how to deal with a lukewarm boyfriend?

[bèlla]

From her point-of-view I was not growing, certainly not steadily, and had little concern for the things of God.

I've encountered people like this. Early in my walk I met a Christian woman. She loved the Lord but she frequently impressed her script on others. Including me. I was serving a lot at the time. She wanted to add more to my plate.

I attended 2 bible study's every week and was on the leadership team in one them. A weekly class in Muslim outreach. Bimonthly missionary preparation course (for discernment). Monthly missionary meeting. And prayer meeting on occasion. That doesn't include church attendance.

I was there four days a week and had lengthy intercession periods at home. Usually 2-3 hours every day. I was standing for someone's salvation and praying for loved ones and ministries.

She felt I could take on more. I told her I was tired. Her response was pretty dismissive. She tried to give me a guilt trip. The Lord dropped a word in my spirit in response. "I didn't tell you to do that."

She wanted my company and tried to pull me into everything she was doing. But the Lord didn't want that. I was doing enough. It had a purpose. And I told her no. I needed to go home and rest.

The experience taught me about the should's in Christian culture. I was raised in a Christian home. Everyone is a believer. But I never encountered that. I saw many striving to live up to human ideals. Laden with guilt, pressure, and feelings of unworthiness because of it. And none of it came from Him.

She never listened to my reasoning —to her it was illogical— but if she read something in a purportedly 'Christian Book', *I* had to live by it!)

There's an air of perfectionism in Christian books, especially those pertaining to marriage. By the time they finish listing the should's the only one who qualifies is the Master. Everyone falls short and you'll nitpick them to death because of it.

Most of the things I did at church occurred during the day. I was surrounded by married women and had a chance to hear their thoughts. And I went to small groups for couples. I was a fly on the wall. I've heard the things you shared.

When you're doing life with someone they're going to fall short in ways you never imagined. You've gotta make peace with that.

~bella

 

[Albion]

I agree 100%. It's funny because he actually said that he was baptized and accepted Jesus into his heart. And then I responded quite literally exactly like what you've said here during a discussion on our faith (though not as bluntly), and he got upset about my questioning and threw it back in my face.

Well, it could be that he is a believer but is offended at being questioned repeatedly about it as though he wasn't being honest with you.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Unfortunate, but I guess sometimes the truth can sting. ):

Yes, when your outside of God's will and someone speaks the truth to you it stings a lot - and an anger response is quite normal.

You did the right thing by confronting it head on... I'm very proud of you

 

[Aabbie James]

TLDR: Boyfriend is lukewarm. Doesn't seem to want to grow closer to God and it's bringing me down.

If a man says he is born again but he does not produce fruit what does that indicate. If a man does not exhibit a strong prayer life and doesn't love to spend time in God's Word what does that indicate. If a man demeans a woman who encourages him to be a spiritual leader what does that indicate. What does Jesus say about a man who is lukewarm in his faith?

 

[Albion]

Senjoy,

I see that Hazelelponi, Michael Collum, and I each had a different "take" on what makes your BF tick. And some other posters could be mentioned as well.

That's at least in part because there were some unanswered questions left after we read your OP's description of how he behaves. Perhaps the first thing for you to do would be to find out which of those characterizations is correct (if any).

 

[bèlla]

If my daughter presented me with this situation I'd listen and open the floor with one question: Why did you choose him?

For me, that's the elephant in the room. I'd want to her to consider her desires in light of his character and what she believed she saw in him to ascertain if she was correct or reading too much into the situation.

Otherwise, if the emphasis is on the other you'll fail to see the problem in your picker. And that's important. So you don't make the same mistake again.

~bella

 

[Sketcher]

Hello all, I'm new here and found this site in search of advice on Christian relationships. I'm sorry if this is not the right thread to post a topic like this, but I honestly don't have anyone to talk about it with so I am asking all of you or those who may care to read this.

I'm 18 (I know, I'm "young", and this may seem insignificant) and currently in a relationship with a 20 year old guy who says he's a Christian. The problem I have is that I'm not feeling like he is not wanting to grow in his faith as I want to grow in mine. I've already had talks with him about lust, intentionally using God's name in vain, and how I don't want to be sexually intimate before marriage. He does agree with these things, but I feel that he only stops doing them because it pleases me, not because he wants to please God. I've asked if we could pray or read our Bibles together but he never seems willing to. Recently, I ended up questioning his faith and asking if he was really serious about God because his words and actions were not lining up. He got angry at me and said, and I quote, I'm "aggressively religious" and "taking religion too seriously". He tried to flip it on me and it made me feel like I was wrong for even bringing anything up.

I don't know if I was wrong for questioning him, but I prayed on it and the whole thing just sat heavily on my heart. After that, I just don't feel the same.

I've asked God if I should stay because I am the only person in his life who is a "positive energy" due to his bad home life and past, but I am kind of suffering because of it. I know the easy answer is to just break up, but no one has a perfect walk with God and I would like to be in union with him in that, or at least strengthen his hunger for Christ. I pray for him all the time but I know that only God can change people.

TLDR: Boyfriend is lukewarm. Doesn't seem to want to grow closer to God and it's bringing me down.

First of all, some couples have found that doing devotionals together in a relationship inappropriately built up intimacy. And some of those couples who made the mistake of fornicating with each other first found that having those devotionals made the matter worse instead of better. This doesn't make it a sin to do a devotional with your boyfriend, or to go to Bible study with your boyfriend, or to pray with your boyfriend, but there's a time and a place for these things.

Second, you haven't told us anything about his faith at all, only what you feel his motives might be. Does he regularly go to church or to a Bible study? Does he have his own devotionals with God? Is he watchful for opportunities to pray with or meet the needs of others, and is he obedient when those opportunities come? Does he make choices in his life because of Christian values?

Third, since I wasn't a witness to your conversation, I don't know which of you had the right points, or what those would have been. I also don't know where each of you is wrong. Therefore, I can't take his reaction to it as either a good or a bad sign. I don't have enough evidence to judge that. There's bad ways to raise legitimate concerns, and I don't know if that happened.

Fourth, using a relationship to "save" someone either spiritually or psychologically or emotionally is a fantasy. If you were the one good influence in his life, that's not enough of a reason for you to stay and advance the relationship. Some people do get saved through dating Christians, but not enough of them do for me to recommend missionary dating. Shifting this from witnessing to just talking about a dysfunctional person (Christian or not) and a non-dysfunctional person (Christian or not), the non-dysfunctional person usually only gets drained by the dysfunctional person rather than being enough of a benefit to really fix him or her. You can't fix people. You can only be one ingredient, and if the other ingredients aren't there, then it's best to cut your losses and leave.

Finally, I can't tell you for sure to stay or go, but if you go make sure you are learning the right lessons (from both the male and the female perspective) from this.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Hello ReesePiece! (Reese's is my favorite candy lol!) Thanks so much for your reply.

I did think some of his responses to my concerns were a bit manipulative. An example is he threatens to break up with me ("if I'm getting in the way of your relationship with the Lord, then you should just break up with me") every time we argue, which is really not often because generally I am not one to start them, but it makes me feel trapped. Of course I don't expect him to have the answers to everything, heck, I'm even younger and there's just no way you can put that kind of expectation upon someone of our age. However, I feel that there is just a discrepancy in where both of us are spiritually, like we are not on the same page. I pray and pray, so if it is or isn't God's will, it will be done either way.

To be honest, it sounds as if you're quite a lot further along than him from a maturity standpoint, and his manipulation tactics are a telltale sign that's he's subconsciously aware of this; I have a hunch that he's acting out of desperation to make ground.

The road to 25 from 20 (for a male) is turbulent to say the least. For me it was a series of sharp rises and steep drops - there wasn't a lot of levelling off. It was chaotic, and it was like that for a long time. So it's too early (in my opinion) to start thinking seriously about 'the romantic future'. I know some guys have it together early on and marry before 22/23, but most of us were hopeless at that age.

I think you already knew what you needed to do before you wrote this post. Hopefully our responses have instilled the confidence in you now to take the necessary steps.

 

[EmethAlethia]

Iron sharpens Iron. There is a passage that talks about being unequally yoked. Yes it applies to being business partners with someone that is either not a believer or is one who is horribly mismatched in spiritual desire, hunger and commitment to getting to the truth and living in accordance with it.

Here's the point. You may both be Christians. But if you have a fully mature bull strapped with a yoke with a young calf, your furoughs are going to go in circles. Now think about how much more important it is not to be unequally yoked when you are one flesh in marriage.

Are you really going to put yourself into a position where you have to choose between the person you will grow to love and your dedication to God? Trust me. Put God first in all this. Break it off completely. Seek God, not your relationship with a person. Trust me, you will be blessed for it. Marriage is difficult enough with two people completely dedicated to getting to the truth and living in accordance with it no matter what the cost. Doing so with someone luke warm will guarantee heartbreak for you both.

Frankly, I would never want to date anyone not so completely sold out on getting to the truth of all God says and means and living in accordance with it. That shows that your commitment to God is shallow. God is, and will remain the foremost commitment, and anyone who ever thinks I would consider a marriage relationship with them will be as sold on Him, devoted to Him, habitually seeking Him as I am, and if they won't dump me over a lack of commitment and dedication, their commitment, or lack thereof, is showing. Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, ALL your mind, ALL your strength.

Sorry ladies, all I can offer is what's left. My commitment to Him is what any future commitment to you is based on. There is nothing left. He is ALL.

 

[Brenda Blakely]

Dear senjoy,

How precious that you are wanting to grow in your relationship with God. This is so beautiful and precious. In considering a life time relationship you will want to have someone who will encourage you and walk with you in a growing relationship with God. This person you are with right now may not be the one you should be with for a lifetime. The best relationship for this person may be to be a good friend, who will pray for him and testify to what God is doing in your life. Sounds like he needs a “good friend.” But not the kind of relationship that you might be considering.

I think it is wonderful that after praying you began to recognize that God may have different plans. Seeking Him is the most important thing you can do. Then living in obedience to what and where He directs you is soooooo important. If you want the fullness of all God has planned for your life you must follow Him and His leading.

I suggest that you read the book “Ready to Wed.” This may clarify some things for you. I am also including a copy of What to Do While You Are Waiting. I am praying for you as you minister and witness to this young man. I am praying that you will find the right relaltionship for this time and place. God bless you. You may be young but you are showing maturity in your walk with the Lord. Keep on keeping on. God has a plan. You can be assured of that. God bless you as you seek Him.

For the Lady In Waiting as She Waits for the One God Has for Her.

1. Matthew 6:33 “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

As a wife in waiting, you need to be in prayer that your future husband is, above everything else, seeking Christ and His Kingdom FIRST in his life. With all of the busyness and temptations that this world throws at us, it is so hard for men (and women!) to keep God at the forefront of their everyday. Be praying for his heart to desire to be in the Word daily and striving to live a life that pleases the Lord.

2. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Sometimes as you are wondering why you are waiting, your future spouse might be wondering why he is waiting, too. And sometimes that waiting is HARD and it’s difficult to see what God’s plan is in the middle of it all. Be in prayer that God would reveal Himself to your future husband while he waits for you; that he would be reminded that God desires to bring him good and the desires of his heart. Pray that he would cling to God and allow Him to be his fulfillment.

3. Ephesians 5:22-33 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

These are a lot of verses, but they are packed full with awesome truth about what you should be praying your marriage will look like; mirroring Christ and His church. While men and women are equal in Christ, we were designed very differently from one another according to what God’s purpose is for our roles in marriage. Be in prayer that your husband will lead your family with Christ at the center, loving you the way that Christ loves the church and that he would be self-sacrificing for you and your family. Let’s face it, the God given responsibilities of being a husband are huge. Be praying that God would give your future husband the strength and heart to do what he is called to do!

4. Proverbs 13:20 “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Praying for your future husbands friends and community is another great way to lift him up in prayer before you meet him! The old saying goes, “You are who you hang out with.” I truly believe that that phrase was derived from this Proverb. Be in prayer for the kind of people that he will surround himself with. Pray that they will be a good influence on him and like-minded, striving for Christ in their hearts and their relationships. Be in prayer that he is plugged into a good church home and has a support system of friends he can turn to for encouragement or prayer. And who knows, those friends you pray for now may become your friends someday, too.

5. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Praying this verse can cover any multitude of temptations, but today I want to focus on sexual temptation. In our culture today, it is BEYOND difficult to be a man and strive for purity in their heart, mind and body. Sex is thrown at them from every angle, and the devil knows how to get a foothold in their hearts. Be praying that God would help them to flee from any situation that would cause temptation and that they would stay grounded in God’s truth for them as they save themselves until they are married. Want to take it a step further? Pray for the other women who they may be dating now and pray that THEY would help keep them pure until they meet you, also praying that if they have taken things too far that they would see their sin and run from it. It’s hard to do, I had prayed that prayer many times myself before meeting my husband, but God used it to work in my own heart in big ways.

6. 2 Peter 3:18 “Rather, you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. All glory to him, both now and forever! Amen.”

Being in prayer for knowledge for your future spouse is so important! Pray that he would be taking time to seek God in time alone with Him, as well as with other believers. Your future husband can’t grow by just sitting around and being stagnant, so pray that he would push himself to study God’s Word and trust in God’s grace in his life.

7. 1 Corinthians 6:19 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”

Praying for your future husbands health and physical safety is such a tangible way to be lifting him up. Pray that he would honor God with how he physically conducts himself and that God would protect him wherever he goes.

8. Acts 28:31 “He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ–with all boldness and without hindrance!”

Pray for BOLDNESS for your future husband! Ultimately, our goal as Christ followers is to go out and tell others about the good news of the Gospel, so pray that he is convicted to share his heart with others with confidence and clarity.

I hope that if you are a wife in waiting that this has encouraged you today. As wives, we have the joy and privilege to be lifting our husbands up in prayer, but it starts long before you say, “I do.” And if you are already married, you can continue to pray these verses over your husband and pray them over your daughter’s future husbands. Prayer is SO KEY in strengthening and building up our marriages; don’t wait another day to start praying for him whose face you don’t yet know while you continue to seek Christ and His will for your life.

From Lauren on Blacktop to Dirtroad.

 

[Soyeong]

Hello all, I'm new here and found this site in search of advice on Christian relationships. I'm sorry if this is not the right thread to post a topic like this, but I honestly don't have anyone to talk about it with so I am asking all of you or those who may care to read this.

I'm 18 (I know, I'm "young", and this may seem insignificant) and currently in a relationship with a 20 year old guy who says he's a Christian. The problem I have is that I'm not feeling like he is not wanting to grow in his faith as I want to grow in mine. I've already had talks with him about lust, intentionally using God's name in vain, and how I don't want to be sexually intimate before marriage. He does agree with these things, but I feel that he only stops doing them because it pleases me, not because he wants to please God. I've asked if we could pray or read our Bibles together but he never seems willing to. Recently, I ended up questioning his faith and asking if he was really serious about God because his words and actions were not lining up. He got angry at me and said, and I quote, I'm "aggressively religious" and "taking religion too seriously". He tried to flip it on me and it made me feel like I was wrong for even bringing anything up.

I don't know if I was wrong for questioning him, but I prayed on it and the whole thing just sat heavily on my heart. After that, I just don't feel the same.

I've asked God if I should stay because I am the only person in his life who is a "positive energy" due to his bad home life and past, but I am kind of suffering because of it. I know the easy answer is to just break up, but no one has a perfect walk with God and I would like to be in union with him in that, or at least strengthen his hunger for Christ. I pray for him all the time but I know that only God can change people.

TLDR: Boyfriend is lukewarm. Doesn't seem to want to grow closer to God and it's bringing me down.

Hello and welcome.

I think that the major decisions in a relationship should be discussed together as much as possible. So rather than you unilaterally deciding to break up with him and leaving him wondering at what happened and struggling to accept what you have already decided, it would be better to have a conversation with him to discuss things that are causing you to want to withdraw from the relationship if they are not changed within a certain period of time and what steps can be taken to change them. This way it values his input, it treats him with respect, it gives him time to process the possibility of your relationship ending, it gives him the opportunity to make changes, and if he doesn't make those changes, then at the very least he shares responsibility for the relationship ending by being unwilling to make those changes and has a good understanding of why it ended. A relationship can be a strong and healthy motivation for making positive changes, though you should be cautious to make sure that he is genuinely making those changes.

It is good to discuss your deal breakers as soon as possible before you become emotionally invested because our emotions can cause us to let things slide that should be deal breakers, though it is also good to evaluate our deal breakers consider whether they are good deal breakers. How you handle disagreements can also be a big green or red flag. People who are in a relationship should consider something to be important if for not other reason than that it is important to the person that they are in a relationship with, though there should also be room for evaluating whether something should be considered to be important in a respectful manner.

While it is good for you to care for someone who has had a bad past, you are not his savior, and it is not your responsibility to suffer because of his past. He might need to do some healing and you can help him heal, but whatever you do, don't get married to someone on the hope that they will change. Frequent arguments and manipulative behaviors are big red flags and if it is not something that changes before you get married, then don't expect it to change after you get married.

 

[CoderGMA]

Remember what the Bible says about being lukewarm. Jesus did not like lukewarm. He would rather you be on fire for him or not for him at all, but not lukewarm. He said this in Revelations 3:16. You need to stand firm for Christ and let this young man stand firm for his faith. By his 'fruit' you will know if he is walking in truth. Another verse - 2 Cor 6:14 - "14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" At the end of the day, you are to answer to GOD and GOD alone. His commandments are that we are to Love Christ with everything we have and then love others (brothers and sisters). We are to love all people as Christ would love them, but that does not mean staying in an unequally yoked siutation and neither does it mean getting swayed by someone's lukewarmness. And Ephesians 6:13 I think can apply to many many situations we face in life today, but that also means in relationships with others, that we shine Christ's light for all to see and we must stand firm in our faith so our witness will be strong.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Hello all, I'm new here and found this site in search of advice on Christian relationships. I'm sorry if this is not the right thread to post a topic like this, but I honestly don't have anyone to talk about it with so I am asking all of you or those who may care to read this.

I'm 18 (I know, I'm "young", and this may seem insignificant) and currently in a relationship with a 20 year old guy who says he's a Christian. The problem I have is that I'm not feeling like he is not wanting to grow in his faith as I want to grow in mine. I've already had talks with him about lust, intentionally using God's name in vain, and how I don't want to be sexually intimate before marriage. He does agree with these things, but I feel that he only stops doing them because it pleases me, not because he wants to please God. I've asked if we could pray or read our Bibles together but he never seems willing to. Recently, I ended up questioning his faith and asking if he was really serious about God because his words and actions were not lining up. He got angry at me and said, and I quote, I'm "aggressively religious" and "taking religion too seriously". He tried to flip it on me and it made me feel like I was wrong for even bringing anything up.

I don't know if I was wrong for questioning him, but I prayed on it and the whole thing just sat heavily on my heart. After that, I just don't feel the same.

I've asked God if I should stay because I am the only person in his life who is a "positive energy" due to his bad home life and past, but I am kind of suffering because of it. I know the easy answer is to just break up, but no one has a perfect walk with God and I would like to be in union with him in that, or at least strengthen his hunger for Christ. I pray for him all the time but I know that only God can change people.

TLDR: Boyfriend is lukewarm. Doesn't seem to want to grow closer to God and it's bringing me down.

@senjoy I've only been in a few relationships and am 29 and happily married now. The main thing is when dating asking yourself if you and God would be ok with you eventually one day being married to the person your with, and 18 is by no means too young to be asking that question.

As far as your boyfriend goes you are right, he does not seem to be as enthusiastic about his faith as you are AND you are right that everyone's walk is different. The next part probably has whole books written on what a Godly relationship should look like but I will try and just say that, what kind of relationship do you want? Do you want a man that leads in your faith or are you content with how things are and you being the stronger believer? He is a christian so that is good and you both are young but if you're not willing to see how things turn out in the future and you're not satisfied with his drive for Christ then yes the easy answer is break up. BUT if you are willing to pray through your relationship and take each day one step at a time and have a hope that things will work out then I say patience wouldn't be a bad option either.

The main thing is do you feel God and yourself are happy with your relationship and how things are going? 20 is young but if he's calling you aggressively religious and that you are taking your faith too seriously then maybe you should rethink your relationship with him. As a guy there is one girl in particular that claimed she was a Christian but wouldn't act that way and in the end God broke us up. I was stubborn and wanted to stay with her but looking back Im glad we broke up, she would've been toxic for me. I would hate for you to stay in a relationship that is toxic but I also know its easy for me to sit here on my phone and type this compared to you actually having to make a major life decision.

Just pray about it, I see both sides and wish I knew more but if I had to give an opinion I'd say really weigh if you feel comfortable being with a guy that calls your faith aggressively religious, that's a red flag.

 

[aiki]

I'm 18 (I know, I'm "young", and this may seem insignificant) and currently in a relationship with a 20 year old guy who says he's a Christian. The problem I have is that I'm not feeling like he is not wanting to grow in his faith as I want to grow in mine.

Well, this is all you need to know in making up your mind about him. There is no neutral ground on which a person can stand relative to God, neither moving toward Him nor away. No, the truth is that, if your bf isn't moving toward God, he is necessarily moving away. A man in the current of a river doesn't have to actively swim with the current to be carried along by it, does he? No, so long as he does nothing to resist the current, to stand against it, the current will carry him away. So, too, the currents of the World, the devil and our own flesh. They will carry us away from God, even if we don't actively "swim" in their direction.

What you can expect, then, is that your bf's influence on you will be to move you in the direction he is going, away from God. And it will be doubly, triply, hard to resist his influence within a romantic context. We go where our hearts take us which is why it is so crucial to carefully guard our hearts, as Scripture urges us to do. The more of your heart your bf possesses, the more powerfully he will influence you toward his own spiritual passivity.

I've already had talks with him about lust, intentionally using God's name in vain, and how I don't want to be sexually intimate before marriage. He does agree with these things, but I feel that he only stops doing them because it pleases me, not because he wants to please God.

Time to take God seriously, then:

2 Corinthians 6:14-18
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?
16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17 Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you,
18 and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”

Your bf is in rebellion toward God, regardless of his claims. His actions belie his words. Every time he takes God's name in vain, every time he behaves lustfully toward you and lures you into the sin of fornication, he demonstrates that he is living in defiance of his Maker, refusing to obey the commands of God. His pressure to get sexual outside of marriage is an example of where his influence is going to take you: Far from God and into sin and darkness.

I don't know if I was wrong for questioning him, but I prayed on it and the whole thing just sat heavily on my heart. After that, I just don't feel the same.

I think what you're feeling is the convicting pressure of the Holy Spirit. Don't get in the habit of ignoring that pressure. Doing so will lead to disaster.

I've asked God if I should stay because I am the only person in his life who is a "positive energy" due to his bad home life and past, but I am kind of suffering because of it. I know the easy answer is to just break up, but no one has a perfect walk with God and I would like to be in union with him in that, or at least strengthen his hunger for Christ. I pray for him all the time but I know that only God can change people.

Ah, the romance missionary. A recipe for catastrophe. As you say, God changes people. He doesn't need you at all in order to bring your bf to a proper place of fellowship with Himself. So, don't think you do wrong by withdrawing from your bf. You do wrong, it seems to me, by remaining with him. It is God's "job" to make your bf a godly man, not yours; you are in no way crucial to the work God intends to do in your bf's life. So, don't worry that withdrawing from your bf will harm him spiritually. If anything, it will be a rebuke to him - as it should be - and show him that you really are serious about your walk with God. You have no power to "strengthen his hunger for Christ." That is entirely God's domain. Only as your bf gets right with God, giving control of his life to Christ every day, will his hunger for Christ - nurtured by the Holy Spirit, not you - strengthen.

The prophet Amos asked, "Can two walk together, unless they be agreed?" The answer from God's word is a resounding, "No!" You ignore this truth at your spiritual peril.

Proverbs 4:23
23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

Ultimately you have to make the decision for yourself. I was a wild child in college and cared more about women and fast cars than the Lord, and yet I'm an Assistant Chaplain and hopefully soon to be in seminary. At your age I knew very few committed Christians, at least in college, but my roommate was one of them. He was a serious man of faith about 10,000 other wild kids like me, but he was one in 10,000. It took me being brought to my knees at age 23 before I took the Lord seriously, but once I got saved, I was a different person though I of course matured over my walk with the Lord of the 34 years since I got saved.

Could you arrange a pre-marriage meeting with a Pastor who does such counseling, to get some real life solid feedback on where you both stand? Have the Pastor meet with your boyfriend, then meet with you, then meet with both of you together. Follow up later with a meeting with the Pastor just on your own and get his advice for where he sees this relationship. If I were you, that is exactly what I would do. Your boy friend might be going through the normal stuff most kids go through at your age, and he might wind up a man of serious faith. That is why I suggest getting an outside evaluation before you make a decision. I don't want you to later regret it because I have seen a lot of boys who were as wild or wilder than me wind up Senior Pastors and Deacons, men of serious faith.

Take the matter also to the Lord in prayer and seek His answer. Combine what you hear from the pre-marriage counselor with what you hear from the Lord and then make your decision.

 

[senjoy]

Hello all! Does it notify everyone if I post a reply?

Well, first of all, I want to thank all you lovely people for sharing your thoughts with me and gracefully giving advice on an intimate situation that otherwise lacked much context. This is an update of sorts, if perhaps anyone was wondering what happened. So I did end up breaking up with the guy and I believe it's been about three weeks since. I asked the Lord for a gentle break and so it was (for me at least), and I am doing so much better mentally, emotionally, and physically now. It's really hard to think with clarity when you like someone and in hindsight that was really the one thing that held me back, that I didn't want to hurt someone I cared about by leaving them. But since this person was pulling me far away from God after saying they were doing the opposite, what else can you really do in that situation? Why should I be forced into the position of having to choose between a temporary worldly relationship and my eternal relationship with Christ? It's a sincerely bad question; no surprise that any true Christian chooses GOD! And it was only by His strength I was able to get out of that.

I understand fully now that it's not my place to fix or change people. People choose their own choices and God works on them in His time and according to His will, not mine. So thank you to those who were very firm about that in your responses; I needed to be reminded of it! It was very loving of you. I pray this thread can help others who might be in the same situation and it will help them as it helped me.

And as I said in my original post, I only sought out this site for advice and I will probably not really use it. However, this is such a wonderful community, so I might visit once in a while! God bless you all, and thank you! <3

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Hello all! Does it notify everyone if I post a reply?

Well, first of all, I want to thank all you lovely people for sharing your thoughts with me and gracefully giving advice on an intimate situation that otherwise lacked much context. This is an update of sorts, if perhaps anyone was wondering what happened. So I did end up breaking up with the guy and I believe it's been about three weeks since. I asked the Lord for a gentle break and so it was (for me at least), and I am doing so much better mentally, emotionally, and physically now. It's really hard to think with clarity when you like someone and in hindsight that was really the one thing that held me back, that I didn't want to hurt someone I cared about by leaving them. But since this person was pulling me far away from God after saying they were doing the opposite, what else can you really do in that situation? Why should I be forced into the position of having to choose between a temporary worldly relationship and my eternal relationship with Christ? It's a sincerely bad question; no surprise that any true Christian chooses GOD! And it was only by His strength I was able to get out of that.

I understand fully now that it's not my place to fix or change people. People choose their own choices and God works on them in His time and according to His will, not mine. So thank you to those who were very firm about that in your responses; I needed to be reminded of it! It was very loving of you. I pray this thread can help others who might be in the same situation and it will help them as it helped me.

And as I said in my original post, I only sought out this site for advice and I will probably not really use it. However, this is such a wonderful community, so I might visit once in a while! God bless you all, and thank you! <3

No problem glad you got it resolved

 

[aiki]

I am relieved to hear what you've done. That took some courage, I think, and some toughness. You've got your priorities straight and you're not fudging on them. Bravo!

"Only one life; 'twill soon be past.
Only what's done for Christ will last."