My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and will be getting married next summer. He is my first relationship, as I have always been extremely serious about relationships and vowed from a very young age that I would only have one boyfriend who would then become my husband. I did not want to give away any piece of my heart to anyone but my husband. I wanted to save all of myself for him.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend did not hold these same views. He was extremely flirtatious, all the way up until he truly dedicated his life to God in college. A year after, he met me and a year later, we started our relationship. He was completely open to me about all of his past, which included a couple "girlfriends" during his younger teenage years (they weren't serious or involved any real feelings). He just wanted attention from girls. I can't seem to get over this, especially the fact that he kissed, fingered, touched/sucked their breasts, etc. He didn't have sex, but they did give him hand-jobs. He also used to be addicted to inappropriate contentography, and now is occasionally tempted. He always repents right after and tells me whenever he is tempted. But I don't understand why he continues to do this when he knows how much it hurts me. He says he doesn't want to do it, and that the devil takes over his mind.
We've talked about all of this so many times but I still end up thinking about his past and it makes me sick. I don't know what to do to get over my retroactive jealousy. I am also extremely jealous of whenever he interacts with other girls, including girls he used to "like" even though he says he doesn't anymore, as well as flirtatious girls who seem to like him or want attention. He is overly friendly so he talks to everyone, hugs everyone, etc. I know this is a problem with me, not him. He regrets all of his past mistakes, and has confessed his past to God, so I know God has forgiven him and totally cleansed him from all of his past. So why can't I?
Unfortunately, my boyfriend did not hold these same views. He was extremely flirtatious, all the way up until he truly dedicated his life to God in college. A year after, he met me and a year later, we started our relationship. He was completely open to me about all of his past, which included a couple "girlfriends" during his younger teenage years (they weren't serious or involved any real feelings). He just wanted attention from girls. I can't seem to get over this, especially the fact that he kissed, fingered, touched/sucked their breasts, etc. He didn't have sex, but they did give him hand-jobs. He also used to be addicted to inappropriate contentography, and now is occasionally tempted. He always repents right after and tells me whenever he is tempted. But I don't understand why he continues to do this when he knows how much it hurts me. He says he doesn't want to do it, and that the devil takes over his mind.
We've talked about all of this so many times but I still end up thinking about his past and it makes me sick. I don't know what to do to get over my retroactive jealousy. I am also extremely jealous of whenever he interacts with other girls, including girls he used to "like" even though he says he doesn't anymore, as well as flirtatious girls who seem to like him or want attention. He is overly friendly so he talks to everyone, hugs everyone, etc. I know this is a problem with me, not him. He regrets all of his past mistakes, and has confessed his past to God, so I know God has forgiven him and totally cleansed him from all of his past. So why can't I?
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