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How to tell an annoying Person to go away

brinny

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Anytime I say anything to him he disagrees. For example He wanted my phone number to ask for homework help and I wanted to give him my email instead to which he’s like why?
He wants to have lunch with me and if I say no then he asks why. If I rearrange something so I don’t have to see him he’s like why and doesn’t seem to twig that I don’t want to be around him

This is harassment, Andrew.

He has no right to come at you like this.

You do NOT "owe" him an explanation for ANYTHING.
 
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pantingdeer

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He puts me in awkward positions.
Outside of class one day he asks he we can go out for lunch tomorrow. I have no idea what to say so say something like maybe we and other people from class can go out together some time.
He turns round in class today and asks if we’re still going out for lunch together.
I feel so awkward because I can hardly tell him NO in class.

He’s being tooo personal with me when I barely know him. He’s just in my group and so we work on some problems as a group - that is all. Maybe I should stop being so polite and instead not be as friendly to people I don’t want to be friends with to not give any false appearance.
 
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brinny

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He puts me in awkward positions.
Outside of class one day he asks he we can go out for lunch tomorrow. I have no idea what to say so say something like maybe we and other people from class can go out together some time.
He turns round in class today and asks if we’re still going out for lunch together.
I feel so awkward because I can hardly tell him NO in class.

He’s being tooo personal with me when I barely know him. He’s just in my group and so we work on some problems as a group - that is all. Maybe I should stop being so polite and instead not be as friendly to people I don’t want to be friends with to not give any false appearance.

He's out of line and manipulative. If you can move from that group to another, do so.

You don't "owe" him anything.

This is downright creepy.
 
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pantingdeer

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He's out of line and manipulative. If you can move from that group to another, do so.

You don't "owe" him anything.

This is downright creepy.
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have bad intentions. Maybe I just give him the wrong impression.
But still his behaviour makes me uncomfortable and if I did go for lunch for him to “be nice” I think I’d give him and even more wrong impression.
 
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dzheremi

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You definitely don't have to go out to lunch with somebody to do group work with them. I was in tons of such classes when I was in college, and I can count the number of times I went out to lunch with any of my classmates on one hand...and those were the ones I obviously enjoyed being around enough to actually go to lunch with! (Not to sound like a jerk, but my point is that it wasn't everyone. You definitely don't have to like everyone, just like how not everyone has to like you, either. That's life.)

I think I would try to make it clear without making it personal, so that it doesn't cause unnecessary hurt. So instead of saying something like "Your mannerisms make me uncomfortable (about whatever he is doing that is making you think he is gay), so I don't want to go out to lunch with you", you could say "I find it hard to focus on the project if it is outside of a school setting/too socially focused instead of being work focused, so I'm not comfortable meeting outside of class." Because that is true, right? If I am reading you correctly, it feels like he is being too friendly in a not-professional way with you, and you don't like that, and it is distracting and distressing you. And let's not lose sight of the fact that you were put together in this group to do work and produce whatever the project is meant to be, not to do lunch and bond and all of this stuff. That would be true even if instead of this guy it was a beautiful lady or something, even if you would react to it differently then. You still have to do the work, and that's the primary thing you will be graded on (I'm assuming), so that should matter most before anything else. It's not like you or your group will get an A+ (or whatever the Polish equivalent is) because you all became friends and found a nice spot to eat and talk together outside of class.

(I swear I'm not antisocial, you guys...I'm just very "type A" about work, because I care about doing a good job! :oops:)
 
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brinny

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You definitely don't have to go out to lunch with somebody to do group work with them. I was in tons of such classes when I was in college, and I can count the number of times I went out to lunch with any of my classmates on one hand...and those were the ones I obviously enjoyed being around enough to actually go to lunch with! (Not to sound like a jerk, but my point is that it wasn't everyone. You definitely don't have to like everyone, just like how not everyone has to like you, either. That's life.)

I think I would try to make it clear without making it personal, so that it doesn't cause unnecessary hurt. So instead of saying something like "Your mannerisms make me uncomfortable (about whatever he is doing that is making you think he is gay), so I don't want to go out to lunch with you", you could say "I find it hard to focus on the project if it is outside of a school setting/too socially focused instead of being work focused, so I'm not comfortable meeting outside of class." Because that is true, right? If I am reading you correctly, it feels like he is being too friendly in a not-professional way with you, and you don't like that, and it is distracting and distressing you. And let's not lose sight of the fact that you were put together in this group to do work and produce whatever the project is meant to be, not to do lunch and bond and all of this stuff. That would be true even if instead of this guy it was a beautiful lady or something, even if you would react to it differently then. You still have to do the work, and that's the primary thing you will be graded on (I'm assuming), so that should matter most before anything else. It's not like you or your group will get an A+ (or whatever the Polish equivalent is) because you all became friends and found a nice spot to eat and talk together outside of class.

(I swear I'm not antisocial, you guys...I'm just very "type A" about work, because I care about doing a good job! :oops:)

I agree. It's not "anti-social" to stick to "business" in class, etc.

(And you don't seem anti-social at all)

:)
 
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pantingdeer

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Women deal with this creepy behavior all the time . Some guy we’re not interested in nor attracted to decides to impose. It is a little upsetting. Some guys have “ feminine” mannerisms but aren’t gay so don’t assume that they’re gay unless you know for sure. He also just might be someone with mild Aspergers and they tend to not pick up on social cues.

Unfortunately women are told to try to ignore the behavior which usually encourages the creep to act creepier.

Ask a friend to come get you if you really don’t want to sit with the guy.
Maybe you are right but his smiles giggling are v.suspicious.
 
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pantingdeer

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You definitely don't have to go out to lunch with somebody to do group work with them. I was in tons of such classes when I was in college, and I can count the number of times I went out to lunch with any of my classmates on one hand...and those were the ones I obviously enjoyed being around enough to actually go to lunch with! (Not to sound like a jerk, but my point is that it wasn't everyone. You definitely don't have to like everyone, just like how not everyone has to like you, either. That's life.)

I think I would try to make it clear without making it personal, so that it doesn't cause unnecessary hurt. So instead of saying something like "Your mannerisms make me uncomfortable (about whatever he is doing that is making you think he is gay), so I don't want to go out to lunch with you", you could say "I find it hard to focus on the project if it is outside of a school setting/too socially focused instead of being work focused, so I'm not comfortable meeting outside of class." Because that is true, right? If I am reading you correctly, it feels like he is being too friendly in a not-professional way with you, and you don't like that, and it is distracting and distressing you. And let's not lose sight of the fact that you were put together in this group to do work and produce whatever the project is meant to be, not to do lunch and bond and all of this stuff. That would be true even if instead of this guy it was a beautiful lady or something, even if you would react to it differently then. You still have to do the work, and that's the primary thing you will be graded on (I'm assuming), so that should matter most before anything else. It's not like you or your group will get an A+ (or whatever the Polish equivalent is) because you all became friends and found a nice spot to eat and talk together outside of class.

(I swear I'm not antisocial, you guys...I'm just very "type A" about work, because I care about doing a good job! :oops:)
Thank you for this response. I’ve went out for lunch/dinner 5 times in 2 years. I barely go with people I like never mind someone I don’t like
 
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dzheremi

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Does this make me homophobic considering I’d probably be flattered if this was an attractive girl?

I don't see how. You don't hate him, do you? It seems like you're saying it feels like he's making passes at you (which may or may not be what he thinks he's doing; how can anyone know that), and you don't want that type of attention from a man, because you're not gay.

And it is by no means homophobic to simply not be gay. You're a heterosexual. God help us when being heterosexual is defined as in and of itself homophobic! (I'm sure there are some out there, maybe especially at colleges, who have tried this trick, but it's best to ignore such people, since they're nothing but nonsensical attention-seeking failures.)
 
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pantingdeer

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I don't see how. You don't hate him, do you? It seems like you're saying it feels like he's making passes at you (which may or may not be what he thinks he's doing; how can anyone know that), and you don't want that type of attention from a man, because you're not gay.

And it is by no means homophobic to simply not be gay. You're a heterosexual. God help us when being heterosexual is defined as in and of itself homophobic! (I'm sure there are some out there, maybe especially at colleges, who have tried this trick, but it's best to ignore such people, since they're nothing but nonsensical attention-seeking failures.)
Wouldn’t say hate but definitely wish he were not in my class considering he seems to think we’re best friends and is creeping me out.
If I did hate him it wouldn’t be because he is gay but because of how he (perhaps unknowingly) puts a lot of pressure on me to do things.
 
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Anthony2019

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Does this make me homophobic considering I’d probably be flattered if this was an attractive girl?
The other guy's behaviour does seem to suggest to me that he might be trying to come to terms with his own sexuality. He is quite possibly gay but living 'in the closet'. But I might be wrong - he could simply be a needy person, lacking in self esteem, and finding it difficult to make close friendships. In either case, it sounds like he might need some professional guidance on friendships and relationships - but it is not something you have to provide for him.
You are certainly not homophobic, but you understandably feel uncomfortable with his approach which is too intense and uncomfortable for you and I can understand why you need to keep some distance from him.
 
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mina

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Was I rude?

I didn't say you were rude; just that going forward you don't have to be rude to him. You can tell him no to anything that he asks of you. We don't know if he is gay or not from your information ; he may just have social awkwardness and comes off strange and is just looking for friends. Tell him no that you are too busy to do things after class.
 
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miggles

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that's the story of my life. creeps imposed themselves on me. i have always been a loner so it made them think the coast was clear for them. when they got tired of me running away from them they would get the picture and quit. but will tell others "i used to date her" or "i used to go with her" when all they did was chase me. there's a saying you are judged by the company you keep. it made me so mad when they'd claim to have gone with me or dated me. they are unclean and i'm not.
 
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Maybe he’s not a creep but I find him creepy. He sits with one leg over the other like a girl and also smiles at me in a ‘gay’ way and giggles. I try to avoid him as much as possible but he sits near me and asks me out for lunch when I’ve only known him for a month and barely speak to him. I feel like leaving the university.

I don't think the fellow is a creep or that it's weird whatsoever. Having read your other threads for context I think maybe your insecurities about other issues are causing the problem here. Just my hunch.

Hope this may help you to relax a little. I'm also in college, at an engineering school. About 75% of the folks in my major are fellows. Most aren't gay. Plenty of fellows cross their legs, simply on account of it being comfy. Plenty laugh in class when that's appropriate. It's normal to share your contact info with other folks in your class, especially if y'all will be working together on a project. Not uncommon to ask if somebody wants to grab lunch. I do that all the time. I almost always ask other fellows if they want to grab CFA or whatever. I've been in a serious relationship with my girl since way back in HS so for me just grabbing lunch with another fellow instead of another gal is just the better thing to do. Why sit by myself having lunch when it's more fun sitting with a buddy. It's also not weird that this guy would sit near you since you're in the same class and have worked together.

Wanting to leave the university on account of him is way too extreme of a reaction.
 
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Does this make me homophobic considering I’d probably be flattered if this was an attractive girl?

Well, as I said above prior to this one I'd read your other threads, so that gives some context. I think you need to consider if your own insecurities about your sexuality could be at the root of the issue here. I def think you're having an overreaction to this fellow.
 
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Anytime I say anything to him he disagrees. For example He wanted my phone number to ask for homework help and I wanted to give him my email instead to which he’s like why?
He wants to have lunch with me and if I say no then he asks why. If I rearrange something so I don’t have to see him he’s like why and doesn’t seem to twig that I don’t want to be around him

If you're working on a group project together you need to be able to get in touch with one another outside of class.

99% of college students want to text. Not email. Never, not once, has somebody given me their email instead of number. Never has it crossed my mind to give somebody my email.
 
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Phil W

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Anytime I say anything to him he disagrees. For example He wanted my phone number to ask for homework help and I wanted to give him my email instead to which he’s like why?
He wants to have lunch with me and if I say no then he asks why. If I rearrange something so I don’t have to see him he’s like why and doesn’t seem to twig that I don’t want to be around him
He has given you the reason to avoid him..."He always disagrees...".
Tell him you don't care for disagreements, and walk away.
 
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