that God could help me if he wanted to, but just don't care...

I've really had enough suffering in my life, that is my point. Why do God have this desire to let me suffer? Christianity were a last desperate try for me to find something better in life, and now I am sitting here and reading people say that I should suffer and just deal with it. I am saying that I feel like dying, and that is totally OK with everyone here.

Bellicus,

I'm very sorry you feel this way -- it certainly isn't OK with us that you feel like dying!

I know good Christian people on other threads have offered suggestions for things that could help in your situation, and some of these suggestions may indeed be the hand of God helping you to make your life better.

 

[Jayangel81]

I know good Christian people on other threads have offered suggestions for things that could help in your situation, and some of these suggestions may indeed be the hand of God helping you to make your life better.

Amen to that. Everyone needs to understand that God has chosen to work through His Church.

We have that awesome privledge.