How to transition...?

[pastthestart]

Hello,

I am new to this site and forum, so I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this - I apologize if it isn't.

I accepted Christ into my heart when I was 14, but have been sort of battling it, sometimes I progress, but then backslide. I am 20 now. From ages 12 to 19, my mom was married to a really horrible man. It was a nightmare to live in that house. I thank God that there was never any physical harm, but there was a lot of emotional and mental hurt. I am still recovering and learning how to get over it. Fortunately, she finally divorced him and has since met a wonderful man who is the best father figure I could ever ask for. I believe that God has everything to do with this, so I have rededicated my life to Him.

This is where my problem lies - I am having trouble transitioning from my previous life to my new Christian life. My whole family is Christian, so i feel very comfortable around them, they are very supportive, etc. It's with my friends whom I am having trouble with. I'm at that age where everyone is caught up with drinking (because most of them are legal now) and such, and I want no part in it. I've chosen to avoid places and events where I know alcohol will be present, but because of this, my friends think I am stuck up or something. and I don't want to seem judgmental either, I want to let them know that I will hang out with them, just not in that setting (and i've told them this, but they still think i am judging them). It's something i've been praying about. because I want to remain friends, and hopefully God's light will shine through me and my actions, and I will better their life. but at the same time, I do not want to participate in any of the things they do. and I hope that that's not a bad representation of God's love.

Has anyone else had trouble with this? Advice?

 

[Aibrean]

Drinking alcohol is not sinful. Being drunk is. I just want to make that absolutely clear. Having one drink with friends and then refraining from more is a way to open a door. You don't want to be drunk but you have self control. You've changed and that's a way to witness. I got invited to MANY beer-drinking parties in college. I went...for only an hour or so before they started to get drunk.

 

[heron]

Make plans with them during the day, and let them drink at night. It's annoying to try to talk with people who aren't very coherent. Start being the person who says "let's do lunch."

You're at an age of transition anyway, where people being to move out of town and get more involved in professional interests. Find some opportunities where social time also helps you professionally, or with hobbies.

Pick up tennis, community theater, food cupboard service, Habitat, fiddle jamming, movie making clubs, flower arranging at church, gallery hopping, Toastmasters, speakers at local colleges, a Bible study ... then invite an old friend to join you in it. Find something semi-productive that helps you express who you are.

 

[Sketcher]

I'd echo what Aibrean said if you were of the legal drinking age. We as Christians are supposed to submit to the authorities unless the authorities are directly telling us to go against the faith. How long until you're of the legal age in your state?

After I became of legal age, I decided to have a hard limit on the amount of drinks I would have. It is a very low number, so I do not get drunk. And if I'm driving, it's none if I can get away with it (if I'm at a wedding, I'll still have the toast, but that's IT). I made the fact that I control my intake known to the family members I'm with who like to drink lakes, and they respect that. People will respect you if you make known to them that you have a high standard for your own intake or whatever other behavior, and they see you live up to it consistently. Maybe if you explain to your friends that you don't want to drink, and if you go to the bar with them, you'll feel out of place because you're not there to drink, they'll not think you're being judgmental anymore. Or you could offer to be the driver. A word of caution, though. A lot of people your age who at first don't drink but hang out around people getting trashed eventually fall into the habit of getting trashed themselves. There's a big difference between meeting someone for a pint and going to a wild party where people are getting stoned and plastered.

Finally, I should say this - when I was that age, I was involved in a campus ministry where we had a lot of fun that had nothing to do with alcohol. If you're not involved in fellowship, look into that. It will not only help you with your drinking dilemma, but there are opportunities for growth in your faith through discipleship, foreign and domestic missions, etc.

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

Many of us had situations similar to yours in our youth, and speaking from years of experience - follow the advice of others here and stay away from it. Few are able to take "one drink". I know peer pressure is hard to resist but it's in your best interest.

 

[heleadstheway]

I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised at some of the responses you received to your question. Seems there's a pretty open minded group here!

The only thing I would add is this. Your "real" friends are going to respect your decision and support you along the way. The older I get the more I realize that I've had a lot of friends in my life, but only a handful of REAL friends, the one's that I could count on no matter what! If you are sincere with them, and don't become judgmental with them, they'll adjust.

 

[heymikey80]

Couple of ideas.

1. If they're really drinking a lot -- maybe they need a designated driver.

2. I do get concerned about my friends, and I ran into a sample conversation in an old book, "Out of the Saltshaker", which is helpful sometimes. A person complained to the author about Christian piety, and she responded in a really odd way. I'll paraphrase how the conversation might run when it comes to drinking:

"Well, it's just that I don't believe in murder."

"Wha ... where did that come from?"

"Well, Jesus said that even if we hated someone that was equivalent to wanting them not to be around -- wanting them to be dead."

"Yeah, but how does that tie in?"

"Well, I see you [drinking yourself into bad shape], and I see apathy toward that as not caring about your life, whether you live or die. You might end up drinking yourself to death, or crashing and dying. I care about you, and so I care about that."

Of course, you may be called on to do something that demonstrates you care.

3. If you feel you're not strong enough, not separate enough from that culture to keep from getting drunk, then yes, stay away. The easiest way to say that -- though it can get a strong reaction -- is, "I'm an alcoholic." You don't have to reach the bottom rung to recognize whether alcohol is an inordinant temptation to you.

 

[Aibrean]

Saying "I'm an alcoholic" without being one would be a lie. The OP is certainly not dependent on alcohol nor drinks in excess (I'm not even sure the OP has ever drank it at all).

I drink and if I told people I was an alcoholic that would be a lie. I drink maybe one alcoholic beverage every couple months or so.

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

Jesus did turn water into wine, right?

 

[ChildOfGod97]

Hello,

I am new to this site and forum, so I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this - I apologize if it isn't.

I accepted Christ into my heart when I was 14, but have been sort of battling it, sometimes I progress, but then backslide. I am 20 now. From ages 12 to 19, my mom was married to a really horrible man. It was a nightmare to live in that house. I thank God that there was never any physical harm, but there was a lot of emotional and mental hurt. I am still recovering and learning how to get over it. Fortunately, she finally divorced him and has since met a wonderful man who is the best father figure I could ever ask for. I believe that God has everything to do with this, so I have rededicated my life to Him.

This is where my problem lies - I am having trouble transitioning from my previous life to my new Christian life. My whole family is Christian, so i feel very comfortable around them, they are very supportive, etc. It's with my friends whom I am having trouble with. I'm at that age where everyone is caught up with drinking (because most of them are legal now) and such, and I want no part in it. I've chosen to avoid places and events where I know alcohol will be present, but because of this, my friends think I am stuck up or something. and I don't want to seem judgmental either, I want to let them know that I will hang out with them, just not in that setting (and i've told them this, but they still think i am judging them). It's something i've been praying about. because I want to remain friends, and hopefully God's light will shine through me and my actions, and I will better their life. but at the same time, I do not want to participate in any of the things they do. and I hope that that's not a bad representation of God's love.

Has anyone else had trouble with this? Advice?

When I was younger I had friends overly obsessed in these things. I simply had to completely disconnect from them. Find new friends.

'Bad company corrupts good character'.

If they are moderate drinkers, there may be no problem with that. The problem is when youth are consumed by the "partying" lifestyle. Such people are good to avoid.

Since then, I have had co-workers and friends who are this way. I keep a distance from them as with all such people, and try and not get pulled in. It is like being a lifeguard.

 

[Johnnz]

I know people who will go out with people who drink. They set out their standards clearly and maintain them, as sensible adults. Some will have just one drink, others none at all. These days many people will respect someone who stays sober, and they often fulfil teh role of driver later.

John
NZ

 

[heron]

fulfil the role of driver later.

1. If they're really drinking a lot -- maybe they need a designated driver.

If you are designated driver often enough, they will start feeling guilty and will take turns to relieve you... and you will end up not being the only person not drinking. (Hopefully.) At least you will set the standard that the group needs a dd.

 

[throughchristimchanged]

Hello,

I am new to this site and forum, so I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this - I apologize if it isn't.

I accepted Christ into my heart when I was 14, but have been sort of battling it, sometimes I progress, but then backslide. I am 20 now. From ages 12 to 19, my mom was married to a really horrible man. It was a nightmare to live in that house. I thank God that there was never any physical harm, but there was a lot of emotional and mental hurt. I am still recovering and learning how to get over it. Fortunately, she finally divorced him and has since met a wonderful man who is the best father figure I could ever ask for. I believe that God has everything to do with this, so I have rededicated my life to Him.

This is where my problem lies - I am having trouble transitioning from my previous life to my new Christian life. My whole family is Christian, so i feel very comfortable around them, they are very supportive, etc. It's with my friends whom I am having trouble with. I'm at that age where everyone is caught up with drinking (because most of them are legal now) and such, and I want no part in it. I've chosen to avoid places and events where I know alcohol will be present, but because of this, my friends think I am stuck up or something. and I don't want to seem judgmental either, I want to let them know that I will hang out with them, just not in that setting (and i've told them this, but they still think i am judging them). It's something i've been praying about. because I want to remain friends, and hopefully God's light will shine through me and my actions, and I will better their life. but at the same time, I do not want to participate in any of the things they do. and I hope that that's not a bad representation of God's love.

Has anyone else had trouble with this? Advice?

he never took the time to get to know your heart, there is always a way, I am glad you are happy now