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How to Not Care What Others Think

DreamingDay

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How do you learn to not let what others say to break you down? I take everything so personally... always have. And I'm now seeing how this is counterproductive to my faith. I feel horrible right now, because I can't shake it. I'm frustrated at myself and want to be at peace in Christ, but I just put up my own stumbling blocks day after day. It makes me too shy to share God with someone, which then makes me feel horrible and ashamed. If I hear someone say something against my faith, I get so depressed.
All that being said, I'd never let go of Jesus. But I know my faith is so weak at times and I'm just mad/sad/frustrated at myself. God's opinion should be number one. I want to just take myself out of the equation and be all about Him. But it's hard.
Anyone else have this problem or been able to overcome it?
 

seashale76

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If what others think of you is keeping you from living your life, then I hope you take what I have to say to heart. People don't think about you as much as you think they do. I don't mean that to sound callous (just the opposite actually), but your perceptions of how others perceive you aren't nearly so dire as you think. Most people generally either have no bad opinion of you or genuinely like you. How you think of things in your head is likely way overblown when compared to the reality. People are not obsessed with you the way you think they are, and the vast majority of things people say aren't meant to offend. Really.
 
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Inkachu

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Seashale makes some great points.

Also - I don't really know of any convenient "how to" advice on this topic. You say you've always been this way, and you're almost 30 years old, which makes me think this is probably pretty deeply ingrained in you. My only suggestion right now is to pray about it and seek God's guidance very earnestly. Sorry I can't be more helpful.
 
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DreamingDay

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If what others think of you is keeping you from living your life, then I hope you take what I have to say to heart. People don't think about you as much as you think they do. I don't mean that to sound callous (just the opposite actually), but your perceptions of how others perceive you aren't nearly so dire as you think. Most people generally either have no bad opinion of you or genuinely like you. How you think of things in your head is likely way overblown when compared to the reality. People are not obsessed with you the way you think they are, and the vast majority of things people say aren't meant to offend. Really.

I understand what you're saying and agree with it. I guess my problem isn't really logical... still hard to let things go. Thanks for the words.
 
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DreamingDay

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Seashale makes some great points.

Also - I don't really know of any convenient "how to" advice on this topic. You say you've always been this way, and you're almost 30 years old, which makes me think this is probably pretty deeply ingrained in you. My only suggestion right now is to pray about it and seek God's guidance very earnestly. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

I will continue to pray about it. It'd be so nice to have a step by step how to for it but I know that's not how life normally works. Thanks.
 
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DreamingDay

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I know exactly how you feel,I also worry alot about what others think.
I am learning to be more concerned with what Jesus thinks of me though.
Its a learning process for sure.

Yeah, it definitely seems to be a process. I'm glad you are persevering. Do you have any tips for what has help you listen to Jesus more and less to the world? Thanks for your words.
 
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sunshineforJesus

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Yeah, it definitely seems to be a process. I'm glad you are persevering. Do you have any tips for what has help you listen to Jesus more and less to the world? Thanks for your words.

Thanks and what's helped me is seeing the benefits of listening to God,
seeing his work in my life and hearing him speaking to my soul.
 
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BFine

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The more I got into the Word of God and put in to practice
renewing my mind on truth, the less I took to heart what others
said.
This doesn't mean it won't bother you, I'm saying it won't
cause you to feel defeated, depressed, devalued etc.
When that feeling tries you, you know how to handle it so it
doesn't rule you and hinder your faith walk.

Your main weapon is Prayer

Make good connections...
It is also good to have prayer partners and Christian mentors
who can come alongside you and support you in your faith walk.
We are doing life together and we are told in scripture to help
bear one another's burdens, pray for one another, love sincerely etc.

Have you discussed this matter with your minister, family etc?

I keep this posted on my webpage so it's the first thing
I see when I go there.

My identity...
I am a child of God; God is spiritually my Father.
Romans 8:14,15
Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Galatians 3:26
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus
John 1:12
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God

I am a new creation in Christ; old things have passed away and all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I am in Christ.
Galatians 3:26,28
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

I am an heir with the Father and a joint heir with Christ.
Galatians 4:6.7
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, " So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.
Romans 8:17
Now if we are children, then we are heirs heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I am reconciled to God and am an ambassador of reconciliation for Him.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

I am a saint.
Ephesians 1:1
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus:
1 Corinthians 1:2
To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ their Lord and ours:
Philippians 1:1
Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, to all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons:

I am God's workmanship, created in Christ for good works.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I am a citizen of heaven.
Ephesians 2:19
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household
Philippians 3:20
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ

I am a member of Christ's body.
1 Corinthians 12:27
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.
1 Corinthians 6:17
But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 3:16
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?
1 Corinthians6:19
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.

I am a friend of Christ.
John 15:15
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

I am the righteousness of God in Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

I am enslaved to God.
Romans 6:22
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

I am chosen and ordained by Christ to bear fruit.
John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

I am a prisoner of Christ.
Ephesians 3:1
For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles
Ephesians 4:1
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

I am righteous and holy.
Ephesians 4:24
and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

I am hidden with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:3
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:13
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness,how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything,except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

I am part of the true vine.
John 15:1-2
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

I am filled with the divine nature of Christ and escape the corruption that is in the world through lust.
2 Peter 1:4
Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

I am an expression of the life of Christ.
Colossians 3:4
When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.
Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience
1 Thessalonians 1:4
For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you

I am a child of light.
1 Thessalonians 5:5
You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

I am a partaker of a heavenly calling.
Hebrews 3:1
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.

I am more than a conqueror though Christ.
Romans 8:37
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

I am a partaker with Christ and share in His life.
Hebrews 3:14
We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first

I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house.
1 Peter 2:5
you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

I am a chosen generation, a royal priest hood, a holy nation.
1 Peter 2:9
But you are a chosen people, a royal priest hood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

I am the devil's enemy.
1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I am born again by the Spirit of God.
John 3:3-6
In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.

I am an alien and a stranger to this world.
1 Peter 2:11
Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

I am a child of God who always triumphs in Christ and releases His fragrance in every place.
2 Corinthians 2:14
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.

I am seated in heavenly places in Christ.
Ephesians 2:6
And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus

I am saved by grace.
Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

I am a recipient of every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places
in Christ.
Ephesians 1-6 (The Whole book!)

I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb.
Revelations 5:9
And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation."

I am part of the Bride of Christ and am making myself ready of Him.
Revelations 19:7
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.
 
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tturt

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Appreciate all the Scriptures posted. This one is meaningful to me.

John 17:23 " I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me."

Based on this Scripture - “We all know that the Father loves His son. You know, He loves Jesus so perfectly. As the Lord loves Him - that’s how much He loves you. You might think He can’t because I can’t be perfect like Jesus. God doesn’t love Jesus because He’s perfect, He loves Jesus because Jesus is His son and that’s why God loves Jesus. He loves you the same way. He loves you the same way He loves Jesus because you are His child. The Father Himself loves you.” [FONT=&quot]Patricia King[/FONT]
 
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DreamingDay

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tturt said:
Appreciate all the Scriptures posted. This one is meaningful to me.

John 17:23 " I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me."

Based on this Scripture - "We all know that the Father loves His son. You know, He loves Jesus so perfectly. As the Lord loves Him - that's how much He loves you. You might think He can't because I can't be perfect like Jesus. God doesn't love Jesus because He's perfect, He loves Jesus because Jesus is His son and that's why God loves Jesus. He loves you the same way. He loves you the same way He loves Jesus because you are His child. The Father Himself loves you." Patricia King

Good words. I think I get caught in my head too much and don't look at the big picture. Love and redemption. Faith can be such a simple yet complicated concept (at least I make it complicated). Working on it daily
 
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boogalaboogala

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How do you learn to not let what others say to break you down? I take everything so personally... always have. And I'm now seeing how this is counterproductive to my faith. I feel horrible right now, because I can't shake it. I'm frustrated at myself and want to be at peace in Christ, but I just put up my own stumbling blocks day after day. It makes me too shy to share God with someone, which then makes me feel horrible and ashamed. If I hear someone say something against my faith, I get so depressed.
All that being said, I'd never let go of Jesus. But I know my faith is so weak at times and I'm just mad/sad/frustrated at myself. God's opinion should be number one. I want to just take myself out of the equation and be all about Him. But it's hard.
Anyone else have this problem or been able to overcome it?


hi dreamingday.. i can totally relate to what you are experiencing..
people can be so insensitive, and cruel.. and the only thing that i know for certain, is that God did not create us this way..
but then again we were not created to sit in front of a television watching violence and sexual immorality for hours on end, either.. and i am sure that this has alot to do with peoples behavior and attitudes.. we are becoming desensitized to reallity and all of the emotions that go along with everyday life.. our minds are bombarded with scene upon scene of corruption..
i personally started to monitor what i was allowing myself to watch.. and spending alot more time with the Lord. and i have to say that my own attitude has changed completely..
you mentioned that you are concerned with what others think of you.. that is natural.. i mean we all look in the mirror before we leave the house.. we want to look our best.. and when we feel as though we look our best. we are happier, and a whole lot more out going....nobody is ever truly themself.. we all measure ourselves in the eyes of our peers.. when we are alone, we are a different person than the world actually sees..
there are so many secrets we all have about ourselves. hoping that nobody ever finds out the real you.. in fact. it is never easy being me.. i find it is an act that i put on for myself daily.. i literally have to talk myself through most of the day.. i honestly don't know why this is.. but, i do..
so i try to rationalize with the truth..
for example: i know that Jesus loves me unconditionally.. He doesn't care how i look... He doesn't point His finger at me, ever.. and here is the real mystery. i know that i don't nor ever will be good enough for Him.. yet i always feel like more than i truly am when i am spending time with Him..
so, this makes me think that if he makes me feel this way when i am with Him.. maybe i need to look for others that make me feel like He makes me feel..
i mean lets face it.. as we discussed earlier. we will always measure ourselves in the eyes of our peers.. so why not look for a better class of peer.. i mean, did you know that the people that degrade others, do so because they also feel inadequate?
i am starting to see that christians and the secular world do not run parallel, like a set of train tracks.. they are going in two different directions.. and when we as christians try and walk in both. we are torn apart.. we need to decide whether it is truly Jesus that we want to march after or remain in a world without conviction(meaning conviction of the Holy Spirit). where we don't care what anyone really thinks because we ourself don't care..
i choose to make Jesus the standard for my life.. living under the conviction of the Spirit. i will march after Him.. and when i share in His sufferings, i am reminded that He chose me.. thats right.... He chose me.. the Lord of Host.. the Most High God. the Final Authority chose little ole me, with all of my quirks, and many faults and short comings.. He chose me... and dreamingday. He also chose you..
so, don't stand in judgement of any man.. or in judgement of any of creation.. or even judge youself.. because you and i are already judged by the One that will judge all of our peers for their short comings and faults and quirks..
it is okay to care what people think of us.. it helps to maintain a certain level of civility. but do realize that it is no more than a clear case of the "pot calling the kettle black".. it is nothing more.. we are all the same, and nothing more than dust.. with a season that comes on in the spring, flourishing throughout the summer and then returning to whence we come from in the fall.. our life is a mere mist.. so rejoice that you have eternal life..
the next time you feel inadequate, or intimidated, you show them Christ by being Christ.. paul said, "for me to live, is Christ".
remember this: with the Lord for us. who can be against us.. i mean you and i have God's stamp of approval on us.. you actually have angels assigned to minister, and look out for you..
you have already received an invitation to the Kings wedding.. and you know what.. you are the bride..
so it is time to stop worrying about what others are saying, and claim your prize..make Jesus our Christ the standard for your life and then march after Him.. you will not be disappointed.. blessings sister.. and by the way, i along with all of the saints, God's Holy angels and of course our Lord.. we all love you, and want you to be encouraged..
 
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Soul2Soul

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How do you learn to not let what others say to break you down? I take everything so personally... always have. And I'm now seeing how this is counterproductive to my faith. I feel horrible right now, because I can't shake it. I'm frustrated at myself and want to be at peace in Christ, but I just put up my own stumbling blocks day after day. It makes me too shy to share God with someone, which then makes me feel horrible and ashamed. If I hear someone say something against my faith, I get so depressed.
All that being said, I'd never let go of Jesus. But I know my faith is so weak at times and I'm just mad/sad/frustrated at myself. God's opinion should be number one. I want to just take myself out of the equation and be all about Him. But it's hard.
Anyone else have this problem or been able to overcome it?

Yes, I have been there before .... and still struggle at times taking things too personally. I remember times when out sharing my faith with people on the streets and when I was insulted, abused, threatened and accosted ... I actually took it so personally that I shouted back and threatened some because I felt insecure ... still it was good for growth. I guess it's the way some people are and as always God knows what and when we need growth .... one passage that encouraged me to think in a slightly different way is 1Corinthians 26-31:26 "Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
We are all works in progress .... thank goodness the Lord is building :)
 
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Asnath

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I will give you an advice that works for me. When someone says something that hurts you, just reply!

Example:
someone: `You are stupid!'
you:`I am not!'

`Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.' 1 Tim 4:12

Then pray that whatever bad things that person might have said about you never come true and that he sees how wrong he was about you.

Note that sometimes people say things that they don't really think. Also, don't try to analyse what people say. It might drive you crazy!

Relax, it really doesn't matter what people think. What really matters is what Jesus thinks of you. Keep your eyes fixed on Him and Him alone! I know that it's sometimes hard but:

`I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' Phil 4:13
 
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Scott1979

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I'm 34 and struggle with this horribly. I'm going to look into talking with someone to try to help me because it really eats you up inside and holds you back. I don't have any words of encouragement but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this struggle. Good luck to you.
 
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Television is an excellent invention to transfer entertainment and information, and so many people who do not own the the Word of God in paper form, can record and playback television ministry pastor's sermon message of our Lord Jesus Christ and accept Jesus first time as new Christians, then later visit the TV ministry website for more guidance, especially purchusing books, CD Christian music, and Dads:.
Even if you feel that you want to voice Christ our saviour to everyone you bump into, you might be surprised if everyone has secretly been watching the television ministry and keeping it between themselves and Jesus Christ. It's unusual to think that there are many atheists and non-Christian religious individuals who are "acting out their non-Christian role" to avoid being rejected and made homeless, or even worse, killed for believing in a Christian God. That's why we must show our "Love your neighbor/enemy as you love Jesus":.
The word 'enemy' can also mean 'actor in disguise' .;'*';.
:liturgy:
 
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Peripatetic

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What you describe is a personality trait called Approval Dependent, and I share it too. Even though we logically know we shouldn't care as much about what people think, it is part of our brain wiring... the best we can do is try to manage it. I do my best to assign people to circles. As an introvert, I have a small inner-circle of people who I really care about. A middle circle of other people whose opinions matter (managers, co-workers, neighbors, etc.). I care about those outside of the circles, but try not to worry about what they think of me. But it's very difficult.

People don't think about you as much as you think they do.

Absolutely true... but every time I tell myself that people don't notice the small details, I get something like a time at work when I mentioned needing a new belt. To which the person answered something like, "Yeah, I noticed that you are buckling tighter since you aren't using the worn hole in the belt. I was hoping you weren't sick or something." :doh:
 
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