How to deal with ending of a relationship

[ownheart4]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum so bare with me. About a month ago, my girlfriend for whom I was dating for over 3 months broke up with me. She told that it wasnt me, it was her. She was still dealing with baggage (specifically mental issues) from a very bad past relationship she had. It took me by surprise at the time, but looking back I should have seen it coming as the final couple weeks we began to have problems arise. We broke up with nothing but good things to say to and about each other. Although we have not talked to each at all since then as we both needed time and space to heal and figure out whats next for our lives, is there any chance we get back together? And also should I try to contact her at some point or should I let her contact me since she was the one who initiated the break up? This was my first real relationship as other relationships I had werent good ones either. Overall we had a good time for the first 2-2 1/2 months of our relationship. We bonded very quickly and easily as we had a lot in common. But I guess she needed more time and healing from her past. I know it was a God thing that we broke up but I also believe it was a God thing that we both were in the relationship. So the 2 questions are is there any chance at getting back together? And should I try to contact her at some point or should I just wait for her? Thanks for any and all advice!

 

[seashale76]

Personally, I would advise against dating someone again after you've already broken up. If it didn't work out the first time, the chances are it will not work out again. I'm approaching this from the perspective of someone that has been married for seventeen years. The purpose of dating is to see if you're compatible enough to marry. By no means should a dating relationship linger for a long time. You should know fairly quickly whether or not it is going to work out. You both are either on the same page or you're not. You and this girl are not.

I have maintained a friendship over the years with a guy I dated in high school (though we are not close by any means and never have interactions with each other unless it is liking Facebook posts). We still have a lot of the same friends (all of us married) and occasionally see each other at get togethers that aren't nearly as frequent as they were two decades ago. There is no going out of our way to contact each other. We've both moved on years upon years ago. He's a nice guy, but we would have wound up killing each other or something had we stayed together. We were/are too different.

That said, you need to let her go. Give the girl space, be willing to be her friend, but don't expect any kind of BFF/dating thing to occur again, because that will likely only end in disaster. Friendships among men and women that aren't married or related tend to be distant- and that's just how it is. You going out of your way to contact her smacks of you really wanting to get back together. I think you'd be better served looking elsewhere to date.

 

[QuietBeauty]

If she didn't give you any indication that there might be a chance later for you to get back together,then I don't think you should wait for her. You could miss out on who God really wants in your life by waiting for someone who might not be the one for you. If you still have feelings for this girl - maybe you should reach out as a friend and just see how she's doing and then go from there.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Eh. If it didn't work out then maybe it wasn't meant to be. BF/GF isn't that much of a serious stage really. Its when your engaged that its more serious and getting back together should be considered more. Anyways you weren't together super long.

 

[Goodbook]

1. No. When people break up, they mostly want a break.
2. You need to pray for her. If shes struggling with mental issues thats the best thing you can do. Not pray you get back together, but pray that she has a sound mind. Your relationship with God is most important. And she must find that as well. Give God time to work in her life. He always does a much better job than we can!

Scripture for you...
2 timothy 1:7

 

[ownheart4]

Hey all! thanks for the advice! I have been praying for her as well that she would become the woman that God destined her to be and overcome the baggage of the past. I will continue to wait on the Lord and move on with my life as best I can despite my feelings.

 

[John Davidson]

On to the next one.....

 

[Kit Sigmon]

She broke up with you, if she has emotional baggage from a previous relationship
that she didn't deal with before getting into a relationship with you, that wasn't
a to wise. Problems don't go away because we wish them to.

A few weeks ain't enough time to sort through her junk, which got even more complicated
by dating and breaking up with you. People make the mistake of jumping into another
relationship too soon, they need to get to know the other person as a christian, and see if they
be someone who is godly and actually suitable for you. You can be attracted to someone but
it don't mean they are suitable for you for marriage, they could be tied up with they old flame
and only seeking a bit of solace because they last romance didn't work out. Many get hit with
guilt after they use someone for they own purposes.

Praying is good to, so do a lot of that as you sort through the break up and mixed feelings etc.

 

[ownheart4]

Thanks for all the input! I guess I have one more question: would God lead someone to pursue a relationship with someone in which the relationship didnt have a future in it, like it wasn't going to end up in marriage. Obviously God know everything, so would he lead someone to pursue a romantic relationship with someone in which the relationship wasn't going to end up in marriage?

 

[yuppers]

I'll give you some advice based on something that happened in my life.

I met a girl once. I was imedietly attracted to her. The first thought that popped into my head when I saw her was "one day I'm going to marry that girl". That though was completely out of my control and I thought that it was God who put that on my heart. I made a lot of effort to clean baggage up in my life as I slowly started to pursue her. Over the course of a year we became friends. We had a lot of things in common. Eventually we did end up going on a few dates. I thought finally gods plan was starting to play out. But, after several dates she told me she doesn't feel the same way about me. She also said she has her own baggage to work out.. That was a crushing blow as I thought it was god who was bringing us together. So, to answer your question; does God use relationships. My answer would be, Yes he does. Me pursuing that girl gave me a reason to clean up my life and start going to church. Now that it has ended I try to lean on god as my support as I struggle through this hard patch.

Having a relationship end SUCKS. Keep trying to push forward through this hard time and keep trusting in God. I know I didn't really give advise but I hope this helps a bit. Hang in there buddy!

 

[Geralt]

its not the end of the world
one can be free from bad habits, by finding another 'good' habit.
and so one can also be free from the 'withdrawal' effects of a lost relationship, by a finding a new different one.

 

[dhh712]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum so bare with me. About a month ago, my girlfriend for whom I was dating for over 3 months broke up with me. She told that it wasnt me, it was her. She was still dealing with baggage (specifically mental issues) from a very bad past relationship she had. It took me by surprise at the time, but looking back I should have seen it coming as the final couple weeks we began to have problems arise. We broke up with nothing but good things to say to and about each other. Although we have not talked to each at all since then as we both needed time and space to heal and figure out whats next for our lives, is there any chance we get back together? And also should I try to contact her at some point or should I let her contact me since she was the one who initiated the break up? This was my first real relationship as other relationships I had werent good ones either. Overall we had a good time for the first 2-2 1/2 months of our relationship. We bonded very quickly and easily as we had a lot in common. But I guess she needed more time and healing from her past. I know it was a God thing that we broke up but I also believe it was a God thing that we both were in the relationship. So the 2 questions are is there any chance at getting back together? And should I try to contact her at some point or should I just wait for her? Thanks for any and all advice!

Oh sure, I think there's a chance at getting back together. Sometimes it's just not the right time for a relationship as it seemed to be in her case, from what you described. The timing just wasn't right. I would definitely keep in touch with her. It doesn't seem to be a bad idea to me at least to drop her a line in a little while if you don't hear from her, just to see how she's doing. If you are in fact still friends, I think it would be something a friend would do.

Thanks for all the input! I guess I have one more question: would God lead someone to pursue a relationship with someone in which the relationship didnt have a future in it, like it wasn't going to end up in marriage. Obviously God know everything, so would he lead someone to pursue a romantic relationship with someone in which the relationship wasn't going to end up in marriage?

I think that would be more of a trial then, to what purpose only God would know. He may put you in such a position, there's all kinds of trials and afflictions that can result in relationships that either don't go anywhere at all or end for whatever reason. For example, in my own relationship things were very chaotic at some points and I wondered what God's purpose would be for the relationship if he didn't intend for me to marry my husband. Who knows? It could have happened, and God forbid, things still may end (we all know about divorce). Those are unfortunately the trials of life that for the most part we can't understand what purpose God has for them, we just trust that somehow all things will work to our good even though it may not seem that way during what we're going through.