How to deal with "Them."

[Nadiine]

Nadiine, you are completely misunderstanding the point of this thread. Please stop derailing the topic.

I thought that was the topic - my bad.
I'll move on.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

I thank God every day that in heaven there won't be an "us" versus "them".

 

[JimfromOhio]

There is no "us" versus "them". This is spiritual warfare.

 

[Nadiine]

I thank God every day that in heaven there won't be an "us" versus "them".

Yes, and that's mostly becuz the TRUE JUDGE will have sorted out who is His and who isn't.
Down here, we differ on what Christianity is - errgo, the warfare in a forum trying to unite everybody under one huge umbrella as "one family".

These problems didn't exist until these recent changes & it got thrown into our laps to fix it all.

 

[CaDan]

These problems didn't exist until these recent changes & it got thrown into our laps to fix it all.

My recollection is a bit different. Funny how that works.

 

[Nadiine]

My recollection is a bit different. Funny how that works.

I didn't say no problems existed, they didn't exist to this extent that's for sure.

That's ok, God has it all sorted out - I have nothing to fear about all this. It's simply a forum.

 

[Time2BCounted]

There is no "us" versus "them". This is spiritual warfare.

This is spiritual warfare Jim you are right

Can i ask how you view the fact that there are people on both sides of this war?

Also, do you think some people fight and some dont?

Im just curious as to how you see this resolved if there exist within one group of people all 4 sides of these 2 issues?

 

[Macrina]

*ahem*

Stay on-topic, please.

 

[BelindaP]

Can you refresh us as to the topic, Macrina? I've kinda forgotten it.

 

[Macrina]

Can you refresh us as to the topic, Macrina? I've kinda forgotten it.

The topic is communicating effectively. Such things as:

How can I best be heard by those who disagree with me?
What is the best way to persuade someone to my perspective?
How best can I work with colleagues, friends, etc., in order to be productive?
When I'm the only conservative in a room full of liberals, how can I accomplish anything without first going insane?

Like that.

 

[Macrina]

The topic:

This is a sensitive topic, but I intend my words in a constructive and supportive tone. I hope they will be accepted in that manner.

I have quite a bit of experience at being the most conservative in the room. As an undergrad, I was at a secular university which had little patience for evangelical theology. One of the theological schools I attended (the one from which I received my MDiv) is in the running for the most liberal in the country; most of the issues here pale in comparison to what I faced there every day. My denomination is incredibly diverse, with a disproportionate number of the clergy being liberal. Therefore, I've had to learn some skills not only for survival in environments where I am the theological minority, but also techniques which help my convictions to be heard in a productive way. This hasn't been easy knowledge for me to learn, so I hope it is of value if I pass on a few pointers:

Beware of falling into the "us verses them" trap. It's so easy to feel like people are against us, but it can lead to a counterproductive defensiveness or even aggression. That doesn't win anybody over, and just raises everyone's blood pressure.

Instead, I've found it beneficial to recognize when people are working towards the same values as me, but interpret those values in different ways. For example, I may believe that one course of action is a just one, and others may believe that another is more just. We disagree, but we share the principle of justice. This can also apply to other values, such as holiness or compassion. Being able to say to one another "you and I are both seeking ___ in this situation" can lead to a mutual team effort to find a solution, rather than further polarization. Furthermore, people are more likely to listen to us when we acknowledge the positive values for which they are working.

Which leads me to: Listen. A useful technique for me is to paraphrase back what someone is telling me and ask "is this a correct understanding?" I try to get to the point where I could articulate the other person's position, and their reasoning, even if I do not agree with it. This helps me to understand where they are coming from and to be alert to possible solutions to a conflict. I can't recommend this simple approach highly enough. Combine that with being willing to refine your paraphrase according to the person's feedback, and you'll find communication gets a lot easier.

Be cautious about ascribing motives to someone else. We can't see into someone's hearts or minds, and human communication is imperfect -- so it's all too easy for us to misinterpret someone else's motivations. Without strong evidence to the contrary, I find it's generally best to interact with people using the functional assumption that they are representing their motives accurately. Doing anything else is insulting to the other party and can cause communication to deteriorate.

Related to the above: Avoid character judgments. People don't like that and will tune you out.

Assess what is essential and what is non-negotiable. Determine if there is an area in which you can be flexible and find room for compromise. There are certainly some thing that cannot be compromised, but not every issue will fall into that category.

Last but certainly not least, remain calm. Present your position clearly and methodically, detailing the values you are trying to pursue and why you think your course of action is the best for the purpose. If you feel like you might lose your temper, take a step back until you can continue on an even keel. If attacked, do not respond in kind, but maintain respectful and rational discourse. You represent your position best when you yourself remain collected.

As I said, these are some lessons that I have learned over the years being "the token conservative." I would like to think that the growing pains associated with these lessons didn't go to waste, so I hope it is useful for me to pass these tips on.

Mac

 

[3girls2dogs]

I find that, when working with my colleagues especially, it is very important to not come across as blaming. I have never been the type who needs to never make a mistake. So, when something goes wrong at work, even if I KNOW it isn't my fault, it always get solved faster if I say "Something must have been misrouted" or "There has been a breakdown somewhere, can we go over this again".

It helps me a lot at work, as I work for a public high school, and there is a lot of paperwork, etc. People will respond better if you go about it in a non-accusatory way. A proper end result benefits the kids, and that is what we are supposed to be there for.

 

[~*Lady Trekki*~]

I find that, when working with my colleagues especially, it is very important to not come across as blaming. I have never been the type who needs to never make a mistake. So, when something goes wrong at work, even if I KNOW it isn't my fault, it always get solved faster if I say "Something must have been misrouted" or "There has been a breakdown somewhere, can we go over this again".

It helps me a lot at work, as I work for a public high school, and there is a lot of paperwork, etc. People will respond better if you go about it in a non-accusatory way. A proper end result benefits the kids, and that is what we are supposed to be there for.

Wise words.

 

[PostTribber]

"There is One body, and One Spirit, even as ye are called in One hope of your calling; One Lord, One faith, One baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ." (Ephesians 4:4-7)

if this would be embraced according to the 'spirit' it was given, we would have no denominations today! just as England and America are two countries separated by a common language, so to is the body of Christ 'separated' by a common faith. even before Jesus was crucified the Apostles were fighting over which would be 'greatest'. and the fight continues as to which 'church' represents the 'true' faith.

how is 'unity' possible when the 'body' has been so fragmented "through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ." (Colossians 2:8) 'forums' imply that we 'agree to disagree'. the hard part is to disagree 'agreeably', or 'split'. History has shown it to be too formidable a task on our own. perhaps it has been the challenges to our 'differences' that has preserved the 'sanctity' of God's word over the millennia?